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Kageyama has never been good at feelings. He does what he’s always known: how to block, how to put up walls, how to push people away so they can fly higher.
But now he and Hinata live in the same home. Kageyama’s defenses are screaming an intruder alert, but the part of him that wants to be loved yells even louder.
“Boke. ” Kageyama looks at his watch for the fifth time in the past three minutes. “If we don’t hurry, we’re not going to get good seats.”
“They have to give us special treatment, right?” Hinata calls from the room over. He’s probably struggling to put his sweatshirt on the right way. “I mean, we’re basically legends at Karasuno.”
Kageyama storms towards Hinata’s bedroom, where it sits right across from his in the small apartment they both share. When Kageyama and Hinata had (predictably) both ended up at the same college, they decided it’d be better to room with each other instead of trying to meet someone new. God, Kageyama hates meeting new people.
“What is taking you so long?”
Hinata stares back at him with that wide-eyed face that somehow looks innocent every time. Kageyama finds it infuriating that Hinata’s face is almost beautiful when it smooths out like that.
“Sorry.” Hinata adjusts his collar awkwardly and stands up straight. Kageyama can’t tell if Hinata looks suspiciously nicer than usual with his slick pants and dark green sweater, or if he’s just projecting. He’s probably just projecting.
Kageyama grabs Hinata’s arm with a ‘tch ’ and drags him towards the door, Hinata struggling and protesting the whole way. “For someone who loves volleyball you really have a hard time getting to the court on time.”
“I just wanted to look nice !”
The game is happening, really, really happening . He never would have guessed that volleyball would grow so popular at Karasuno High in just three years after he’d left, but he supposes that winning nationals would do that to a school. Nostalgia fills him, along with some strange sort of self-pride for helping the team get there.
“Wow!” Hinata bounces beside him, jumping up and down like a feral kangaroo. “Look at those upgrades!”
Kageyama looks around at the gym; it has so many more seats than it used to and more than one court. Not bad for a rural high school. But then again, they’re a powerhouse now.
The lights in the gym are bright and hot, even with the high ceiling, and Kageyama is sure he can smell every single person in this gym. It’s basically a human pigsty. He’s not sure if good memories or bad memories are coming back to him as he takes in the scene. Maybe both.
Hinata grabs his hand, and Kageyama tries not to flush.
“Come on!” Hinata yells, pulling him to their seats in the bleachers, and Kageyama, as always, cannot help but follow him.
“So, what do you think?"
Kageyama turns to his left to find Hinata looking at him expectantly.
Karasuno has just called a timeout after the opposing team got into the groove of a streak. Young Coach Ukai, looking a bit older, and Sensei Ittetsu, looking a bit more sure of himself, both talk to the boys in hushed voices. Kageyama can almost guess what Ukai is saying based on his expression. Keep up hope! The game isn’t lost until it’s over!
That’s right. The game isn’t lost until it’s over. Kageyama has to do this.
“Uh, do you have a concussion?” Hinata waves his hand in front of Kageyama’s face. “Why are you just staring?”
Kageyama almost chokes. “Nonono, I was just thinking.”
Hinata starts rambling about each of the team members in the new lineup, and Kageyama just listens. He’s comfortable this way, Hinata spreading his sunshine and Kageyama just absorbing all of it. He’s never been very good at talking, anyway. Maybe that’s why this is so hard.
Kageyama is sweating, and he’s 100% positive that it’s not because of the heat in the gym.
“Hinata, I--” he starts.
Hinata barely notices him, watching the game with rapt attention. Kageyama furrows his brow and opens his mouth to start again, but then Karasuno scores.
Their side of the stadium leaps to their feet and erupts into cheers. That old guy who always came to Karasuno games is only a few feet away and is whooping the loudest. Some things never change. But then, some things do. Hinata and Kageyama have changed, and now Kageyama can’t deal.
He closes his mouth. There will be another time.
The stadium seems to quiet down. Match point. Kageyama can see the Karasuno setter vibrating. He recognizes that face of concentration and trepidation. That feeling of not knowing what is to come, of fear and excitement. That feeling of determination.
Kageyama is wearing that face now. He turns to Hinata and starts, “Hinata, I brought you here because--”
Score. An ace serve.
Kageyama watches Hinata’s face bloom in what feels like slow motion. His concentrated scowl morphs into a grin that can only be described as sunshine. His eyes screw up in pure joy, and he leaps onto his seat, cups his mouth, and starts to holler.
