Archive of Our Own

“No, that’s alright,” Joe says, looking over at Rami, and everything about Joe right now, his tone, his posture, it tells Rami what the results are. Rami frowns and sinks back into the sofa cushions, biting down on his lip. “Okay, Poppy. Yeah, we’ll talk soon.” Joe turns off his phone and reaches forward, dropping it on the coffee table, then he sits back, looking at Rami. The first thing he says is, “it’s okay."

“Yeah, of course,” Rami says flatly, looking forward, not focusing on anything. “No, it— we knew the odds.” And they did— both the doctor and everything they read online said that the success rate for the first round of IVF was about 50-50 for someone Poppy’s age. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting. If they hadn’t known it already from the family they’d both lost, Rami’s stay in the hospital had really shown them just how quickly one of them could be gone. How neither of them are guaranteed tomorrow (or, based on how quickly Rami’s pneumonia had gotten worse, even the rest of today), and neither one of them are prepared to leave without first getting to be parents, and hold their baby.

“We can try again,” Joe says, and Rami doesn’t reply. “I mean, right? Nobody tries just once. If one of us was a woman, I’m pretty sure we’d be trying again right now.”

“That’s not the same,” Rami says, shaking his head. “It’s Poppy’s choice, and I’m not going to make her go through test after test just so we can have a baby.”

“She’s done it before,” Joe says, “she knows what she signed up for. She volunteered.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s fair, Joe,” Rami says. “We can ask, but if she says no…”

“Then we’ll ask,” Joe says softly, leaning over to give Rami a soft kiss on his neck. “Can we ask at least?”

Rami looks at Joe, and nods, giving him a small smile. “Of course we can. You know how much I want a baby.”

Joe smiles back, and kisses him again. “Do we want to tell Ben and Gwil?” he asks, pulling Rami in close to him.

Rami shrugs. “If we don’t, they’ll figure it out on their own. Eventually. When there’s not a baby here.”

Joe laughs softly. “I don’t know, Gwil doesn’t seem to be the best with numbers, maybe he won’t notice.”

“He’s bad at cribbage,” Rami says, “but I think even he knows how long nine months is.”

“How long do we have to wait?” Joe asks. “Until we try again?”

“They said six weeks,” Rami says, and Joe nods.

“So, February or March,” Joe says. “That’s okay. Noah’s birthday’s in March. So is my dad's.”

Rami smiles faintly. “That’d be alright then,” he says. “That’s assuming it works the next time.”

“Of course it’ll work the next time,” Joe says.

“And assuming Poppy says yes.”

Joe smiles. “We just gotta ask, babe. We’re not going to figure anything out sitting here, not talking to anyone.”

“Can we just wait a bit?” Rami asks softly. “Just a couple days? I just…I don’t want to bother her. And I need some time too."

“Of course,” Joe says softly, and he pats his leg a couple times, waiting for Augie to jump up onto the sofa with them. “We’ll always have Augie,” he says.

Rami smiles. “I know,” he says, reaching out to pet him a couple times. “He’s still the loveliest gift I’ve ever been given.”

“Good,” Joe says softly. “Do you think we should get another one?”

Rami shakes his head. “No, thank you.”

“No?” Joe asks in surprise.

Rami shakes his head again. “No,” he says. “Augie’s meant to be an only child, it’s just his personality.” He reaches out, petting his head again. “And I don’t want to think about after Augie, so…no.” He lets out a breath. “I do want to find one for Ben and Gwil, though,” he says, and Joe nods happily.

“We can do that,” he says, and Rami smiles back, leaning up to give him a kiss. “And it’ll be okay, right?" Joe asks. "You’re okay?”

“I will be,” Rami says. “Are you okay?” He shifts, reaching up to push his fingers through Joe’s hair, playing with it a bit before cupping Joe’s cheek, holding him still so that Joe can’t look away.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Joe says. “I mean, you know I really wanted it to work the first time too.”

“I know,” Rami murmurs. “Of course you did.”

“You know why?”

Rami looks confused. “Because we want a baby?” he asks, unsure.

Joe grins. “Well, yeah,” he says. “And because if it had worked this time, they would have been born in January.” Rami’s brow furrows, and he just shakes his head a bit. “You know,” Joe says, “so Ben could be their birthday twin.”

“Oh god,” Rami mutters, and his hand falls from Joe’s face, and Joe laughs.

“Wouldn’t that have been great?” Joe asks. “They could’ve had a joint birthday party.”

Rami laughs. “That would have been lovely,” he says. He watches Joe for a moment, and then his smile fades a bit, and then he shifts. He pushes himself up, climbing onto Joe’s lap, and pulls him in.

“Hey hey,” Joe says softly, rubbing Rami’s back. “It’s okay. It’s okay. This doesn’t change anything, you know that.”

“I know,” Rami says, voice quiet and small. “I don’t know why I’m so upset.”

“Because we wanted something,” Joe says, “and we tried to get it, and it didn’t work. That’s…but it’ll be okay. We’ll take a couple days to ourselves, you can focus on school, and then we’ll talk to Poppy. Whatever you want. Do you want to call Ben and Gwil? They can come over, amuse us?”

Rami shakes his head. “No,” he says, “I just wanna be with you right now.”

“Okay,” Joe says, and he relaxes back against the sofa, settling his hands on Rami, and takes a deep breath. “I’ll never say no to that.”

They didn’t end up having to tell Ben and Gwil anything; they rightly figured out on their own that no news is bad news, and after giving them some space, they showed up at Rami and Joe’s flat, with a small bouquet of flowers and their sympathies.

Rami and Joe also went out for coffee with Poppy, and asked about a second IVF attempt. She had assumed they were going ahead with it anyway, since she didn’t really think that it would work the first time; it had taken three tries with the previous couple she’d done it for.

So for the next few weeks, Rami dives right into his research project. Joe reluctantly goes to work. And Rami frowns a bit when he sees baby clothes in the shop, but sometimes buys them anyway, and Joe buys parenting books he knows he’s probably years away from actually needing, and then they distract themselves with other things, which is mostly just them deciding that they should help Ben and Gwil with the move to Wales, and make the process go as smoothly as possible. Until the day comes that Poppy goes in for her second embryo transfer.

Joe drops down onto the sofa next to Ben, handing him a couple pieces of paper. “Here,” he says, “did some research at work today.”

“Hmm?” Ben murmurs, looking over. “Does Google Maps count as research?” he asks, turning the pages, tilting his head to read the street names. “Great Darkgate…Gray’s Inn…where’s this?” he asks, looking up at him.

“Aberystwyth,” Joe says, who has taken to just saying the name quickly and hoping that it covers up his inability to correctly pronounce it. “Turns out, not a very big place.”

Ben laughs a bit at that, shaking his head. “No,” he says, “it doesn’t seem like it. Gwil said there aren’t very many people there.”

“Also turns out that pretty much anywhere in the town is within walking distance of the university,” Joe continues, “so hard to go wrong there.”

“Oh, alright,” Ben says, nodding.

“So don’t worry,” Joe says, “Rami will find something really great for you.”

“Oh!” Ben looks up. “Oh, you don’t…I mean, we can find our own flat, I think. Right?”

“Hmm,” Joe frowns, “I don’t know. Rami was really looking forward to helping, you know that, right?”

“Yes,” Ben says, “but he’s— also busy, doing work. And, well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Gwil and I sort of have loads of spare time.”

“Oh, so you’ve started looking?” Joe asks, in a tone that Ben knows means that Joe knows he hasn’t, so Ben just shakes his head. “Alright well, we’ll let Rami have this one, won’t we? I mean, he’s not going to sign the lease for you guys or anything, geez. He’s just, you know, looking at some websites, getting some ideas. That’s cool, right?”

“Yes,” Ben says, “of course.” He waves the papers a bit. “Thank you.”

“And when he finds one,” Joe says, “we’ll all go to A…there together, and you can look at it, and then you can sign the lease.”

Ben nods, looking down at the maps again, seeing that Joe has circled things like Starbucks, and Marks and Spencers, smiling faintly. “You know I could’ve just looked this up on my own,” he says, looking up, and Joe shrugs.

“Yeah, I know. But…you know,” Joe shifts a bit. “It was something to do other than…worry.”

