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Sometimes Kanae feels there is an unbearable gulf between her and Akio. He smiles and kisses her and they talk about their day, and usually that's enough, but now and again she can feel nothing, nothing at all from him except a sense of all the space between them. Or maybe not even that; he talks about the stars and she talks about her classes and it feels like they're only talking to themselves, alone in an empty room.
That's marriage for you, she supposes.
She's quite happy to be engaged to Akio-san. They get along well both in public and in private, which is really all you can ask of a marriage. It's just that . . . well. His sister.
When Kanae was a little girl, she always wanted a sister -- it's a little embarrassing now, because her parents clearly never had time for a second child, but she was always asking Mother for a little sister, or asking other girls if they wanted to stay with her and be a family. She's grown out of that sort of thing, of course, but still . . . a girl who wanted to spend time with just her. That would be nice.
What she actually got is Anthy, a girl who would rather politely set herself on fire than spend any time alone with Kanae.
--
It was some months ago, now. Her father, already ill, had taken to sending her as messenger to the student government when such communication was necessary. Most of these trips were uneventful, as she quite frankly does not like either playing messenger or the members of the student council, who are altogether too high-handed for people who spend their off time sneaking out to the forest behind the school to do who knows what. But this time -- this time was different.
What she remembers is this:
Golden sunlight, unexpectedly warm on a chill spring day, falling on her hands through the elevator bars. Two of the student council members playing cards off to one side as she steps out onto the rooftop. And, some meters in front of her, vice-president Saionji Kyouichi with an arm around a girl who was smiling like she'd rather be anywhere than here.
Her hair was curled and pinned very tightly, and her glasses pushed all the way up her nose as if to hide her eyes in the glare. For a moment Kanae couldn't move, watching her laugh politely at some bad joke of his, and then in that sunlit moment she glanced up at Kanae, and---
Well, in the end nothing came of it.
--
"What's your sister like, when I'm not here?" she asks Akio idly. It's late, and she wants to go home and sleep in her own bed and not have to decide between sex and rest, but there is no easy way to convey this and even if there was she's too tired to think of it.
"Not much different." He stares up at the false stars like they hold the answers to the universe, not looking at her even though they're touching.
Suddenly she is irritated, with him and Anthy and everything. "Good evening, Akio-san. I'm going home for the night," she says, and leaves without another word. It's strange; usually they get along just fine, so long as Anthy's not there. It seems even mentioning her brings trouble.
That girl and her hateful smile and her cold eyes. If she weren't here, then everything---
Kanae thinks again of that warm sunlit day, their not-meeting. At the time, she'd hoped.... well, for something.
Whatever that hope was, it's gone now.