Kageyama hates how his stomach starts to feel the same way it feels when he watches Hinata cook scrambled eggs from around the corner, the same way it feels when Hinata is napping on the couch and drooling a little bit on the pillow (Hinata is so gross). It’s the same way it feels when the light hits Hinata’s hair just right, when Hinata yells, “I’m home!” through the door, when Kageyama comes home and he is already there, waiting.
Kageyama realizes this is how he feels almost all the time. God, he’s never been good at feelings, but now they overwhelm him like a storm.
Shit . The stadium is roaring, thundering. Kageyama can barely hear himself over the noise, but Hinata grabs him into a hug and gives him a tight squeeze, and all Kageyama can hear is his heart beating like it’s going to burst.
After the game, Hinata and Kageyama stumble to a restaurant to celebrate Karasuno’s win. They don’t know anybody on the team anymore, but the team still feels like it’s made of friends.
Hinata’s being his usual obnoxious self. “Wow, that was great! The ball went fwoom, bam, showowow, and then I was like, ‘How are we going to come back from this?’ and then our ace was like ‘Don’t worry, I gotchu,’ and he went WHOOOOSH BAM. That was so cool!”
Their hands are inexplicably intertwined. Kageyama wants to yell. What does it all mean ? Hinata has always been kind of touchy, so maybe it means nothing. But there’s the hopeful part of him that doesn't want to question it too much, that just wants to lean into the touch more in case it ever stops.
“One plum wine, please,” Hinata calls cheerily as they take their seats.
“Enjoying flexing that you’re twenty, huh,” Kageyama mutters.
It’s a conveyor belt sushi place, and since talking is harder than eating, Kageyama decides he’ll just eat sushi until his heart burn stops. He chews and swallows methodically, barely registering anything around him.
When he’d asked Hinata to go to this game with him, Kageyama had this idea in his head that he would finally tell Hinata at the game. The people are loud and barely pay attention to others in the crowd, so it’d be almost like telling him in private, minus the awkward silences. And, they’d be at Karasuno, which Hinata loves. And they’d be watching volleyball, which Hinata loves more than anything. So, naturally, Hinata would be in a good mood, and then he’d be more likely to take the news without being angry.
A familiar voice jolts him out of his thoughts. “Kags, why do you look so angry? We won?”
“I’m not angry.” He shoves another piece of inari sushi into his mouth.
“Come on. I’m not dumb.”
“Yes, you are.” If only Hinata knew how dumb he was.
“I have eyes.”
“Okay.”
“Kageyamaaaaaa.” Hinata draws out the syllable for a few seconds too long. “Tell me, why are you sad?”
“No reason.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I’m not sure.”
Kageyama slams down his chopsticks with as much control as he can muster. “I’m sad because I fucking love you.”
There. Kageyama wants to cry a little bit. This isn’t how he wanted it to go at all. They’re at a strange sushi place, and he feels much too full, and all this sushi is going to cost way more than he wanted to spend today, and also Hinata looks sad now.
“I,” Kageyama swallows, “I’m sorry. I mean, we’re friends. I mean, we weren’t always friends. We were kind of rivals. Still are in some ways. You never do the dishes. But, I also…I like you a lot and I think it’s in a special way…” he trails off, not knowing what to say. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I just want to put my face into the crook of your neck and never leave it. That’s all I know.”
Hinata’s wide-eyed expression gets him every time.
“You absolutely stupid sack of garbage,” Hinata whispers.
Kageyama looks down at his sushi and starts eating again. “Things can still be normal if you want.”
“No, you.” Hinata punches Kageyama in the shoulder, and he yelps. “You’re the stupid one. Why do you think I tried to dress nicely for this game when I can barely get dressed for class? Why do you think I agreed to come with you to the game? Why do you think I say, ‘Let me see if I’m doing anything with Kageyama’ every time someone asks me if I’m free? You think I’ve just been holding your hand for fun?”
Kageyama sputters like a fish. What the hell was this ball coming from his blind spot? “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah. Who’s boke now.”
Kageyama flushes, but the words don’t come. It’s unexpected. It’s strange. How could Hinata, a star that every setter wants to orbit around, say something like that to him?
“So, like, was this a first date?” Hinata is staring at his lips intently, and Kageyama shivers under that stare. “Can I?”
Kageyama feels a tug on his heart, but he pulls it back. Hinata will be here, always. There’s no reason to rush. And for some reason, that makes Kageyama love him more. “Not so fast, idiot. I just finished eating sushi.”
Hinata laughs loudly, the bubbly kind of laugh that fills Kageyama’s heart up to the brim. “Come on, let’s pay and go home.”
Home. Kageyama can do that.