Chapter Text
19th July, Sunday: 15h39
Cris’ mother, almost laughing, is the first to break the silence that is filling the room and getting more and more heavy. “Cristina, our house is 20 minutes away from your university, on foot, and you really want to cook, do your laundry, and make your bed, all by yourself?”.
“And who will pay the apartment, huh? I suppose you won’t. We are already paying your studies, and you want us to pay a rent every month too? Hija, you’re asking a lot, we never gave that much to your brothers.” confirms Cris’ father, getting impatient. Cris is going to retort something mean and clearly unhelpful in this situation, but…
“I will.” says Joana, hesitant. All the parents are now looking at her, their eyes wide open.
“Joana, you know tha…” starts her mother.
“No mom.” interrupts her daughter, she turns to her girlfriend’s parents and takes a deep breath. “I wasn’t accepted in my art school.” She pauses a second. Cris lowers her head, even if it’s been a month, she feels that Joana could collapse anytime whenever she talks about it; she worked so hard to integrate this school… “So, I decided to find a job, and now I do have one. The bookshop owner will pay me enough to pay more than half the rent.”
“But girls… Why do you want to leave the house…? I mean, you will still see each other a lot, and, believe me, everything would be easier if you continued to live at home.” says softly Joana’s father.
“Yes, and Cris, we always told you that you are welcome in our house whenever you want.” continues his wife, smiling at the two girls.
“Easier? What do you mean by easier?” bitterly asks Joana.
“Joana, you perfectly know why.” answers her father.
“No, just say it. Oh no, let me see. I’m not capable of being on my own because I’m just a crazy weirdo, huh? Seriously, how do you want me to progress with my illness if no one trusts me?”
“You know I didn’t mean that, but anyway, I don’t think Mr. Flores would agree with this idea.” he replies sternly.
“Talking about him, it’s weird but, he told me the exact opposite during our last conversation. Papa, I know you worry about me, but I’m 19 now, I can handle myself. I’ve never been better since my diagnosis. I take my meds and I go to therapy; I’m doing everything right.”
“But are you doing it to convince us to let you go, or for yourself?” he asks, emphasizing every word.
“I passed the stage of trying to please you at any cost to get what I want.” she calmly responds, but at the same time with determination, staring at her father. Something in his gaze is giving in. “Since I met Cris, I understood that I’m responsible for myself, that illness is no excuse to hurt people, or my person. So yes, I do it to protect myself, and the people I love. I’m an adult now, I just want to live a normal life, I want to try to be on my own and not to be assisted and powerless all my life. Do you understand me…?” She keeps her usual serene tone during all her explanation. I want you to trust me…
Joana’s parents don’t know what to say, but their gazes speak for them, they give in, even if her mother’s eyes are full of concern. Cris looks at Joana with a proud smile. You managed it perfectly, Sapito.
“Well, young girl, you may be ready to live on your own, but that doesn’t mean that we’ll let Cris do the same.” declares Cris’ mother. Her daughter’s smile instantly fades.
“¿Qué? I don’t understand why! If cooking or washing my clothes is the prob…”
“Enough Cristina!” shouts her mother. “We already gave you our answer. You won’t leave the house. You don’t realize what it’s like to step into adulthood.”
“Well, if I don’t try, obviously I’ll never know!” bursts out Cris, leaving the house by slamming the door.
Joana lowers her head. Fuck… “Go follow her. We’ll handle them.” whispers her mother in her ear with a hand on her shoulder and a supportive smile. Trust me, says her gaze. Joana nods and complies.
--
After four infinite floors, she finally reaches the rooftop. She sees her girlfriend quickly hide her tobacco. “Idiota, you scared me.” lets out Cris, turning her head. Is she… crying…?
Joana slowly approaches her girlfriend who is trying to roll her cigarette even if her hands are shaking. “Cris…” she sighs softly. Joana tenderly grabs her arm and puts a hand on Cris’ cheek, so she can face her. Her girlfriend’s fake smile slowly disappears to give way to tears, slowly running down her red cheeks. She collapses in Joana’s arms.
“Why…? Why can’t they give me some freedom…? Why can’t she trust me for once? I just want to live with you… Is it too hard to understand…?” sobs Cris in her girlfriend’s neck.
Joana feels a huge jolt in her stomach. She hates seeing Cris like that, so vulnerable. She hates being unable to do anything for her girlfriend, being powerless, being useless. “We’ll find a way, I promise.” she murmurs, hugging Cris as tight as she can.
--
8th August, Saturday: 18h56
The girls return from their usual walk in their favorite spots in the city; Joana loves it so much. She is happy that she and Cris aren't leaving Madrid, she feels safe here; knowing each corner of the city is quite comforting.
“Cris, is that you?” asks her mother in the kitchen.
