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Jotaro doesn't feel comfortable being so relaxed in the company of many people — especially not now, on this damned Egypt trip — but Kakyoin is, as he is in many other ways, a different story.
The doubt lingers that maybe it's all a cover, maybe he's still working for Dio, not because Jotaro truly believes it but because how close they grew and how quickly... frankly, it unnerves him. He needs a reason to not trust him so much, a reason to shut him out just like everybody else, but it's hard work to find one. Which Jotaro cannot be bothered to do, especially not now.
The more often they room together, he finds the more he feels at ease. Kakyoin's nightly routine is almost relaxing to Jotaro, for few things have been so consistent. Kakyoin has a naturally calming demeanor, a quiet personality, and he seems to understand when Jotaro feels overwhelmed by other people. He's so talented at making himself disappear into the background, sometimes he has to glance over to ensure Kakyoin didn't get snatched up by an enemy.
He does this out of concern for his own, personal safety. He tells himself he doesn't actually care if Kakyoin were to be hurt or missing when he looks over. He knows that isn't true, but it's easier to believe a lie if you repeat it like it is the truth.
Granted his headphones block out anything Kakyoin could've been saying, but the silence in the room has a different quality than normal. Jotaro figures the hotel's A.C. is broken too, because it's felt unnaturally warm for most of the time he's been listening to the cassette player he borrowed off Joseph.
Of course it'd be hot in their room. It was the first one they'd gotten for a week, so why in hell would it be comfortable? That'd be too much luck, as far as Jotaro is concerned.
He mulls over these complaints silently in his head before looking over. It takes a moment for what he sees to register, and in that moment, Kakyoin catches his eyes.
Neither says anything for a while. Jotaro isn't exactly sure what to say. He's slipped his headphones around his neck without realizing it, the gentle hum of the A.C. telling him it wasn't broken. The warmth was Kakyoin.
Kakyoin, who's apparently been cornered into a cuddle session by Star Platinum.
Jotaro truly, wholeheartedly wishes he were dead.
"I wondered when you'd notice," Kakyoin smiles a little, in that calm, unrushed voice that helps to kick a few of his senses back into gear.
Jotaro blinks. "How long has he been—"
"A while."
"I'm—" Jotaro frowns. He's what? Sorry? Yeah, he'll go with that. "Sorry. That's weird, Star."
His stand lets out a soft, confused 'ora?' that would normally warm Jotaro's heart to no end, but right now, it only warms his face. Star Platinum has always been better at expressing his emotions than Jotaro is, which seems ironic. Jotaro's own inhibitions should translate to his own stand, shouldn't they? He'd never understand it, really, and right now he wishes he did.
"It's alright," Kakyoin reassures. Is he acting weird? He's definitely acting weird right now. Jotaro can't blame him, but somehow, it hurts a little.
That's stupid. Star is being the weird one. You're being the weird one, he thinks. "I didn't know he was... y'know," Jotaro continues to defend himself, even though he doesn't need to. It's second nature.
All knowing Kakyoin must have picked up on this habit, giving him another reassuring half smile. He can't really let go of Star, because Star has locked his arms around Kakyoin's waist, holding him close to his strong chest. Suddenly, how Jotaro feels make sense. The farther west, the heat is more than a temperature; it bears down on one's body, a pressure that's present everywhere you go.
Damn, he must be like a feather, Jotaro thinks absentmindedly, before he mentally slaps himself for it. Stay focused, Kujo.
Back on track, he realizes three more things: Star's face is nuzzling into Kakyoin's hair, Kakyoin is laughing at Star for doing it, and Jotaro is staring, unable to will Star back into wherever stands hang out when they aren't in use.
Kakyoin's laugh is so sweet on his ears. It's deep, like his voice, but it's timid and quiet, like his... well, everything else.
Stay focused.
"Kakyoin?"
He raises an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"I'm sorry," he says again, because he isn't sure what else to say to him. What is there to say? All he can really do is hope Kakyoin doesn't realize that Star's constant advances on him are founded in Jotaro's own desires. But Kakyoin is intelligent, and he probably already figured that out. Stupid fucking honors student that he is.
"I said it's alright. But if you don't want Star Platinum out, why not call him back?" Kakyoin asks. He looks so damn cocky and smug, all cocooned by Star like he's a warm blanket. Jotaro is suddenly overcome with the urge to kiss that stupid smile off of Kakyoin's pretty, wideset mouth. Star himself gives Jotaro a look that's the equivalent of a shit-eating grin, as if he knows what he wants to do.
At least Star Platinum and Jotaro have that in common; they're both assholes.
"Oh," is all Jotaro can manage.
Why doesn't he call him back? Honestly, it's a little hard to. A part of him doesn't necessarily want Star to stop, and Kakyoin doesn't seem uncomfortable at all, so why should he?
