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Part One
~*~
"He'll get through this, Cass." Dean said as he held his husband through his shakes. Castiel sucked in a sharp breath and nodded his head into Dean's shoulder.
Castiel wanted to believe him, but as he looked over his nephew's beaten form on the hospital bed, he couldn't help but be unsure.
The door to the room busted open to reveal the worried face of Sam Winchester, Castiel's brother-in-law. "I got here as fast as I could. Is he okay?" Sam let out in a heavy breath. The oxygen he'd already been struggling to collect caught in his throat as his eyes finally landed on Jack.
The boy's face was bruised, his eyes swollen shut. Hand shaped bruises also covered his throat, like he'd been strangled. Sam scrubbed a hand over his face and forced himself to look away.
"I never should have let him go home." Castiel ground out as he shoved himself away from Dean. He was angry at the world, at his own brother for causing such harm to Jack, but most importantly, he was mad at himself.
"This is not on you. It's not on any of us. We had no idea this would happen." Dean tried, but Castiel just scoffed. It was a cold sound that both Winchesters weren't used to hearing.
"Didn't we though? We all saw the signs. Nick isn't called Lucifer out of endearment, after all." Cass pointed out matter of factly. "We knew what was happening and we did nothing, Dean. This is on us. We let this happen."
The couple went back and fourth about who was or who wasn't at fault, both too preoccupied to pay attention to the slight stirring coming from the bed.
"Guys?" Sam called out, but they weren't listening, both too caught up in their own emotions. The youngest Winchester just shook his head and cautiously made his way over to Jack. He put a gentle hand on his wrist, his tone soft as he spoke, "Jack?"
The eighteen-year-old groaned as he turned his head over to where the comforting voice was coming from, "Uncle Sam?" Jack croaked. It hurt to speak, and he couldn't see. Panic filled him as he remembered what happened to put him in that position.
His chest rose and fell with each heavy breath as the phantom feeling of his father's hands around his throat came at full force.
"Jack? Oh-oh, thank God. He's awake." Castiel gasped out. He was at his nephew's side in seconds, his fingers carding through the boy's hair. Jack let out a painful sob at the comforting touch.
"I'll go get a doctor." Dean said in a rush, and then he was gone. Jack knew he was going to be back. The fact that his three favorite people were by his side brought him comfort as a doctor fussed over him and his injuries, even as they repeatedly called him by the wrong name. Jack was too tried to correct them.
Thankfully, he didn't have to.
"His name is Jack." Castiel said, his tone leaving no room for argument. The doctor nodded in understanding. And they never did call him by the wrong name or the wrong pronouns for the rest of his stay.
Jack wished it was always that easy, but unfortunately, he knew better.
~*~
Jack knew he was different from a young age. His mom would say it was okay. And she had been beautiful, soft, and gentle; the textbook definition of femininity. But she had said it was okay that her daughter liked having short hair and despised wearing dresses.
Kelly Kline didn't live long enough to see that her daughter wasn't actually a tomboy at all. She didn't get to see Jack realize that he was actually a boy.
She overdosed on her sleeping pills long before he even had the chance to vocalize that. Her husband's abuse was too much to bear. Kelly felt as though there was no other way out. She was too burdened with her own demons to realize what she was leaving behind.
And what she left behind was a man who had no idea how to raise a nine-year-old. Nick hadn't even wanted kids to begin with. Didn't even want to get married if he was being honest.
Jack could tell his father hated him. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't return those feelings. For a long time, Jack tried to be everything Nick could ever want.
A good daughter who never talked back, who was always good in school, who never strayed out of what was deemed normal. And when days were good, Nick treated Jack like he actually cared about him.
But then the bad days would come, the days where Jack would act more boyish than he was supposed to. They would always outweigh the good. The bruises always proved that.
Jack would hide the bruises away and tell himself he'd be better, that it was his fault that his dad would lash out that way. He made sure no one knew, not even his three favorite people.
Dean, Castiel, and Sam. They were the reason life seemed okay. Jack made sure to spend weekends with them when he could. Especially when Sam ended up moving in with his older brother and Castiel when his wife left him.
They were the ones that explained to him that the way he was feeling was okay. It had been Sam who noticed first. It had all been an accident, really. Jack was left alone for a few hours, so he spent some time just looking at himself in the mirror, picking at the parts of himself he didn't like.
When Jack had been feeling particularly curious, he'd looked up possibilities as to why he was feeling the way he did. He learned about being a transgender man; about binding, hormones, and surgeries. Jack had also learned that it wasn't something bad, that feeling that way didn't make him sick.
The knowledge didn't make him any less scared. So he kept it to himself, and only let himself experiment when he was alone. Jack had been sixteen when his Uncle Sam had walked in on him binding his chest.
