Chapter Text
Marinette gets home late. Landing on her balcony per usual to sneak in through the hatch above her loft. She releases her transformation as she flops onto her bed. Today was a very long day even by a superhero's standards. She rolls onto her side, Tikki mirroring her from her tiny pillow. The look they share resonates deeply. Master Fu. He's gone and she's the new guardian. Tears prick in her eyes. It's all her fault. If she'd paid more attention. If she wasn't so scatterbrained. If she hadn't rushed because she was jealous. She was jealous and it could've been the end of everything. She doesn't deserve the honor of being Ladybug.
She rolls over, unable to bear it if she saw the same in Tikki's eyes. ‘It's all your fault my Master is gone.’ The voice in her head hauntingly similar. Frighteningly so. She curls tightly in on herself. Self doubt seeping into her from every thought and action over the last three years. Hours pass as she picks at herself with the meticulous eye of a seamstress. "No." Master Fu's final words to her replay once again. "Ladybug you are the best miraculous holder I've ever met. You have made mistakes but who hasn't? What matters is to fix them."
She sits up. The suddenness of it startles Tikki who shoots up in panic. "Fix my mistakes?" Tikki fixes her with a confused stare. "I think I have an idea." Marinette hops down from her loft and begins to pace. Thoughts racing a mile a minute. Then her eyes settle by chance on the miracle box. "That's it. Tikki! Spots on!"
……………………
Chat Noir doesn't want to go home. Not after everything that happened today. His Lady was in distress, deaf to his words and encouragement. Groaning in frustration he falls back against the cool metal of the Eiffel. He loves this place. It's where he first fell for the confident, justice fuelled Ladybug. His cheeks burn from the memory. Ladybug is everything he wishes he could be in his life. Strong, determined, outspoken. If he had an ounce of what she had he'd march up to his father and demand to have his freedom. Demand justice. Demand his father and not the cold shouldered employer. But alas it's all just wistful thinking.
Today he saw more of her than she’s ever let him. Vulnerable. Riddled with self-doubt. He loves that she trusted him with the small crack under the mask. Maybe he could convince her to show him more. Let him be the one she runs to and not this other boy. He can't help the grimace that forms on his face at the thought of him. Who is he? This person so perfect he captured his Lady's affections first. He doesn't get far in the thought when a small tap echoes against the metal nearby. His Lady has landed. Propping himself on his elbows he levels her a questioning look over his shoulder. "Ladybug? Come to watch the twinkling lights of our great city from the comforting embrace of yours truly?" He flashes her his best catwalk smile, but his heart isn't in it. Not tonight. With a sigh he sits up. "You should be resting. You had a long day my Lady."
"I could say the same to you Minou." She walks over to join him, sitting at the edge to dangle her feet over the city. "Why are you still out Kitty? You do know you're not actually nocturnal, right?"
“I don’t want to go home yet.” He can’t hide the emptiness in him at the thought of going back. “Allow me a few moments more milady then I’ll go back to my gilded cage and await the next time I see your beautiful face.” He means it to be flirtatious but it just comes out sad.
Ladybug notices, a sad smile pulling at her lips. “I in no way wish to rush you home. Actually I was hoping to talk to you?” She gives him a hopeful look so he nods her on. “Chat you know that boy I told you about? The one I said I loved?” She scoots closer and places her hand on his shoulder.
Chat tenses. “Yeah?”
“Well I want to apologize for today. For everything that happened. It was because of how I felt about him that things got really messed up today. I’m sorry.” She gives his shoulder a squeeze before dropping her hand to her lap, looking out at the city with mournful eyes.
He has to say something, assure her that he would never blame her for bad luck. “It’s not your fault Bug-”
“Let me get this out.” She cuts him off sharply, but he can tell she doesn’t mean harm by it. “Sorry.” She looks down at her hands as they twist in her lap. “Because of how I felt in my personal life I made a big mistake today and worse I used my power as ladybug to get in the way.”
“That’s… Ladybug?” Tears were beginning to roll down her cheeks. He wants to pull her against him, but the look she gives him makes him stop mid reach. She’s not done and wants to finish. So he lets her.
“I abused my power of decision. I called in a new hero not only for backup but because I was too close to the situation. Because of my mistake every miraculous holder I’ve called on, all of Paris, and even Master Fu have suffered. From now on I must work to fix my mistakes if ever hope to repair the damage I caused. I’ve decided to visit the holders and explain to each of them the situation regarding their identities and apologize for my part in causing it. I will explain why we can no longer risk calling on them and assure them that I will work towards their forgiveness of my failure.” She looks back to him the tears still evident but outshined by her determination and… something else. “Chat? Am I forgiven? I couldn’t bear it if y-”
“Of course! I never held you responsible for any of this.” He scoots closer, desperately grabbing her shoulders, hoping to whatever higher power listening that she believed his words and stopped blaming herself. But the look in her eyes dropped his stomach while releasing a million butterflies in its place. She looked so defeated as she slowly leaned towards him. His hands still gripped her shoulders, but he’ll admit not as tightly.
“I decided to do one more thing, Chat. Want to guess it or should I just tell you?” She murmurs not quite looking.
“I-I-I t-think you should just tell me. Honesty is the best policy I always say.” He couldn’t think let alone make a guess as to what thoughts those sad but hooded eyes held.
“I decided to give up. I’m done chasing someone who doesn’t see me no matter how hard I try. Why agonize and cry over whether or not some boy loves me as a friend or more when there’s someone right in front of me that makes it very clear?” The knowing, playful smirk on her face clashed harshly with the hopelessness in her gaze.
His stomach twists. She’s saying everything he’s always dreamed of, but her heart’s not in it. Anger bubbles deep in his stomach at the realization that he would just be a placeholder. He refuses to be some second choice thrown a bone just because she can’t bear the thought of being unloved. He pops up, pushing her away from him, but she follows like she’s some moth to his flame. “What’s wrong with you?” He spits trying to avoid her hands as she reaches for him. “I thought you cared about me? How could you say everything I’ve ever hoped but only as some twisted resignation of fate?” She halts. Realization hitting her hopefully. He can feel his eyes burning with angry tears. “I need some space Bug.”
Her arms fall to her sides. “Chat I-“
“Leave.” He growls not wanting her to see the tears threatening to spill over.
She straightens, whips out her yo-yo and swings out over the city of lights. His eyes follow her for a moment before he crumples onto himself and let’s all of it out. Screaming his curses at his fate and bad luck. Howling his pain into the night sky as just another unlucky soul amongst millions.