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2020-02-14
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fire an arrow

Summary:

Unlike any other relationship in Kyoji's life, he found himself wanting to try harder. Wanting to be better, wanting to go above and beyond in a way that he'd never felt before.

Notes:

this is my sidem valentines exchange 2020 submission for @/sidemaitaru on twitter! also a bit of a late bday gift to kyoji, so theres a bit of kyoji bday in there too... thanks!!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Kyoji and Minori's first kiss was quiet.

 

Quiet, gentle, exactly what to expect when they were trying not to wake up Pierre, asleep on the floor of Minori's apartment next to them.

 

Even if the inside of Kyoji's head was loud and freaking out, the room outside was so quiet. He could hear Minori shuffling his arm from the blanket before he felt it gently, kindly, softly touch his cheek, like he was something to be treated nicely. There was a movie playing on mute on the TV, but they'd all but forgotten it. The only purpose it served now was illuminating the room with just enough light for it to shine in Minori's eyes when they pulled away from each other. 

 

"That was a long time coming, huh?" Minori whispered, looking so happy that Kyoji could hardly look at him without knowing that same look was being mirrored on his own face.

 

Kyoji nodded and that made Minori look even happier . Kyoji didn't know what to do with the feeling building up inside of him, didn't know what to do with the knowledge that Minori's lips were as soft as they'd always looked, or that he could just reach out and touch and he probably wouldn't be pushed away. The opposite, in fact. Probably.

 

Whether or not he was even physically capable of doing that right now was an entirely different story, though. He was still kind of in shock. Still kind of blown away by the idea of kissing someone as beautiful as Minori.

 

His hand came up to touch his lips like he was a middle schooler who just got his first kiss, but Minori graciously didn't comment on it when he leaned in again. That position also made it easier to cup his jaw, and lean just a little to the left, and Minori sighed in a way that was almost a moan, Kyoji swears , and-

 

He pulls himself away. Too much.

 

"Sorry, I-" he starts, then doesn't need to finish because Minori already knows. Already knows everything he's thinking, like always, and is too kind to make him say it out loud.

 

It's been years since he'd kissed someone, and he's never kissed someone who he actually cared about. His last romantic encounter (if you could even call it that) was some girl his father had set him up with, and he couldn't even remember her name at this point. Now that he thinks about it, though, he wonders if he ever knew her name.

 

It didn't matter, though. Because Minori's hand was on his leg, and all his thoughts immediately zeroed in on the action. Minori opened his mouth to say something, and Kyoji held his breath.

 

Before he could say anything, Pierre mumbled in his sleep and kicked half the blanket off of himself and it made both of them jump apart, like they were doing something they shouldn't be. And they were, kind of. At least not in front of Pierre, probably.

 

They laughed in tandem, both of their cheeks flushed, "We're like little kids, huh."

 

"Heh, exactly," Kyoji chuckled, "Though I think Pierre's probably been waiting for us to do that longer than we have."

 

The fragile moment of their first kiss was broken, but it was still a moment with Minori, and they'd finally taken care of the elephant in the room since they first met, so Kyoji considered this a huge win. 

 

If only his hands would stop shaking, now.

 

Minori seemed flustered, too, which made Kyoji feel a tiny bit better, but mostly a lot worse. Minori was already really, really cute and it made it hard for Kyoji to function around him, but Minori like this made him even weaker. Pink high on his cheeks, hands fluttering around his lap like he couldn't sit still, but not mildly freaking out and slightly sweaty the way Kyoji was. Just gentle, and warm in the low light of his living room. In control. Put together. Pretty.

 

Perfect , too, if Kyoji were to throw more of the words in his mind concerning Minori out there. Words he couldn't form his lips into, but they hurt him just as much not to say.

 

Maybe one day.

 

Minori pulled another folded blanket off the end of the couch and laid it over both of them, and another one to cover up where Pierre had kicked his off, while Kyoji took it upon himself to click off the TV and pull a pillow towards them. This was how it always ended up for the three of them, anyways.

