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It was a dark and stormy night and inside the team house it was quiet and pitch black. Miky was the last one up per usual. It was almost 3 am he thought. The faint rectangle of light emanating from his phone illuminated part of the small kitchen that was outside his room. The kitchen sink had a few dirty dishes in it and the counter wasn’t completely clear of crumbs but the room was clean beyond that. He would add to the small pile of dishes as soon as he was finished drinking this last cup of water. The plastic was cool against his skin and he relished the feeling as his mind went back to the past. Those few months where his wrists ached nonstop.
He wasn’t sure when the pain became more than a nuisance. Maybe April of last year or even late March. Though that time in his life had been relatively short living through it was anything but that. His career could be cut down before it took off and he had no idea what sort of job he could do afterwards. What jobs were available that one could do with a limited use of their hands? Worry was his constant companion along with that bone deep ache. As the days ticked by sleeping through the night became impossible. Often he paced this very room in the predawn hours trying to quiet his mind. He would hold his right wrist in his left hand, gently rubbing it while staring out the window. Wondering just where it all went wrong.
Logically he knew his teammates were supportive of him resting. Luka, in fact, had given him such a stern look when he tried to play more than a few games of soloq one day he had shut his computer down. But still emotionally he couldn’t stand it. He was letting his team down and their first international tournament together was coming up. Watching from the side lines and only being able to give his input was infuriating. Useless, a leech, and weak. Part of his mind threw these words at him and it was hard to not believe it. Believe he was those things.
A sharp crack of thunder interrupted his thoughts. He set his now empty cup down on the counter and tried to focus on the present. In, out, in, out. He counted his breaths concentrating on the feeling of the air moving through his lungs. Dwelling on the past, particularly on unpleasant subjects, was not healthy. At least according to the sports psychologist that they briefly talked to. It was over. He looked at his healthy, pain free wrists and forced his mind to think of something else.
It wasn’t too hard as his mind wandered to his old lane partner. Luka the bazooka. A small smile was on his face for he thought that Luka’s new nickname was ridiculous. Uma Jan was superior and always would be. He understood why Luka felt the need to reinvent himself moving back to the midlane but capitalizing his name should have been enough.
Softly he walked into his dark room using his phone to light the way. A few clothes were in a pile by his dresser, there was almost always a pile there. His bed was made since Marcin had streamed today. Almost every day his room was taken over by the crazy loud Pole for a few hours. It was a small sacrifice to make. Being able to hear himself think while playing soloq was worth keeping his room a bit more tidy than the others kept theirs.
He fell onto his bed and sighed, looking up at the ceiling. Even with his glasses still on he couldn’t make out the white paint as it was too dark to see. Carefully he took his glasses off and placed them on the small table next to his bed that served as a night stand. He made sure to plug in his phone for having it not charged in the morning was more than slightly irritating. It took him a few moments to get comfy then he drifted off to sleep to the sound of rain and distant thunder.
The funny thing about dreams is that most people aren’t aware they are dreaming and then when they wake up they ascribe a lot of meaning to them. The subconscious mind, though it did a lot for us, was not to be trusted. Rational thought only came when one was awake. Even then humans are hardly completely rational. Feelings drove a lot of people to make the choices they do. And feelings were what he noticed first in his dream tonight. Though most would call it a nightmare.
Anxiety and worry twisted his gut so forcefully Miky feared he would be sick. He could not see or feel anything nor hear anything other than his breaths. Short and frantic panting escaped from his lips as he stayed crouched in a defensive position. The air was slightly cool and a slight breeze passed over his skin. The darkness that surrounded him was complete and reminded him of when he was in a cave deep underground and everyone turned off their headlamps.
He stiffened as he heard someone moan in agony. Every instinct screamed at him that he was prey and there was a fearsome predator nearby. Slowly he saw a light grow in the distance until it faintly illuminated what looked like a small bed. Not wanting to be in the dark Miky cautiously crept close to the bed. His heart stopped as he saw what-- no who was inside.
Sweat beaded on his little brother’s deathly pale skin and his breaths came more shallowly than they should seeing as he was asleep. Miky looked down in horror at his brother’s too small form. He was his younger sick self and all that horror and worry that Miky thought was past him came flooding back. He reached down and touched his brother gently on the shoulder and immediately regretted it. Miky’s cry of pain woke up his brother. When he touched his brother suddenly his wrists were back to that awful, painfilled state. If anything they hurt more than he remembered.
“Mihael.” His name was barely more than a whisper and it hurt to hear his brother’s voice be so weak. Slowly his brother lifted his arms up, gesturing that he wanted to be held. Gently Miky sat down on the bed then lifted his brother into his lap. Every moment he held onto his brother the pain in his wrists grew but there was no way he was letting him go.
Suddenly Miky felt the air whoosh by from the left like a great beast had sped past. He held onto his brother even tighter and curled around him protectively. His whole body was peppered with goose flesh. Suddenly warm, rank air washed over his body. The beast was standing over them but Miky didn’t dare to look up at it. A ginormous black maw latched onto his brother’s right leg and he screamed as his brother was yanked out of his arms. Horror filled him as all he saw was a trail of blood leading off into the darkness. He stared, paralyzed with fear.
It was there that on that small bed Miky broke. Softly illuminated by a light with no source sobs wracked him incessantly. He didn’t know how long he cried until he realized he wasn’t the only one crying that he could hear. Hope sparked deep within him, maybe his brother wasn’t dead like he feared. In his haste to get off the bed he wasn’t careful enough with his footing so he fell to the floor in an ungraceful heap. Trying to break his fall with his arms was a mistake for the pain became 10 times worse and made his head swim.