“Sí Mamá, Joana’s here too.” Cris’ mother rushes into the entrance.
“Hola hija! How are you?” she fondly asks to Joana with a kiss on each cheek. Cris frowns, a little confused. What’s wrong with her?
“Fine, and you Isabel?” answers Joana with her usual polite and confident smile. What a perfect daughter-in-law she is; Cris smiles.
“Cristina, did Dani tell you when he would come back?”
“Why would he to…”
“Can you call him to ask him?”
“But Mamá, you can ca…”
“Please.” interrupts Isabel, with a smile meaning “do what you’re told to do”. Cris sighs and goes to call her brother in the other room. Joana feels that something is unusual, Isabel turns to her. “Cristina told me you got your driver’s license, congratulations! Are you looking for a car?” she asks, leading the raven-haired girl to the kitchen.
Joana is surprised by Isabel’s enthusiasm. “Thank you! Hmm… I wanted first to fix my father’s old motorbike and take the family car once in a while, but my mother said it would be easier if I had my own car. So yeah, we’re looking for something modest.” she answers with a smile, and a little proud of herself.
“Camila is right, even if a car in Madrid is sometimes useless, it’s always easier! And have you found your apartment?” she quickly asks, giving Joana a glass of water.
Oh… This is where all this smokescreen leads… “Yeah, I found a calm area near my job, and there’s an apartment I like there. We’re going to visit it with my parents next week.” Should I give it a shot? Yes, you’ve nothing to lose. “I asked Cris if she wanted to visit it with us, is that okay with you?” asks Joana, trying to sound confident even if she is freaking out internally.
“How about we come with you, huh?” asks Isabel, still turning her back on Joana. Well, it was unexpected. Joana is completely dazed by this question. Cris’ mother turns around because of her silence. “Don’t think I changed my mind. It’s just that Cristina has been pouting lately and I see that she is trying her best to show me that she’s independent; so maybe we could make an effort.” she admits. Joana can’t help but smile at that. Isabel notices and sighs. “Look… I don’t want to be at war with you two… Maybe it took me a while to accept the fact that my baby girl has a girlfriend, but it’s really not about that, even if that’s what Cris thinks. No… it’s just that I think she isn’t ready, at all.” Joana is touched by her frankness but at the same time, she wants to defend her girlfriend, but Isabel gestures to stop her. “Joana… you seem responsible and everything, but Cristina… she still is a little girl sometimes. All the time she goes like : “I’m ready to face everything, I won’t drink, I will study because I found what I like, I won’t be alone with Joana, I’m not a child anymore!”; but truth is that right now she is motivated, but what about in 3 months ? When she realizes that everything isn’t so simple, what will happen? What if you break up? I mean, you’re so young… nothing’s sure, you know…” she sighs, rubbing her eyes.
Joana doesn’t know what to answer. She knows that Isabel is half right, sometimes Cris is messy and childish, but she deserves some trust… “You know… One day Cris told me that sometimes it’s better to take things little by little, minute by minute; so maybe we could give it a shot, and if it doesn’t work, it’s okay, we won’t regret it because we did our best to make things right. I know sometimes Cris is a little irresponsible, but does that mean we can’t trust her for nothing…?” says hesitantly the raven-haired girl.
Isabel’s gaze is full of doubts, but she answers with a small smile “We’ll see next week.”
Cris suddenly enters the kitchen. “Dani will be back for dinner, he said he told you yesterday on the phone mom.”
Isabel sighs at her daughter’s casualness. “Well, I must have forgotten. You know Cristina, I have a lot to think about.” She and Joana look at each other, as if they both know it’s better to keep it secret for now.
--
8th September, Tuesday: 10h24
Joana is trying to park her car full of boxes and furniture in the little parking spot in front of her apartment, well, their apartment. She gets out of the car and goes to open the front door for Cris, Isabel and her mother.
“Well done Sapito, I really thought you were going to hit our poor neighbor’s car.” teases Cris.
“Shut up, you don’t even know how to turn on the indicators.” laughs Joana, gently pushing Cris with her shoulder.
“Fair point.”
Here they are, at the bottom of the stairs. “So… five floors with no elevator, huh? It’s gonna be fun.” declares Camila, laughing.
“Yep.” replies her daughter, full of confidence.
“Just our luck that the elevator broke down this week!” sighs Cris, already tired.
“And that we have no men to help us.” continues Isabel.
Yeah… They were supposed to move in last Saturday with their fathers and even Dani, but after two weeks in Argentina, listening to the talks of her racist/sexist/homophobic relatives; spending endless nights of insomnia; and barely talking to Cris because of time difference, was too much for Joana, too much… She spent last week in hospital, trying a new treatment that barely works. How to perfectly start a new chapter of your life, by Joana Bianchi Acosta. “Sorry…” she whispers, lowering her head.