 

Even if Minori was literally perfect in every way, which he was, that blush on his cheeks was because of Kyoji. Warm pride swirled in his stomach.

 

He did that.

 

They quickly fell asleep after that, but their hands ended up twined together throughout the night anyways.

 

And after about a week of dancing around each other, they started dating. Naturally.

 

What was really interesting about he and Minori getting together was that their relationship barely changed at all, really. They already spent every free second they had together, and slept at one of their apartments together every night, so the two biggest steps were out of the way.

 

The only big change (other than, you know, dating ) was now they spent almost no time at Kyoji's place, which was fine by him. Minori's wasn't much bigger, but it was a lot closer to both of their jobs, and it was… better taken care of, without a doubt. Kyoji still had unpacked boxes from when he moved in over a year ago, and didn't ever bother building the shelves he got for any of his games or movies, so they were just kind of piled around. And he didn't even know how to make a bed. 

 

Minori's place had a lot of stuff, too, but it was much more neatly organized and prettier. He had a vacuum , and more than one pot in his kitchen, which was really cool. Some of Kyoji's game discs didn't even have covers anymore, just loose CDs kinda piled in a semi-circle around his TV, which also didn't have a stand. One time his coworker came over to watch some drama after work and he had called it a "Struggle Apartment". Kyoji couldn't even disagree.

 

His own place was pretty shitty, but this was Minori's stuff and Minori's space , so he treated it a lot more carefully. Then, somewhere between their first kiss and their 6-month anniversary, they moved in together. 

 

They'd already kind of agreed to do it, and half of Kyoji's garbage, ahem, belongings , were at Minori's already, but. It felt sort of wrong, to just quietly accept Minori's offer to stay with him so he wouldn't have to pay rent on a place he was only at one or two nights a week without any, like, fanfare. Minori deserved fanfare .

 

It weighed on his mind for the next few days.

 

At work, there was a mini-comic in one of the magazines that showed a boyfriend making a grand gesture by putting his apartment key in a ring box and using it to "propose" the idea to his girlfriend. It caught Kyoji's attention immediately. He could get away with something like that, right?

 

He'd never been in a real relationship before, not to mention he'd never cared about someone as much as he cared about Minori. It really, really was special to him that they were making such a big step and moving in together, but he'd never tried to do any sort of grand gesture before. Not to mention the fact that they were moving into Minori's apartment, not his. It'd be kind of weird to gift him his own apartment key.

 

"Kyoji! Time for break!" Pierre's voice made him jump from where he was resting his chin on his hand behind the register.

 

Actually, that reminded him that Pierre would have to get a copy, too. But he definitely couldn't give it to him in the same way, because that would be kind of ridiculous and also really, really weird. But he didn't want to just leave Pierre out. Maybe-

 

"Kyoji?" Pierre's face was inches from his suddenly, and he startled again, almost knocking Kaeru's head out of Pierre's arms.

 

"Sorry! Sorry, I was just thinking about something…"

 

Pierre's head turned quizzically, like a puppy, after making sure Kaeru was okay, "Thinking?"

 

He hummed in acknowledgement, but then a thought came into his mind. Pierre was a lot more empathetic and thoughtful than Kyoji was, so maybe he could… help him think of a cute, romantic thing to do for Minori? That, and Pierre and Minori usually had an hour-ish alone before Kyoji's shift ended, and who knows what they talked about before Kyoji got home. Maybe they gossiped about boys or something. Maybe they gossiped about Kyoji.

 

Going to Pierre for relationship advice was a new direction for him, but Minori really deserved something at least a little thoughtful. Pierre could definitely help. Probably.

 

At the very least, he was very excited when Kyoji told him about it. And actually had a surprising handful of some realistic and some… not so realistic ideas that Kyoji was impressed by his thoughtfulness.