Waiting just a moment for his head to clear he then staggered to his feet and faced the darkness. He didn’t know what or who was out there crying but he wouldn’t let that giant beast prevent him from helping them. Slowly he shuffled forward trying to feel if the ground sloped or changed in any way. Mostly it just seemed flat and smooth like concrete but he didn’t want to risk falling again. Who knew if that would be enough to actually break his injured wrists.
Blindly he followed the sound of someone crying. Now that he was paying attention to it it didn’t sound like his brother. The timber was too deep nor did it have the tenor of someone in severe pain like his brother must be. The person, for he hoped it was a person, didn’t sound too far off.
His next step had his leg colliding with someone on the ground. The crying stopped and Miky realized this person, whoever they were, had been trying to keep things quiet in this hellscape. Carefully he crouched down and put his hand out gently to rest on their shoulder. It definitely wasn’t his brother since this shoulder was well defined with muscle, a grown man’s shoulder.
“Hey,” came Miky’s whisper. He wasn’t sure what else to say to this stranger so he trailed off. His companion took a couple deep breaths, trying to steady himself.
“Miky?” His voice was still so tear choked that it too Miky a moment to realize who he had run into.
“Luka?” Instantly he cringed at how loud that exclamation was. He didn’t want the beast to come and drag off another person he loved from his arms.
“Oh Miky.” Luka pulled him into a tight hug and Miky could feel that he was still crying. “Miky Miky Miky,” he softly chanted like a fervent prayer into his shoulder. Miky shifted a bit to be more comfortable but was careful to not let go of Luka or move his wrists too much. They still hurt like someone had slammed a door on them.
“What happened?” Miky asked gently, fearful of Luka’s answer. This was not a kind place and Luka had his own demons from the past.
“I don’t know how I got here. The first thing I remember was a suffocating fear and dread along with the complete blackness. Then I felt my mind betray me. It was like my first experience at World’s where I was just grinding as much as possible and got so homesick. The fear that anyone would find out how much I hate being here, it became overwhelming. To feel alone while surrounded by people is not something I wish on anyone you know. I saw them, my old teammates and they…” Luka’s voice caught and Miky felt him take a deep shuddering breath.
“They didn’t react well,” Miky finished for him. “Well I’m here for you Luka. Always.” He felt Luka move so he would be looking at him if they could see.
“Mihael.” His name was unusual to hear from any of his teammates and doubly so from his former lane partner. Luka’s deep voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper “you are amazing. Like it’s so busted, the way you’re able to care for everyone and make them feel welcome.”
“I try.” He pulled Luka closer and buried his head in the crook between his neck and shoulder. It wasn’t long before he was sobbing for this night was emotionally overwhelming. The two of them held onto the other, trying to keep their sobbing quiet lest the things that had been terrorizing them come back.
Sunlight blinded him as he woke up. What were the curtains doing open even a little bit? Miky groaned and rolled over onto his side and was greeted with a torso. Someone was in his room and bleary he looked up into Luka’s face.
“Did you open the curtains? Because if you did I’m not going to save you as Tahm in any scrims today.”
“Oof, that’s harsh Miky. No, they were like that when I came in.” Luka looked worried, more worried than he had any reason to be. Miky remembered that nightmare. His thoughts were going to be haunted all day by his brother’s scream.
“Move over so I can sit down.” He obliged without a second thought though it was confusing. Just what was Luka doing in his room?
“So, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Miky asked, sitting up. Instead of answering Luka just sat there and stared at him. It was an intense stare like Luka was trying to memorize his face or something. Whatever it was, it was weird. Miky raised his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly giving his teammate a look that said he was being weird and should stop immediately.
“Miky,” Luka was hesitant which was unusual, “I had the strangest nightmare last night.” Blood drained from his face and Miky froze, his mouth open in surprise. Dreams were private things, not shared ever. Besides he didn’t want what happened to be anything more than a nightmare.
“What happened?” he asked desperately.
“Well, it was the darkest place I’d ever been in and I was so afraid--”
“My brother.” Miky interrupted. If Luka had this dream last night was his brother alright? Could the beast that dragged him away last night hurt him in real life too? Though Luka was looking at him like he had suddenly grown another head he paid him no attention as he scrambled over him to get his phone.
He stared at the black screen in fear for a moment before turning it on. No new messages or calls from his family and he let out his breath in a relieved sigh. If something was wrong with his brother his mom would have sent him at least a text message by now. Like a balloon Miky deflated, a lot of the tension and stress leaving his body suddenly. He felt a hand gently touch his shoulder and realized he was still half in Luka’s lap. The blood that drained from his face earlier came rushing back.
“Ah, sorry,” he mumbled. He moved to get up but Luka’s hand was in the way and he wasn’t moving it. If anything he was trying to keep Miky in his lap. This was definitely weird. Carefully he shifted so he was laying on his left side with his arm supporting him. This way he could look into Luka’s eyes which were carefully watching him.
“I take it that before you met me in that fucking awful place you were with your brother. Is he alright?”
“It seems like it.”
“Good,” Luka took a deep breath. “I...I want to thank you. For coming to me. That couldn’t have been easy.” Luka rubbed his eyes like he did when he was stressed. “What you said to me last night, I’ll never forget it.”
“I seem to remember that you said I was amazing last night,” he teased with a smile. “Something about the way I care about others.” He stared into Luka’s eyes. The quiet contemplation that was written all over Luka’s face wasn’t unusual to see but in this context things were off. Gently Luka ran his hand through Miky’s sleep tousled hair. Both of them knew that something about their relationship had changed last night. How they moved forward was still up in the air though.