Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was the night before st. lucias day in Nipples, Italy in the passione Gang’s Perfect replica of the Jersey Shore House from MTV’s Jersey Shore that Buccilatty bougt with all her epic mafioso mony and tax credit from having so many foster care children. Evereyone in Italy was Fucking hype becaus of the upcumming most important holy day of the catholic religion but especially Fugo beacsue He spent all night making calzones for his two moms becos he has middle childe syndrome and wanted to gain theoir favor and also get tha best St. LUcia presents (clout) (italian)
“Mamba Mia i sure could go for a glass of Red Wine right now good thing the legal drinking age in Italy is like eleven or twelve pizza pasta put it in a box” Then he fuckt off to the wine store across the street. While he was gone giorno and narancia followed the smell of the strombolis in tha air and floated in2 the Kitcghen like funny loony toone characters.
“Oh boy look at alla dis raviol,i” said Narnancia italianly.
“I sure am lookeing at it also” said giorno also italianly. “This is probably a gift from Our Holy Lady st. lucia for being such bueno boys all year” and then he did the sign of the cross on hims body “TO THE FATHER SON AND HOLY GHOST HERES TO THE GOD WE LOVE THE MOST HES HIP HES COOL HES QUITE THE DUDE SO LET US THANK HIM FOR OUR FOOD. AMEN.” and then they both started eating all the cannolis that fugo did.
“It’s wine o clock” said fugo who came back with a bottle of wine in Each Of his both hands. “Yo fugo check out this fettucini” said norancha who was eating so much of it. “mothrefuckres that was for Our Maadres” said Fugno as he started stabbing the hell out of Giorno. “eyyyyy fuggedaboutit” said Norgio as he breathed his last breath.
“eyyyy mi fratellos whats cookin” said Mista as he walked into tha room like joey from friends and also looked Like Joey From Friends because he is Italian. He was wearing Ed Hardy because it was 2001 and he was Doused in axe body spray because he is heterosexual. Everfyone started clapping ecxpt for Fugo who was stabbing Narancia now. “These Sons of Guns ate all my Mom Pasta,” said funko “whadda hell are we gonna do for themb now to show that we love an Appreciate Them”
”will youse wise guys shut da hell up it is 3 am” yellt Trish from whatever bedroom is tha replica iof Snookis bedroom.
“Women am i right” said mista and they all laughed and hi fived each other and went to bed (boy’s night) (italian) (so no one told you life was gonna be this way)

In tha morning everybody woke Up to the dulce tunes of bossanova acoordian music that plays across the nation in Italy nonstop 24/7. The studio audience that live and breed beneath the floorboards like roaches started clapping becaese Buccialati and Abbacchio walked into the room Where most of the Fights Hapen in Jersey Shore that da boys (and trish) reappropriated as a room to eat Breakfast in and play Whatever the equivalent of fortnite was in 2003 probbally Dance Dance Revolotion
“Buon Giorno Bambinos its us your moms” saisd buccialoto as she crushed one of the clapping audience membters under the heel of her Designer Italian Boots like one would do to an Ant or Other Pervert. “Speaking of giorno haha where is he”. Tha boys and trishe lookt around at each other awkwardly amd wondered If they would have to do Some weekend at bernies fuck shit. “MAMMA MIA is That-a his Corpse?????” yellt Abacho. Manrencha and Fujo sighed and pickt up giornos lifeless body like a horrible muppet so they wouldn not be Grounded.
“No dont even try to do weekend at bernies Thius is the best fuckign st. lucia gift an Woman could ask for” said abbanchio as She strentched her long wormlike limbs around all of her Children parentally. “I mean this is kinda fuckt up but like My italian flag colored Funny Tshirt that i have on underneath my suit Says Happy Wife Happy Life” said booch a lotty as she joined in on the famiglian hug. “Bada bing bada boomb Lets all go to Olive Garden to celebrate” and then they did TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter Text

“Welcome to olive gardern im the waiter and also the cheff” said Tonio to tha boys and mom’s. “Can i start you off with some Our Famous House Salad $7.29 290 cal. Our Famous House Salad served with our signature Italian dressing (served on the side). Would You Like to Add a Beverage? (Optional) Customize (Choose Your Dressing) Nutritional Info Our Famous House Salad Calories (cal)290 Total Fat (g)17 Sodium (mg)1,380 Italian dressing Calories (cal)80 Low-fat Italian dressing Coke Diet Coke Coke Zero Sugar Orange Fanta ITALAIN DRESSINGS Vitamin Water Do you have special food sensitivities, food allergies or needs? Access Allergen Details or contact one of our Guest Relations Representatives at 1-800-331-2729. MORE NUTRITIONAL DETAILS Item is for: Add to Cart ($7.29)”
“Haha I’ll just have your Most italian wine and also seven or eight kids Menus”ssaid bucueility even though none of her kids were 12 Or under but she knew Tinio wouldnt Say Shit because of Her epic mafia connections. “Haha ok! I do Not want-a my knneecaps broken!” said tonio and then he Fuckt off.j “hey mista Youre mom and i habe a surprise for you.” said abba chio. Mista was putting all the endless breadsticks into his shirt to Look Like Boobs “what” he said. Buccilati cleared her throat. “We.”
“Have gotten a commission fromb the sweedswaggon instatotion for assasssassinating this Pervert and we were gona send giorno since tha speedwagon foundation is kinda his thing due to his dad being lovers with speedwaggon (A.N. if youre are confused stream kars becomes josehps knew dad!!!! :D) but since he s unexpectedly gotten Murdere’d You can go instead since youre stand is the most Assassinatable” mista broke out in a cold sweat beacase he was worried thyt bucuulaty Knew about wat he did to JFK.
“amneyways we Arew sending you to The Speedcwagon Community College to kill this guy. You will also be accompanied By 5 or 6 of the finest assassins from the British Branch of Tha Mafia who will also Be your new foster parents in absence of me and abbachio” the n 5 or 6 british and irisjh men walked in to tha olive garden. You might know them as…. One Direction :)
“Ello Mista” said one erection.
“What the fuck and you said you couldnt get Snoop Dogg for my birthday” said Narnia and he stormed out and then came back in because tonio came back with all the Kidz Kalamari that he ordered.
“good bye mista we’ll missta you” said trish withg her fingies crossed behind her back (rude prank) ”can i have all your body spray” said narnia with his fingers uncrossed because he wanted the Smell’s “I will not miss you and i also dont want any of youre shit” said fuggy with his fingers middled.
“haha alright im gong to college and im gonna major in getting pussy” said misra as he walked out and high fived all of onedirection (A.N. he will actually be majoring in Not getting p[usy becase this is a pg13 fanfictione and also hes guido mista)
“Stay safe love you” shouted buucealati and abbachio from the restauranet as they high fived at having One Less Child to interrupt them from watching meryl streep movies and their other Milfly pastimes.
“So who are we killing anyways lol” said mista to Harry Niles Logan David and Hogwarts. They smiled britishly and handed him a phortograpgh of the guy that what they were going to kill.
“no” gasped mista “it cant be…….”
It was…. Narancia AnnaSui?????