Ben nods, and shifts on the sofa, snuggling a bit closer to Joe. “Thank you,” he says softly. “Did Poppy call you after?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Joe says, lifting his arm up so that Ben can rest against his side. “She said it went fine. I feel kind of weird that we weren’t there, but at the same time, I think it might be weirder if we were there, and I don’t know. I think as nervous as I am now, it’d be even worse if I was actually in the doctor’s office, waiting, like, knowing, they were…putting them in there. Transferring, I guess, the technical term.” He nods slowly. “Besides, Benny, you know I’m not just going to let you out into the big bad world without me, right?”

“Right,” Ben says. He gives Joe a faint smile, a bit of a sad one, and then just looks back at the television.

“You’re excited though too, right?” Joe asks, trying to lighten the mood.

“Sure,” Ben says, “yeah. I like uni, it will be nice to be back. Researching, and writing, all that fun stuff.”

“Oh, sure,” Joe says, a bit sarcastically, “essays, and studying, and homework, and ughhhh yeah, sounds great!”

“I like that sort of thing,” Ben says. “Beats being in an office, dealing with arseholes all day.”

“Well, I agree with you there,” Joe says. He glances towards the kitchen. “Did they tell you what they’re making?”

Ben shakes his head a bit. “No,” he says. “Seems top secret, I guess. I’m sure it’ll be lovely.”

Joe smiles. “They treat us both so well,” he says, and Ben smiles back.

“Hmm, Rami's nice, but I'm not sure about Gwil."

"Oh really?"

"He's alright."

Joe playfully scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Right,” he says, “just alright.”

“He’s tolerable.”

“Oh come on!” Joe says, and Ben starts to laugh loudly.

In the kitchen, Gwil walks away from the counter, and ducks his head out into the hallway for a moment.

“That’s sweet,” Rami says, watching Gwil from where he’s at the counter, slicing beets.

“What?” Gwil asks, walking back next to Rami.

“You’re listening to his laugh,” Rami says, and Gwil smiles, but rolls his eyes a bit.

“I certainly am not,” Gwil says, sounding offended, “I’m not that much of a sap.”

Rami laughs a bit. “You most certainly are,” he says, “but don’t worry, I won’t say a word.”

Gwil sighs and goes back to the pasta maker, something that Joe has owned for awhile but that Gwil has only just started getting the hang of.

“You know,” Rami says, glancing over, “if you like that, Joe and I can get you one as a housewarming gift.”

“Oh,” Gwil says, “I— I don’t know. We don’t need gifts or anything like that.” He smiles at Rami. “You did let me live here, remember, so—”

“Oh, that doesn’t matter,” Rami says. “Really, Gwil, you lived here for, what, four months? That means you think you don’t deserve a present? Well, fine, I’ll give it to Ben, then.”

Gwil laughs at that. “Ben will never use it, I can almost guarantee it.”

Rami smiles. “Well,” he says, “maybe not. So, I guess you’ll just have to. Really. Whatever you and Ben need—”

“I can afford,” Gwil says.

“Ugh, fine,” Rami groans. “Fine. We’ll see.” He lifts up the cutting board, and uses his knife to push the beets into a bowl, and then sighs, leaning against the counter, watching Gwil make the pasta. “Would you do me a favour?” he asks.

“Anything,” Gwil says, not even looking up.

Rami smiles at that. “What if I asked you for something just— just so over the top, inappropriate, you had no choice but to refuse?”

Gwil shrugs. “I’d still do it for you,” he says. He lifts his head up. “Well…there’s a very short list of things that I wouldn’t do for you, Rami.” He looks at him. “But I don’t think you’re about to ask me to do any of them.”

Rami taps his lips, pretending to think, and then he just smiles. “No,” he says, “I’m not. I was just wondering if you could read over what I’ve done so far on my project?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Gwil says. "That's no trouble."

“Thank you,” Rami says. “I’ll print it off for you before you go home. So that’s not on the list of things you won’t do for me?”

Gwil laughs. “No, it’s not.”

“Well, what is?” Rami asks. “I’m sort of interested now.”

“Kill Joe,” Gwil says, “break-up with Ben.” Rami grins. “Go back to work for the IIS.”

“Fair enough,” Rami says. “What about…go back to work anywhere?”

Gwil looks over at him, and Rami gives him a bit of an awkward smile. “I…” Gwil shakes his head a bit.

“I’m just saying,” Rami says, “you’re moving to a new city! Ben will spend most of his time on campus, and you’ll need hobbies. Or something.”

“We’re not staying there, though,” Gwil says. “We’ll probably move back after a year anyway.”

“Okay,” Rami says, “just wondering. How you’re going to spend all your time. When he's away. All day."

“I don’t know yet,” Gwil says quietly.

“Well,” Rami says, “as much as I’m going to miss you, I’ll feel a lot better about letting you leave if you find something to do. Just a— volunteer somewhere or something, I don’t know. Something.”

Gwil sighs. “I’ll look,” he agrees, somewhat reluctantly, and Rami grins, clapping him on the arm a couple times.

“I’ll help!” he says excitedly. “I can do it while I look at flats. I found one today that I really quite liked, and the kitchen had loads of counter space, but it was only a one bedroom.”

“We need two,” Gwil says, not looking up from his work on the pasta.

“I know,” Rami says, “but it’s just— this seems like a very odd town, Gwil. So many flats are like, six bedrooms, seven! That’s— I don’t know.”

“It’s a small university town,” Gwil says, “lots of students living together.”

“Well, maybe you should be looking at houses, then,” Rami says. "Buy something."

“We don’t need a house,” Gwil says, and he finally looks up. “You and Joe don’t even live in a house, and you’re getting ready for a baby. We don’t need a house. I just said, we won’t even be staying longer than a year.”

“Well, you don’t know that for sure,” Rami says. “And you can always live in a house for a year and then sell it, it’s not like you have to worry about losing money. I’m just saying: two bedroom flats seem to be…rare, there. Nice ones, anyway. Either way, you’ll need help decorating.”

Gwil chuckles at that, thinking about how Ben and Joe had taken the two of them out shopping when they’d just moved to Perth. And all Gwil had managed to come back with then was a clock and a set of bookends. And honestly, he hasn’t accumulated that much more. He’s really counting on Ben to make the flat look like someone actually lives there.

“But gosh, it’s cheaper than London, that’s for sure,” Rami says. “God, it’s cheap. I’m half-tempted to move there myself just to save on rent. You know Joe is looking at new flats.”

Gwil frowns, looking up. “Where? For who?”

“For us,” Rami says. “I thought we picked a two-bedroom flat so that we wouldn’t have to move. It was enough space for you to stay with us, and then it’ll be the baby’s room. But now he’s talking about how we need a three-bedroom flat so that you and Ben will have somewhere to sleep if you stay over after the baby’s born.”

“I can sleep on a sofa just fine,” Gwil says, “don’t move on my account.”

“The only thing that I can sort of see him being right about is that there’s no loo down here,” Rami says. “Which does make me sort of…worry a bit.”

“About what?” Gwil asks. “I’ve never heard any complaints from anyone, except Joe, when he doesn’t want to get off his arse.”

“The baby,” Rami says quietly, as if he’s sharing a secret. “When the baby’s old enough to go on their own, they’ll have to go upstairs. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before.”

Gwil makes a quiet noise of amusement. “Erm, because you and Joe weren’t even engaged when you picked this flat, let alone thinking about training children how to have a wee.”

“But do you think we should move?” Rami asks.

“Oh,” Gwil says, “well, I don’t think it’s something you have to worry about for, well…” He looks at Rami, and feels a bit guilty at the look of sadness that briefly flashes over his face. “The baby won’t be walking for awhile, I mean,” he says quickly. “So don’t worry about finding a new flat just yet. I— I really don’t think that’s necessary.” He gives Rami a bit of an awkward smile. “I’m sure it will work this time.”

Rami just nods. “I hope so,” he says. “I know Joe and I could be happy without a baby, I mean— I love him so much already, that…that wouldn’t change if we weren’t parents, but it’s just—”

Gwil smiles. “You don’t have to explain it to me, Rami, I know,” he says. “Well, I suppose I don’t know, but…I’m not offended by you wanting children. You’re going to be a lovely father. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that.”

“Okay,” Rami says quietly. “I— I do, is all.” He sighs a bit. “Do you want help with the pasta?” he asks.

“Do you want to get the cheese?” Gwil asks. “We can start stuffing them.”

