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Language:
English
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Published:
2020-01-28
Completed:
2020-01-28
Words:
907
Chapters:
6/6
Comments:
11
Kudos:
23
Bookmarks:
3
Hits:
186

What To Do if You Wake Up At 3 A.M. and There's A Cowboy Standing In Your Room

Summary:

You wake up at 3 A.M. and there's a cowboy. Standing there. In your room. (A choose your own adventure story that is based on this post and turned entirely into its own extended shitpost.)

The rating is mostly for language and to save the kids from how bad this is. Best read with chapter by chapter turned on.

Notes:

 What To Do if You Wake Up At 3 A.M. and There's A Cowboy Standing In Your Room.
 STEP ONE. Check to see if you have traveled back to cowboy times. This can easily be done by asking, "Is this cowboy times?"
 STEP TWO. If they say, "Yes, it is cowboy times," then that explains everything. Back to bed!
 STEP THREE. If it is not cowboy times, ask, "Cowboy, why are you here?" or, "Why are you here, cowboy?"
 STEP FOUR. If they say, "I need your help to find my magical horse, Rex," go with them, because this kind of thing doesn't happen very often.
 STEP FIVE. If they don't say that, then this is a bad cowboy.
 STEP SIX. Deploy anti-cowboy measures.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Step One.

Chapter Text

STEP ONE. Check to see if you have traveled back to cowboy times. This can easily be done by asking, "Is this cowboy times?"

 And...that is a cowboy. It's three in the goddamn morning and there is a cowboy standing in your room. He's the rugged, squinty type - the kind of fella who don't look like he'll take any lip offa anyone. Twenty gallons of badass in a ten gallon hat. Half of his fingernails are purple from the bruises and half of the remaining ones are cracked down to the quick.

 Fortunately, Mama prepared you for this. You know exactly what to do.

 "Is this...cowboy times?"

 If it is cowboy times, proceed to STEP TWO. If it is not cowboy times, proceed to STEP THREE.