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It had been 2 years since Serizawa retreated into the dark confines of his own room. 2 long years he trapped himself in there, for no other reason but himself - his own powers. But about 5 months ago, he got himself help from a few friends he got to know in ways he didn't expect, and it has been 5 months since he left said confines.
All that brings him to this moment: sitting next to his mentor and friend, Shigeo Kageyama, (also called Mob) in a car, getting them to a bustling and overcrowded mall.
"You alright?" he quickly asks Serizawa.
His throat feels like it's clogged and the hands that are clutching his bag are sweaty. Still, he nods.
Serizawa asked Mob to accompany him to the mall - he thought he was ready for the more overwhelming places. And while he's nervous, he still thinks that he's ready.
It's been 5 months after all. He should be back in school by now! But Mob advised him to get back into things at a slower pace - his mother agreed.
But here he finally is, on his way to a mall.
The remaining drive they both stay quiet, which neither of them really mind. When they arrive, Serizawa can't take his eyes off the cars in the parking lot. That - that's many cars. Many, many cars.
He shakes his head. He shouldn't get overwhelmed by cars. They haven't even entered the mall.
Mob takes a bit to park the car - which turns out to take longer than it should - and they both open their doors and step into the parking lot.
A relieved sigh falls from Mob's lips. He only got his license recently, after relentless bullying from his other apprentice, Reigen, but he still tries to avoid driving. So every time he steps into a car, it's both exciting and nerve-wracking, and he's always glad when they arrive safely.
He turns to Serizawa. "Are you ready to go?"
"Mhm," Serizawa nods. He takes a look at the (many, many) cars. Then he looks at Mob.
He nods again.
"Where did you wanna go again?" he asks. Not that he forgot, but maybe it'll calm Serizawa's nerves to be reminded where they are headed.
"The - the video, um, video game store." he looks at the floor.
Mob smiles. "Very well. Stay by my side, I know where to go."
Serizawa stays practically glued next to Mob as they walk through the parking lot - on their way, they see other people head towards the mall, or go back to their cars.
He resists the urge to hold onto Mob's sleeve as they reach the automatic doors, and he swallows down a wave of nausea.
They're in.
Serizawa holds his breath. The mall is, it's - next to them a child is screeching because it didn't get what it wanted, in front of them a couple is arguing loudly and unapologetically, and everywhere, everywhere, everywhere is the continuous sound of loud chatter, that doesn't escape any part of the mall.
It feels like Serizawa's brain is frying - he swallows another wave of nausea.
"Let's go," he says to Mob. His voice is barely above a whisper, and when Shigeo doesn't hear him, he taps his arm to tell him that he's ready to go.
The video game store is on the ground floor, and Serizawa silently sends a prayer to whoever decided to put it there, because standing on an escalator, between lots and lots of people, isn't necessarily ideal.
They enter the store, and the chattering noises from the mall sounds a little quieter, but for some reason, the talking from outside the store, and the louder talking from inside the store is even worse. And if that isn't enough, the store is playing quiet music on their speakers, and the advertisement on the TV has a narrator with too much enthusiasm in their voice.
He tries to take a deep breath, but his eyes begin to tear up at that for no reason other than that he's overwhelmed, so lets it be.
Mob looks down at him, expectantly. He realizes that he asked to be here, so he should probably do something.
He actually wanted to go here, because Reigen recommended a video game, and while he usually bought everything that his mother would have trouble getting online, this time he saw an opportunity to - 'broaden his horizons' - or something.
He steps up to one of the tall shelves that show many games Serizawa saw before - and some he hasn't seen yet. But right now, he's searching for the game that Reigen showed him.
He has no idea where to start. On the internet, it was pretty simple and easy, he'd just type in the game, and there it was. Here, he doesn't know how it's organized. He doesn't know where what is and why it's there. It would probably be smarter to ask an employee for help but - no, no. He shakes his head. He can do this on his own.
He tries to read the titles of the many games, while also trying to ignore all the background noise, the chattering from the mall, the loud conversations in the store, the background music and that damn enthusiastic narrator, all playing over one another and seemingly taking up more and more and more space in Serizawa's brain.