“Alright,” Rami says, walking over to the refrigerator. “Gwil,” he says, turning around with the cheese in his hand.

“Yes?” Gwil asks, glancing back at him.

“Thank you for helping me with this,” Rami says. “It’s nice to…have the distraction.”

“Of course,” Gwil says, turning around.

Rami gives him a faint smile. “I just…I just mean, this is all I’ll be able to think about for the next two weeks, and I just—” He shakes his head. “I appreciate it, is all.”

“You’re welcome,” Gwil says. “I’ll be over here every day for the next two weeks if that’s what you want. Though, I would prefer that you go to the library and do research. You didn’t work so hard and come so far to not—”

“I know,” Rami says, and he lets out a shaky breath. “I’ll try. It’s hard, but I’ll try.”

“Okay,” Gwil says, and Rami sighs, walking back over to him, setting the cheese down on the counter.

“Besides,” Rami says, “if nothing else, at least I can find you your flat.”

Gwil grins at that. “Alright,” he says, “I trust you will.”

Joe ducks his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth. Rami’s curled up in their bed, his laptop open in front of him, eyes clearly tired. Joe walks back towards the sink and spits out his toothpaste, rinsing off his toothbrush, and then he flicks off the light and walks back out into the bedroom. “What are we looking at?” he asks, bouncing a bit on the bed, leaning over.

“Flats,” Rami says, and Joe grins.

“I mean, I know that we’ve told them you’ll find them one,” Joe says, lifting his legs up so that he can awkwardly pull the blankets up without having to stand back up, “but you don’t actually have to, you know that, right? It was kind of a joke.”

“I know,” Rami says, glancing up at Joe. “But it makes me feel included.”

Joe frowns a bit. “You— you feel left out?” he asks.

“No, I— not really, no,” Rami says, and he sighs. “I just…well, maybe. I don’t know.”

“Did Ben and Gwil say something?” Joe asks.

Rami shakes his head. “No, it’s just…” He bites his lip, and sighs a bit, looking at Joe. “It distracts me.”

“Right,” Joe says softly. He sighs, frowning a bit. “I don’t want this to be the only thing we think about for the next two weeks, but I’m kind of worried it’s going to be.”

“I know,” Rami says. He bites down on the inside of his lip as he thinks. “I know it’s only our second try, and I know that it shouldn’t upset me, but it does. I just— it’s not like I think either of us deserve to be parents, people don’t deserve that, and Mary and Poppy are doing us the biggest favours on the planet, I know that too. And plenty of people want children and never get to have them.”

“But you want one,” Joe says, and Rami just nods. “I know, I…me too. And we will. If IVF doesn’t work, then we look into adoption. I mean, maybe we should have started there.” He looks at Rami. “Are we bad people for not adopting?”

“Oh,” Rami says. “I…I don’t know. Are we?” He frowns, and looks back at the computer. “This is why looking at flats helps. It…I don’t have to think about things like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Joe says. “Is— what about your research project, does that help?”

Rami nods, reaching up, rubbing his hand through his curls, messing them up a bit. “It helps during the day,” he says.

“I’m sorry,” Joe says. “I— we can fly to New York. Steal— which one do you want?” Rami looks at him. “Leah, Matthew, Noah? Who do we want?”

“Joe, stop it,” Rami says, but he smiles despite himself.

Joe grins and leans in, reaching up to tilt Rami’s chin towards him, giving him a kiss. “Made you smile, though,” he says softly.

“Because you’re being foolish,” Rami says, and Joe shrugs.

“If that’s what it takes, that’s okay with me,” Joe says. He shifts a bit, leaning back against his pillows. “Is that a contender?” he asks, gesturing towards the flat up on Rami’s screen.

“It’s alright,” Rami says, “but I don’t like the bathroom.”

Joe smiles, watching Rami navigate to the photo of the bathroom, seeing that it’s just a shower, no bathtub. “Yeah, I don’t like that either.”

Rami exits out of that tab, and goes to the next property he was looking at. “This is a house,” he says, “but Gwil says they don’t want one.”

Joe nods slowly, and then looks at Rami. “Do we want a house?” he asks.

Rami frowns. “No, Joe,” he says. “We don’t need a house.”

“I was looking at one earlier,” Joe says, “but it was a little big.”

“How big is a little big?” Rami asks.

“Uhhhhh,” Joe laughs a bit, and then looks away when Rami looks at him. “Five bedrooms,” he says quietly.

“Five?” Rami echoes loudly. “No! Joe, no. Stop that. I’m not the bloody King of England. Five bedrooms? For who?”

“Well, us,” Joe says, starting to count it out on his hand, “Augie, the baby, Ben, and Gwil.”

Rami frowns. “That’s only four.”

“No, it’s five,” Joe says. “Ben and Gwil get their own rooms.”

“Oh god, Joe,” Rami mutters, and then Joe grins, leaning up to give Rami a kiss on the cheek. “Stop looking at mansions. How much was this castle of yours, anyway?”

“Not much,” Joe says. “You know, ballpark, I think like…five-and-a-half.”

Rami’s eyes widen. “Uh, beg pardon? Five-and-a-half million? No. No!”

“Well, obviously not,” Joe says. “I was just looking! For fun. You know.”

“Well, stop it,” Rami says. He opens the link to another flat, which looks promising, and then he and Joe both make the same noise when they see the inside of it. “Gwil will never fit,” Rami says, and Joe grins.

“Onto the next one, then,” Joe says. “That’s not too bad.”

“No pets, though,” Rami says softly.

Joe nods. “Hey, babe?” he asks, and Rami glances at him. “Do you, I mean…I know you said you’re distracting yourself from the baby, which I totally get you there, trust me. But are you also trying to distract yourself from the fact that our best friends are moving?”

Rami shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. “Sometimes, yes.”

“It’ll only be a year, you know,” Joe says. “I mean, I’d— we could follow them to A— there, but then I’d have to quit or go on leave. We don’t have an office there.”

“I know,” Rami says. “This one’s really nice— ugh, why do they only have a shower?”

“Rami,” Joe says, and he reaches out to close his laptop just a bit, “it’s only a year. As soon as Ben graduates, we’re back together. You know that, right?”

“I don’t, actually,” Rami says. “We don’t know where Ben’s going to be able to find a job. It might not be London. Or— it might— he might not want it to be London. Gwil told me, when he decided to stay, that he didn’t think London is where he’s meant to be forever. They might— who knows where they’ll end up. Cardiff. Birmingham. Bournemouth. God knows where else.”

Joe bites down on the inside of his lip, thinking. “Well,” he says, “I mean…London’s not the only IIS office in the UK.”

“What do you mean?” Rami asks.

“I mean,” Joe shrugs, “we don’t have to stay in London either.”

Rami looks at Joe. “I…wow, well, I really don’t know what to say to that,” he says.

“There’s nothing to say,” Joe says. “I mean, we don’t have to worry about it for at least a year, right? By then Ben might have an idea where he’s going. And yes, I would say that Gwil is probably going to follow him.”

Rami smiles faintly. “Of course he is,” he says softly.

“So,” Joe shrugs, “we can follow him too. Or…not. You know. But it’s an option. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Will you stop looking for mansions in London then?” Rami asks. “We’re certainly not moving now if we might— and I said might— be moving in a year-and-a-half.”

Joe grins. “Deal,” he says. He snuggles a bit closer to Rami. “Are you coming to bed soon?” he asks.

Rami nods. “Just a couple more,” he says.

“Okay,” Joe says, agreeing reluctantly. He doesn’t like the idea of Rami staying up late just to try to distract himself. He shifts, blinking a couple times as he looks at the tabs open on Rami’s screen, and then he smiles slowly. “Babe,” he says.

“Hmm?”

“Were you looking at suits?” Joe asks, and Rami immediately slams the laptop closed.

“Time for bed!” he announces, and Joe grins.

“I thought you already had one picked out!” Joe says, throwing his arm over Rami, pulling him down towards him. “What are you looking at? Can I see?”

“Nope,” Rami says, and he reaches over, carefully dropping his laptop on the floor. “You know that.”

“Oh, that’s so exciting though,” Joe says, and he snuggles against Rami’s chest.

“Joe, I need to, the lamp,” Rami says, and Joe lets up enough for Rami to reach over and flick off the light. “Okay,” he says, laying back down, and Joe immediately moves back on top of him.

“Give me a clue,” Joe says.

