Chapter Text
Was it fate, or the bastard that was luck?
Which was it? I had no idea.
Well, certainly, regardless of whether it was lady luck or father fate, I’d be cursing the hell out of them.
You see, I was in a class setting right now, on a slow Monday afternoon; the ever-familiar Sakuragi-sensei elaborating on the current class task. From what very little I heard (Would you listen in class?) and from what I gathered from the girls around me, the task was to get a pair through random draw, and you’d be accomplishing tasks with that person, and teaching them, too, for the rest of the week. Quite simple—easy to do. Group tasks were headaches, but a pair task was like a lesser version of it; so, less headache. Really, I said I’d do the task with grace regardless of which troublesome girl I get paired with, even. Karen? Piece of cake; we’re friendly enough anyway, and a good smack on the head should stop any messes she creates. Junna? Advantage for me, even; I need someone responsible. Kaoruko? A bit difficult, but some of Futaba’s personality had rubbed off on me, so I’d say I knew how to deal with her. I could list more, but the main point is that no person is a hindrance to me. I can move with others and others can move with me, even if we don’t have that sort of close bond. I’m flexible; that, I, at least, am sure of.
However; there was a someone I failed to take into account.
Tendou Maya.
And, by some angry gods’ reign on me, I got paired with that vexing woman.
It’s not that she’s insufferable and I can’t catch up with her at all; she’s just the person I’d least want to get paired with, not right now. Who knows what kind of personal troubles we’d run into together—that woman has a persistent habit of chatting me up whenever she’d feel unwell. Of course, I’d listen, nod here and there, give advice at the end, even let her sleep with me if she desired. But we don’t need that sort of distraction right now; not when my GPA is at stake. My oh-so-horribly failing GPA. (An overexaggeration—I’m merely lacking in bonus points to beat out Tendou Maya’s GPA.) Is it about the grades, even? No, let’s talk about the reality here. Saijou Claudine is scared of Tendou Maya. Is she scared of Maya herself?—No, not by a long shot; she’s afraid of talking to her, of hearing her voice, her words, that are scathing blades stabbing into her, rapid fire. Why? Well, it’s simple. Saijou Claudine had witnessed something she wished she’d never be seeing again, not after her reconciliation with that woman. I had seen that woman transform herself into an unreachable God: “Zeus, in the guise of a bull,” she says. As you, and I, very well know, I was the one who was in the role of Zeus.
It only meant one thing.
She had dethroned God and placed herself in the throne.
I’d hate to talk to the person who dethroned me.
Who, dethroned me right after our truce .
But, this foolishly dancing me, is always looking for a way to fix the problem.
While seething in hesitation, I take on the challenge of talking to the regressed Tendou Maya. If I could hear her out and help her before, surely it’s the same now. I’m just a coward—a coward who charges at full speed. A coward who hates the taste of defeat yet full-chestedly accepts any challenge shown to her. That’s the style of Saijou Claudine—that’s always been my style. And I should be walking in this style proud, chest-out, even if it is ugly. Even if I am ugly. Even if the crowd boos. Even if I face a hundred road blocks. I don’t know the word “impossible”. You say it’d be impossible for me to be the top star? I say, non . If Maya says “It’s impossible for me to stand without solitude,” why, I’d smack that vexing woman in a heartbeat—echoing Karen’s words, a “That’s a non non !” with the weight of a hundred planets and galaxies. That’s a perfect way to return someone to reality—yes, a hard, unrelenting smack to the face.
Truly, truly, what a bothersome and vexing woman.
A bothersome woman that makes me do bothersome things.
This bothersome woman, who is the one that caused this bothersome stage girl to be reborn.
Just wait for me, Tendou Maya.
Ring, ring, the school bell yelled.
That drag of a History class was finally over.
I did a long stretch. Was on the verge of falling asleep back there.
The teacher wiped the board, with Junna taking over for her instead, waving a “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll do it myself.” Most of the class had already rushed over to their partners, some wanting to communicate due to unfamiliarity, and others, already friends, planning a strategy for the coming week. By some unholy twist not a single one of the usual pairs were together—Karen was with Futaba, Nana with Mahiru, and Kaoruko with Junna and Hikari, due to an uneven division of students—this meant that only me and Maya were together out of all of them. I don’t know if Sakuragi was pulling a dirty trick on me, or what. I decided to quit standing around and jump into action myself, only, Maya was already long since gone from the classroom. How inconvenient for me. I have to search through everywhere, from heaven to hell, just so I can get something done. But, I shouldn’t jump to search right away, a more common-sense decision was to ask around. Tendou Maya can’t be that detached from everyone that no one knew where she’d be going. At the very least, Karen should know, since I spotted her chatting up Maya earlier. (Wonder what they were talking about.)
I straighten up and walk towards the Karen-Futaba pair.
“Hey, if it isn’t Kuro-chan!” Karen excitedly greets.
She immediately sensed me approaching. That’s Karen for you, social little mistress. Not that I have any right to mock her for it, me, Saijou Claudine, beloved by all for being approachable.
“Yes, it’s I, Kuro-chan. I’m wondering, would you know where Tendou Maya went? I really need to talk to that woman.”
Karen places a hand on her chin.
“Uhhh… Wouldn’t she be at the practice room, usually? I don’t remember if she told me anything about going somewhere earlier…”
Ah.
Why, yes, of course.
