Work Text:
It was another day where you felt like utter shit, to put it really bluntly.
It had been a while that you went outside, only desolately staring out of the window if you had the energy to. You had been bedridden for a while now, not because you were sick physically - but you were indeed sick mentally. There was no motivation for you to go out now, and staying in bed and existing was the most you could do nowadays. The maids would come in and out to offer you food and while you would eat, there would be no taste to whatever was in it. Not even the most extravagant, deluxe meals could make you feel happy again.
You just felt unlovable.
No matter how much support you had, you still felt the same way you did as always. Your friends were always there for you - Alm, your brightest friend, failed to bring a smile to your face. Celica, your warmest friend, could not bring warmth to your heart. There was nothing they could do that would make you feel any better - and to you, it felt like they gave up on you entirely when they stopped coming over as frequently as they used to be.
(it was because they had gotten busier and busier as the times passed by, and you knew that wholeheartedly - but your brain refused to register that, and so you felt number the more days that passed by).
And there was Berkut, your lover. He meant the world to you, but the distance between you both had been suffocating. He had his own problems to worry about, and so he had to spend less time with you - you knew you were being selfish by wanting him so desperately, yet you could not help but long for him when he was away.
You remembered that one day where he clearly dismissive of you, however. Although it was just a little action, it set you off in the worst way possible.
You were simply rubbing his face, looking into the distance through your window. It was a tender night in bed, but both of you could not sleep - and so Berkut sat by his desk in his workplace, continuing to do paperwork as you lit a candle for him, then came by his side to caress his face.
“Berkut, it’s been a while since you’ve been by my side like this…” You started, not wanting to sound too clingy as you looked at him fondly, with him continuing to gaze at the scenery outside the window. He sighed, and said:
“I know… and I’m sorry. It’s been a busy time for us, my love.”
You bit your lip. “I understand. But can’t you just spend more time with me, if that’s alright? We could dance in the hall again, or-”
Berkut sharply cut you off, stressing the importance of his work as he continued to skim read papers and signed them, the pen on his fingers pressed hard against the paper as some ink blotted out: “I can’t. There are too many more important things to worry about than the silly pleasures we can’t have.”
Stunned, your hands left Berkut’s face as you looked at him emptily. “I see,” you simply said, and continued: “I’m gonna go back to bed.”
That night, you wept endlessly, your tears not stopping and your sobs uncontrollable.
You just felt like you were not worth the trouble anymore.
And so, you were left to your own devices in bed, barely eating and barely feeling anything anymore.
Of course, Berkut was worried. You had been barely saying anything to him at all - you would not even kiss him good night, turning away from him as you fell asleep. Even then, it was odd that you were not tossing and turning as much as well; you stayed completely still, and he was able to cuddle you with ease. This was not the same person that he knew you as - it made him worry so much about you.
One night, he finally confronted you.
“Please, my love, tell me what’s wrong,” he seemed to plead, holding onto your hand before you turned away from him. As the prince searched your eyes longingly, your eyes were void of emotion - yet, you still smiled anyway.
“What do you mean if anything’s wrong? I’m completely alright,” you replied, averting your eyes away from him the moment he stared into your eyes. Berkut frowned, moving closer to you so that he could look at you properly. You still refused to look at his eyes however, deciding to look at the ceiling wall instead.
“No, you’re not alright, and I can tell-” The prince started, listing off reasons about why he was worried about you. “I’ve heard from Celica and Alm. You’re not smiling. That was a fake smile. The maids have been worried about you as well, and I can’t just stand here and do nothing.”
(why did he suddenly start to care so much?)
“Please, how could you tell that was a fake smile?” You questioned him back, scoffing as you turned away from him again, but he quickly stopped you by holding you tightly against him, facing Berkut as you struggled in his hold.
You were protesting now, angered by the fact that he locked you in such a position. “What in the god’s name are you doing-?!”
“I want you to tell the truth!” He exclaimed, now able to look at you properly. “Please, my love, I need to know what’s ailing you so. I can’t stand you being so upset over something I don’t understand, and I-”
“It’s something you can’t control!”
Your shout felt like it rang across Berkut’s thoughts, cutting them sharply as you started crying. “I just- I just can’t help but feel like you don’t love me anymore. Like everyone’s given up on me! I know you have work-”
“[Name], please-”
“And I know it takes up most of your time, and you can’t do anything about it, but-”
“I-”
“But I just can’t help but feel abandoned by everyone! One day, everyone is going to leave me and I can’t do anything about it!” You were starting to sob now, your cries pathetic - “please, Berkut, please don’t leave me. Please-”
And on that final note, Berkut felt his heart stung with hurt as well. You continually begged him to not leave you, sounding broken and needy, but you could not help but care anymore - the flood works have gone off, and all your emotions bare and miserable.
“I… I didn’t know,” he finally said after a moment of silence, with you continuing to cry against his chest. You could not stop mumbling “I’m sorry” over and over again, apologizing profusely for snapping and crying like this, unable to stop the waterworks as you wailed and wailed.
“[Name], please look at me-” He said, trying to catch your attention, and then finally used his thumb to move your face up to look at him. “Please, listen to what I have to say.”
You sniffled and continued to feel sobs wrack your entire body, wiping your tears harshly against your sleeve as you looked at him. The very sight made Berkut’s heart ache painfully, but he continued nonetheless:
“Please know that you don’t give yourself enough credit. Please know that you mean more than the world to me, and I’m sorry I haven’t been able to be there for you lately - and please know that I love you, more than anything in the world can give me.”
Upon hearing that, you stayed silent for a while until more tears welled up into your eyes, crying even harder than before as you clung onto Berkut longer.
And he allowed you.
“This relationship needs work… but it’s something I’m willing to put the effort in, okay? Let’s invite Celica and Alm over for tea sometime, I know you haven’t seen them in a while,” Berkut whispered into your ear, kissing you over and over again as if to dry the tears from your face. While you continued to cry, you felt the ice over your heart melt a little bit more - your body feeling warmer than it had for the past few days.
For the rest of the night, he continued to whisper sweet nothings into your ear as if to reassure you that he was not going to go anywhere. And that was all you needed - wanting nothing more than having Berkut by your side for eternity. You knew it would be a process until you could fully heal, but you knew you had support. And that support was not going to go anywhere - they were all right here for you.
“Thank you,” the only words you could mumble out amongst your tears, “thank you.”