Chapter Text
Zenitsu rests his chin on his palm and lets out a sigh, a very pointedly dramatic sigh.
He's perched on the rickety wooden windowsill, hazel eyes following the prettiest girl on campus. No, pretty isn't the right word, beautiful is better. Because Nezuko's luscious long black hair, her large pretty eyes, and her creamy smooth skin just all naturally point to that conclusion. She's a girl of few words which Zenitsu likes in a world that just can't shut up. Nezuko is also incredibly sweet, Zenitsu can attest to this, saw her sacrifice her lunch to a boy in need, damn him, and ate a loaf of bread instead.
Right now, Nezuko is sitting with her small group of friends, her eyes on her phone. Truly mesmerizing.
Some would say that his declaration of her perfection is an exaggeration. To those people, Zenitsu will gladly bite their heads off. Because Kamado Nezuko is a goddess, and Zenitsu will not accept constructive criticism on this. Not ever.
The life of a romantic is truly a difficult one, Zenitsu sighs again.
"Are you thinking about dumb shit again?" Inosuke asks, pulling a face at him. "You have that constipated look on your face again."
Zenitsu proceeds to punch Inosuke in the arm, which of course Inosuke doesn't take that lying down, and a sort of brawl breaks out. He wins of course, even if he has a bruise on the side of his face and he's pretty sure his wrist is sprained. Inosuke looks fine but winning is subjective.
Truly, the life of a true romantic is a difficult one.
💘
Thing is, Zenitsu likes being a romantic. It's an ideal that he strives to achieve, not always the easiest feat, but he tries his best.
Because, no, Zenitsu doesn't want to be that guy who uses girls and dumps them once he's had his fun with them. He doesn't want to be that guy where just any girl will do for him and are replaceable to him, jumping from one girl to the next. No, he'll treat the girl he loves like a princess – give her all the love and attention she deserves like a true gentleman would. It's what his Gramps drilled into him the whole time while he was growing up, refused to let him grow up like his low life son who walked out on his two kids and wife.
His mother died a long time ago, about two years after his father left. It’s not a fact that saddens him, he doesn't really care about her anymore. She was hardly any important part of his life growing up, just locked herself away in her room after his father walked out to mope and cry, throwing any and all responsibility onto Gramps. When she died, he remembers the Oh feeling he had, the way he couldn't even bring himself to cry even though tears normally came to him so easily. Kaigaku, his older brother, called him heartless and spat in his face at the funeral. Gramps admonished him at the time, a comforting grip on his own shoulder, which made Kaigaku storm off to who knows where. Zenitsu thinks something permanently changed in Kaigaku that day, but that’s a story for another time.
Anyway.
Zenitsu doesn't want to be like his low life father who walked out on them, who left his mother broken and his brother bitter. No, he's going to be a true romantic, a gentleman.
He's fairly convinced that Nezuko is the one for him too, she's perfect for him in every way, and his stomach gets that fun butterfly feeling whenever she's near. No, he hasn't properly talked to her yet, but that is negligible information because he knows they will end up together eventually. He has all these fantasies about how to properly romance her; showering her with compliments so she knows she's loved and appreciated, taking her out on dates, getting her pink flowers since pink is her favorite color. Zenitsu knows this because he pays attention; noticed how she wears pink most of the time, the pretty pink ribbons that she puts in her hair.
He knows this will work because Zentisu reads shoujo manga, a lot of fanfiction, and they seem like quite trustworthy sources of information. No, it's not gay for a boy to read m|m fanfiction about his favorite anime characters; they're just well written, and Zenitsu is merely here for the realism and the art behind it.
A common theme he's noted in a lot of shoujo manga is that the main character writes love letters to their crush. A warmup of sorts before they confess their feelings to them, so they aren't a total stranger when that moment comes. It's very romantic, Zenitsu thinks as he goes to put in today's letter in Nezuko's locker.
He also likes to write them, they're cathartic in a way, like a diary entry. Writing is one of his favorite pass times next to playing the piano, so it's kind of nice to get his thoughts out on paper, tell her that she looked pretty that day or even just little things about his day. Some of them are a bit cheesy, he will admit, with quotes from his favorite novels and poems or just something he thought of and wants to share with her. He just hopes she enjoys them, doesn't find them cringey or even worse; creepy.