 

They spent their (too short) lunch break planning out the logistics of different ideas. Well, Kyoji planned and Pierre gushed about how cute it was to be in love , which made Kyoji balk and shush him because Pierre oh my God somebody could hear you , but it worked out eventually. When they saw Minori later that night at home, it was surprisingly difficult to not immediately tell him everything that had happened throughout the day like usual. 

 

A guilty knot formed in his stomach when Minori shot him a curious look over the table at dinner. He and Pierre had brought home dinner, but he really wasn't contributing too much to the conversation, not that he ever did. There was nothing to actually feel guilty for, but that didn't stop him from feeling bad about keeping something from Minori. Even if it was, you know, for Minori.

 

A few days of guilt and nervously sneaking around later and the present was done, but Kyoji was nowhere near mentally ready to give it yet. Christmas had already passed, but Minori's birthday was a little too far away, not to mention the fact that Kyoji really didn't know if he could keep a secret for that long from his boyfriend.

 

He kept the present hidden under his (their) mattress until he could work up the nerve to give Minori a cute gift because they were. You know. In love. Like Pierre said. Or something. Maybe.

 

A few more days later, and it was his birthday already. Somehow. His first birthday with Minori and Pierre. His first birthday he didn't spend absolutely miserable. It was also the last day of the lease of his old apartment, so they went there to celebrate.

 

Kyoji couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so… happy . Or if he'd ever even felt this happy at all. 

 

Minori and Pierre had gotten him the two new games he'd been talking about for weeks, one wrapped carefully and daintily with a clean pair of ribbons around it and the other with clumsily folded and heavily taped packaging, but with about 6 bows to cover all the not-so-perfect parts. But more importantly than that, they'd also made him a homemade cake with four rose-shaped lumps of blue frosting on each corner. 

 

It was by far the best birthday he'd ever had, even if they just sat around his empty apartment and ate takeout on the floor. When he was growing up, birthday parties meant nothing more than an obligatory party where somehow it just turned in some Takajou Corporation function and Kyoji ended up not knowing anybody there except for his brothers. He usually ended up sneaking out to get away from the crowd and noise and just spending the night by himself, so it was never much of a party anyways. 

 

He'd never really felt sad about it, especially since it was literally the least of the things he hated that his family did, but spending this specific day with people he loved and that loved him back was a feeling that settled itself deep inside of him. Hell, just sitting on the bare floor of his now-empty apartment with Minori's head in his lap waving goodbye to Pierre when his SP insisted it was time to go home was better than his entire time in high school.

 

"There's actually one more little thing I wanted to give you," Minori started, once the door was closed, sitting up and smiling devilishly. It was the face he made when he was about to do something that would embarrass Kyoji heavily, but he still wanted to argue, no, don't leave this spot, you're so warm, I don't even want any other gifts if you're here, wait, but Minori was already hurrying back to the kitchen to grab whatever his next surprise was.

 

Kyoji had about ten seconds to himself, trying to hide his smile and staring down at the space Minori had occupied before he was reentering the living room. 

 

Backlit by the light in the hallway, he was holding a large, really beautiful bouquet of flowers, looking earnestly at Kyoji, "It's- uh, I've been thinking about making you an official, nice bouquet for a long time now! I know I've given you just single flowers before, but it's different when they're all together like this, don't you think? It's kind of weird, but-"

 

"You look like an angel," Kyoji blurted out, face going red when he realized he interrupted Minori, and then going even redder when he realized he interrupted Minori with that . He'd never said anything like that to anybody before, not even to Minori, no matter how often the thought came across his mind. 

 

Minori moved forward, kneeled down and switched the bundle of flowers to one arm in one fluid motion and touched Kyoji's cheek softly, pulling them together for a kiss. It was so smooth and so graceful and something Kyoji could never pull off himself, but he accepted the kiss easily. 

 

His boyfriend's lips were so warm. He wanted to pull Minori to him and never let go.