It was obvious that Sam had no idea anyone was using the restroom, but that didn't stop Jack from freaking out. By the time he'd yelled for Sam to get out, the flustered man had already shut the door, his apologies muffled behind it.
Sam had come to him later that evening and though Jack was clearly embarrassed, Sam had let him know that it was okay.
"How is this okay?" Jack had asked, his tone thick with exasperation. "I mean, I know it's okay when other people are like this. But me? No, I..." Jack put his face in his hands and tried his best not to flinch when Sam touched his shoulder.
"Take your time." Sam said as his hand gave comforting strokes up and down the boy's back.
Jack took in deep breaths and weighed his options. He could lie and say he was just messing around. But it was too late for that, so Jack eventually decided to be honest. He told Sam everything. The older man listened intently to every word, soaking in each detail.
"So... you want to be referred to as a boy? He/him pronouns?" Sam asked after Jack had explained it all. It took him a few moments, but he eventually nodded. It was something he truly did want. Something he needed.
"Okay." Sam gave him a warm smile, but then it faded as he asked his next question, "...Have you thought of a name?"
Jack sat back and thought about his answer. Of course he wouldn't want to use the name he had been given at birth. And there had only been one name he liked, one that he would think of often when he would imagine himself as a man.
"Jack. I want to be called... Jack."
~*~
The eighteen-year-old had to stay in the hospital for over a week. His doctors were concerned about his eyes. There was a real risk for him going blind, but somehow, Jack had felt too numb to care. His uncles were excited for him when they had all been told his eyes were actually fine.
Jack had tried to act happy that he was still alive and healthy for his family's sake. It was hard to do that when Jack could hear them constantly talk about the situation.
"When I see Nick, I'm gonna shoot him." Dean had said when Jack was presumed to be asleep.
"The next time we see the bastard, it'll be at a trial. Believe me, it won't go well for him. Lucifer will be locked inside cage before we know it." Sam replied, using Nick's nickname to make a point.
Castiel let out a long sigh. "It's what he deserves."
Jack curled into himself and actually did force himself to fall asleep. He couldn't hear anymore. Why was it that even after what he'd gone through, Jack still didn't want to see his father in trouble?
Jack couldn't find a good answer.
The next day, after copious amount of tests and a therapy recommendation, he was finally released. Jack was eighteen, so it fell to him to decide where he wanted to go. There was only one place he could think of.
~*~
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Sam asked as he waited outside of Jack's bedroom. The sixteen-year-old had been in there for half an hour, just figuring out what to wear.
Jack looked over his form in his full length mirror, at how his new binder flattened out his chest almost perfectly. He had been so happy when his Uncle Sam surprised him with it. He explained that it was much safer than using bandages.
He took in a deep breath and ran his fingers through his short hair. His heart was pounding in his chest. It wasn't the first time he'd worn masculine clothes, but it was the first time he'd be dressed like this in front of his other uncles.
"Jack?" Sam called out when his original question was met with silence. "It doesn't have to be tonight. You can wait-" And just as he was about to finish that sentence, his nephew opened the door, a nervous but hopeful expression etched onto his features.
Sam gave him a warm smile. "You look great." He said as he placed a gentle hand onto Jack's shoulder. "You got this." Sam whispered as they walked downstairs and into the kitchen.
Castiel and Dean were cooking supper. The smell of it wafted through the air and it made Jack's stomach grumble. He hoped that doing this wouldn't cause him to get kicked out, because whatever they were cooking smelled delicious.
Dean had just given his husband a chaste kiss just as Sam and Jack walked in. Castiel beamed up at him as he leaned upwards to kiss him again.
"Ahem." Sam cleared his throat, forcing the couple out of their trance. Their eyes immediately fell onto Jack. He had never been one to dress girly anyhow, in fact Dean had always thought his style was slightly butch, but the person in front of him was not their niece. This person... this person was a man.
A man that looked honestly petrified as he walked towards the island, the only thing separating them.
"Uncle Cass, Uncle Dean." Jack started, his voice shaking. "I... I am transgender." He turned to Sam then, his expression still unsure. The long haired man gave him a reassuring nod, gently urging the boy to continue.
He took in a deep breath and looked back at his other uncles, at their open expressions. "I am a man. And my name is Jack." The quiver in his voice was long gone, replaced with a certainty that neither Castiel or Dean could deny, not that they were going to in the first place.
The couple moved around the island and pulled Jack into a tight embrace, and that was all it took for the boy to fall apart. He never expected be to be supported like that. He could feel Sam get in on the hug, and that only made Jack cry harder. But it had been a good cry. It was exactly what he needed.
Well, almost.
He needed to find a way to tell his father. Something in him told him that it would take way longer for him to get to that point. But that was okay. For the moment, he was happy. Even if he could only be himself at his uncles' house, it would be okay.
It had to be.
