Work Text:
Closing time always had a particular atmosphere.
The lights in the cafe had all gone out, leaving the orange glow of the kitchen as the sole source of illumination. The wooden tables scrubbed of stains, the floor mopped clean of crumbs, the pots and mugs all washed to a reflective sheen. The late evening was dark and murky under brewing storm clouds, a light drizzle sinking into the pavement just outside. All that remained of the lively chatter present not a half hour ago was the small squeak of a young girl’s dishrag against the porcelain.
Usually one of her parents would be out here helping close the shop, but her mother had been working since seven in the morning and her father had pulled his back. No biggie. She didn’t mind locking up by herself. Other people may have been put off by the quiet, but -- well, she was too. It was just something she could bear with for a moment, if only to hear her own thoughts.
After all, Tsugumi’s mind was far from the cafe right now.
It had been a rough day of practice -- the particularly cruel kind where everyone else was on point with flair and finesse and precision and she was lagging behind hitting wrong notes and going off-tempo and wondering why sometimes she couldn’t even hear her own keyboard notes over the shred of her bandmates. They all reassured her that she was doing just fine, that it was an off-day, that she’d get it next time -- but when was ‘next time’? She was starting to wonder if it’d ever existed, at the rate she was going. No matter how many times she practiced alone in her room, however many classical compositions she learned, however she asked one of the other keyboardists in town for tips and tricks… at this rate, she’d develop carpal tunnel before she actually improved. She’d been able to distract herself with work for a while, at least, but she was feeling more despondent than usual. She wished she could be with someone. Oh well… she just had to get to bed early tonight. Nothing a good night’s sleep couldn’t fix, right?
...That wasn’t the only thing on her mind, however. Her eyes had panned over to the calendar on the kitchen wall, where the present date was annotated in tiny sharpie handwriting:
Future World FES Preliminaries -- Wish Sayo-san and the rest good luck!
So she had done that very morning, via text. All the guitarist sent back was a laconic Thank You, Hazawa-san. She wasn’t the most scrutable one over messages, but Tsugumi could tell that she wasn’t being rude, just focused.
The barista couldn’t help but wonder about the results. Surely Roselia would have done well, no? They’d been working towards it for so long that they were bound to succeed. Sure, the competition was tough, but Tsugumi had never seen a band as good as--
Rmmblrmmbl
The distant quaking of thunder stopped her hands. She could feel her legs quiver a little bit in place as she set the dishware down, breathing deeply as she leaned on the counter for support. Still afraid of a little lightning, after all this time… she should really be getting to bed; she was just absentmindedly scrubbing things at this point anyway. Taking another deep inhale, she stared outside at the encroaching darkness, hearing the raindrops pitter patter lightly against the sidewalk.
...Wait. Was that-?
KABOOM
The sound and the flash came simultaneously, sending Tsugumi to the floor in a little ball of fright. But as she shook in place, the image she saw in that split-second -- burned into her retinas -- remained:
A woman, standing outside their front door.
Obligation overrode fear, and with shaky determination she rose to her feet and paced towards the door with keys in hand. Normally the cafe would refuse anybody this late, but with the storm she’d have to make an exception… just to get them out of the rain. She opened the door, readying her mouth to invite them in--
When she recognized the teal-haired woman before her.
They stood there, frozen in the rain, staring at each other through the dim gloom, the drizzle trickling through their eardrums as they felt the drops wash down their heads and the streams flow around their feet and the chilled air soak into their bones until the barista -- finally repossessing her thoughts -- hastily motioned her guest inside.
The door shut with a small jingle behind them. Tsugumi raced to get a towel or two, eventually pulling three out of the closet (just for insurance) before running back. The visitor had taken her usual seat at the cafe bar, rivulets of rain dripping all over the floor wiped down not even an hour ago. She took the towels stoically, wiping her head with an almost robotic motion before setting it down neatly on the chair next to her, sighing.
Tsugumi wasted no time in whipping up the usual: black coffee and the dessert of the day. Technically it was more the dessert of the night at this point, but she had just put away a fresh batch of brownies for the following day, and it never hurt to have a taste tester. She made the snack in minutes flat, serving the piping hot mug and lovingly presented sweet with the most assuring smile she could manage.
Sayo didn’t move.
Tsugumi took a long, hard look at her expression for the first time. The elder Hikawa twin was avoiding eye contact, her hardened brow accenting the flat line of her mouth. People sometimes said she was hard to read. Tsugumi didn’t agree. She could tell a lot by the little intricacies -- the way her index fingernail scraped against the counter corner, how her eyes tracked purposefully to the side, the slight movement in her lips that showed she was biting just the smallest sliver of flesh inside of her mouth. Tsugumi had rarely seen her so troubled.
Unfazed, she pushed the coffee mug gently forward, as if saying ‘drink up.’ Sayo’s eyes moved towards it, towards the steam flittering from the dark liquid. Wafts of earthy Peruvian beans drifted through the air, melting into the coffee-infused ether that constantly filled the atmosphere of Hazawa Coffee. Many times before had Sayo come here only to immediately drink her way through three cups, as if reinvigorating herself before straightening up and marching back to confront whatever obstacle she was currently facing. Now, she simply stared.
And as her gaze fell, and her posture slouched, and her hands wrung together in uncharacteristic folds, Tsugumi got the message without a word.