“No.”

“A hint.”

“Joe, I want it to be a surprise.”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” Joe says, waggling his eyebrows a bit, and Rami rolls his eyes.

“Joe, come on,” Rami says. “I want it to be a surprise! For both of us. Please?”

“I know, I know,” Joe says, and he rolls off of Rami, curling up on his side so that he can keep looking at him. “I’m excited. Less than five months to go.”

“I know,” Rami says. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

Joe nods, and leans in, giving Rami a kiss. “It certainly is,” he says, and he reaches out, resting his arm on Rami’s chest.

Rami smiles at him, and rests his hand on top of Joe’s. “I thought I had one picked out,” he says, looking at Joe. “But I’m not sure now.”

“How come?” Joe asks, and Rami shrugs.

“I don’t know,” he says. “We only get married once. I just want to look my best.”

Joe smiles. “Well,” he says, “if you’re really having a tough time deciding, we can just…vow renewal ceremonies. Every year.”

“No.”

“Every five years.”

Rami doesn’t say anything.

“Every ten? Come on. That’d be great.”

Rami smiles at him. “Maybe someday we’ll think about that, but for right now, let’s just focus on this one wedding, and the one suit I need to buy.”

“Fine,” Joe says, and he snuggles a bit closer to him. “I’ve picked out mine,” he says, and Rami grins at him.

“Yeah?” Rami asks, and Joe nods. “Oh, that’s lovely,” Rami says. “Has Ben seen it?”

Joe shakes his head. “No. Got Gwil’s approval though.”

“I can’t wait,” Rami says softly, and he leans in, pressing a kiss to Joe’s forehead. “You know how lucky I am, don’t you?”

“Are you?” Joe asks, and Rami nods.

“I am.”

“How lucky?”

Rami smiles, and he shifts, rolling onto his side as well, so that he and Joe are facing each other. “Very,” he says. “Luckiest man alive.”

“Hmm, second luckiest.”

Rami laughs a bit. “Call it a draw?”

Joe pretends to think for a moment, and then leans in, giving him a quick kiss. “Sure,” he says, “I guess that’s okay.” He kisses him again, and then settles back. “Goodnight?”

Rami nods, and closes his eyes. “Goodnight,” he says softly.

“Please don’t be sad,” Joe says softly, and Rami makes a quiet noise. “Everything will be okay, I promise.”

“Okay,” Rami breathes out quietly, and Joe smiles, reaching up to push a curl back from Rami’s forehead.

Joe closes his eyes as well, taking a deep breath, inhaling the comforting scent of Rami.

“I’m good to go whenever you are,” Joe says, looking at Ben.

Ben sighs and pushes himself up, walking over to where Gwil’s sat on the sofa with Rami. “I have to leave now,” he says softly, and Gwil grins.

“Oh, you’ll be alright,” Gwil says, looking up at him. “Joe’s not too terrible.”

“Are we sure about that?” Ben asks. He presses a kiss to the top of Gwil’s head and playfully ruffles his hair. “We’ll bring back something delicious,” he says.

“Alright,” Gwil says. “Have fun!”

“Bye babe,” Joe says to Rami. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Rami says, giving him a wave as he and Ben walk towards the door. He shifts a bit, and goes back to his computer, starting to hum softly to himself.

Gwil plays on his phone for a bit, and then he puts it down, leaning forward to grab a book off the coffee table, picking it up. “What’s this?” he asks.

“Hmm?” Rami asks, looking up. “Oh, Joe bought it.”

“It’s a parenting book,” Gwil says, reading the back cover. Rami nods. “Well…forgive me for saying so,” Gwil starts off carefully, since it’s such a delicate subject with Rami and Joe.

“I know,” Rami says, and he swallows hard, “but he really likes reading them.”

“He’ll be prepared, then,” Gwil says, flipping through the book. He looks up, hesitating a bit before he asks, “have we heard anything?”

Rami shakes his head. “No,” he says softly. “It’s really hard to resist asking her to take an at-home test, but Poppy and the doctor said that’s it best to wait.”

Gwil nods. He settles in, starting to read the book in earnest. It’s sort of interesting, in a way. He’s really not sure about this whole…love languages thing that it’s talking about, but he’s certainly not going to fault Joe for caring already. And who knows, maybe it will actually help. Paying more attention to your kids certainly couldn’t hurt; which is different from so many families Gwil knew growing up, where the fathers didn’t seem to care at all. After a few minutes, he looks up when he can tell that Rami’s watching him. “Yes?” he asks.

“Nothing,” Rami says, peering at him over his laptop. “You’re just…you look really interested in that book.”

Gwil shrugs. “It is sort of interesting,” he agrees, looking up. “I don’t know. Just getting ready for my new niece or nephew.” He gives Rami a smile.

“You’re already a brilliant uncle,” Rami says, “you don’t need that book.”

“Well, I just want to be sure,” Gwil says, and Rami smiles. “Whatever horrible American things Joe teaches them, I have to be there to undo.”

Rami laughs at that. “I am a bit worried,” he says, and Gwil grins. “But I mostly think it’ll be alright.”

“I’m sure it will be,” Gwil says, and then he goes back to the book.

“Gwil?” Rami asks hesitantly, and Gwil looks back up. “I…don’t think I’ve ever asked,” he says. “But, I mean, do you think…”

Gwil frowns a bit, honestly unsure of where the question is going.

“Am I going to be good at it?”

Gwil’s frown deepens. “Uh, beg pardon?”

“Well, I— I don’t…they’re certainly not raising children now like we were raised,” Rami says. “And I barely have any experience with them to begin with. What if I—”

“You and Joe are both going to be absolutely wonderful parents,” Gwil says firmly. “Bugger how children were raised, how we were raised. You’re a good, kind person. Think of how supportive you’ve been to Ben, and to me, with all our problems. I mean, you practically raised me when we got back.”

Rami snorts and rolls his eyes, smiling. “I don’t know if I’d say that,” he says.

Gwil shrugs. “Should you be reading this instead then?” he asks, holding the book out to him.

Rami groans a bit. “There’s one upstairs that Joe’s given to me. Trust me, he’s on it.”

“Then the rest you just take day-by-day,” Gwil says.

“I’m just scared,” Rami says. “After everything we have to go through to actually have a child, that…we’ll mess up. Wouldn’t that be awful?”

“It would,” Gwil says, “but I really don’t think it’ll happen. Watching you and Joe with his family, I— I know it’s not the same, but I really can’t imagine…” Gwil trails off a bit, and sighs, shifting on the sofa. “You might not be perfect at all the little things right away, changing nappies, or— well, that’s the big one, I think, for the first bit.” Gwil smiles at Rami. “But it doesn’t really matter if your baby’s got trainers on the wrong feet if you’re there to read to them at night, and listen when they’re sad.”

Rami just smiles at Gwil, tears stinging his eyes. “That’s very sweet,” he says after a few moments, and Gwil smiles back.

“I do know some things,” Gwil says, leaning in towards him. “So you can trust me on that.”

Rami nods, blinking quickly, and then he reaches up to wipe at his eyes. “You know something else we’ve never really talked about.”

“What’s that?”

“If you and Ben are going to have children.”

“Stop.”

“What?” Rami asks, and he eagerly sits up, a big smile on his face as he moves closer to Gwil. “You can tell me. I won’t say anything.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Gwil says. He brings the book back up to his face, and then he sighs when Rami reaches out, pushing it back down. “Rami,” he says. “Not— not everyone wants…what you and Joe want.”

“You mean children,” Rami says.

“Among other things.”

Rami smiles. “You mean marriage.”

Gwil looks at Rami. “I suppose this is where you try and talk me into it.”

“No,” Rami says, shaking his head as he sits back. “First of all, you two don’t even live together yet, so I really don’t think you should be thinking about children.”

“I’m happy with Ben,” Gwil says.

“I know that,” Rami says.

“And I’m happy with how things are now,” Gwil says. “Very happy.”

“Are you excited to live with him?” Rami asks.

Gwil smiles faintly, and then nods. “I am, yes,” he says.

“Really?” Rami asks.

“Of course,” Gwil says, “did you think I’m not?”

“No,” Rami says, “I knew you were, I just…it makes me so happy.” He grins at Gwil, and excitedly taps his feet against Gwil’s thigh. “You know you deserve it, right? That’s why I want you to have such a lovely flat, so you and Ben can have a beautiful place to start your life together.”

