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“Garnet, please! This means more to me than all the galaxies you can count! Please Please Please!” Rose clasped her hands together, bowing her head until the multitude of pastel hair poured over her shoulders like twisting rivers of cherry blossoms. She’d never wanted anything more. Not respect from the diamonds, not a colony, not Earth. Maybe she was fickle like that, but right then she didn’t care.
Garnet remained firm, her arms crossed, lips pressed together in a tight, unbending line.
“My future vision isn’t reliable even as far as seeing what happens tomorrow. You’re asking me to predict a future over 13 years in advance, on planet Earth where everything changes.”
“But there’s a chance..” Rose insisted, her hands dropping to rest on her swollen stomach, clutching gently at the fabric and the skin to feel the pulsing underneath. A heart, beating, of her human son in her shapeshifted womb. She pressed her fingertips firmer into the skin, longing more than anything in the world to hold her human son, to tell him how beautiful he was, how extraordinary, to lavish upon him every ounce of love she could possibly give.
But she would never be able to see her son with her own eyes. For him to be born, for him to be every bit as perfect and human as he needed to be, Rose had to give up her gem, and her form.
A small price to pay, compared to the thousands of lives she’d traded for Earth. She’d give up more, if she had to, to create her perfect life. Her son, whose name she and Greg had already decided upon, would do more good in his relatively brief lifespan as a human than she’d ever done in her immortal existence to date. She could feel it so thoroughly, with every soft rhythm of a real human heart pulsing beneath her fingertips, with every soft kick against her skin, he was so full of life and greatness and good.
All she wanted was to see it.
Garnet looked away, as it was becoming harder to resist Rose’s begging. “I see… many futures. Not all of them are good, or likely. If I give you a moment of my future vision, it could be very inaccurate. Especially with how you intend to use it.”
Rose remained unwavering. “Please. I don’t need to see the infinite possibilities or even the most likely one. I just want to see him. Come as close to holding my son as possible. I’ll never get the chance…” Tears pricked at her eyes, and Rose self consciously wiped them away.
Garnet bit her lip, looked away, then groaned as she finally gave in. “10 minutes. That’s all I can give you.”
Rose squealed with joy and wrapped Garnet in an enormous hug, grinning like she’d won the lottery with tears threatening to flood her eyes at any moment.
“Thank you Garnet!! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” She released her fusion friend, her elation palpable. Realizing her height was an obstacle, she knelt down on one knee to be more accessible to Garnet, closing her eyes to await a brief experience with future vision.
Garnet shook her head with a subtle smile, before leaning in to plant a kiss on Rose’s forehead, clearing away a few curls as her kiss sparkled in a brief display of lights and stars.
“Just don’t say I told you so.”
“I won’t! You’re the best Garnet! Thank you SO much!” Determined not to waste a single second, Rose rushed off into her room, her gem feeling alight with knowledge of the future and the giddiness of seeing her son, perfect as could be. Any version of him, any future would be perfect. She reminded herself that any bad futures she saw were just as likely as good ones, reminding herself not to get her hopes up, that any future with her son was a good one.
“Uh.. Hey room..” She started, nerves beginning to get to her. She suddenly felt sheepish about the whole thing as she gazed at all the lazily drifting clouds. Her room could simulate anything, and it could most clearly simulate memories. Future vision was just memories she hadn’t made yet. Same thing.
“Is… that a new cloud?” She pointed out a small puffy pink cloud like cotton candy, then chuckled to herself. No one here but her. Essence perspired on her forehead.
“Sooo… I suppose you’re wondering why i’m here…”
Just go for it. She swallowed her nerves, her anticipation swelling inside her. “I want to see my son.”
The room took a moment to process her request. She couldn’t know what her son looked like, and the room had no hard-coded memories to draw from. But with future vision, the room could guess, and from the soft airy floor, a shape began to emerge. Small, and stout, solidifying into a young boy with dark brown curly hair, so startlingly reminiscent of her original hair. As his colored clothing and all the shading of a real being took shape, he opened his eyes, dark and complex, so much like greg’s that Rose tensed up, her face heating with the realization that this small, completely adorable human was hers. She was now experiencing the future in real time. It may have just been one version of many of her possible son, but her heart swelled with unbelievable pride and love for her perfect creation.
The small human blushed in turn, similarly flustered at seeing her.
Rose regained her thoughts and slowly approached him, her bare feet shuffling across the cloudy floor. She then knelt down, to look at him closer, to admire his face. Don’t spook him, She thought to herself, even knowing he wasn’t real. Not yet. But humans were easily spooked. It was habit. Soft tones, calm voices.