Well, because he's embarrassed, that's why. Because he's ashamed of his stand's repeated betrayals of what should be a secret admiration for Kakyoin. Because his face feels warm and he can feel the phantom feeling of Kakyoin's curls against his cheek, taunting him for being such a goddamned wimp. It's miserable. He's lovestruck by Kakyoin and it is miserable.
Kakyoin laughs again, and Jotaro shrinks back into the pillows of his bed. He'd taken his hat off to wear his headphones, and he aches to have it back on. "You know, JoJo, if you want company, I don't mind," he offers, his laughter dying off into a sincere expression.
Is he offering to... to cuddle with Jotaro?
That's absurd. Just crazy.
But Star Platinum seems satisfied with the work he's done. He fades away, the bed creaking slightly when Kakyoin drops the few inches back onto the mattress, and Jotaro swears he can feel his sense of accomplishment as he returns to him.
Asshole.
"I'm just teasing," Kakyoin adds when Jotaro doesn't reply. "Unless...?"
He swallows. "Unless?"
"You know. Unless you really want to."
"O...Oh."
Did he stutter? Did Jotaro just fucking stutter? Nothing can possibly be worse than this, can it? That's it; Jotaro's dying and this is his last hurrah, his body's final attempt at conversation before his brain clicks off and he's gone forever.
But he doesn't die. He blinks and is only met with that serious, caring look in Kakyoin's eyes. After a moment, it fades into shyness, and he turns over and away from Jotaro.
It takes all of his energy and courage to muster up a proper answer to Kakyoin's proposal. No matter what, there's always a nagging force in his head, throughout his entire body, that makes him want to reject any and all contact. Because when Jotaro loves someone, they get hurt. He doesn't know if he truly loves Kakyoin, per se, but any sort of bond seems to qualify people for a discount on fatal injuries. It pains him to push away the people he's so desperate to be around, but it just feels safer that way, and it takes him almost half an hour of intently staring at Kakyoin's back to overcome the nervousness that washes over him.
"I'd like that, Kakyoin."
He looks over his shoulder. "Like what?"
He didn't forget. He's teasing. Jotaro sighs, and the ginger turns over completely, propping himself up on an elbow, waiting for him to say it. It appears that Star, Jotaro, and Kakyoin are assholes.
Jotaro purses his lips, trying to think of the least embarrassing way to put it. He absolutely craves Kakyoin's embrace, though he tells himself it's simply a need to show him who really has the right to act smug is. Otherwise he wouldn't put forth the effort.
"What you and Star did," he finally says.
Kakyoin snorts. "Can't you say 'cuddling,' JoJo?"
"Nope," he replies. Kakyoin's sweet laugh fills the room again.
"Then come here." He pats the bed space next to him. Jotaro's a little glad he offers his bed. He'd feel awkward telling Kakyoin to screw off after he'd had his fill of physical affection for the day.
Regardless, it's still awkward, at first. Jotaro doesn't exactly know how to cuddle, and he's shy with his touches. Kakyoin is more than content to put his own arms over Jotaro's, which rest around his waist, encouraging him to hold him tighter. He's so thin, Jotaro thinks. How the fuck is he so damn strong?
Kakyoin looks back at him, something new in his eyes. An affection that makes Jotaro want to get up and go to his own bed, because it sparks that fear inside him once more. Everything Jotaro loves gets torn away from him, one way or another. He could never live knowing Kakyoin feels the same way about him if...
But he shoves that thought away. It isn't the time for that. "What?" He asks.
"What?" Kakyoin mocks. "Relax a little, will you? Nothing's going to get us here."
He could say a lot about that sentence. Something absolutely can get them, a lot of things could. But most importantly, perhaps it's just Jotaro defensiveness kicking in, but the wah Kakyoin said 'us' only confirms what Jotaro thought before.
Maybe he does feel the same way.
"Sorry," Jotaro mumbles. "I don't hug a lot."
Kakyoin chuckles. Jotaro appreciates how he can feel it rumble in his chest when he does. "I know. It's alright if you're uncomfortable now, but... I'm not going to judge you if you stay here, you know that, right?"
"Judge me for what?"
"Wanting a hug."
As he suspected, Kakyoin did see right through Star's cries for affection from him. Jotaro sighs, breath tickling Kakyoin's shoulder through the thin fabric of his pajama shirt. He's too tired to argue, instead doing his best to relax his body against Kakyoin's in silent response.
There's a certain warmth one gets from holding somebody that the heat of the sun just can't provide. It's unique. It's far more than merely a temperature. It provokes something in Jotaro that makes him grip Kakyoin's waist just a little tighter, his face inching closer and closer to finally nuzzling into the back of his neck after a few hours. The collar of his pajama shirt, a shirt which Jotaro enjoys quite a bit because Kakyoin doesn't seem to like to close it past the bottom three buttons and he gets hints of his downright sculpted torso, is soft to the touch.
He feels drowsy, and his plan to return to his own bed proves futile, because Kakyoin reaches over to turn out the lamp once he hears Jotaro snoring.