Gwil laughs a bit. “While I’m not doubting that, I do also think that you’re just having fun looking for a place to live. And it might be a bit of a distraction for you.” Rami looks at Gwil for a moment, and then nods a couple times. “Speaking of which,” Gwil says, “where are you and Joe moving?”

“We’re not,” Rami says. “Not right now, anyway. But anyway, I’m just really happy for you both. Really.”

“I know that,” Gwil says, “but thank you. We’re happy too.”

“Good,” Rami says, and he settles back down, look back at his laptop.

They’re still quietly sitting there on the sofa awhile later when they both hear the front door unlock, and Joe call out, “hey-a!”

“Hi!” Rami calls out.

There’s a clattering that sounds like Joe and Ben taking their shoes off, and then they walk into the living room. “Uh, hi,” Joe says, sounding confused.

“Hello,” Gwil says, looking up at him. “Hi, love,” he says, glancing past Joe to look at Ben.

“What’s going on here?” Joe asks, putting his hands on his hips. “It seriously looks like you guys are a couple right now,” he says. “Geez, Gwil, just make yourself right at home, why don’t you?”

Ben rolls his and leans over the back of the sofa, giving Gwil a quick kiss. “What’s the book about?” he asks.

“The Five Love Languages of Children,” Gwil says, showing him the cover, then opening the book back up to where he left off. “Someone whose primary love language is gifts tends to care about how a present is wrapped, and he often remembers who gave him what for months or years after the fact.”

Ben smiles at that. “Oh, interesting,” he says, looking over at Joe with a smirk on his face.

“It’s about figuring out which types of attention and affection your child prefers so that they can feel as loved as possible,” Joe says, “so save your judgement, Benny.”

“I’m not judging,” Ben says, “I think it’s brilliant. I just…it’s a bit early, isn’t it?” he asks. He immediately realizes that that might be the wrong thing to say, and he straightens up a bit, quickly trying to take it back. “I mean, the baby’s so young, right. You won’t need something like that for— for years, right?” He bites down on his lip, looking around. “Sorry,” he says finally, “I…”

“It’s alright, Ben,” Rami says, looking over at him, giving him a faint smile. “It is a bit early. Joe’s just eager. Trying to show me up!”

Joe shrugs. “What can I say?” he asks, lifting his foot, nudging at Rami’s arm. “What are we working on? Research or flat search?”

“Both,” Rami says.

“And?” Joe asks.

“Research is fine,” Rami says. “Flat search is frustrating, but I’m not giving up yet.”

“Good,” Joe says, leaning down to give Rami a quick kiss. “Find our boys someplace nice.”

“I will,” Rami says, smiling at Ben and Gwil. “It’s fun to see what sorts of options there are.”

“Don’t have too much fun,” Ben says, “we still have to live there.”

Rami laughs a bit. “Don’t worry, I’m going to find something lovely.”

“Thank you,” Ben says. “Food’s in the dining room, if you want it.”

“Perfect,” Gwil says, and he looks around, trying to find something to use as a bookmark.

“Did you find your mobile?” Rami asks, glancing up at Joe as he lifts his laptop off his lap.

“On my desk, just where I left it,” Joe says, and he and Ben walk ahead, heading back down the hallway.

“I wonder what they got,” Rami says, smiling, and Gwil just shrugs.

“Not sure,” Gwil says, and he and Rami climb off the sofa, following behind Joe and Ben. Ben’s in the dining room, opening the takeaway containers, while Joe’s bringing in dishes and utensils from the kitchen.

“Drinks?” Joe asks.

“I’ll get them,” Rami says, going into the kitchen.

“Let me help,” Gwil says to Ben, looking at him.

“We weren’t sure what was best,” Ben says, opening another container, “so we just got all sorts.” He looks up at Gwil, giving him a quick smile. “Your favourites too, don’t worry.”

“Thank you, love,” Gwil says. “And how was it being back at the IIS?” he asks.

“Huh?” Ben asks. “Oh, fine.”

“Ben didn’t actually go in the building,” Joe says, walking back into the dining room, pulling out one of the chairs. “He hovered awkwardly outside avoiding eye contact with everybody.”

“It’s just nice out,” Ben shrugs, “why spend all my time inside?”

Rami walks back in with four bottles of beer, and sets them down on the table, pulling out the chair beside Ben. “Oh, Chinese,” he says happily, reaching out to grab a plate, picking up one of the containers Ben already opened. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Ben says, and then he sits down as well, reaching out to grab a bottle. He opens it, and takes a long drink before setting it back down, moving his chair a bit closer to the table to reach out and grab a container of noodles.

“So, Gwil,” Joe says, grabbing some chicken balls, “learning anything from that book? Getting any…ideas?”

Rami grins, and Gwil rolls his eyes and then smiles. “Uh, it’s a lovely book, I’m learning lots,” he says. “I don’t know what type of ideas it would be giving me, though,” he says, then he looks at Ben, who’s got a mouth full of food already.

“Hmm, okay,” Joe says. “You know, just—” He smiles and shrugs. “You know.”

“Yes, I think I got the point,” Gwil says. “And I think we’re alright.” He reaches out, resting his hand on Ben’s knee. “Aren’t we, love?” he asks.

Ben swallows hard, nodding. “Yes, Joe, I think so.” He takes another drink. “Maybe I should read that book, though,” Ben says. “Since I’m the worst with children.”

“You were brilliant with Joe’s family,” Rami says. “You just don't have a lot of experience, but that’s alright. Neither do I, really. Not as much as Joe.”

“Ooh, we’ll have to steal a baby,” Joe says, and Rami frowns, looking over at him, “and then we can do like, baby bootcamp for Ben. Show him how to change a diaper.”

“I’m not changing nappies,” Ben says immediately.

“Why not?” Joe asks. “You’re saying if you were babysitting my kid and they needed a diaper change you’d just let them live in their own filth?”

Ben’s eyes widen a bit, and Gwil brings his bottle up to his mouth, trying to cover his smile. “Okay,” Ben says slowly, “if that’s how you’re going to put it, I guess I will change nappies.”

“Thanks, man,” Joe says cheerfully. “See? You’ll be a great uncle.”

“God,” Ben mutters, rubbing at his face. “Also, we’re not stealing a baby, don’t think I’m about to let that one slide.”

Joe grins. “Too bad all the kids are potty-trained, otherwise you could practice on them when they fly in for the wedding.”

“Do you hear what an odd sentence that is?” Ben asks, looking over at Joe. He sighs, and shakes his head. “Did you get anything done on your research project today?” he asks, looking at Rami. “I hope you didn’t spend the whole time looking for our flat.”

“I’m alright, I promise,” Rami says. “I can multitask!”

“Don’t fail out on our account,” Ben says. “I’d never forgive myself. And you,” he says, reaching his foot out, kicking Gwil under the table.

“What did I do?” Gwil asks.

“Let him be,” Ben says, “don’t bother him all day! Let him work.”

“Oh, someone’s jealous, huh?” Joe asks, smirking at Ben. “Gwil spending too much time with Rami, you don’t like it? You know, once you guys live together, you’ll spend so much time together you’ll be sick of him.”

“Are you sick of Rami?” Ben asks.

“No!” Joe says. “Of course not. Never.”

“Then why would I get sick of Gwil?” Ben asks, and Joe grins.

“You guys are so in love,” he says, and starts to laugh a bit.

“Is that a bad thing?” Gwil asks, and Joe shakes his head.

“No, it's super gay, though,” Joe says, and Ben sighs heavily.

“Anyway,” he says, picking up his drink, and Gwil leans over towards him.

“I do love you,” Gwil says, and Ben smiles, putting his bottle down to lean in and give him a quick kiss.

“I love you too,” Ben whispers. Gwil grins, and kisses Ben again, as Joe makes fake gagging noises off to the side. Rami lightly smacks Joe’s arm, and Ben raises his hand, giving Joe the finger.

“We don’t have to go out,” Joe says as he finishes buttoning his shirt, smoothing it down. He looks over at Rami who’s sitting on the bed, putting his watch on.

Rami looks up, frowning. “Why wouldn’t we go out?” he asks. “It’s our anniversary.”

“I know that,” Joe says, “and trust me, I want to go out. I just— you know, we’ve got other things on our mind.”