“Hello, Steven.”
The young boy before her stuttered, sweat dripping down his chubby face as his eyes searched anxiously for a part of her to focus on.
“Um..I-It’s nice to meet you.” He stammered out, before holding his hand out to her in the human greeting of a handshake, his other balled up and pressed into his chest, as if he could press down the nervous butterflies multiplying inside him.
So polite. So afraid. Her heart ached to soothe his nerves. She chuckled gently hoping to calm him down, taking his small chubby hand in her own and shaking slowly and evenly, closing her eyes to help him relax.
“Haha, It’s nice to meet you too.”
Steven laughed with her, releasing her hand and cupping the side of his sweaty face, his flushed cheeks remaining.
“Ahaha.. um..Sorry. This is a little weird for me..”
“That’s okay.” Rose soothes, retaining her soft expression to help him relax. Her room was so dangerously tempting when it projected things like this so perfectly. His hand simulated to feel warm and clammy. She could practically hear the blood rushing to his flustered cheeks. His heart pounding out its anxious rhythm. The lifelike way his sweat beaded and slid down his round face. He looked so much like Greg. Rose wouldn’t have had it any other way.
“So, what do you wanna do?”
Normally a question the room’s programming wouldn’t respond well to, but here it was drawing on future vision. What would the Steven in her future vision want?
The young boy pressed his hands together as if he hadn’t thought about what he wanted, a normal response considering this room’s programming.
“Oh! Ah...I guess I hadn't thought that far ahead.. Heh.” He shrugged, then looked up at her with hope in his eyes.
“Doo you like video games?”
With a soft ‘pomf’ A game console with 2 controllers and a cartridge inserted appeared out of clouds, the game on the screen reading ‘Lonely Arms’.
Rose indeed loved playing arcade games with Greg, though the console was a bit of a surprise. She reminded herself her room was currently drawing upon this possible future, so it was no wonder she had no memory of this type of game. Giving Steven a reassuring smile, she gracefully sat cross-legged in front of the screen picking up the controller rather intuitively and watching him do the same.
“So, tell me about this game Steven.”
Rose ached to know every single thing he loved. His passions, his interests, his favorite game, his favorite food, his favorite song. She worried about pushing the limits of future vision by asking these obscure questions, but Steven responded as easily as if he’s loved this game his entire life. He was finally beginning to relax.
“Weelll, I guess it’s an arm wrestling simulator, which is a spinoff of a fighting game,” Steven gestured with one hand to demonstrate the complicated nature of his interest.
“Which is based on a show about a lonely swordsman that i like!” He shrugged, then sheepishly hid his hand behind his head, averting his eyes like he honestly was concerned about her opinion on it.
“It’s kinda weird and hard to explain, but that’s why I like it.” He concluded, looking up at her with a sincere smile on his face.
Rose’s gem swelled with pride. She hadn’t really expected him to inherit her love of the simple, yet complex pleasantries life on Earth had to offer, at least not so..entirely. His reasoning was so similar to her own.
“That sounds just marvelous..” Was all Rose could really think of to say. Weird, and hard to explain, but that's why she loved Earth.
She hadn’t really been paying much attention to the game itself, just being here to spend time with Steven had consumed all of her focus. So when the screen announced ‘K.O.’ and Steven put his hands up to celebrate, exclaiming “Yeah! I won!” She serenely returned in kind.
“Yayy, you won!” If only she could be there to celebrate every victory. To be able to cheer him through every triumph, console him through every loss.
“What else do kids do with their parents?” Steven pressed a hand to his face, the question hanging in the air like it was rhetorical. It was so odd for the room to be taking such agency with its constructs, but Rose was enjoying herself far too much to call it into question. She chalked it up to future vision, and was content to enjoy it.
What else did kids do with their parents? Rose recalled a time she’d seen a father and son playing catch with a football, and in an instant one appeared from clouds, hanging there until Steven reached out to hold it.
Rose got to her feet and looked at the ball with surprise initially, then shared an encouraging if somewhat anxious smile with Steven. She could certainly give it a shot.
Taking the football, she reeled back to throw it, watching as Steven ran back to a distance suitable to catch it, his sandals flip-flopping the entire way. Even after releasing the football into the air, he had to catch up with it, panting to hop into the air to secure it, and landing in a puff of cloud dust. So energetic, so full of life! Rose scrambled to recall what she was supposed to do here. What had the parent from her memories done?
