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With a crack of thunder in the distance, Namjoon suddenly became aware of the present. Stretching his neck above water, he gasped at fresh air, for the previous months of his life had done nothing but consume him, drowning him in memories of the past.
Day in and day out, he relived them in his mind- recalling a man that meant so much, one word would never be enough to describe.
He was his safe haven.
The first, and sometimes only to know what thoughts truly plagued his mind; recalling a moment where pure adrenaline and just his words alone gave him all the strength he needed. After months of mental torment from a failing relationship, one fateful night resulted in Namjoon packing what little he could carry, leaving behind everything he could live without. Upon storming out of the apartment and exiting the building, it was the vision of Jin’s proud smile that allowed him to ignore his ex’s shouts of disbelief and step into the taxi along the curbside. It wasn’t until he sank into the backseat that Namjoon allowed himself to breathe. Pulling out his phone, he stared mindlessly into the light letting his finger do the thinking. There on-screen, laid a year’s worth of pain in the form of five simple words, ‘I did it, I left.’ It was then that Namjoon realized he was the first to know. Without fear or hesitation, he would always be the first .
He was his best friend.
The only person never entitled enough to ridicule his decisions. Always understanding and never quick to judge, Jin was always by his side. Even when Namjoon faced the world alone, he was never truly unescorted. Recalling a time when only six boxes lined the living room wall of his empty condo, Jin was there to help carry the load. While embarking on a new journey, it was he who gave him a place to stay until he was able to find one of his own. Christening the home with laughter and the smell of local takeout, it was here where Namjoon felt solace- comfort in the realization he was the only one to truly show unconditional support. No matter the circumstances, he would always be the only .
He was his heartbreaker.
A love that would always pain him to breathe as it sweetly passed through his lungs; recalling a time where his long-awaited bliss came crashing, falling to the floor around him. As he wrestled advantages and drawbacks in his mind, one true desire floated to the center of it all. But before the courage that followed could find its way to the surface, talks of a 166-mile void haunted Namjoon in the form of Jin’s voice. While an unsteady smile framed his face, Namjoon suffered in the feeling of heartache as the organ in his chest had never beat so clearly for one person’s smile in his life. It was at this moment he appointed him his love. No matter the outcome, he would always be his love .
He would always be his everything - and here he was.
Leaning against his condo door, with eyes tinted red- compliments of the wine lingering from an hour before. With his skin softly tanned- contrasting the dark rain stained clothes, Jin smiled with excitement. Namjoon laughed at the strange sense of humor the world had. It wasn’t until now, face to face with his daydreams, was he able to inhale.
The two wiped their feet on the welcome mat as they stepped through the door. Fearing the dark and unfamiliar space, Jin shuffled back toward the door. It wasn’t until he felt the wool of Namjoon’s coat scrape his fingertips, did he realize he had gripped onto his arm. Namjoon lowered his head as his smile widened. Blushing in the dark, he shook his head, quickly shaking off the embarrassment. Losing comfort for a brief moment, Jin stood still as Namjoon left his side, the wool once again scraping his nails. With the sound of a switch pressing against metal soon, the kitchen stove light revealed Namjoon silhouetted in its orange glow.
And to think, Jin had just begun to breathe.
“Make yourself comfortable,” Namjoon said.
Leaving his jacket on a hook near the door, Jin felt his nerves slip away as he hung them to dry. He slipped off his shoes, lining them against the coarse mat with his toes, eventually making his way out of the kitchen and onto the living room carpet. Sitting in front of him was a couch, facing the wall to his left; and a small glass coffee table- housing a cooking magazine and a set of coasters- separated the two. Lining the left wall itself was a shelving unit only waist-high, allowing a tv, a few picture frames, and other small electronics to rest. Centered behind the couch sat a thin wooden console table, originally added to occupy the space accidentally provided more storage. In front of the console table, lining the wall to his right, housed a small office space, a place where Namjoon spent most of his downtime making music and working on his days away from the office. A modern office chair tucked perfectly underneath a glass table topped desk guarded with metal filing cabinets, plants, and a small trash can. Finally, behind it all, was the city. A prime view of Seoul on display hidden behind closed blinds.
“Oh wow, this place looks completely different.”