Rami takes a deep breath, and nods. “I know,” he says. “But I— I’m really looking forward to this.”

“I don’t want our anniversary to just be a distraction,” Joe says. “Like, we can put it off, and wait. Just until after Poppy’s doctor’s appointment.” Rami bites down on his lip, and then watches as Joe sits down next to him on the bed. “What do you say?” Joe asks. “Cancel the reservation, stay in, get some pizza?”

Rami looks at Joe, and then shakes his head. “No,” he says. Joe looks surprised. “No,” Rami says again. “I— the flats are a distraction. Looking for suits is a distraction. My— my fiancé isn’t a distraction.” He smiles at Joe. “It’s our anniversary,” he says softly. “Two years since I kissed you.”

“One year since you proposed,” Joe says, lifting up his hand, and Rami grins.

“Can’t we please go out?” Rami asks. “I promise, I— I won’t be distracted tonight by anything.”

Joe smiles, and leans in, giving Rami a kiss. “Okay,” he says. “If you’re sure.”

“Of course I am!” Rami exclaims. “I love celebrating with you. And this is our last anniversary before we get married and have a new one, so—”

“We can still celebrate both though, can’t we?” Joe asks. “I mean, this is just such a special day, I’d hate to think we’re going to start ignoring it next year.”

Rami smiles and nods eagerly. “Yes please,” he says. “I’d really like that. I don’t want to give this day up either.” He leans in, giving Joe another kiss. “And this time next year we can— well, we’ll…we can celebrate with our baby.” He looks at Joe, eyes seemingly sparkling when he mentions the possibility of their child.

“Ugh, no way,” Joe groans.

“What?”

“No way!” Joe exclaims. “I’m not celebrating my anniversary with my kid. Ben and Gwil can babysit, because you and I are going to go out and eat and drink and fuck,” he says, whispering the last word.

“Ben and Gwil will be in Wales next year,” Rami points out.

Joe shrugs. “We can swing by, drop the kid off.”

Rami laughs a bit. “I— I think Gwil would probably just take the train in.”

“That’s good too,” Joe says. He laughs a bit. “Are you ready to go then?” he asks.

Rami nods. “I think so, yes,” he says. He looks Joe up and down. “You look very handsome this evening,” he says.

“Oh do I?” Joe asks, and Rami nods. “Well, thank you. So do you. As always.”

“Thank you,” Rami says quietly, and he stands up. Then Joe tugs on his hand, and he sits down again. “What?” Rami asks.

“Nothing,” Joe shrugs, “just wanted to kiss you again.” He smiles, and leans in, doing just that.

Rami smiles when he pulls back. “You can kiss me all you want later,” he says, “we have to go or we’ll be late.” He stands up again, and then laughs in surprise when he feels Joe’s hand on his ass. “Okay, Joe,” he says, not even bothering to glance back as he walks towards the bedroom door, “I’m leaving now.”

“Okay, okay,” Joe mutters, pushing himself up, following behind him. He reaches out, taking Rami’s hand, intertwining their fingers together, and he smiles at Rami as they walk downstairs. Rami smiles over at him as well, and Joe squeezes his hand. “Happy anniversary,” he says, and Rami’s smile turns into a grin.

“Happy anniversary,” he says.

Ben makes a quiet noise of interest, looking at the display of chocolate in the window. He does have a bit of a sweet tooth, though he really wasn’t craving anything until he saw the slab of salted caramel chocolate right there. His tongue comes out to wet his lips. “Joe,” he starts, “if I bought that, would you—” He turns, realizing that Joe isn’t standing beside him anymore. He looks around, and then groans, frowning. He taps his finger on the glass a couple times, as if to say I’ll be back for you and then he takes a few steps, trying to figure out where Joe would’ve gone.

And then he realizes that he’s right next to the Waterstones, and of course Joe’s run off to go look at more parenting books. “I swear to god,” Ben mutters to himself as he walks into the store. He shakes his head, looking around at the signs indicating the sections, and he walks towards the back. “Joe,” he says, spotting auburn hair above a display, “you know that’s rude, right? I hate when people just disappear like that.”

“I said I was leaving,” Joe says, looking up.

“I think I would’ve heard that,” Ben says.

“And I think you were too busy drooling at the idea of licking salted caramel chocolate spread off your boyfriend’s chest to hear me.”

Ben blushes and looks away, and Joe laughs. “Shut up,” Ben says. “You don’t need another book.”

“Sure I do,” Joe says. “I’m collecting them.”

“What’s this one about then?” Ben asks. “What sort of…” He looks around the aisle. “Rubbish—”

“Hey!”

“I’m just saying,” Ben says. “I’ve looked at some of these books, not the ones you’ve bought, but other really popular ones, and I just don’t know if I like everything they’re saying.”

Joe looks at Ben, and then slowly smiles. “You’ve been researching parenting books?” he asks.

Ben sighs, and waves his hand around aimlessly. “I mean, I guess so. Yeah. Sort of. I’m not doing anything else, really. Since my best mate is the one finding a flat for me.” He shifts on his feet. “There’s one that says if your baby bites when they’re nursing, you should pull its hair. I know that nursing isn’t a problem you’re going to have, but I just…don’t like that.”

“You think that Rami and I would buy a book like that?” Joe asks. “Never, okay. No. I— come on. This one’s about the weird shit parents do to get their kids to listen to them.” He flips to a random page. “See, this guy’s kid was obsessed with wanting to lick his face, and so he said, you can lick my face but only after you brush your teeth.” He flips to another page. “Oh, this mom plays a game where they eat in the dark so the kid won’t know they’re eating vegetables.” Joe looks up at Ben, grinning. “I’m not going to pull my kid’s hair, Ben. I’m going to trick them. Like a good dad.” After a moment, Ben smiles back. “But I do appreciate your concern,” Joe continues. “Really. I mean it. Your niece or nephew appreciates it too.”

“I still can’t believe you’re going to have a baby,” Ben says, following Joe a few feet further down the aisle. “I mean, I know we’re still waiting for news, but…at some point. You’re going to be a dad.”

“Pretty wild, right?” Joe murmurs, picking up a thick book.

Ben tilts his head, looking at the title. “You’re telling me you need a book to tell you what to name your kid,” he says. “I’m sure the two of you’ve already got a list fifteen names long.”

Joe shrugs, flipping through the pages. “I just like to look,” he says, “see if something jumps out at me. The name’s already decided anyway.”

“Oh?” Ben asks.

“Sure,” Joe says. “Ben.” He looks up, smiling at Ben.

Ben rolls his eyes. “And if it’s a girl?” he asks.

“Ben,” Joe says, flipping through the pages. “I think it’s unisex, don’t you?”

“Not really, no,” Ben says. “Quite sure it’s not, actually. But sure. If you want to have a daughter named Ben, who am I to stop you.”

“See, here,” Joe says, holding up the book. “Benoîte. It says, French feminine form of Benedict. Bam. Ben for short.”

“Put the book down,” Ben says, “you’re not naming your daughter Benoîte.”

Joe looks at Ben. “It sounds a lot better when you say it,” and Ben smiles a bit, rolling his eyes. Joe sighs, putting the book back on the shelf. “Do you need anything while we’re here? Latin textbook?” Ben shakes his head. “Already got one?” Joe asks, and Ben smiles faintly, nodding. “Thought so. So. Benny.” He looks over at him. “Anything to discuss?”

“Don’t know what that would be,” Ben says.

Joe shrugs. “I don’t know. I know me and Rami have been distracted the last little bit, just wanted to make sure my best man is still making out alright.”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Ben says.

“Rami’s looking at new suits,” Joe says.

“What?” Ben asks quickly. “Why? The one he has now is so nice.”

“Describe it to me,” Joe says.

“Bugger off,” Ben says. “Also, please don’t pretend to care about me just so I’ll tell you Rami’s secrets.” He walks over to another shelf, picking up a book.

“I’m not pretending to care,” Joe says. “I just…” He sighs a bit. “Ugh, come on,” he groans, reaching out to grab onto Ben’s arm, “let’s go buy some chocolate.”

“What’s wrong?” Ben asks, looking at him.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Joe says, “I just— I feel guilty, kind of.”

“For what?”

Joe sighs. “I— I mean, you’ve got big things happening too, Benny! And all I can think about is me.”