We lost.
The rain pounded away at the pavement.
Tsugumi wanted to ask how. Why. How again. Roselia -- Sayo -- had practiced every single day without end. They’d toiled away for their entire existence for this one, singular goal. And in the end they’d barely passed the starting line? It seemed unthinkable.
She could imagine the reactions of the others. Yukina aloofly declaring their missteps in quiet. Ako crying her eyes out. Rinko not saying a word. Lisa doing her best to console the others, even as she was fighting back her own emotions. And Sayo?
Sayo would blame herself for it all.
Tsugumi knew her better than all the rest. Her own inadequacies, errors, and failures would be the sole cause of their downfall in her mind. Every brilliant chord and solo would pale in comparison to one misfretted note or rushed beat. It didn’t matter how much she really was to blame -- at this point, she had long twisted whatever truth there had been into a self-loathing lie. And now she sat here, defeated and dispirited. Unknowing what to think, do, or say. Simply staring into the nothing, as if trying to process her own existence. Undoubtedly resenting her very nature. And Tsugumi couldn’t bear to see her tear herself down.
Tsugumi couldn’t have imagined what it was like, to want something that badly, to vie every day to make it a reality, only to come up empty. Like walking the desert for months on end searching for water, only to discover the oasis you were working towards was a mirage forever out of reach… an eternal quest to satiate your thirst, lasting until the day you perished.
If she were in that situation… what would she want?
Sayo was motionless. As if she had wanted to be left alone. But she had come here. Clearly she had a purpose. Did she even know what? Could Tsugumi even fulfill it?
When somebody was frustrated with themselves beyond thought… what did they need?
Someone to tell them just how wonderful they were?
...No. That would sound like a generous lie: one meant to soothe rather than be honest. Even if it was the truth.
Maybe…
…
Tsugumi reached out across the counter and grabbed Sayo’s hand in her own.
Sayo’s eyes widened, her mouth shrinking to a tiny gape. Her hand was cold and wet and limp and covered in calluses, but Tsugumi held on tightly all the same, without uttering a word, trying to give her as much warmth as possible. If it weren’t for the object between them, she would try to pull her into a hug -- so instead, she smiled as reassuringly as she could. Exhaling. Standing firm. Blinking to try and dispel the emotions lurking at the back of her mind.
Thunder rang from miles away. Tsugumi clutched with all of her might.
And then, slowly… Sayo’s fingers intertwined with her own.
Brittle, hard, shaky fingers. Fingers slicked cold with rain and regret. So tightly woven that Tsugumi could feel the pulse underneath the skin, tom-toming away at a warm, steady pace.
They both smiled at each other, if only for a moment.
As her grip loosened, Tsugumi pulled her hand back, feeling the blood come rush back to her face a little. Sayo reached out and took her coffee, drinking half the cup in one swig. She finished it and the brownie with surprising voraciousness before bowing and making for the door. Tsugumi opened her mouth to offer pajamas and a warm bed for the night, but it was too late -- the guitarist had already retreated into the rain.
...That was that, she supposed. Maybe that was all Sayo needed. A little warmth and a pick-me-up. That always helped her feel better… right?
Tsugumi watched her silhouette melt into the shadows for a moment, blinking from the suddenness… before realizing.
She sprinted to the closet, grabbed the closest umbrella, and ran out the door.
Her feet sloshed through the growing streams, splashing up buckets of water as she dashed. A block down the street, the dark shadow cut by Sayo’s figure hung under a nearby streetlamp, alone in the waterlogged sidewalk. Tsugumi jogged up to her, pushing the umbrella into her hands with an encouraging beam.
Sayo took it without a word, looking into Tsugumi’s eyes, her own chartreuse orbs glimmering faintly in the street.
A wave and a step back. She hovered under the umbrella for a moment, trying to pinpoint the exact time to make a break back to the cafe. And just as she pivoted on her heel to run back--
“...I’m sorry.”
A blink. Tsugumi turned back around.
“I saw your expression,” said Sayo. “From outside. While washing the dishes… you looked crestfallen. I didn’t want to disturb you, and yet when you invited me inside… I could do nothing to help you.”
The storm grew louder.
“Please, Hazawa-san,” said Sayo, her eyes full with worry. “Even now you’re wearing that smile that tells me something is wrong. And I… I cannot do anything for you. Even though you do so much for me. So if there’s anything I can--”
The umbrella fell.
Tsugumi’s body had fallen into hers, cold water sloughing off her back, her head buried in Sayo’s torso.
How… How did Sayo not understand? That she did more than enough, always? That just by being there for her… just noticing what she was going through was enough. She didn’t need anything more than that! Not when Sayo was the one hurting! Her own problems didn’t mean--
“Tsugumi-san… please do not hide your head in shame.”
She looked up, staring into Sayo’s sad, empathetic smile as droplets cascaded down her head.
“I cannot bear to see you tear yourself down.”
Rain spilled from Tsugumi’s eyes. And then, with sudden movement, she moved in.
The heavens washed over them in full, encircling their touched lips with cathartic ablution. And with each passing second they grew closer and closer, until there was nothing left between them but each other, sinking further and further into the river that ran by their feet.
Two people, dying of thirst in the desert, surrounded by rain.