Jin wandered, eyes growing wider as his head turned. Suddenly he stopped. Placing his excitement on hold as he bent down pointing at a small picture frame next to the TV. Covering his mouth in embarrassment, Jin’s ears grew red.
“Oh no! Why is this out here in the open; this needs to be hidden?!”
Panicking at the tone of Jin’s voice, Namjoon shuffled past the coffee table, huddling by his side. Picking up the small framed photo, he stared at the picture of two young boys nestled together. A younger version of himself stood on the right of the photo, barely managing his lanky limbs hidden behind an overgrown bowl cut; and standing to his left was a slightly older Jin, face framed by coke bottle glasses and newly discovered acne.
A smile crawled across his face.
Placing the frame down gently, Namjoon spoke with a soft assurance.
“I like this picture.”
“Of course you do,” said Jin as he rolled his eyes with a smirk.
Finding curiosity in the blinds that unevenly covered the window, Jin pulled on a small thin chain that hung along their edge. As he activated the pulley, the long panels separated from the center, revealing a blue-lit city as rain morphed the view.
“Ahhhhh,” he gasped standing motionless. “If I had a view like this, I would never close these blinds.”
Namjoon chuckled, now leaning back into the couch cushions as he watched him.
Stepping back, Jin inched his way to the couch plopping down in front of Namjoon never once taking his eyes off the window. He watched on as the raindrops decorated the glass in abstract brushes.
“This has to be one of the best views in Seoul… Even when it rains, it’s still beautiful.”
Lit only by the orange hue of the kitchen light, the cityscape provided very little brightness for the room. Though only casting a pale tint, no light was needed. Fitting like the final piece of the puzzle, the atmosphere was flawless; nothing needed to be said. Silence lingered between the two.
“You don’t have a view like this?” asked Namjoon poking through the peace.
Jin turned to his left, raising an eyebrow in comical confusion.
“You’ve seen my apartment. A one-bedroom no bigger than the size of your kitchen, and you think that broom closet is going to have a view?”
Namjoon chuckled at the comparison.
Jin continued as he huffed in annoyance, “The closest thing to a view is an alleyway about ten feet wide.”
“Well, it is rent-free… Perks of being a peds surgeon at Chonnam National,” he added nudging Jin playfully.
He felt no shame as the bold brag that fell from his lips. He rested further into the cushions- his nervousness existing no longer.
Jin too sunk into the cushions but for a different reason. He sighed.
“Former peds surgeon,” he quietly corrected.
With a shot to the heart, Namjoon sat up with a start. Eyes wide and mouth slightly gaped, he leaned forward bracing himself on his knees.
“You quit pediatrics?!”
“No,” inserted Jin, calm and relaxed as ever. “-Just Chonnam. I already put in my two months’ notice.”
Though Jin’s words of clarity were designed for comfort, Namjoon still felt uneasy. The words ‘pediatrics’ and ‘Jin’ always fit so perfectly together. From the moment the two met, pediatrics had always been the number one goal for Jin. Which is why when Jin called after passing all of his doctorate exams with flying colors, Namjoon was most elated. Despite being reassured that Jin still intended to pursue his pediatrics career, having Chonnam out of the picture just didn’t seem right. Namjoon almost found it comical- casting it off as a practical joke, but the comedy soon faded to tragedy.
“Where are you transferring to?” he asked.
“Seoul National.”
“Seoul!?”
For a moment he thought he had misheard. For a moment he thought it was a mistake, but when staring a little longer at Jin’s eyes, Namjoon was granted confirmation. Namjoon’s eyes grew wide again. Suddenly, the fear that lingered turned into something different. Namjoon gave in as his heart fluttered him to the skies; he bared down the rosey grin that came with it, choosing the lesser of two evils.
Jin nodded in conformation.
“Yeah, I’ve been looking for an apartment for about 3 months now. I found one 20 minutes away from here about one month into the search, put in my notice a week later after I got the apartment.”
Turning away from Namjoon, Jin continued his gaze out the window. He traced his chin with his finger as he continued, “Now the view’s nothing like this, but it’s still beautiful.”
“So you left for the view?”
Namjoon’s curiosity grew hungrier in the silence lasting longer than expected.