Ben smiles. “I don’t mind,” he says. “I mean, objectively speaking, I think your bringing another person into the world is a bigger deal than me going back to uni. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Joe asks. “I feel like I’ve been neglecting my best friend duties.”

Ben shakes his head. “Not even a little. I’m enjoying the break.” He smiles faintly. “Actually, I— I don’t know why I said that, I— I should stop joking about that.”

“No, come on, I know you don’t mean it,” Joe says.

Ben shrugs. “I know, but…what with me leaving soon—”

“Three months, but okay,” Joe says.

“It’s just not as funny anymore,” Ben says. He lets out a breath, and then clears his throat. “Yeah, we need chocolate.”

“Yup!” Joe agrees, nodding eagerly, and he leads Ben out of the store.

Rami shifts on the sofa, arms crossed over his chest, watching the television. Joe had stayed home from work today, and is sitting next to him, nervously fidgeting.

“Ben said he wants to see a movie this weekend,” Joe says.

“What does he want to see?” Rami asks.

“Not sure,” Joe says, “I think he mostly just wants to eat popcorn and snuggle with Gwil, but we’re invited.”

“Mm, alright,” Rami says, nodding. “That sounds nice."

“Okay,” Joe says, nodding eagerly. He starts bouncing his feet a bit on the coffee table, and Rami sighs, looking over at him.

“Are you going to do that until she calls?” he asks.

“Yes!” Joe says. “How are you not? Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“I don’t know,” Rami says, shaking his head.

Joe frowns, and he stops fidgeting. “Why, what’s wrong? Did she text you?”

“No, of course not,” Rami says. “I just…” He shrugs. “It’s— I’m not nervous.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think it’s good news,” Rami says. “It’s only our second try, I mean, what are the odds? Not great. I guess it’s just— I’ve accepted it won’t happen, and so I feel…alright. I guess.”

“But it could happen,” Joe says. “I mean, it could’ve happened the first time, it just didn’t. It could happen now.”

Rami shrugs, tightening his arms on his chest, drawing in further on himself. “I don’t know,” he says softly. “Maybe.” He looks at Joe. “I just…I’m sorry, I’m being sad.”

“No, it’s okay,” Joe says, and he leans closer to Rami, pressing a kiss to his cheekbone. “It’s…I mean, it’s stressful. Maybe that’s a better way of dealing with it.”

Rami nods, and closes his eyes, snuggling against Joe. He’s not sure how long they’re sat there together for before he hears the grating sound of Joe’s phone vibrating against the coffee table. Rami opens his eyes, watching Joe pull away from him, leaning forward to look down at the phone.

Joe’s eyes widen. “I— I can’t,” he says, kicking his phone towards Rami on the coffee table.

“What?” Rami asks, looking over at Joe’s phone, and then he looks up at him. “Answer it.”

“No, I can’t,” Joe says, shaking his head.

“Joe!” Rami exclaims, pushing the phone back towards him.

“No!” Joe says. “No, Rami please, I can’t. I answered the last time, I— please.”

Rami looks at Joe, and then he nods, sympathy coming over him, and he reaches out, picking up Joe’s phone. “Hello? Yes, hi Poppy, it’s Rami. Yes, Joe’s here,” he says, and he takes the phone away from his ear, and he hits the speakerphone button.

“Hi, Poppy,” Joe says, leaning forward. “Did your appointment go well?” He reaches out, grabbing onto Rami’s hand.

“Hi Joe,” Poppy says, “and yes, it did, thank you.”

“And how are you?” Rami asks, and then he looks at Joe, who’s got his eyes squeezed shut, and is mouthing to himself over and over, “please say yes, please say yes.”

There’s a beat of silence, that probably only lasts a split second but that feels like an eternity, and Joe squeezes Rami’s hand tightly before Poppy replies, “well, I’m quite chuffed, actually.”

Joe’s eyes shoot open. “You are?” he asks.

“You are?” Rami echoes, and he looks at Joe.

“I am,” Poppy says, and Joe grins, looking at Rami.

“Does that mean…” Joe asks softly, trailing off.

“It does,” Poppy says, and Rami’s hand shoots up to his mouth, covering it as he gasps. “I’m pregnant,” she says, and Joe’s eyes fill with tears and he hunches over, shoulders starting to shake.

“We’re going to have a baby?” Joe asks, and his voice breaks.

“You are!” Poppy exclaims happily, and Rami starts to cry as well.

“We’re going to have a baby,” he says quietly, turning towards Joe, pulling him into a kiss.

“We’re going to have a baby,” Joe says again, and he starts to laugh, and he kisses Rami again. He pulls back, wiping at his face, and then he goes back to the phone. “Poppy, thank you so much.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Poppy says. “It really is. I’m so happy, when they told me, I— I’m really happy for you.”

“Thank you,” Rami says, sniffling, looking at Joe, smiling, and then he cracks up a bit and starts to laugh. “Poppy, I— I don’t know how to thank you. What— oh my god. You’re pregnant.”

“What’s— what do we do now?” Joe asks. “Like, do we…what— ha, I don’t know what to do. You know, right Poppy? You’ve done this before.”

Poppy laughs a bit. “I do, yes, don’t worry. Number three for me.”

“So you’re great!” Joe exclaims, laughing a bit. “We can just leave you to it.”

“Joe, stop it,” Rami says, playfully hitting his arm.

“Well, you could,” Poppy says, laughing again, “and I’ll just see you in March then.”

“March,” Rami says softly, looking at Joe. “Like your father.”

“March,” Joe says. “That’s— you’re due in March?”

“I am,” Poppy says. “Early on. I know it sounds far away, but trust me, it will go by like that.”

“We’re going to have a baby,” Rami says again. “Poppy, I— a baby. Really?”

“Yes!” Poppy exclaims. “Goodness, I wouldn’t lie about this. You really are.”

“Oh my god,” Rami says, and his head falls forward, as he continues to cry.

“Poppy?” Joe asks, looking at Rami, reaching out to rub his back.

“Yes?”

“Can we call you back?” Joe asks. “Or— can we go out to lunch in a couple days? To talk? I think Rami and I just need a minute.”

“Of course!” Poppy replies. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll ring you in a couple days, yeah?”

“Okay,” Joe says. “And thank you, Poppy. Really. We can’t thank you enough.”

“You’re welcome,” Poppy says. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Thank you,” Joe says, “bye.”

“Bye,” Poppy says, and as she ends the phone call, Rami immediately climbs onto Joe’s lap, crying into his shirt.

“Babe, babe,” Joe says, and he rubs Rami’s back, pulling him, holding him close. “We’re going to have a baby.”

Rami pulls back, wiping at his face, nodding eagerly. “She’s pregnant.”

“She’s pregnant,” Joe says. “With our kid.”

“Oh my god,” Rami says, his voice shaking as he pulls Joe back in, burying his face in his neck. “Joe,” he says, voice breaking, clutching at him.

“I’m here,” Joe says, gently shushing him, rubbing his back again.

Rami sniffles, pulling back to wipe at his face before he kisses Joe. “Do you believe it?” he asks softly. “Is it true?”

“I think so,” Joe says, nodding. “I mean, I don’t believe it, but I think it’s true.” Rami kisses Joe again, and again, and Joe sits up straighter, moving his hands down to Rami’s hips, slipping up under the hem of his shirt. “Is this what you want?” he asks against Rami’s mouth, and Rami nods eagerly, pulling back far enough that Joe can pull his shirt off. Joe drops it down to the floor, and then Rami ducks back in to kiss him while pushing his hands up under Joe’s shirt. Joe pulls back, laughing a bit. “We’re going to have a baby.”

Rami nods eagerly, and then he pushes himself off Joe’s lap, sitting down on the floor, tugging Joe down with him.

Joe straddles one of Rami’s thighs as he pulls off his shirt, tossing it off to the side, before leaning down to cup Rami’s face between his hands, kissing him deeply. He pulls back laughing, shaking his head a bit. “We’re going to be parents,” he says.

“We are,” Rami says.

“I…” Joe shakes his head in disbelief. “We’re going to be fathers.”

“Yeah,” Rami says, reaching up to trail his fingers down Joe’s chest, before they hook onto the waistband of his shorts, and he pops the button, smiling. “We need to tell Ben and Gwil,” he says, pulling down the zipper.

“Fuck ‘em,” Joe says, and Rami laughs.

“You could fuck me instead,” he says, shifting under Joe, and Joe leans down.

