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Angel,
Yes, the fire is the option that I have. After all I rather destroy these than us, even if such means destroying a little bit of my heart with every page that turns to ash. For unrequited love does burn sweet, but I rather have you exist than face the misery of any life without you, for I would perish at the thought itself alone.
I tell myself I do not miss you, that it must be my heart that I miss, for you happen to carry it about in your pocket. It is but my own stupidity, for giving it away so recklessly, not you. Never. Still, I wish, oh yes I dare to dream of a daily reprieve with you. Oh what sanctuary it would be for our encounters to become circadian. It would be enough, I tell myself it must; if I could just see you, perhaps my torment would cease some, if only I could bring myself to seek you out. Maybe then the thoughts of you would torture me less, for I would be more preoccupied with the words you speak than those I wish I could say to you.
Alas, it matters not whether you have my heart, there could never be another: it was always about you. You haunt me. My love of you derails me. I have loved you since the garden and can think of nothing else whence among flora of any sort. I have loved you like a rapture, a sonnet, a song, and I shall love you all the day long. I have nary a choice in the matter.
If of choice, had I one, what would I choose; to treasure you, say these words aloud, send them along your way as paper rips my secrets out with the break of a seal? Oh had I no fear, and rejection cease, the thought that I might become sacred to you makes me quake. I do not dare to hope such a thing, if only to make the wait somewhat more bearable. For I would endure this woe a thousand lifetimes if it meant I shall inevitably reach even a glimmer of your light. That warmth surrounding me, I tell myself that even that alone would be worth this eternal pang in my chest.
But lay with me. Lay with me in innocence, in friendship if you must, but just- be. Be here with me, that I may treasure you all the more. The sight of you is all I need, I can live without a touch, though I may crave it all the while; I cannot abide your absence. I might tolerate time apart, for what is time to us; but a life without you would not be livable, and a world without you would be unbearable.
~Yours