It also helps soothe his anxiety in a way; it's much easier to approach Nezuko through a letter in her locker than to approach her in real life. No, he's not a coward…he's just…intimidated. She's incredibly pretty and Zenitsu is smitten, he can't help but feel like a tongue-tied idiot whenever she's around.
He lingers at her locker for a moment, the Kamado scrawled over it seems to mock him. He wishes he could talk to her, just once. The closest he's ever gotten to it is that one time he sort of intentionally bumped into her in the cafeteria, to which he profusely apologized, and she just nodded. That eyesore of a brother who sits with her too often, grabbed her hand and took her away right afterward, telling her he found a table.
It's kind of laughable that that's the only encounter they had, probably not even memorable for Nezuko, but it meant everything to him. Inosuke laughs at him for it anyway, but he brushes it off, Inosuke just doesn't get love the same way he does. It's not his fault.
Still, he wants to do something about it. He doesn't want his love to be unrequited forever, to have his love only shared behind this unfeeling metal locker door. No, he wants to be able to talk to Nezuko, to laugh with her, hold her hand, maybe talk about themselves a bit. Maybe she might even like to listen to one of the songs he composed on the piano, he doesn't mean to brag, but he has perfect pitch so it's something he's quite good at. He would love to hear about some of her interests too, of course.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day he'll confess his feelings to her. It's scary, there's a high chance she might think she's too good for him, but he'll just have to wish for the best.
Even if she says no, Zenitsu has already made up his mind that he won't give up that easily. At least with a confession, he'll have broken the barrier between them, and romancing her will be easier since he'll actually be able to talk to her.
He makes up his mind that today's letter will be the last letter he writes to Nezuko. In a stroke of bravery that he will very much regret two minutes later, he writes a time and date on the back of the letter, and quickly slips it in before he changes his mind.
Besides, there's always the chance that she may have been charmed by the letters he wrote to her.
💘
Tomorrow comes too fast, Zenitsu has hardly slept because his night has been wrought with too much anxiety, and he now has several life regrets. Any wink of sleep he did have was restless, filled with incoherent nightmares of Nezuko calling him gross, disgusting, and every variation thereof. He knows she's nice, that she wouldn't break his heart like that, but he can't help it. His anxiety has never been rational, and listening to these thoughts all night long makes him feel very much convinced.
Why the hell had he convinced himself that this was a good idea?
Hesitantly, he calls Inosuke, needs someone, anyone to tell him this is going to be okay.
“Inosuke?” Zenitsu asks when Inosuke answers on the seventh ring of the second phone call. “Can I tell you something?”
“I swear to God, I'm going to murder you,” Inosuke replies, voice gruff and very unkind. “The fuck are you calling me at ass o' clock for, huh?”
Zenitsu winces, “Actually, it's 7:28am -”
“Hah? That sounds like ass o' clock to me, the fuck do you want?” Inosuke asks him. Zenitsu smiles, he knows Inosuke will always pull through when he needs him to.
"I - uh - I may have done a thing…" he trails off.
"Did you do something dumb?" Inosuke asks him, sounding very impatient.
"Of course not! Why would you think that?" Zenitsu asks scandalized. He also feels slightly called out.
"Because you're a dumbass," Inosuke deadpans. "It wouldn't be too farfetched."
"Keep that tone, and you can see who's going to give you my ultra-simplified biochem notes," Zenitsu bristles. Only Gramps is allowed to call him a dumbass, sometimes Kaigaku even if he doesn't like it. He thinks he'd let Nezuko call him a dumbass if she wanted to, although he's sure such crude words would never fall from her delicate lips.
"Sorry, it won't happen again," Inosuke apologizes immediately.
"Thought so," Zenitsu rolls his eyes, turning over on the bed. "So, I'm gonna finally confess to Nezuko-chan today. In like, four hours and twenty-three minutes. I'm nervous."
"Ahh, so you did do something dumb," Inosuke says.
"It's not dumb," Zenitsu protests indignantly.
"It is, but whatever. At least you can get rejected and finally shut up about how she shits rainbows and unicorns," Inosuke replies.
Obviously, Inosuke isn't much of a morning person.