“Come on, what made you leave Chonnam? It was your dream job, especially for pediatrics. You had been applying there for so long.”
“I was homesick I guess,” Jin confessed. “Plus, Chonnam was number eleven on Newsweek last year, Seoul National was number three. I was hired the same day I notified Chonnam, I quit after I found out of course.”
“How long ago did you apply for Seoul National?”
“About four, maybe five months ago,” Jin said with a nod.
“Well, congratulations,” said Namjoon with a smile.
Jin bowed playfully, “Thank-you. Oh! And you’re helping me move in a few weeks, just to let you know.”
Namjoon laughed at his advise.
“It’s only right considering I helped you,” Jin reiterated.
“I only had a few boxes when I first moved here, and you watched most of the time!”
A smack echoed through the room, as Jin’s hand playfully hit Namjoon’s shoulder, “It doesn’t matter, you’re still helping.”
“And it’s not like I’ll have a lot of things, most of the things I have now came with the Chonnam apartment, and with it, they’ll stay. Plus, I won’t be at home most of the time anyway, I’ll either be at the hospital or here enjoying the view from your couch,” he added with a raised brow.
Namjoon chuckled.
The mood of the room became overwhelming, pausing conversation. Succumbing to relaxation, Jin turned to face the window completely. Crossing his ankles over the arm of the couch, he wormed his way to the bottom, lazily resting his head on Namjoon’s lap. Jin tucked his hands into his sleeves as he swaddled himself.
It was now that Namjoon allowed himself a moment of vulnerability. His breath fell calmly, as he stared out of the window. Sounds of the room flooded in; the hum of the heater acted as white noise, while the light rain played in the background. Raindrops slid down the window, swirling and blurring the sky’s paint. It was almost film worthy.
“I still can't believe you had these blinds closed,” stated Jin.
Matching the tone of the room, Namjoon’s voice poured out with a softness, “I never really had a reason to keep them open.”
Puzzled at the mystery that always has and always will be his best friend, Jin turned to face Namjoon. His hair rustled against Namjoon’s thigh as he looked up at the man.
“Do you have a reason yet?” Jin questioned.
Remaining focused on the view, Namjoon answered without thought, “Yeah, you'll be out there.”
Jin's shoulders shook as he chuckled at the comment.
“I've always been out there,” he said gesturing to the window.
Trailing his eyes away from the sky, Namjoon shook his head in disagreement.
“No, you’ve been in Gwangju, but now you’ll be here- out there in Seoul.”
Jin grew silent.
Urged by the voice inside him, he too retracted from the view, only to have his eyes meet Namjoon’s fixated pair. Staring down at him softly, the gaze was all but intrusive. Coupled with honesty, Jin found a new wave of comfort wash over him. It was now he, who lost track of time. There was something so tranquil about the vulnerability in Namjoon’s eyes, he could get lost forever; wanted to get lost forever.
Involuntarily, Jin blinked pulling himself from the void. Soon he met with the realization of how many seconds had passed. Heat spread across his face, leaving a small tint of red in its place. Restlessness kicked in as his fingers found themselves clawing at the lining of his sweater’s hem. Blinking sporadically, Jin’s embarrassment began to show. Sparing him from more shame, Namjoon’s pupils faded away as he returned his gaze to the window. Feeling exposed and in need of reassurance, Jin glanced around in the dark before flowing suit.
Namjoon sighed as he continued, “I don’t really know. I guess Seoul felt empty; almost like it was missing something. After a while, I just stopped looking.”
“I felt the same way about Gwangju,” Jin said as his nerves settled. “I over exceeded my expectations, making it all feel underwhelming I suppose,” he admitted.
Namjoon agreed in a hum.
“Did you figure out what was missing?” Jin asked.
Namjoon looked down in confusion.
“Did you figure it out? You said Seoul was missing something, did you figure out what was missing?”
Namjoon huffed out a deep drag of air. He smirked at his hyung, always concerned and caring for others.
“I did,” he confessed. “I knew what was missing all along, actually. For a while, I avoided it; I tried ignoring the fact it was missing in the first place. But when that didn’t work, when I did find it, I realized some things just don’t want to be found, so I stopped. I stopped waiting and looking altogether.”