None of the noise makes sense anymore. The conversations and the music seem to melt into each other, creating some sort of cacophony of an orchestra, with the narrator speaking over them as a horrible director. The constant tap tap tap tap of the people walking around becomes an uneven and irregular beat and the many colors of the different video games are starting to blur together.
He realizes that he hasn't moved from the spot he's standing at for a few minutes, but he feels like if he starts moving, his paper-thin resistance against his powers acting out is gonna burst.
He tries letting the noise slip into the background, but the more he focuses on that, the more it seems to steal all the space in Serizawa's brain, taking and taking, so there's nothing left for any other part.
He can't function - he shuts down.
That is, until an employee taps him on the shoulder. "Can I help you?"
Serizawa violently spins around, ripped out of this trance, and he freezes.
She looks at him, confused. Serizawa looks back, eyes wide open.
"I just-" the employee tries again, but is interrupted by one of the spinning racks falling over, no doubt because of Serizawa's powers. She yelps, and quickly walks over there, and Serizawa frantically looks around the store.
Mob is over by the bad action figures, looking at them in intruige. Serizawa basically runs over to him, and this time he does grab his sleeve.
"I wanna get out of here."
Without needing further explanation, Mob leaves the store with him, and power walks towards the nearest exit.
Serizawa doesn't let go of Mob's sleeve until they got through the parking lot, and arrive at their car. They both go in.
Serizawa starts crying. He starts crying because it was just too much, he starts crying because he couldn't even last an hour in there. Mob tactfully looks away, knowing that the boy would only feel worse if he tried to cheer him up somehow.
After all that noise, the silence in the car seems heavenly. Serizawa tries to breathe in that silence, and to feel it from his head to his toes. He stops crying, and he turns to Mob.
"I can't do this, Mob."
He looks at him. "What do you mean?"
"Everything. I can't do it. I can't go to the mall, I can't go to school, I will never be able to go to work," he says it with such a matter-of-fact tone, that Mob is taken aback for a second.
"That's not true. We're working on controlling your powers. This has been your first slip up in weeks, you're making great progress."
"It's - it's not about my stupid powers," he tells him, "it's about me! It's about me being stupid!"
Mob looks at him in surprise, but Serizawa doesn't notice, partly because of Mob's unexpressive face, partly because of Serizawa's bad observational skills.
Serizawa continues, "I can't handle anything! I can't handle crowds, I can't handle noise, I can't handle conversations with strangers - it's got nothing to do with my powers!"
Mob looks down. Serizawa waits for him to answer.
"Serizawa…" he starts. "Serizawa, I'm the same as you."
"Huh?"
Mob looks out of the windshield. "I can't handle bright lights. I can't handle confrontation. I can't handle the sound of strangers laughing, because I always think they're making fun of me. We're the same Serizawa."
"But - but that's not true!" Serizawa can feel the tears well up in his eyes again. "You're, you're working! You have a job! You can go to the mall!"
Mob smiles sadly. "That doesn't mean I like the mall."
"Oh," Serizawa looks down. "Then why'd you agree to go to the mall with me?"
"Because I have something that helps me when I'm at loud places." he takes his bag, and starts searching around in it, and he pulls out a small plastic bag with-
"Earplugs. I'm sorry I don't offer you any, I didn't think you'd need them."
Serizawa looks at the bag. "You were wearing those while we were in there?"
Mob nods. "Yeah. They don't mute out everything, of course, so I could still hear you when you talked, but it made the background noise a little… more bearable." he dangles the bag in front of Serizawa. "Here, for you."
"The whole bag? Don't you need them?"
"No, no, it's alright. I know where to buy them. They're not expensive."
Serizawa hesitates. "Are, are you sure?"
"I insist. I'll tell your mom where she can buy them as well."
Slowly, Serizawa takes the little bag. Something in his stomach turns and turns because Mob thinks he's like him, and Mob lives happily and satisfied. He stares at the plastic bag in fascination - not because he thinks that ear plugs are particularly interesting but because Mob is here for him and Mob can understand him.
Serizawa takes a deep breath, and another one.
This - this won't solve his problems. He still has a lot to work on. But maybe. Maybe this opens a new chapter on his road to happiness. And maybe, that happiness is closer than he thinks.
The light weight is pleasant in his hand. The motor starts, and the car drives back home.