"That is so not true," Zenitsu whines. "I bet Nezuko doesn't even poop, she's too pretty for that."
"Yeah, whatever."
Zenitsu frowns, this really isn't the reassurance he was looking for. Still, Inosuke is his only friend, best friend even and he tells him everything for better or for worse. Well he tells him most things, the inconsequential things, like how his day went and if a TA was rude to him. He hasn't told him about his weird family situation or even that he's been writing letters to Nezuko for the last six months, thinks he'd die of embarrassment if he did, and Inosuke wouldn't get it anyway.
Still, they've been through a lot together, Inosuke might not show it, but he knows that he cares. Deep down, very deep down. Or at least he hopes so anyway.
"Do you really think she's going to reject me?" Zenitsu asks. He needs to get up and get ready soon, his hair is way too long and it usually takes him twenty minutes just to get the knots out and wrestle his hair into a high ponytail. He should probably put more effort into his appearance today too, but just the thought is enough to send him into an anxious frenzy.
"Yes," Inosuke replies bluntly. Inosuke wouldn't be Inosuke if he didn't shower him with his blunt honesty, although he must admit, he wishes he could have lied to him just this once. He's already nervous enough as it is.
"Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence," Zenitsu rolls his eyes, trying to ignore the stab of hurt in his chest.
"You don't even know her," Inosuke sighs. "I don't get why you're so hung up on her."
"I love her," Zenitsu replies stubbornly, the same way he has the millions of times they've had this conversation in the past.
"You can't love someone you don't know," Inosuke replies the same way he always does. "You're just in love with an idea."
“I do know her,” Zenitsu argues, because he does. Sure, he hasn’t spoken to her before, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know her either. He knows that she’s a freshman in the science department, that she’s quiet without being shy, that she has three friends that she always hangs out with and a brother with red hair and stupid earrings, and that her favorite color is pink.
“You really don’t,” Inosuke repeats.
And once again, Zenitsu shuts him down because this isn't what he wants to hear. Inosuke doesn't know anything, he's never fallen in love before and even if he did, it's not fair for him to pass judgement on his life and assume he knows better than him how he feels.
"Okay, thanks for the advice. I'm gonna go get ready now," Zenitsu rolls his eyes, getting out of bed. He hangs up without saying bye, he's sure Inosuke won't mind, because he hangs up on him all the time.
Inosuke's opinion doesn't matter, Zenitsu tells himself, it doesn’t matter because he’s wrong. It's going to be fine, Nezuko will say yes and everything will work out.
Optimism isn't one of Zenitsu's virtues, is prone to anxiety and falling down slippery slopes, but he'll just have to try.
💘
Four hours and eighteen minutes later finds Zenitsu standing under the cherry blossom tree, a smaller one that's at the back of the campus. It's nice here, Zenitsu often comes here when he needs to be alone, no offense to Inosuke - he just needs some time where he can just…be without talking to anyone or fighting against his anxiety, another companion that never seems to let him go.
Usually when he's having one of those moods, he just goes to the room on the third floor of the music department, the one that's always empty so he can just make music. It's relaxing in a way that nothing else is, loves the way the gentle notes of the piano keys wash over his ears, brings him down more than anyone else manages to do.
Now, however, he's not standing under this tree to satisfy his antisocial needs. No, he's waiting for Nezuko, a place that's nice and scenic. He's even wearing a somewhat nice outfit with a smart yellow sweater with a white button down shirt underneath that's rolled up to his elbows, his hair groomed into a neat high ponytail, went with contacts today instead of his glasses. At least, he thinks it’s an upgrade from his normal loose sweatshirts and oddly patterned shirts. He's trying his best to impress her, he knows he's not as pretty as Inosuke is or as handsome as Kaigaku, but hopefully she doesn't think he's ugly either.
Still, at least this place is secluded enough that Zenitsu won't be publicly humiliated in front of a bunch of his peers if he gets rejected.
Key word here being If.
Still, Zenitsu can't shake his nerves, part of why he came here fifteen minutes early, all his bravado from yesterday where he declared that he would take any rejection in stride, wouldn’t give up on her has all but evaporated. He keeps on imagining Nezuko coming, taking one look at his face and his choppy blond hair, and leaving without even hearing him out. Or worse, she does hear him out and thinks he's gross, leaving him in the dust and his own broken heart.