 

They pulled away from each other and Kyoji's eyes immediately found the bouquet again. It wasn't like he could actually recognize any of the flowers in it or what they meant, but he could at least tell they were high quality. Plus, the blue in one of the big flowers in it matched the blue Minori used for his hair ribbon today and it made his chest hurt with how endearing that was. And not only that, but Minori made this just for him so they were the most beautiful flowers he'd ever seen. For his birthday . It was like a dream.

 

"Don't distract me with your cute words, I'm trying to focus," Minori laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, "Do you know any of these flowers?"

 

He shakes his head, still reeling from the kiss and the surprise and the intoxication of being surrounded by Minori. He really doesn't know more than three, maybe four kinds of flowers and Minori brightens cutely at the answer.

 

"I chose these specifically for you. For us." Minori's eyes gleam with something Kyoji doesn't recognize and suddenly he's in Kyoji's lap, and holy shit, holy fuck- "Each and every petal has a meaning. It's one thing to just say it over and over again, but I wanted, maybe, to try and show it physically…"

 

He was talking about the flowers, he was talking about the flowers, they were a physical representation of how he felt, yes, Kyoji understood that, but the way Minori's hands were pressing into his shoulders and his legs on either side of his was all he could focus on.

 

That night, lights low, Minori whispered the meaning of every bud in the bouquet into Kyoji's heated skin. It felt like the words themselves were sinking into his pores, sticking to his insides and staying there. White jasmine and cornflower petals surrounded them like a halo on the floor.

 

Everything that happened after that was like a fairytale ending to the perfect day, but it mainly just solidified the want to do something sweet for Minori the way he deserved. 

 

Luckily, Valentine's Day was just around the corner.

 

Unlike any other relationship in his life, he found himself wanting to try harder. Wanting to be better, wanting to go above and beyond in a way that he'd never felt before. It wasn't even like he just felt guilty and was doing something out of obligation, he really, really wanted to treat Minori like a good boyfriend would, even if he had no idea where to start.

 

Valentine's seemed like a good excuse to do something sweet, though. Maybe one day, he could work up to random acts of good boyfriend-ness and not just on holidays, but the idea of surprising Minori on any random day with a gesture was way too high-level for him right now. He was starting from level one here, after all, maybe even level zero. 

 

With a little more help from Pierre, he was ready to go for the 14th. Leading up to that day, it seemed like all he could think about was how Minori would react and what he would say and what would happen . At work, he exclusively read all the little relationship columns in every magazine and all shoujo manga he could sneak from his prying coworkers. His mind was swirling with thoughts up until the very night before Valentine's.

 

Even before they started dating, back when Kyoji was sure he just had an unrequited crush on Minori and would forever have one until he and Pierre got sick of him moping around, he couldn't remember thinking this much about Minori. Just being together for this short time and having every day filled with smiles and "welcome home"s and kisses and suddenly there was so much warmth where before there was none and Kyoji didn't know what to do with the sudden lightness in his chest.

 

It was probably just his "overwhelming negativity" or "inability to connect with others" or one of the other million things his father and older brother instilled into him when he was younger, but for Minori he wanted to try

 

If he could make his boyfriend feel even a fraction of what he made Kyoji feel, he'd feel like he succeeded. 

 

They had only just met after Valentine's Day last year, so this would be their first real Valentine's together. His first real Valentine's with anybody . He was staring at the ceiling in their room, Minori clinging tightly to his arm in his sleep.

 

He wanted to do anything and everything for him. 

 

Neither of them had to work on Valentine's, which was an incredibly happy accident that they took full advantage of. They spent all morning in bed after waking up slowly, not even bothering to rise before long after the sun did. It's not even like they were doing anything special, but just laughing and chatting and being together and kissing and touching with no other responsibilities calling them away from each other was enough to put Kyoji in a blissful state when he finally got up to make them something quick to eat and gather his supplies. 