The words fell heavy on Jin’s shoulders. Already wrestling with self-inflicted guilt, Jin felt like toppling over at the sweetly crafted innuendos. For months he had been restless, fighting with a decision that weighed on his heart. And an evening of Namjoon’s fragileness added to the pressure, bursting him at the seams. Jin sat up slowly.
Namjoon blinked at the frown that crinkled Jin’s brow.
“Namjoon... I never- I never tried to…” Jin said sighing in between words as they struggled to find their way out.
“Jin,” Namjoon said softly.
“Namjoon, we- we need to talk about this.”
Namjoon’s heart began to race. He let out a quick sigh as he closed his eyes.
He thought he had avoided it. After arriving at the restaurant fifteen minutes too early and finding Jin already waiting at the table for two; after the two-hour dinner and ten-minute walk home in the rain, Namjoon assumed everything was fine. Nothing had come up in conversation; no hesitant smiles or hollow periods of silence followed by scraping forks haunted their reunion. Everything had fallen into place; slipping into grooves so easily as it did before. So why now, after all this time did the glass finally shatter? Stained with cracks, everything crumbled around him. He assumed everything had been forgotten and for the first time tonight, Namjoon felt foolish.
“We’ve been avoiding this all night. We can’t act like- I can’t act like this never happened,” replied Jin.
Namjoon responded with silence.
Jin stammered as he spoke, “I- I don’t want you to think I was running or hiding, because I wasn’t running or hiding from anything, especially not you. I didn’t- I didn’t even know until you came to visit. If- if I had known, I wouldn't have-”
Namjoon interrupted, head tilted to the side with a slight squint in his eyes.
“-left?” he questioned softly.
Jin quickly shook his head in agreeance, “No, I wouldn’t have.”
The mood had shifted.
The once mellow skies morphed into a harsh, tense cloud that grew only in that very room. Yes, yes! Jin’s heart raced as he nodded wildly, swallowing the lump in his throat; Finally some clarity! But no, enough was enough. Namjoon grew exhausted from the games. Thinking he could pick and choose what to keep hidden in the dark when it came to Jin was ignorant. Allowing himself to be open with the truth had only gotten him more bruised. Reopening such old wounds drained him of his pain; only frustration remaine.
Standing from the couch in a rush, his hands swung by his sides, clenching into fists. He glared at Jin, staring up, hopeful and wide-eyed. Growing slightly on edge, Namjoon’s voice rose in pitch as he spoke. He felt guilty even doing so.
“Come on Jin. You’re saying you wouldn’t have left Seoul if I told you how I felt sooner, not even for Chonnam?!”
“No, I wouldn’t,” said Jin trying to lower his own voice with no avail.
Namjoon huffed in a chuckle.
“Namjoon, you would have known that if you didn’t leave Gwangju early,” said Jin continuing with reason. “You left before I could give you an answer.”
“I left early because I didn’t want to ruin the weekend. I shouldn’t have said anything. You were having such a good time showing me around and I ruined it. I shouldn't have even-”
“-Good time?!” Jin questioned.
His voice peaked at a screech. His eyes now vexed and body stiff, Jin stared at Namjoon in hurt and confusion. His heart continued to race.
“Namjoon I was 268 kilometers away from home and miserable. Gwangju was not a good time for me! Namjoon I had no friends, no family, no social life. I worked sixty hours a week and barely got any sleep. I was homesick! I missed Seoul, I missed my family, my friends, I missed you. That weekend you came to visit, I was only excited because you were there!”
And with that fell the guilt. The rant-like memoir bared all of Jin's burdens. Namjoon's face dropped in sorrow. Only a whisper could escape.
“Jin.”
“I didn’t handle it as well as I should have and the Soju didn't help at all, I admit that; but you telling me you loved me, made my day. Hell, it made that year worth living.”
Namjoon stayed quiet, the lump in his throat grew larger by the second.
“Before I could give you a sober answer, the next morning you were already on a train back to Seoul.”
“I didn’t know… I- I just thought I messed up. I wanted to take it back and pretend I never said it. I thought it would make it easier if I just left… I never thought- I never knew you were unhappy,” said Namjoon as his voice cracked.
Jin replied softly, “I guess we both had a rough year.”