Maybe Inosuke is right, maybe this is hopeless. He should just go before he humiliates himself. Yeah, it's kind of shitty to not come after making a promise to be here but getting horribly rejected is even more shitty. A life growing up with Kaigaku who always picks on him and borderline bullies him, taught him that self-preservation and avoidance are very important life skills for survival.
He's just about made up his mind to leave when he hears a voice, kind and gentle, hold him back, "Excuse me?"
Fuck, it's too late to leave. He'll just have to take it like a man and cry later in the bathroom in a very unmanly way.
Turning around slowly, he's shocked to see it's not Nezuko standing in front of him…but her brother. The other Kamado. It's definitely him, he sees him hanging around her all the time, his burgundy hair and hanafuda earrings are quite iconic. He doesn't even know his first name. Why the hell is he here?
Did…Nezuko send her brother to reject him in her place? His heart cracks slightly at the thought, but he tries to tell himself that surely Nezuko wouldn't do something like that, she's too nice for that.
Inosuke's voice rings in his head loudly, telling him that he doesn't even know her. It's harder to ignore that voice this time.
"Ahh, Kamado-kun," Zenitsu says. He tries to smile but it comes off as a grimace because he can't hide the dread inside. He meant to follow that up with something else like 'Fancy seeing you here' or 'Please don't punch me' but the words get trapped in his throat.
"Um, hello," Kamado smiles. It's a nice smile, looks genuine and pleasant, throwing Zenitsu off. Not many people give the person they're about to punch a genuine and pleasant smile before they do it. Oh God, Nezuko's brother is a psychopath, forget getting punched, he's going to get killed. "Uh...nice to meet you…? I'm sorry, I don't know your name."
Is it smart for Zenitsu to give his name to a psychopath? What if he stalks him and finds his house, tries to blackmail him, or kill him and blame it on Kaigaku. Oh shit, Kaigaku would totally go to jail and then he'd turn into a drug lord or something equally scary. He definitely shouldn't tell him his name, but he also doesn't want to test his temper.
He sends Kaigaku a mental apology, but every man for himself.
"Uh, yeah, I'm Zenitsu – Agatsuma Zenitsu," Zenitsu says, mentally punching himself for saying his last name too. That just makes him all that easier for Kamado to track him down. He tries to keep up the pleasantries, "Erm, it's nice to meet you too."
Kamado nods jerkily, looks at the cherry blossoms, catches one between his fingers. He doesn't say anything else, slowly bringing the petals to his nose and taking a whiff of the soft floral fragrance. Zenitsu doesn't know what's up with him, why he's here, and why he hasn't started threatening him yet and is smelling flowers instead.
Kamado puzzles him.
He wants to ask, but waits, the ball is in Kamado's court now.
A few more incredibly awkward moments pass where Kamado resolutely refuses to look at him and Zenitsu is pretending he isn't looking at him, but most definitely is. In those few moments, he takes in the shape of his earrings that actually look kind of cool rather than stupid, the carefully styled hair, and the plaid sweater with alternating black and green colors. Zenitsu honestly can't say he remembers what Kamado's base line is fashion-wise, but he must admit that he looks quite nice now.
He's no Nezuko, yes, but he guesses that attractive looking genes must run in the family.
Maybe Kamado isn’t a psychopath, Zenitsu hopes. Inosuke always did say he's prone to theatrics and slippery slopes, well he said so in less eloquent words, but Zenitsu has learned how to read between the lines.
Kamado breaks the silence first.
"I honestly didn't know what to expect coming here," Kamado eventually says, his eyes still fixed on the trees and not Zenitsu himself. "I - uh - you're very pretty."
Zenitsu's quite sure his brain just broke, that or he's hearing things because surely Kamado didn't just call him 'very pretty'.
"You, your hair is really long and blonde, it's nice," Kamado explains, leaving Zenitsu confused. “I – yeah. Your uh, your letters, they were nice too.”
His letters were nice? Zenitsu wants to die. Did Nezuko really show his letters to her brother, he’s been writing to her for six months now. This is so freaking embarrassing, he really needs to find a hole and become one with it.