I overlooked Tendou Maya’s most obvious location. The practice room.
… A foolish moment for me.
I place a hand on my head, scratching it.
“A-Ahhh, you’re right, Karen. Of course she’d be there. Thank you for reminding me. By the way, good luck dealing with this troublesome little runt, Futaba.” I say, quickly walking away.
“Hey! What do you mean, troublesome little runt!?” Karen says, mixed with Futaba saying "Thanks, Kuroko! I'll definitely need it!"
An absolutely odd moment. Of course Tendou Maya would be at the practice room, I don’t even know why I didn’t think of it first. Maybe I’m just tired, or I truly don’t want to talk to Maya, so my mind is subconsciously filtering out information like that. Well, anyway, Karen helped me hit the realization, so let’s forget about it. I walk past doors, a mix of half-opened or completely closed, all with various background noise coming out. An example: one of the doors had class B’s stressed chatter, about how they had a script they needed to pass in 3 days; and another, loud rock music blaring, with a group of students inside just chilling and not doing any sort of curricular activity. It was still afternoon, so lots of students were still on campus doing who-knows-what. I’m one to usually stay after class too, getting some practice in, or just chatting with others. Needless to say, that wasn’t my itinerary for today—the task was to get Tendou Maya, to talk to her; or rather, get her to talk. So, my quick paces were nearing the practice room’s door, closing in on that place. I slide the door open, and—
Huh.
She wasn’t even practicing.
Yes, Tendou Maya, not practicing, was sitting on the floor, back against the wall, not a single soul around.
“... Saijou-san.”
I gulped.
The cowardice in me kicked in, but I quickly steeled myself and walked to her.
I stood next to her, leaning on the wall, the faint afternoon light coming in from the window.
“Why are you moping in here, Tendou Maya?”
Maya flips her hair off her shoulder.
“I wasn’t moping. I was planning to practice, and simply felt like not doing so instead. Perhaps it’s due to a bad mood, but I ended up staring off, unaccomplished.”
“That is moping.”
Maya tilts her head and looks away from me.
“I’m here to talk about our pair task, Maya.”
“I assumed as such.”
She sighed, and kept moving her head around.
I slid down the wall, and was now seated next to her.
“The first task is to finish an assignment together.”
“Yes, it is.”
….
We both reeled in the silence.
We were getting nowhere.
Maya put her knees up and hugged them, placing her head on my shoulder.
“... There’s that Arts assignment. Should we just do that one?” I speak.
Ah, wait.
"Oh, you suck at Arts. You can leave it to me, then."
Tendou Maya went dead silent.
"... I'd love to leave it to you; but it sort of ruins the point of pairing up, does it not?"
I… guess she was right.
… What is this feeling in the air?
It’s intensely suffocating; like I can’t get the right words out.
I knew we were both still thinking about that revue. A revue of betrayal, where the atmosphere was tons more suffocating than now. A revue where you couldn’t even trust yourself.
Yes, I thought Maya simply betrayed herself.
Nana was hurt, yeah, but Maya also hurt herself. She was sure she was able to walk on an even ground with her friends, me, and the 7 of them, yet her habits picked up from the unruliness of the stage had reared its ugly head.
From the perspective of an outsider who’d felt strongly for the antagonist, that was what it looked like to me.
How bothersome, how bothersome, Tendou Maya.
Yet I’d put up with your bothersomeness.
“... You saw that revue, Saijou-san.”
Maya began to wear a melancholic expression.
“I did.”
She sighs again.
“Are you not afraid I’d cut you down too, like I did to that poor soul, Daiba-san?”
Ah...
The words lump in my throat.
I couldn’t say anything for certainty.
I couldn’t say I wasn’t afraid.
Because that would be lying out of my ass.
Maya spoke up.
“... I understand your silence.”
I hated this.
I said I’d endure, I’d power through, but the fear of being cut down and left behind by Tendou Maya—it had such strength powering over me.
Self-made promises are meaningless in the face of intense feelings.
There I was, sat in the tightness of the hissing snake of silence. I couldn’t say a thing. Paralyzed. Stuck. Crippled by my own fragile mind. Tendou Maya sighed and stood up—clearly, she was dissatisfied at both me and her own self. I wasn’t able to give her an answer, affirming nor negative. And I felt it, I knew it; Maya was frustrated towards herself for scaring everyone away. I did nothing to help her, all I’ve done is cement that mindset further. How foolish I am. The largest fool, me, with the thundering blond hair and the black headband. Nary a fool larger than me out there. Tendou Maya had faced me, and had a look that was practically screaming you get up too, or this awkwardness is just going to get worse. Maybe it wasn’t even screaming that. I don’t know. Maybe it was my own self, maybe I was telling myself that. Either way, I stood up too, following suit. Maya had lead me outside the practice room, switching the lights off on her way outside. I meekly followed her out.
“You said you’d do the Arts assignment yourself, right?”
I nod.
“Then I shall take today’s English assignment. Copy off of me as soon as I finish.”
“Ah… You’re not going to let me help?”
Maya tilts her head.
“I think it’s only fair I do everything too, since you were kind enough to relieve me of the Arts assignment.”
“… I guess.”
Maya smiles.
“I hope your afternoon goes well, Saijou-san.”
“... You too, Tendou Maya.”
Ahhh, the distance is growing even farther.
And I made it grow so.
How lame am I, Saijou Claudine.
The lamest of the lame.