She feels Cris’ hand in hers. “Well then, if we want to test the Italian restaurant across the street, we should hurry and start now.” she softly says with a grin.
--
“Joder!”
“What’s wrong, querida?” softly asks Joana with a little laugh, putting on the table the box she is holding to approach Cris, who’s struggling to assemble a bookshelf.
“Nothing. Don’t worry. I’m doing great.” curtly answers her girlfriend. Cris is holding two shelves together with a hand and with the other one, she is trying to assemble them with a screwdriver. Joana sits next to her and slowly takes the two pieces of wood.
“How about you do it like that, huh?” she gently states.
“Well, I was going to do it before you arrived.”
“Of course, you were.”
Their gaze meet; Joana tenderly smiles at her girlfriend’s angry stare. Cris sighs loudly. “Sorry…” she murmurs, avoiding Joana’s look.
“None taken.” declares the raven-haired girl, kissing her forehead while standing up.
Cris looks at the huge box Joana just brought. Books. “Wait, is this box full of your books?”.
“Yeah, why? There’s another one in the car.” confirms her girlfriend, confused.
Cris stares at the pieces of wood she is holding. “Babe, it’s never going to fit in.”
Joana laughs at her girlfriend’s concern. “Sapito, I’m joking.” Cris rolls her eyes and responds with an annoyed gaze. “I took this bookshelf because I had the same in my room. Don’t worry, it’s the perfect size.”
“But, why did you take all your books here? I mean, you will still go to your parent’s house and there must be lots of books you love at your work, no?” asks Cris, a bit confused.
Joana’s smile immediately fades. “Is that bothering you…?” she asks. Fuck… Congrats Cris, now she is anxious… After more than a year of relationship, she is used to detect how Joana feels just by the tone of her voice.
“Of course not!” quickly answers Cris, standing up to approach her girlfriend. “I just want to understand you. You know, you still surprise me every day.” she tenderly admits with her usual bright and comforting smile.
Joana’s gaze eases a little, but Cris can feel that her girlfriend is still tense. “It’s just that I feel kind of… safe with all these books around me. In each of them there’s a passage, a character, a story that makes me… feel things. So… when I’m… you know… empty, or… Anyway. They kind of soothe me and I don’t know how to explain it… but… it’s like… yeah, it’s like a good song you want to hear over and over; I like to reread books and feel again everything I felt when I first read it. They all have a special meaning for me.” Joana opens the box and takes out a burgundy book with white writings on the cover. “Especially this one.” she affirms, while opening it and smiling at the golden words written on the first page, which are always making her heart skip a beat. Te quiero.
Cris says nothing, in fact, she’s enjoying Joana’s peaceful smile. She tenderly grabs her girlfriend’s hands; it makes Joana look up. She meets Cris’ intense gaze. Time itself freezes for an instant. A warm and soft atmosphere fills the room around them. No sound, nothing. Just the two of them. Cris wraps her arms around Joana’s neck and slowly leans closer to press a deep and loving kiss against her girlfriend’s lips.
This kiss makes them feel a huge heat in their chest, so warm, so comfy, so… intense. It’s like being back a year ago, where it all started, in this pool; the cold water on their skins, enveloping them and making their purple and blond hair dance underwater.
“What a night it was…” whispers Cris, knowing that Joana understands what night she’s talking about.
“Yeah…” she responds with a sigh, that Cris wouldn’t hear if they hadn’t their foreheads against each other. She hasn’t realized it, but Joana is wrapping her in a gentle embrace, their bodies are like melting into each other; they are making one.
Her mind is quiet, usually, it’s running and it never stops, but at the very moment, I feel serene, thanks to her... Joana decides to break the comforting silence of the room. “I can’t believe you’re going to live by my side every day now… I’m so lucky to have you…” she sighs with contentment.
“You show me the book and now you’re making me a declaration of love, I don’t know if it’s romantic or just really corny; but don’t worry, I still like you.” teases Cris, pecking Joana’s lips. It makes her girlfriend snort.
“Oh, because you just like me?” asks Joana, falsely offended. Cris slowly pulls away to face her girlfriend. Her smile is bright, and her blond hair is like… glowing, and enlightening the room. She’s beautiful…
“Te quiero.”
Joana is pulled out of her daydream by her girlfriend’s gentle voice. “Yo también.” she murmurs in a kiss.
“I see you’re already taking your marks!” laughs Camila, interrupting the two girls. Cris pulls away from her girlfriend’s embrace, blushing hard; it makes Joana laugh with her mom. “Well, I guess it’s a great way to start a new life, huh?” she chuckles, giving the couple a tender smile.
The two girls give each other a shy smile, but at the same time, an intense gaze. Yeah… what a perfect way to start living on our own.