“What?” Zenitsu can’t help but ask, his heart breaking in his chest. He knows he really didn’t know Nezuko, but he can’t help the emotion of betrayal that bubbles up in his chest that she would do something like this.
“Yeah,” Kamado smiles, scratching the side of his cheek. He finally looks at Zenitsu gives him a sweet smile, one that’s devoid of any cruel or mocking intent. “I haven’t really dated anybody before, haven’t had much time for it. Obviously nobody has sent me letters before either, so it was a bit strange getting letters from a boy – at least I guessed you were a boy from the tone of your letters – but it was kind of flattering that you liked me so much, haha.”
Zenitsu doesn’t know how many mind fucks he can have in one day before it’s officially enough. Why does Kamado, who he doesn’t even know the first name of, think that his letters that were all very carefully written and tailored to Nezuko think it’s for him? Zenitsu is a guy, why the hell would he be writing love letters to Nezuko’s brother of all people?
Wait, does Kamado think he’s gay?
He’s not gay or anything like that though. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, he hasn’t really interacted with any gay people because Japan is a bit conservative about that kind of thing, but it’s just not anything that’s crossed his mind. Especially since he’s always had a very healthy appreciation for girls, for their long hair and tinkering laughter, their delicate and more emotional natures.
He guesses in a way; he never considered the fact that there are other people outside of his tiny bubble.
Not the time for this realization, he files this away for later, needs to focus on the right now.
“I – the letters?” Zenitsu questions.
Kamado nods, fishing out the last one, addressed to Kamado-san. “You did write these, right? They were always quite entertaining, I especially liked the ones where you’d tell me about your day, made me understand a bit more about the person who was writing me so many letters.”
Vaguely, Zenitsu starts to register the possibility that Inosuke was right, that he truly is a dumbass. Because it’s becoming increasingly clear that Zenitsu is a dumbass who sent his letters to the wrong Kamado, that this whole time that he thought he’s been romancing Nezuko, he’s actually been romancing her brother.
Zenitsu flushes with embarrassment, suddenly remembering with increasing clarity all the humiliating things he wrote in those letters. Things ranging from how he thought Nezuko, he always referred to her as Kamado to be polite, looked beautiful that day to a song he composed that day while thinking of her. The poetry, the quotes, oh God, this is so embarrassing.
They weren’t exactly personal, of course Zenitsu would never tell Nezuko about his family issues or any of his insecurities in a letter, but they were still a part of him. A part of him that Kamado is now privy to, a total stranger to him.
He buries his face in his hands, tries to hide the utter mortification on his face, and groans loudly as his tears prick with tears. How the hell does he get himself out of this one?
But then, Zenitsu feels hands touching his wrists and slowly removing his hands away from his face, a calming smile on his face. Like this, they are standing incredibly close, Kamado’s face too close to his own. Kamado is shorter than him by several inches, Zenitsu doesn’t miss the way he’s standing on his tip toes so that he can be closer to Zenitsu’s level, and he almost wishes he hadn’t done that. Because like this, it’s hard for Zenitsu to not notice just how pretty and large Kamado’s eyes are, or the freckles that dust his cheeks. He also notices how Kamado’s hands are calloused and rough, in a way most college students’ hands shouldn’t be, but they are so warm and engulf his own hands easily.
“Hey, please don’t be embarrassed about it,” Kamado placates him, his tone so soft and soothing. Zenitsu closes his eyes, letting his voice wash over his ears, hating how nice it sounds. Fuck, no guy should sound this nice, it’s not fair. “I really did like the letters a lot, bit by bit, I started to find myself falling for the person behind them even though I didn’t know your face or your name.”
Wait, what?
“You like me?” Zenitsu asks.
Is Kamado…gay?
It’s an interesting spectacle watching Kamado’s cheeks flare red, immediately letting go of Zenitsu’s hands and putting an appropriate distance between them once more. His calm confidence is gone and his bashful appearance is back in place. Zenitsu's hands still tingle from how long Kamado held them, how he didn't even notice it till his touch was gone.
"Maybe just a little," Kamado admits, his face almost as red as his burgundy hair now. He fakes a cough, scuffing his shoes awkwardly, sneaking a small glance at him, it's incredibly shy and it holds something else. "You were quite charming."