 

He fingered the remaining velvet-soft petals from his birthday bouquet as he walked past into the kitchen. They were still beautiful, even almost two weeks later, with Minori's gentle care. Even though there was a good amount of plants around the apartment, with one in almost every window, these were by far Kyoji's favorite. 

 

But, he still had things to do. Waiting for the stove to heat up gave him just enough time to gather his little surprises for Minori. 

 

He almost overcooked the rice and he definitely burned the scrambled eggs he tried to make while getting things ready and mentally preparing himself, but breakfast (lunch?) was mostly okay. It'd only been about twenty minutes, but Kyoji felt like he'd just been through the five stages of grief and anxiety. His hands were sweaty around the plate as he padded carefully back to the room. 

 

He was really going to do this. Make a grand romantic gesture. On Valentine's Day. To his boyfriend. That he was in love with, probably, because Pierre was always right. Nothing about this seemed real.

 

He turned around the corner to their room. Minori was on his stomach with the pillow under his chin texting somebody, looking soft and rumpled and warm in their bed.

 

"Ah- Kyoji, you'll never believe this. Pierre told us t-"

 

Minori cut himself off, mouth already forming around a grin. Kyoji had no idea what kind of face he was making, but he could feel the heat on his cheeks already, "Happy Valentine's day, Minori-san…"

 

In his right hand, he held the plate of breakfast, and then, in his left, he held a small bouquet of bright red roses and a little present box. His hands were shaking, and the very real possibility of him dropping the meal he made popped into his mind so he set it on the nightstand next to the bed. 

 

"I know it's not really a full, pretty bouquet like you made, but I didn't really know what to get other than these without you there…" Kyoji started, handing them off to a properly stunned Minori, "I, um…"

 

Say it, damn it, say it.

 

He swallowed his nervousness and focused on Minori, who was gripping the flowers tight to his chest, "I thought a lot about their meaning, though. I don't think there's any other flower that could've, um represented my feelings better."

 

Minori's lip was trembling and he was making big eyes at Kyoji from across the bed, "Kyoji, you have to come and kiss me, right now. I don't make the rules, you have to do it."

 

"It sounds like you do make the rules…" Kyoji mumbled, but gratefully scooted closer so Minori could drag him into a soft kiss, "I have something else, though, too."

 

Minori whined and rubbed his face into Kyoji's shoulder, still holding his flowers close to his chest, "Oh my God, Kyoji, you're literally too much! You're gonna kill me. No wait, actually, I'm already dead. You killed me."

 

Kyoji's face was red, and he leaned back against the bed, "Don't die, that's not allowed. Just, let me…" 

 

He played with the box in his hands, tried to conjure up words for this. Minori liked the flowers, he understood what the roses meant, obviously, and he looked really happy and bright and everything was going smoothly so far. He wanted so badly to not disappoint Minori.

 

But Minori's head came to rest back on Kyoji's shoulder, cuddling close to him and the plastic holding the bouquet crinkled, "Don't force yourself, okay? I can feel your negative energy from here, silly."

 

Oh God, his vibes were ruining the moment. 

 

"I-I’m okay, this is way more important," no, actually, "You're way more important."

 

He couldn't see Minori's face from this position, but the squeeze to his arm felt like silent encouragement. He shifted the box so it was resting on Minori’s leg and gestured for him to open it. Minori picked it up and slid the top of it, revealing two keys inside, one blue and one pink, the same color as the ribbon Minori usually wore in his hair.

 

“Keys?” Minori questioned, looking gently up at Kyoji.

 

“Pierre already has his copy, but, uh, this is the key to your place. I thought it might be, um, cute if we all matched…” he gulped, “This place is home, you know? And us together, we’re like a family. No, we are a family.”

 

Minori let out a shaky breath and bit his lip, but Kyoji wasn’t done, “I know it’s kind of weird to give you the key to your own apartment, but it makes me really, really happy you asked me to move in with you. I don’t really know how to show you that I take this seriously, but I do.