“Nice catch son!” She called out, offering him a cheesy wink and a thumbs up. After doing it, it felt a little silly, but maybe parenting was silly and cheesy sometimes.
“This is fun!” Steven responded, reeling back to throw the football to her this time. “Or would Baseball be better?” He finished as he hurled the ball.
It didn’t matter to her what sport they played. She was with Steven, he was having fun. They were all perfect, as far as she was concerned.
“Steven.. All sports are beautiful.” Rose took off in a jog after the ball, continuing her line of thought as she ran.
“Each sport is a unique experience!”
She leapt gracefully into the air after the ball.
“The adrenaline, the glory,” She reached out and secured the ball to her chest, somersaulting through the air lazily before beginning her slow descent down to the floor.
“The sheer feats of athleticism… each one so complicated and yet..”
She landed delicately, her skirts flowing around her as her bare feet touched the soft powdery surface of her cloud room.
“..Exactly the same.”
It was how she felt about a lot of things on Earth, really. She loved all of it. Especially the games humans played. So many rules, and yet every sport involved catching, hitting, or throwing a ball. Only humans could be so imaginative to create thousands of games from one incredibly simple concept.
“Woah…” Gasped her son, starry-eyed and in awe from her words. He really did seem inspired by her. Just from talking about sports? Another sport related game popped into Rose’s mind, something she’d seen Greg laughing at in the newspaper. Something she’d always wanted to try.
Getting down on her knees and positioning the ball under one finger to balance it, she eagerly called out. “Hey Steven!” She grinned at him, waiting expectantly for him to attempt to kick the ball.
Steven placed his hands on his hips while he mused to himself. “Y’know, I’ve always felt like something was unusual about my adolescence. Maybe this is what i’ve been missing! Football!” Steven swayed back, before lurching forward into a sprint directly for the football.
Last second, Rose lifted the football out of his path, and her son, after kicking empty air, cried out as he dramatically came up in a flip, before falling unceremoniously to the ground, a satisfied smile on his face despite the little trick Rose had pulled. Unable to help themselves, they both burst out laughing.
“Touchdown!” Steven called out joyfully, not even a little resentful.
At this point, Rose was feeling a bit more confident with interacting with her son, or at least the version of him her room was portraying.
“Steven.” She summoned, patting the clouded spot beside her enticingly. She wanted to hold him now. For real. But it was up to him. Rose never paused to consider why she felt a cloud construct ought to make its own decisions, but Steven just felt so real. She sat cross-legged with her hands folded neatly in her lap, eyes closed serenely while she waited for him to sit beside her.
When he did, he was sheepishly copying her.
“I’ve been.. Uh… thinking about you.” Steven admitted slowly, averting his eyes nervously once more. “A lot lately. More than usual.”
“Is that so?” Rose asked in her measured, even tone of voice. It didn’t seem too out of the ordinary, that her future son would think of her.
“Yeah, well..” He held his chin anxiously. “For my whole life, I’ve been hearing stories about you. About how amazing you were, that you were so kind and loving.. And everytime i’d see the painting of you hanging in the temple, i’d be inspired. And reminded of.. How much i have to live up to.” Steven would look up at her occasionally while he spoke, before shyly glancing away.
“I.. uh.. Ahaha..” Steven’s cheeks suddenly flushed with embarrassment, his hand held against the side of his head like it could share the weight of the thoughts his head burdened.
“I-I even thought about dying my hair pink. More than once!” He admitted, his voice becoming thin at the sheer absurdity of it.
Rose could certainly relate to that, and it humbled her to know her son faced the same dilemma. To hear stories of greatness from those you admire, to be inspired, to look up at their murals decorating every wall in the palace and be consumed by the weight of how much you had to live up to..
At the hair comment, Rose couldn’t help but let her laugh bubble forth, reaching out a hand to tangle in his soft curly hair, stroking it in disbelief of how much like her original hair it really was. How could he possibly want to dye his hair? It was perfect, like everything about him, and she relished every tender moment of really being here with him.
“Hmhm, there’s nothing wrong with your hair..” Rose insisted, letting her hand linger in those dark earthy locks. Steven turned to her at the touch, appearing almost alarmed by the unfamiliar sensation he was receiving, his cheeks reddening.
“It’s wonderful just the way it is.” She felt so full of love for her human son, looking down at his anxious and disbelieving face. He really looked like he’d been told something he needed to hear all his life. To just be told in no uncertain terms he didn’t have to be like her, he was wonderful exactly the way he was. Rose meant every syllable, and she’d sing it if she could.
“Wonderful in every way. Just like you.”