That something else, Zenitsu realizes with absurd incredulity, is fondness. Kamado is smitten, has a crush on him, and Zenitsu doesn't know what to do with this information.
His neck prickles with warmth, that heat spreading all the way to his cheeks, as he bites his lip to hold back the dumb smile that's threatening to form on his face.
"Oh, really?" Zenitsu asks, rubbing his neck bashfully. "That's, that's nice."
Because, yes, those letters weren't intended for Kamado nor does he like him, but Zenitsu is still very much a praise whore. He loves people praising him, giving him compliments, telling him that he's good. He's a teacher’s pet, always working three times harder than everyone else so he can get good grades, make good music - feel like he's actually done some sort of an accomplishment. It makes it ten times more gratifying too, makes it all worth his effort, when a professor tells him good job or when Gramps tells him he's proud of him. Especially since he grew up in a household where Kaigaku is always making fun of him and Gramps, while he's kind and loves him, is quite critical most of the time.
Zenitsu has never been put in a situation where someone clearly admitted that they liked him, girl and most certainly not boy. In many ways, he feels incredibly flattered, his face warm and his stomach filling with butterflies.
Because in a way, his words touched someone, made someone's heart shift and develop a crush without even seeing his face or knowing his name. Hell, Kamado even told him that he thinks he's pretty, another first for him.
"Yes," Kamado nods jerkily. It's sweet, too sweet, and suddenly Inosuke's words rear their ugly head and he's filled with doubt.
"But you don't even really know me though," Zenitsu says.
"I feel like I do, at least a little bit," Kamado replies. He does an impressive feat of catching another cherry blossom as it falls, looking at it fondly before he redirects that same gaze back at Zenitsu. "But still, I wouldn't say no to the opportunity of getting to know you. Only if you'd want to as well."
The implications behind that statement blare clear as day, sobering Zenitsu out of his haze of being flattered, as his awkwardness settles in again. Because what Kamado is proposing, what Zenitsu himself would have proposed if this confession were to go correctly and it was Nezuko standing in front of him, is that they would start dating.
He doesn't know why he's shocked that Kamado would want to date him, after everything that's been said, but he still is.
That said, Zenitsu still can't say yes to him. He knows this logically, he doesn't love Kamado, he's in love with his sister. He wouldn't be able to fall in love with Kamado either, he's a boy and while he truly doesn't mind that he's gay, Zentisu himself is not. It wouldn't be fair to Kamado to lead him on like this, he doesn't want to hurt his feelings.
But then Kamado looks at him, a cherry blossom falls in his hair, and he smiles at him sweetly. A smile most people don't give to someone like him, and suddenly, his logic doesn't sound all that accurate anymore.
His heart tugs and Zenitsu averts his gaze. It's guilt, guilt because Zenitsu has always been a people pleaser, and when someone is as nice as Kamado is, it makes it ten times harder to hurt their feelings. It's just guilt that he's feeling, nothing else.
"Um, yeah, okay," Zenitsu ends up replying belatedly, his mouth moving unbidden. Wait, what? He's not supposed to be saying yes. "I'd like that."
As soon as the words have left his mouth, he knows he's fucked up. He feels his stomach knot with dread and disbelief that he actually said yes to dating a boy he doesn't know. It was horribly stupid of him, he doesn't know how he's going to fix this mess later, and he almost considers taking it back before he falters and his words fall short on his tongue.
Because Kamado breaks out in a huge grin, looks so radiant that it's almost impossible to look at him, lest his eyes get burned from the intensity of it. Still, Zenitsu doesn't look away, tongue tied, because…well, words can't describe it. Arms are suddenly thrown around his shoulders, a warm embrace that punches the air out of his lungs, and it's all he can do to just stand still.
When was the last time that someone hugged him? He doesn't even remember, this kind of warmth feels foreign to him, but it's also kind of nice, he doesn't hate it. His hands twitch at his sides, doesn't know what to do with them, if he should hug him back or just awkwardly take it. He eventually settles on gently putting his hands around Kamado's hips, so warm under his hands, he feels like he's going to self-combust.
Kamado leans his chin on Zenitsu's shoulder, whispers softly, something muffled and should be too quiet for him to hear but he does anyway. "I'm so happy."
And that's when Zenitsu realizes that he's truly fucked up.