“Much better idea,” Joe says, and he kisses Rami again. “We can call them later.”

“Let’s stop talking about them now,” Rami says, and he tilts his head up, kissing Joe.

Gwil and Ben walk into the living room, where Joe and Rami are curled up together on the sofa. “Hello!” Gwil says, leaning down to pet Augie, smiling as Augie bumps his head against his hand. “Aren’t you handsome today?” he says, leaning down to pick Augie up, cradling him against his chest.

“Do you have a preference?” Rami asks, and Gwil glances over at him.

“For?”

“A cat, silly,” Rami says, smiling over at him. “Your housewarming gift, remember?”

“Oh,” Gwil says, and he carefully sits down in the chair by the fireplace, giving Augie a kiss. “Well, I’ll just take this one!”

“Over my dead body,” Joe says, and Gwil grins at him.

“I think he means it,” Ben says, sitting down on the arm of the chair, reaching down to pet Augie as well. “And to answer your question, no. At least, I don’t anyway.” He smiles at Gwil. “I just like the idea of having a cat.”

“Me too,” Gwil says. “We’ll happily take any one you give us.”

“Good,” Rami says, and he stretches his legs out over Joe’s lap, smiling up at him. Joe smiles back, and nods a couple times, and then Rami looks back over at Ben and Gwil. “You know,” he starts, “speaking of Augie.”

“Yes?” Gwil asks, gently grasping Augie’s paw in his hand, wiggling it a bit. “What is it?”

Rami grins up at Joe, biting down on his lip, and he wiggles his feet a bit on Joe’s lap.

“He’s going to have a little brother or sister,” Joe says.

“Oh, you’re getting a new cat?” Ben asks, not looking up.

Gwil’s mouth falls open though, and he lets go of Augie’s paw. “Poppy’s pregnant,” he says.

“What?” Ben asks, eyes wide, looking up at them. “What? She is? You are?”

“She is,” Rami says, and he laughs loudly when Ben and Gwil both stumble to push themselves up off the chair. He sits up just as Ben throws himself at him, and he pulls him in, smiling widely.

“Rami, mate,” Ben says, “congratulations.”

Gwil holds his hand out to Joe, and tugs him to his feet when he takes it, pulling him into a hug. “Joe,” he says, and Joe just grins, Gwil’s arms tightening around him to the point that Joe’s up on his tiptoes. “I don’t know what to say.”

“No,” Joe says, smiling and pulling back, “neither do I. I— I’m going to be a dad.”

Gwil grins, and his eyes immediately fill with his tears. “You are,” he says, nodding. “You’re going to be a great one.”

“Yeah?” Joe asks, and Gwil nods eagerly. “Thank you,” he says. “I can’t wait for you to meet them.”

Gwil nods, wiping at his face, laughing a bit. “Neither can I.”

“Oh my god, come here,” Ben says, climbing off Rami to pull Joe into a hug. “Oh my god, Joe,” he says.

Joe grins. “No insults?” he asks. “No jokes?”

Ben shakes his head. “No, of course not, this is…” He laughs and wipes at his eyes. “Oh, Joe.”

Gwil looks down at Rami, who’s smiling proudly up at him. “What should we call you now?” he asks.

“What do you mean?” Rami asks.

Gwil smiles, and then sits down on the sofa next to him, taking Joe’s place. “I don’t know,” he says, “rather confusing to have two dads, isn’t it?” He smiles at Rami, shaking his head. “You’re going to be a father.”

“I know,” Rami says, and he can’t stop grinning. “I really am.”

Gwil nods. “I’m so happy for you. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my life, I really don’t, I— I’m so happy for you.” He takes a deep breath, and more tears spill over his cheeks. “You deserve so much.”

Rami tears up as well and he nods, smiling at Gwil. “Thank you,” he says softly. “I…just. Thank you.”

“We know it’s early,” Joe says, and Rami and Gwil look over at him and Ben, “but we just…wanted to tell you now. If something happens, we want your support—”

“Of course,” Ben says quickly. “Anything we could do, you know that.”

“And if something doesn’t happen, and all goes well,” Joe continues, “well…we want you there from the beginning with us. To celebrate every step along the way.”

Ben just smiles, still a bit shocked.

“I can’t believe it,” Gwil says, shaking his head. “I— I mean, I can, you’ve been talking about it, and trying, but she’s actually pregnant. You’re going to have a baby. A little version of the two of you, running around, I— goodness. Isn’t that lovely?”

“When is she due then?” Ben asks, trying to do the math in his head.

“March,” Rami replies.

“That’s so…” Ben smiles. “It doesn’t sound like soon but I just know it’s going to fly by. She’s…” He grins at Joe. “You’re really going to have a baby. You’re going to be a father! You both are.”

“You’re going to be an uncle!” Joe says. “Uncle Ben!” He immediately makes a face. “Oh my god, my baby is going to be Spider-Man.”

“Or Spider-Girl,” Rami says quickly.

“Very true,” Joe says, nodding. “We have to be prepared for all possibilities.”

“Will you find out?” Ben asks. “If it’s a boy or a girl?”

“Uh, it’s a little too early for that, Ben,” Joe says, and Ben rolls his eyes.

“I’m not saying now,” Ben says, “I just mean, in general.”

Joe shrugs, and glances over at Rami. “Uh, I don’t know, I mean, uh…”

Rami shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t care either way, honestly. I— a boy or a girl, it doesn’t matter to me.”

“No, me either,” Joe says, “I…a surprise is fine, right?”

Rami nods, grinning. “A surprise is perfect,” he says.

“This is amazing,” Gwil says, looking back and forth between Rami and Joe. “I, honestly, congratulations. Really. I can’t wait to meet them, whoever they are. They’ll be lucky to have the two of you as parents.”

“And you two as uncles,” Rami says.

“Good thing you’ve been reading my parenting books, right, Gwil?” Joe asks.

“I’ll have to read a few more then,” Gwil says. “Make sure I’m ready.” He smiles at Ben, and then looks back at Rami and Joe. “I— well. I really don’t know what else to say.”

“That’s alright,” Rami says, “I think we’re as shocked as anyone.” He reaches out, and Joe walks over to him, taking his hand. “I— it really just sort of hit me that we’ve only been together for two years,” he says, and then he starts to laugh. “And we’re having a baby! And getting married.”

“Oh god,” Joe says quickly, “he’s backing out. Guys, guys! Stop him. I knew this day was coming.”

“No, stop it,” Rami says, “I just…I don’t know. No, I’m not backing out, I love you, you know that.”

“Okay, whew,” Joe says dramatically, and then laughs. “It’s okay,” he says, sitting down on the arm of the sofa to be closer to Rami. “It’s okay that it’s only been two years. I mean, I’ve loved you since we met, so…you know, really, this is pretty late in the game.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Ben says sarcastically, “you two are so far behind.” He looks at Gwil, and just rolls his eyes, smiling.

“Stop it,” Rami says, smiling bashfully, resting against Joe’s arm. “I just can’t believe it is all. I— I don’t know, I…we’re going to be parents.”

Joe nods. “We are,” he says, and he leans down to give Rami a quick kiss. “Excited?” he asks.

Rami smiles and nods eagerly. “Of course I am,” he says.

“I should hope so,” Gwil says, “otherwise all that trouble and worry for nothing.”

“This calls for the biggest celebration of all time,” Ben says. “I— god, I don’t even know where to start! Food!”

“Absolutely,” Gwil says. “Do you want to go out? Somewhere really great?”

“That sounds lovely,” Rami says, smiling at Gwil. “I’d like that.”

“Me too,” Joe says. “Do we need to get changed?”

“Oh god, what about us,” Ben says, looking down at what he’s wearing.

“You look beautiful, don’t worry,” Gwil says, and he reaches his hand out for Ben to take, and Ben smiles.

“This is bloody brilliant news,” Ben says, looking back up at Rami and Joe. “I honestly don’t even know how to congratulate you two. Wow. She’s pregnant.” Rami smiles and nods. “That’s amazing.”

“Thank you,” Rami says, and he grins up at Joe. “Are you excited?” he asks, as if he doesn’t already know the answer, and Joe scoffs.

“Babe, I’ve been waiting for this moment for my entire life,” he says, and Rami grins.

“Yeah?” Rami asks, and Joe nods, giving him a kiss.

“Just had to meet you first,” he says softly. “And here you are.”