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There are cries in the wind cutting deep into Tao Mo’s skin and there is that much-hated smell of blood crawling into his nose and his mouth, and Tao Mo feels like throwing up. He knows this is not real, he knows it, but he cannot tear his sight away from the bloodied blades of the executioners. He stands slowly and the people fade into background noise as he walks closer to the raised platform, the wind stills and he walks past the head of his father, staring with glassy eyes at the empty sky. He has dreamt of his father many times since his death – he has seen his execution a great many times, and he has made his peace with seeing it. He still cried every time he had to see it, but he has come to accept that his father was dead and nothing would change that. He loathed this, but he had a slight hunch that throwing his own life away, filling his head and his heart with only sorrow and grief would not be something his father would want for him. That is why he can walk past the severed head now without breaking down in front of it, although what he is walking towards now is even more frightening.
It’s Gu She’s head in the dust, eyes wide and clouded, mouth hanging open – Tao Mo’s breath flies out of his chest, constricting his throat with an acidic burn. He gasps and he reaches out to touch the head, to see if it’s real.
Before he can reach it, panic rushes through him, shaking him body and soul and he jerks awake.
There are arms around him, safe and grounding, and there is warm skin against his side and his legs, and he feels a bit calmer. Tao Mo looks at the man lying next to him, his head on his neck, still breathing, still alive, yet the scene in his dream pierces through him like a thousand arrows. Now awake, he knows that he didn’t see his beautiful Gu She’s remains, but those of his twin brother, so much alike and so different at the same time.
Gu She stirs then, his elegant eyes opening first only to a slit, then seeing his beloved in tears, he lets the last whispers of dreams fall from his grasp. He pulls Tao Mo closer and leans over him, caressing his cheeks with his fingers, kissing his pale skin in their wake. He hates it when Tao Mo cries – no, no that’s not entirely true: he hates it when his beloved is in pain. When they wedded, Tao Mo’s tears were falling freely, but that time it was from happiness. His tears also fell during their first night sharing their bodies, pleasure running too deep to stand it without shedding them, and those teardrops were kissed away by Gu She.
But now, now he hates the sight of tears on his husband’s face and hates the terrified look that accompanies them.
“A-Mo” he whispers, fingers never leaving his beloved’s face “What did you see?”
“I thought I saw you dead” Tao Mo says and turns his head into Gu She’s palm, nuzzling closer to the comforting warmth of his husband “, but it wasn’t you. I just – I couldn’t be sure. I thought it was you…”
“I’m here, xingan” Gu She says and he hugs Tao Mo closer, shifting themselves on the bed so he can guide Tao Mo’s head onto his chest.
“Can you hear it? I’m here. And you’re here, too. You’re safe” Gu She adds, and traces his husband’s back with calm, even strokes of his fingers.
“I’m here” Tao Mo answers, and turns his head to breathe a kiss onto the warm skin above that steady heartbeat that makes his own heart sing with joy. “We both are.”
They lay in silence, Gu She’s fingers occasionally moving to soothe the remains of panic from his beloved and in return he receives small huffs of half-formed laughter from Tao Mo when he touches his side with his thumb - and how could he not repeat it when it gives birth to such a lovely reaction? But soon they relax back into a half-awake state, both warm and content in their embrace, wishing to prolong the time spent together.
The first warm colour of the day enters their room in this safe silence, carrying the scent of a calm morning and the possibility of rain with it. The slow spring wind carries some distant sounds, both from the streets and from the birds singing the praise of a new day.
“We should get dressed, A-Zhi” Tao Mo says with that small, endearing smile of his once again, accompanied by a faint blush Gu She can barely make out in the dim room – he knows Tao Mo is blushing by how his voice carries, and he knows what his husband is thinking about. They made love last night until the moon was high overhead and they still have not gathered their discarded clothes. The both of them love sleeping with their skin touching, feeling that the other is alive – but Tao Mo gets flustered whenever Gu Xiajia and Hao Guozi smirk at each other when they wake their naked masters in the morning. Those two are loyal to a fault, they both know that for sure, but they have a mischievous side too, and they aren’t afraid to tease their masters with words or pointed smiles. Not that they are any better with their constant bickering that usually has them making out whenever and wherever they think their masters don’t see them. They are wrong and their relationship is the worst kept secret in both the Tao and Gu households.
“Hm” Gu She nods, but instead of getting up, he rolls onto his stomach and closes his eyes again, listening to the first few drops of rain plopping onto the wooden flooring outside slowly, as if the rain was just as relaxed as he himself feels.. There’s the scent of fresh rain in the air, and it calms him just as much as Tao Mo’s scent excites his senses – but there is a time for making love and there is a time for simply enjoying his husband’s closeness. He blinks half an eye open to look at Tao Mo, his lazy smile and messy hair around his beautiful face, and for a moment the scene looks ethereal in its plainness. All the hardships they have faced and survived, all the scars that have healed, all the tears now dried up – they have somehow all led to this blessed state of peace and love.
Tao Mo stands, but not without pressing a quick kiss to his husband’s cheek, and with a sureness that he has only recently grew into he walks across the room to gather two sets of sleeping robes into his arms, not caring about the orange light of the rising sun on his naked body. Gu She watches and smiles - happiness suits Tao Mo the best; it looks radiant on him, just as confidence and love does. Tao Mo dresses into the robe and places the other one at Gu She’s feet, then he scoots back to the bed, and with a content sigh escaping from his lips, he buries his fingers in Gu She’s hair, and cards them through the slightly tangled strands.
It is a slow morning, one where everything seems to favour life and happiness over the cruelties of life - one where both Tao Mo and Gu She’s heart is content and at peace. The smell of rain and spring wafts through the room, but it is Tao Mo’s touch and gentle care that makes it truly relaxing and homely. Gu She smiles, then sits up to kiss his husband, pulling him back against the soft sheets, wishing for more of all that this morning has provided them with - peace and serenity, love and safety, all to be found in the embrace of his beloved.