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“I just don’t love you, Tobirama, y-you have to understand, okay? Let me go. Just let me go!”
It rained for an entire week in Konoha when she broke her own heart.
One week had passed since she’d told the love of her life that he was nothing but a passing fancy. That his place couldn’t be at her side or that her love had been something out of convenience.
It was all a lie.
She loved him more than she would dare admit. It had been a little crush that existed from the start of their youthful friendship. She’d tease him more than the other boys she’d ever met, toyed with the ends of his hair when they sat close, leaned into him when they walked and blushed when he looked at her directly. Her crush blossomed like she had when her days were filled with etiquette, and more delicate tasks. She’d grown to be an exceptional beauty and he’d grown into the advisor for the leader of Konoha.
She’d only ever bat an eye at Tobirama when parties or celebrations were held. Innocent touches had melted away into something more intimate. Starlight was the only witness to the first time she’d dared to kiss him—a small confession unspoken in the brush of her lips on his. He’d been unable to let her go that night having spent most of the better part of the night kissing her in the shadows of the party. Pressed up against the walls of a dark hallway, absolute putty in his arms. How she’d love nothing more than to die in those secret moments of romance.
And when the war ended and Konoha had established itself, she saw the way the village looked at the Senju brothers. They were heroes among men. They’d catapulted into the heights of the social world and she could never keep up. She held out hopes that it could last. Her heart hoped against hope.
Tobirama would still seek her hand out in a crowded room, holding it with naught a change of his own expression. He’d hold it ever so sweetly, a soft rhythmic stroke of his thumb on the back of her hand soothed her nerves. Hashirama had married an Uzumaki woman—a way to strengthen their village and suddenly it was obvious that Tobirama would just follow suit. So, her little infatuation with him just could not persist. She had asked him once, offhandedly, if he’d ever marry someone for the village and just like the levelheaded advisor he was trained to be, Tobirama said yes.
It had hurt her more than she thought. How could he have known his answer sealed their fate?
The next week, she’d stood before him in the drizzle of rain and had told him she no longer wished to be his someone. That she had never wished to be his someone.
She had no family. There was nothing that she could bring to the table that could help the village—she was just one woman. It was a selfish reason. Or, maybe she was just frightened that she’d hear Tobirama let her go first. She needed her heart shielded from that rejection. Not from him. He could handle it. She couldn’t.
That’s what she kept telling herself.
It rained for an entire week in Konoha when she broke Tobirama’s heart.
Not even Hashirama had been able to console his usually calm brother. He had seen his fair share of rare outbursts but this was unlike any of the others. This behavior wasn’t induced by rage or frustration, but by something he could never hope to heal. He hadn’t realized how much his brother actually loved her until she stood before him and told Tobirama he was nothing to her.
And this godforsaken rain wouldn’t let up.
Tobirama had loved her probably before he even knew it. Their youth had brought them together—her parents were still alive, allied with his clan and her presence seemed natural at his side. She’d been kind to everyone. She had a tender heart, a soft edge where Tobirama was rough. Strange that he should let this girl get so close when others had attempted it and had been shunned or scared away. She seemed unbothered by his permanent glare or the way he hardly spoke at all.
Hashirama remembered her when she was young—the times when he would watch her play with his little brothers, indulging in their fantasies. She had been shy at first, a little hesitant, but once she’d warmed up to them, they couldn’t stop her. She was bright and lively and everything worth fighting for in a person.
However, she latched onto Tobirama like a leech to flesh. She said she liked how quiet and serious he was for someone their age. It made him seem mature. Hashirama used to tease her about it all, but she didn’t seem to mind. His brother had been reluctant but something happened between the two of them that they’d not told a soul and had become inseparable ever since. And when her family died for his, she was provided all she needed. She was a friend in need and one he’d never turn his back on. (Tobirama had made sure to personally oversee the construction to her liking—of course, this was just another thing to tease.)
Her out of the blue confession came as a kunai in the dark. No one could have seen it coming after all the signs pointed to her and his brother tying the proverbial knot. His brother was not receiving it well, either. If he was any tougher on the shinobi training under him, Hashirama would have to completely step in and shut it down. (They were already getting complaints from the Medic Ninja at the hospital...)
She scratched at the wood of her bed frame, the rain pounded against her window. She’d been in bed all day—the bookstore she ran was “closed due to her health” besides the fact that she simply didn’t wish to open the doors and see people. She missed her mother at times like these. She wished she could ask her what to do. How could she be so dumb? Was it worth the pain? She wanted to say in confidence that she did the right thing, letting him go, but with the weather in it’s current state, all she could do was cry.
She had wanted to kiss him that day.
“Is that what you really want?” Tobirama held his hands at his sides, sprinkles of rain peppered his pale face. His crimson eyes narrowed in their skepticism, searching her face for the truth. His snow white mane dyed grey in the rain as the strands wilted against his scalp and forehead.
They stood outside the front of the Senju compound, inches apart, electric air between them as she confessed how she wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
She clenched her eyes closed and shook her head, “Don’t try and fill my head with doubt!” He reached for her arm, but she dodged him with a step back. The betrayal was in his eyes was a subtle twitch in his brows, before he straightened out and composed himself, the rain pelting against their scene.
His tone was resolute. Tobirama would never beg someone. “If you can’t tell me the truth then perhaps it’s best that this ends here. If this is what you’re going to do I will let you do it. Just know that I had loved you the whole time.”
She figured she deserved this kind of suffering, or at least, she welcomed the company of her own misery to an extent. It was easier to wallow in her self pity than to face the reality of her own regrets. Tobirama was not a man who would give chase, she knew. He didn’t play games with people—she had loved that about him. She just couldn’t picture Tobirama choosing her over the sake of the village. She didn’t resent him for it. She loved that he was willing to fight for Konoha—to fight for future generations.
She loved him so much it hurt to think about.
She rolled around in her bed, a hand pressed against the ache beneath her skin. Tears pricked in the corners of her eyes as images of a life she had always dreamed of with Tobirama flashed before her. She had loved him wholeheartedly for the moments he had stolen away for her. A fact she kept reminding herself—that he stole those moments, that he could up and leave at any moment and she was subject to wait for him. She didn’t want to love a man who would choose someone or something else over her. She knew Tobirama loved her.
He just loved the village more.