Namjoon didn’t know what to say. Now that everything was out in the open, what was there left to say? Nothing; everything. Namjoon could barely think; his mind flickering between blank space and crammed emotion. Feeling tears well in his eyes, he dared not to blink. Turning toward the kitchen he trailed his fingers along the countertop, tapping them as he cleared his throat. He crouched behind the counter, disappearing from view. As he fumbled with the grooves of the small cabinet doors, tears spilled over his lashes. Taking a moment he paused, letting the tears roll down his cheeks. Nodding to himself, he cleared his throat, this time with a little more subtlety. Wiping away the tears with his shirt, Namjoon cleared his vision, opening the cabinet door grabbing a single bottle of wine.
Placing the bottle on the counter, he grabbed two glasses from a nearby rack housing various shot glasses and other ceramic cups. Tapping the faucet’s handle, he rinsed them; their glass clinked under the stream. Not caring to dry them off, he placed the warm glass on the counter filling them with the cool white wine. The bottle’s aluminum top creaked as it spun. As he sloppily filled each glass, the sounds of sniffles broke threw the splashes of the liquor. He ignored them just as Jin had done for him only moments before. Sliding one of the now half-filled glasses across the counter, he raised his own to his lips waiting. Standing in the glow of the kitchen light he waited, watching over its rim.
Jin’s shoulders raised as he sniffed. Eyes wide, he tucked his fingers in his sleeves as he wiped away the tears that capped their water lines. Once again the night sky became clear.
Rubbing his arms out of restlessness, he sighed.
Turning his back on the city, Jin walked toward the counter, careful to keep his head trained on the glass. He glanced up, noticing Namjoon’s stare drop from his position to the contents of his glass. Jin did the same. Slumping down onto his forearms, he raised the glass to his lips. Only after feeling the sting of its scent did he drink.
Namjoon spoke as he swallowed, “I couldn’t tell you to stay.”
Gaging the sound of his voice against the rain, he paused taking another sip.
“Telling you to stay, meant telling you to leave your dream for me. I wanted to… but I couldn’t.”
Tapping his nails on the glass, Jin swirled his wine with the shake of his wrist. Watching the wine wrap into a funnel, he pressed his lips together, raising his eyebrows in amusement.
“Do you remember when we spent the night on the living room floor in my old condo? It was about a month after you came to live with me and it stormed so bad it knocked the power out in the whole building.”
Namjoon chuckled, “You lit so many candles that night, you didn’t realize some of the wax melted down the counter and into-.”
“-Into the carpet, yes! And they never gave me back my deposit either,” interrupted Jin as he pushed off the counter with excitement.
“Yeah, I remember,” smiled Namjoon.
Taking another sip, Jin lowered himself to the counter again.
“Well, while you were scraping the wax out of the carpet, I realized my dream was worthless without you in it. I’ve always wanted to be a doctor- even before I met you, you know that- but having someone there for it all was important too. I didn’t just want to go to work, come home and do it all over again. I wanted someone I could come home to, and you being there made me realize that.”
The two locked eyes. Frozen, inches apart, they stared.
“I had just submitted my application for Chonnam and you had just moved in. I couldn’t tell you I was in love with you and then a few months later leave you, the timing wasn’t right,” said Jin as he shook his head.
“And besides, I definitely couldn’t ask you to move across the country to live with me even if I got hired, you had just started to enjoy Seoul again. You were smiling and laughing. You hadn’t looked that happy in a long time and I wasn’t going to be the reason you stopped; I couldn’t . But yeah… being in Gwangju by myself made me realize I didn’t just want someone to be there… I wanted you.”
Namjoon paused, tracing his finger inside the rim of his glass. Placing the glass down, he slumped further into the counter, fully resting on his forearms. He glanced up at Jin.
“And you figured this out while I was hacking your carpet to pieces?”
Jin laughed. Placing a hand over his mouth, he leaned his head back as his shoulders shook. Elated, to say the least, he almost felt the need to cry. He had not realized how long it had been since he heard Namjoon’s voice. The voice of a man not laced with frustration, secrecy or embarrassment, but filled with his usual hints of sarcastic curiosity.
A smirk appeared on Namjoon’s face.
“I guess I had known for a while, I just...I just didn’t know how to tell you,” Jin responded.
Namjon nodded allowing a few moments of silence.