~*~
After coming home from the hospital, Jack spent three days not leaving his room. He didn't have it him to move. It wasn't like his injuries hurt all that much anymore, not with his medication anyway.
He just felt detached. His uncles tried to talk to him, to get him out of the room and into the shower at the very least. But Jack really did not have it in him.
It was all his fault. If he had just kept it to himself just a little while longer, then he'd be okay. But no. Jack wanted to tell his father the truth. He wanted to tell him that he didn't have a daughter, he had a son.
Jack wanted his dad to hold him, to say it was okay, that he still loved him. That was all Jack wanted. He felt stupid for believing he'd get it.
And in less than a week Jack would have to get up on a stand in front a jury and explain what his dad did and why. Jack would have to tell the truth that time, he knew he would. There was no way he'd be able to lie and make his father look like the good guy.
It didn't make it hurt any less.
Jack knew that his dad got called Lucifer behind his back. That he'd been a bad person even before Jack was born, way before he'd even met Jack's mother.
His dad was going to jail. And then, in Jack's mind, he was going to be an orphan. Unwanted.
But little did Jack know, his three uncles were going to do all they could to prove that wasn't true.
~*~
Nick was busy, so he didn't get to spend his eighteenth birthday with Jack. That was okay.. Jack got to spent it with his uncles. It was kind of sad that a teenager didn't have any other friends outside of family.
He hoped that college would be different. He hoped he could go in and just be Jack, not the dude that used to be anything else other than that.
He would present as masculine at school, but was actually too scared to correct the teachers when they called him by the wrong name. He had told what friends he did have, but they didn't understand. They slowly just cut Jack off, leaving him alone.
Jack was sure that it was going to be different in college. He wasn't going to be scared. He was going to be just Jack, not anyone else.
He guessed it was that confidence that caused him to finally think he was ready to tell his father.
"Why you leaving so early, birthday boy?" Dean had asked, his smile wide. He had his hand clasped around a cold beer.
"Yeah. Stay awhile, Jack." Castiel added. There was a worried look there in his furrowed brows. "What's the hurry?" Sam asked.
Jack just shook his head. "I had a lot of fun today. Thank you guys." He made sure to hug them all before pushing his way out the door.
He hadn't expected to see his dad already at home. Nick had told him he was going to be at work. But it seemed as though that was a lie.
Jack had hoped he would have time to prepare a speech in his head. But it was too late. As soon as he walked into the front door, his dad looked up at him and raised his brow.
"What the fuck are you wearing?" Nick slurred. Jack sucked in a sharp breath and shut the door behind him. His hands were already shaking.
"It's one thing to cut your hair off like some type of dyke. But full on boy clothes? You look stupid." Nick said as he got up from his chair. Jack pressed his back against the door and took in deep breaths.
His father was getting closer. Jack's heart was in his throat and it made talking impossible. Nick was getting angrier with each step.
"Answer me, Allyson."
Jack cringed outwardly at the sound of his deadname. He took in another deep breath to collect his thoughts, and then finally looked up at his father.
"That is not my name." The young man ground out. "My name is Jack. And I am your son."
They stood there in silence, the seconds ticking away at Jack's nerves. And then his father was laughing, head thrown back in a deep cackle. Jack could feel his walls crumble around him.
When his laughter died down, Nick made sure to make a show of wiping away tears from his eyes. Like somehow Jack speaking his truth was the funniest thing in the world.
"You have exactly five seconds to go to your room and change clothes." Nick said, his tone light, though Jack knew it was anything but. The boy just shook his head.
"No."
A flash of anger swept across Nick's features and then it was gone. It was replaced with a smile as he neared Jack and placed a gentle hand on his cheek. Despite his better judgement, Jack leaned into the touch.
"Poor little thing. You've been spending too much time around your faggot uncles." Nick said through a sigh. Jack didn't even have time to protest before his father started speaking again.
"It's not your fault. I'll just make sure you don't see them again." Nick cooed. His voice sounded so soft, like he actually thought what he was saying was a good thing. Jack shook his head and pushed his father away.
"Do not call them that. This isn't about them. I've felt this way since I was a child. This is real, dad. I need you to accept this... to accept me." He could feel tears prickle at his eyes as his father turned away from him.
"Please. You're the only parent I have left-" Jack sobbed out as he reached out for him. Right as he gripped at his father's shirt, the older man whipped around slapped the eighteen-year-old across the face.
Immediately, Jack stopped all functions. He stayed perfectly still, stayed completely silent. He knew from experience that trying anything after the first hit would only make things worse for him.
"What's your name?" Nick asked, his glare narrowed onto the boy. Jack let out a shutter of a breath. He couldn't find words, couldn't find it in him to give his dad what he wanted.
"Answer me, damnit." Nick yelled, his face inches away from Jack.