Steven took a moment to absorb that, then wordlessly rested his head on her knee, an impulse decision Rose happily rewarded with a soothing palm on his back, holding him as close as she dared. She closed her eyes, allowed herself to savor every second she spent with her son. This was so much more realistic than she’d anticipated.. Her gem felt full in a way she could only assume human mothers felt when holding their children. She felt so complete. So at peace. Steven was perfect and more amazing than she could have imagined, and if there was even the slightest possibility that this future Steven was who he’d become, she’d sacrifice anything to let him exist in place of herself.
She leaned in on impulse of her own, placing her other hand back amidst his perfect curly hair. He was so comforting to hold. She couldn’t imagine ever wanting this moment to end.
“Wow..” Steven finally murmured, star-struck. “This is nice. It’s..It’s really nice..I..” Tears began to brim in his eyes, a catch making itself known in his voice. “I should’ve tried this a long time ago!” He all but whimpered, his fingers curling into the fabric of her dress, as desperate to hold on to this moment as Rose was.
It broke Rose’s gem that her son could feel so empty without her until now.. She’s always been there, or at least, she always would be. She’d be by his side as long as he had her gem. He never needed to be as alone as he thought he was. Even now, the unborn child in her womb was proof they were together now, and always would be.
“But Steven.. Don’t you realize we’ve been together this whole time?”
Steven scoffed and turned his head into her skirt, his tears overflowing the corners of his eyes, as if her statement should’ve been so obvious to him.
“Oh! Ahaha! Thats- That’s right! Ah..” He sniffled, his tears sliding down his cheek as he suddenly sat up, raising his arm to wipe the tears from his face. Rose longed to do it for him.
“This is the first time we’ve hung out together, i gotta capture this moment!”
Steven dug in his pocket until he removed a small rectangular device, holding it out in front of him, his smile full of hope.
It soon fell.
On his screen, it was just Rose. No Steven, no room. Only an empty void surrounded them, and the object’s reflection was a cruel reminder of the room’s illusory control over their minds, and their deepest desires to reside in each other's comfort.
“...There’s nothing here but me…” Steven sounded pained as he tilted the object to reflect different corners, only receiving more of the void, except where Rose was. But his statement prickled the nerves on her skin.
Steven was the fake. She was the only one here. She was clearly the only one reflected in the object’s camera. Why would Steven think it was only him?
“I’m just… talking to myself.”
Hadn’t Rose thought the same thing earlier? This wasn’t right. The room’s illusions weren’t capable of being so self aware. She gazed down at him with growing concern, until he stuffed the rectangular object in his pocket and backed away.
“You’re not my mom…” He stated, the disappointment so painfully evident.
“I’m not?” Rose stared at him in open disbelief. This was far beyond anything her room should be capable of conjuring up.
“This is how I want you to be, but I don't know if this is who you really are.” He balled up his fists, so unsettled by his revelation.
“I’ve learned things about you…”
The sky in the cloud room rumbled and began to darken.
“Things you wanted to keep secret.”
How could he possibly have found out?
“You locked Bismuth away inside Lion, because she wanted to shatter gems, and you never told Garnet or Pearl.” His accusation rang true. Rose ducked her head, shadows falling over her eyes.
“But then you shattered Pink Diamond!” Rose’s head dipped down further, silently.
Steven grasped the sides of his head, voice rising in intensity.
“Now all of Homeworld has it out for Earth! and the Crystal Gems! AND ME!”
He shouldn’t know all this. He’s supposed to just be an illusion.
Steven spread his arms wide, his volume climbing with the force of his emotions.
“You put us all in danger and you just- DISAPPEARED.”
Suddenly, lightning cracked, and the clouds were swept up in a vortex of emotional turmoil. Rose abruptly stood, the weight of his accusations, the knowledge that her son had discovered her lies and her mistakes shocking her into silence. The room wasn’t just processing Rose’s emotions anymore, but had tapped into those of her future son. That eerie prickling of nerves had coalesced into a full-blown storm, and it was becoming alarmingly obvious that Rose might’ve been looking at not just a future version of her son, but a future version of her son who had entered her room desiring the same thing she did, and the room had twisted time and space to oblige. They were both really here. Not physically, but they were here in the way that mattered.
She looked wordlessly at him, a gust of clouds sweeping herself and Steven out of view. She felt like she was the eye of the storm, her own inner turmoil fueling the winds that whipped around them. Dimly she heard Steven cry out over the howling of the wind as clouds swept him off his feet, and he was blown back. Lightning flashed, and when it cleared Steven was holding on to the floor, the look of utter outrage on his face making her gem run cold.