“So where do we go from here? Do we jump right in, give us a chance or do we even try to begin with?”
“We can try. I mean, we already know how we feel. There’s no harm in that as long as we don’t force anything.”
As Jin put an end to his ramble, he noticed the space between the two had shortened. Namjoon’s face was now inches away; his tone, dark and raspy.
“So let everything happen… naturally?”
Jin could feel his breath on his nose. Searching for Namjoon’s eyes, Jin found them- hiding under their lids, as they set fire to his lips. He felt the urge to lick them, feeling them crack under the heat. His words choked out in a whisper as he swallowed.
“R-right, naturally,” said Jin as he trailed off.
But before he could lift out of the haze, Namjoon’s lips met his, a fire blazing between the two. Mind blanking on contact, Jin’s thoughts reverted to one-word syllables. Lead by a string of, ‘ oh my god’ s and ‘ wow ’s, his synapses began to fire again, flashing like fireworks on the Fourth. Trying to rein in the chaos, Jin focused on the first coherent thought that came to mind; his lips .
Namjoon’s lips were rougher than he had imagined.
In his occasional daydreams, while his best friend went on rants about musicality, Jin had always noted his lips to be quite full and sultry; imagining they would be sweet to the taste, almost fragile. Or perhaps after waking up in the middle of the night, dragging himself into the shower, as his hands continued the fantasy, Jin recalled the dreams of Namjoon’s lips leaving wet delicate kisses on his neck, as they trailed over his collarbone, tracing the center of his stomach.
But this, this was different.
This kiss was far more rigid than his dreams. Filled with a rush of reality, it was electrifying. Hungrily, the two kissed. Starting off quick as they explored, slowing to an agonizing crawl, giving Jin only but a moment to breathe before eventually regaining speed. It was more breathtaking than he could ever imagine. The insides of Jin’s mouth were painted with a mixture of wine and saliva. His lips now tender and raw, Jin whimpered in between gasps. Reaching for Jin’s face, Namjoon trailed his fingers over his jaw. Cupping his cheek, he caressed him, holding him closer. Feeling the effects of the evening’s wine, Namjoon buzzed with warmth. Jin’s breath hitched as Namjoon moaned.
Wow, Jin thought as his eyes rolled under closed lids. He had imagined that too.
Letting his mind ponder at the sounds Namjoon would let slip from his throat if he were to have just one night to let his hands explore like his wandering eyes.
Jin’s head began to swim. He could feel the fire travel from his lips to his core, tickling his spine on the way down. Blood thumped against his eardrums, mimicking the steady pulse within his jeans. Jin scolded himself mentally, now was not the time to fantasize. There was no point, no need for imagination; this was real.
This… could be real.
Jin marveled at the idea. This could be his routine- his morning, noon and night. He could finally have that ‘someone’ he had been looking for. That ‘someone’ to crawl into bed with after 24-hour shifts, or that ‘someone’ to lay on the floor with spending hours scraping wax out of carpet on long stormy nights. He could finally have that ‘someone’ he had been missing for over a year.
Namjoon could be that one.
It could finally be reality; his reality. A reality he so desperately longed for.
Bringing their tango of tongues to an end, Namjoon’s kiss grew gentler by the second, easing himself down from a high he had not realized he was on. Opening his eyes, Namjoon held Jin’s gaze. His hooded eyes were a faded pink and parted lips slightly swollen. Soon the humid fog in the air disappeared. Namjoon’s cheeks flushed as his dimpled smile widened.
He dropped his head, “I’m sorry, that was definitely the opposite of not forcing it.”
Jin smiled as he withdrew from Namjoon’s touch. Letting adrenaline fade from his veins, he raised from the counter breathing fresh air once again. Careful not to stand completely, he too blushed, feeling waves of arousal rock as the storm passed.
He cleared his throat as he mocked Namjoon’s coyness, “Actually, that was far from forced. Almost as natural as you can get.”
Namjoon clenched his eyes shut. Dropping his face in his hands, he laughed.
“Ahhh, babo… Babo, babo. I shouldn't have done that.”
Staring into the distance, he raked his hands through his hair. Dragging them to his cheeks, he patted them softly.
“Why did I do that? Ahhhh, I feel red.”