 

Minori held his little key to his chest with his bouquet and looked so, so touched that Kyoji couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

 

“Kyoji… we match ,” Minori’s voice wobbled on the last word and it startled a laugh out of Kyoji.

 

“Heh, yeah, I know, I know,” Kyoji reached for Minori’s free hand, suddenly needing physical contact, “Do you like it?”

 

“It’s perfect.” Minori smiled warmly up at him and... huh. Hm. Yeah. Kyoji was definitely in love with him. That feeling spread to every part of his body and he just kinda sat there, stewing in the realization.

 

Minori kissed his cheek and they cuddled closer together. Minori looked like an angel, pink flushed on his cheeks and holding roses. They sat there for another few minutes, just enjoying each other’s company. Quietly chatting and laughing together. In their own world.

 

It couldn’t have gone any more perfectly. 

 

Except when suddenly, Minori jumped apart and looked at him with wide eyes, “Kyoji, oh my God! Didn’t you make food?!” 

 

Oh shit.



 

 

 

おまけ

 

Exactly a year later, and everything in their lives had changed in big, grand ways Kyoji could’ve never imagined on his own.

 

They were still together, all three of them, and still spent everyday together but now, somehow, they were idols. They had fans and songs and a Producer. It was insane, but he was the happiest he’d ever been. 

 

They had to work on Valentine’s, like most idols do, according to Minori, but they got home around dinner time, so they still got to celebrate a little. 

 

Minori yawned and followed Kyoji through the door, leaning on his back after they took their coats off, "Hokuto-san was really great at the photoshoot today, huh?"

 

Kyoji nodded, digging through his pockets for his keys after hanging his jacket up, "Yeah, it's impressive that he's always in idol-mode."

 

"That's Jupiter for ya, huh! Must be some birthday magic to make him so photogenic, too, right?" Minori hummed, after they settled themselves on the couch.

 

"I think he just always looks like that," Kyoji put his arm around Minori's shoulders and laid back, super tired after a long day in front of cameras, "That's how he always looks in those Jupiter live DVDs we used to watch, I guess."

 

Minori put his legs over Kyoji's lap, obviously not caring that Kyoji has chosen the couch as his napping area, "We should watch those again, soon… We need more idol-study time."

 

Kyoji hummed, that was alright, it's not like he couldn't use the extra help. Minori was probably forgetting that now they could literally go and see Jupiter whenever they wanted, though, and also borrow other Jupiter DVDs that they didn't have yet from other fans in 315Production, like Maita-san or Producer. In any case, he was too tired to think about anything but how comfortable the couch was.

 

He was dozing, almost asleep, before suddenly Minori was shaking him. He squinted his eyes and groaned, but Minori was already talking, "Kyoji! Kyoji, I think I lost my key?! The one that you gave me! Help me find it, I thought it was in my bag but it's not there?!"

 

"Huh?" Kyoji replied, groggy as hell, "it's fine, I'll get you a new one. Come back…"

 

"It's not fine, that one is special!" Kyoji's eyes didn't have to be open to know that he was pouting and it was definitely really cute. 

 

He slid off the couch and laid on the floor, listening to Minori semi-tear their apartment apart looking for last year's Valentine's gift to him. He could help, but it really wasn't a big deal if it was lost. Plus, he was pretty sure it was under their bed because he might have accidentally kicked it under there this morning. But it's fine.

 

He heard sounds like Minori might've found it, but he was already almost asleep again to react. His phone also dinged in his pocket, but he could say with 95% certainty it was Pierre's daily text letting them know he got home safe. 

 

He hid a grin into the sleeves of his hoodie, where he was using his arms as a pillow. He'd found it.

 

The place where he belongs.

Notes:

ive always wanted to explore pre-beit pre-idol kyoji in more detail (before he really opens up) so im glad i had this opportunity!! thanks for reading, please please leave a comment and tell me what you thought!