“I finally know the truth!” He shouted up to her above the wind, desperate to make himself heard.
“I know what you are!”
All she could do was accept his words while the storm raged.
“YOU’RE A LIAR!”
He’s right.
“I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WANTED TO HURT ANYONE, BUT YOU HURT EVERYONE.”
I didn’t mean to.
“HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE GARNET, AND AMETHYST, AND PEARL..and.. And dad…”
I had to.
“THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT YOU!” Steven was sweating profusely now, maintaining his grip on the floor despite the raging storm, fueled by the outpouring of emotions he could no longer contain.
“Maybe they didn’t matter to you as much as HIDING FROM THE MESS YOU MADE!” Steven was getting to his feet now.
Rose winced.
“And that’s why I'm here, isn’t it?” Steven gestured to himself angrily, his accusations biting worse than the winds ever could.
“Did you make me just so you wouldn’t have to deal with all your mistakes!?” He pointed a condemnatory finger at her.
That’s not true.
Steven fell to his knees, his anger spent.
“...Is that all i’m here for?” His voice cracked.
No.
Rose was imbued with the clarity she needed for the storm to cease. The clouds stopped their swarming, the skies cleared. Steven thought she made him to hide from her mistakes? The very idea was abhorrent. She never wanted him to answer for her crimes. Wouldn’t dream of it. He needed to know the truth.
Rose drifted down gently, landing before Steven with nary a sound but the rustling of her skirts. This was urgent.
“Steven.” She’d never felt more serious about anything since the war. “You know that isn’t true.”
The tape. She’d recorded a tape, to tell Steven exactly why she wanted him. The moment ultrasounds had revealed he was a boy, she’d placed the tape in Lion’s mane, instructing her loyal companion to seek Steven out when he was ready to hear it. If Steven found Bismuth, he surely must’ve found her tape as well.
“In the tape I left you, I told you how much I wanted to have you and let you exist.” Rose was somber as she spoke, Steven taking her words with a bowed head, eventually looking up to see her steadfast in her truth.
“Do you think what I said to you in the tape was a lie?”
Steven had gotten on his knees. He hesitated for a moment, looking up at her, then looking away before finally answering.
“...No. I’m sure- I’m sure you meant it..”
Her gem broke for her son. He was never meant to shoulder the responsibility of her mistakes, her lies, or her friends. All she wanted was to hold him, and now she was faced with the very real future of Steven paying for her actions. All because she couldn’t be there for him.
She shuffled forwards, kneeling down and opening her arms, holding her breath. He had every right to reject her. Instead, relief surged through her when he entered her embrace, and returned it in earnest.
The skies opened up. The cooling sensation of rain dappled her skin, obscuring the tears which were now brimming in her eyes.
“I get it.” Steven finally said, shedding tears of his own while they embraced. “I know you didn’t want me to deal with your problems.”
He buried his head into her shoulder, and a chasm of sorrow felt like it was splitting her gem apart.
“But you’re a part of me now. And i have to deal with what you left behind.”
Rose pulled him in tighter, fighting back the tears which ran so freely down her cheeks, while Steven nuzzled in closer, both so desperate for each other, both so reluctant to let go. If all the stars in the skies had demanded it, Rose still would have never let go of Steven, never allowed him to leave this room to answer for her mistakes.
But her future vision had run out. Rose choked on her tears while Steven, her beautiful perfect son, became shapeless formless clouds in her arms, which then dissipated into the oblivion from whence they came. The desolation that consumed her threatened to wrench her gem from her form then and there, her despair bringing her to her knees with sobs that wracked her body entirely in her grief.
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. Rose clutched at her belly, holding the unborn child within her, damning herself, damning the universe for its impersonal cruelty. The irony that she couldn’t be there for the one who needed her most, like the Diamonds had never been there for her.
It was almost enough to make her go back on her choice.
Her grief could have rendered her form asunder, and her unborn son would not have to live at all in a world she’d been so careless with.
But then she felt him kick. And it jump-started her back to reality.
Rose had made a lot of mistakes in her life. Hurting Pearl, leaving Spinel, starting a war, bubbling Bismuth, Failing to save the Zoomans or her rose quartz gems, faking her death, getting everyone she loved shattered or turned into corrupted monsters of instinct.
But having Steven, allowing this precious, sweet human life to be born with the most amazing ability, to change, to love, to grow. Finally, at long last, she was doing something right for once.
She could only hope he could find it in his heart to forgive her someday.