Leaning back onto the counter, Jin reached for the bottle of wine discarded to the side.
“Maybe it was the wine. Here, have some more,” questioned Jin as he tipped out more liquor into Namjoon’s glass.
Namjoon groaned as he watched his glass be filled to the brim.
“Ahhhhh.”
Raising a brow at the man, Jin quickly refilled his own glass.
“I have nowhere to be tomorrow anyway.”
Walking around the counter, Jin grew closer to Namjoon, almost disregarding the chunk of marble between them. Propping himself on the counter, he swung his feet back and forth, careful not to hit his heels on its base. Taking a sip of the wine, he turned to his right returning his attention to the window.
Namjoon looked on at the man that watched the rain.
Chuckling at Jin’s fascination, Namjoon glanced out the windows into the night sky. Watching the city lights twinkle as rain smeared their shine, his cheeks no longer radiated with embarrassment. A blanket of content wrapped around him. Swaddling him in happiness and fulfillment, Namjoon welcomed the long-lost sensation.
Finally, he understood why Jin found his lack of interest in the view so absurd. From the moment Jin entered his home, he had found everything he needed; everything he had missed all wrapped in one. It wasn’t until now, as Namjoon stared into the cosmic void, that he realized everything had aligned as it should. Colliding like the moon over the sun, Jin cast a shadow on his world whenever he was away. And oh, what a cold and long eclipse it had been.
But now, his warmth had returned. What was once lost, was found; what seemed so far out of reach was now within his grasp. And even the most muted of grays seemed beautiful against the rain.
Glancing at the glass in front of him, Namjoon raised it to his lips, sipping with caution. As he placed the glass down, he walked along the edge of the counter eventually stopping in front of Jin- the older had not noticed. Still distracted by his muse, his stare on the view remained still. Only when he felt the subtle tug of his glass being pried from his hands did Jin turn away. Namjoon gently removed the glass from Jin’s lap placing it next to his own. Resting his hand along the side of Jin’s jeans he stared at the seams, trailing his fingertips across the thread. Gripping at the denim, Namjoon’s palm pressed into Jin’s thigh. Heat radiated across his skin like wildfire. With unspoken permission, Jin spread his knees apart, allowing Namjoon to grow closer. Trailing over Namjoon’s arms, he wrapped his arms around his neck. As his hands hung inches away from his shoulder blades, he marveled at their newly found confidence.
Once again, Jin found himself helpless under their magnetic pull. Leaning in he paused, only inches away from the lips of the other.
With a whisper, he confessed, “I love you too.”
Before the breath from Jin’s lungs had time to cool his dampened lips, Namjoon found himself melting into Jin’s kiss. Jin’s fingers ran through his hair, raking and rummaging his scalp as they shared a more genuine kiss. More delicate and patient in nature, this kiss allowed for more time. More time to explore; more time to feel the warmth of content rather than the fleeting sting of lust.
Rocking its way in between the rhythm of the kiss, Jin’s words echoed in the back of Namjoon’s mind. Carrying him to that day in Gwangju where the sun spent most of its time soaking he and Jin in its rays all afternoon. The day that started off as an adventure through the city eventually turning into a drunken night encouraged by one too many shots. The day that concluded with the confession of Namjoon’s true feelings; his first true ‘I love you’ .
Though months had passed since the once regretful encounter and the unspoken tension had well over been resolved, Namjoon felt the butterflies in his stomach flutter to the surface. Once suppressed and often ignored, Namjoon could disregard his feelings no more. Rather it be more than a year ago, lying on the floor under a blanket of thunder, or now, resting on cold marble wrapped within his touch, knowing that Jin felt the same way made Namjoon feel complete. Pulling away from the kiss Namjoon rested his head against Jin’s. Lightly, he nuzzled his nose against the other as he caught his breath. Careful not to grow too far apart for fear if they did he wouldn’t be able to breathe without him.
Here Namjoon remained, calmly reveling in a moment he had waited so long for. But in that moment, the wait itself no longer seemed to matter.
At that moment, the only thing he cared for, was him and his love; a love introduced and encouraged by rain and a view from a ten-story window.
At that moment, the only thing that mattered was the view and the rain itself; and oh how he hoped it would rain forever.