"What. Is. Your. Name?" He asked again, nothing but venom spitting through his lips. Jack couldn't help it, another sob broke through and that only pissed Nick off more.
He was hit again, that time it was a punch, the force of it causing the boy to fall to his knees. "Stop, dad. Please." He cried. He looked up at his father with tear stained cheeks as blood trickled from his brow. Nick just shook his head.
"Not until you tell me your name."
Jack sucked in a sharp breath and steeled his gaze. "My name is Jack." He knew that wasn't what his father wanted to hear, but he refused to say the other name. That name wasn't his. It wasn't who he was.
"Wrong answer." Nick gripped at Jack's hair to keep him in place and gave blow after blow until Jack couldn't even open his eyes. He'd fallen to his back at some point, slipping in and out of consciousness.
Nick was blinded by rage as his hands wrapped around his child's throat. Jack's whimpers were getting less and less, his attempts to fight back were feeble as the seconds past.
It wasn't until Jack stopped fighting completely did Nick finally stop. His hands were shaking and his breathing labored, like he couldn't believe he'd gone that far.
"Fuck. Fuck." Nick cursed as he tugged at his hair. Flashing lights and sirens surrounded the front yard, and Nick knew then that he was screwed. A neighbor must have heard the fighting and called the police.
"Shit, I..." Nick trailed off as he looked at his child's broken form. He never understood why he was like this. He never understood why he hurt the people that he loved. There was no good excuse for it. Nick was a monster.
He didn't fight it when officers busted in and took him away.
~*~
Five days after his stay at the hospital, Jack finally left his room. He was gross; his teeth layered with muck and his body covered in sweat. It was all too much. He needed to be clean.
Jack spent an hour in the shower, washing away every speck of dirt he had on him. He spent five minutes brushing his teeth. Jack also managed to find some clean clothes to put on. Once he was satisfied, he slowly made his way downstairs.
Sam and Castiel were still at work, and that left just Dean. They had a system in place to make sure at least one person was there to take care of Jack.
Dean hadn't even noticed Jack's feather light footsteps walking towards his position on the couch. He was just scrolling through his phone, Instagram mainly. Jack had set up his profile for him the year before, and it seemed he'd already gotten comfortable with it. Jack stood behind him and watched as Dean double-tapped pictures of vintage cars.
Jack gave the sight a fond smile. He also decided it was best to use the opportunity to have a little bit of fun. Jack leaned in close and said, "Hi, uncle Dean."
Dean jumped off the couch with a curse and clutched at his chest. "Jesus, kid." Dean breathed as Jack laughed at him. "M'too old for that." Dean said, but there was no heat to it. In fact, he was grinning with pure amusement. It was nice hearing Jack laugh again after everything.
Even if his face was still cut up and bruised, his smile lit up the whole room.
"You hungry? I was just about to order some takeout." Dean asked, like it wasn't his intention to get Jack food anyway. Jack could practically hear his stomach rumble at the thought. He'd really only been in the mood to eat small meals, if any. He wouldn't be surprised if he'd lost a couple pounds because of it. That wasn't okay.
"Starving." Jack replied simply. He sat down on the couch and Dean got right back into his original spot. They watched TV and joked like everything was normal, and that was exactly what Jack needed.
Right as the food arrived, Castiel and Sam came home. Sam was dressed in a suit and tie, visibly tired from working on various cases. Cass was in his regular trench coat, face stoic and cold as it usually was after a long day sitting in a cramped cubicle.
But as soon as their eyes landed on Jack, their faces brightened. Cass put his coat away and Sam did the same with his suit jacket, and then they all sat together. Sam sat back in the recliner and Castiel sat right next to his husband.
Castiel intertwined their fingers and even Jack could hear Dean's sigh of relief. Since what happened with Nick, they'd been fighting here and there. It had been stressful for all of them. But seeing Jack in there with them must have finally relieved some of that.
Dean had a bright smile on his face as he kissed Castiel's cheek. Sam gagged around his chopsticks dramatically and Jack laughed at him. He only laughed harder when Dean flipped his brother off.
For the first time in days, things felt normal. Jack didn't want to jinx it, but he hoped it would last. He wasn't sure though if it was going to feel that way in school.
Jack had missed an entire week of school, all approved by his doctor. He knew that he'd have to find a way to get over some of his funk so he could work on what he missed and study for the final exam. Jack tried not to think too hard about that.
The little family just sat back and watched movies and finished their greasy takeout. At around ten, Jack decided it was best to go to bed.
All three of his uncles followed him up the stairs and gave him a big hug before he could actually do that.
Jack sighed happily and just let himself be held by them. "Love you guys." Jack said, but it was muffled by Castiel's chest. He could feel Sam's big hand on his head and Dean's on his upper back, patting gently.
"We love you, too, kiddo."
And that would never change.
~*~