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Eddie had never really given much thought to the way he acted around Richie. They had met so early on in life, that dealing with Richie was just like breathing. He loved all his interactions with Richie, though he could sometimes be a bit much. Back before they started dating, when they were just friends, no- best friends, all they ever did was bicker.
Eddie quite liked the way were around each other, and so even when they changed their relationship to more than friends, it didn’t have an impact on their conversations, and the way they talked to each other.
He never thought twice about how Richie would feel about that. At least he didn’t, until Eddie overheard his coworker jokingly saying to one of her friends that it didn’t seem like him and Richie were a couple. In fact, she had compared their relationship to a train wreck just waiting to happen. She went in great detail about how Eddie never seemed to be affectionate around Richie, and it seemed like he was repulsed by his touch.
Logically, Eddie knew that his coworker was just a gossiper. But that didn’t stop his mind from repeating the words over and over again in his head like a broken record, just like the words of his mom stuck to the edges of his brain, refusing to disappear.
Eddie realized that he wasn’t very touchy feeling with Richie. It just wasn’t his personality. It was Richie’s personality though, and he showed it plenty.
He showed it by constantly touching Eddie in any shape way or form. It wasn’t like Eddie didn’t love it when Richie reached out and grabbed his hands, or when he would randomly stop in the middle of his sentences to reach down and kiss Eddie. It was just that Eddie never initiated these things. He waited until Richie did something, always following his lead when it came to intimacy. It was strange because in every other aspect Eddie had no problem taking matters into his own hands. Richie had helped with that. He felt safe with Richie, and he knew Richie would never ever intentionally or not hurt him. Nevertheless, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about intimacy or his problem with initiating it.
Sofie, the coworker he overheard, knew nothing about Richie and his relationship. Richie loved him, just as much as Eddie loved him. There was no question, not even an inkling of doubt in Eddie’s mind that both of them were smitten for each other. But, as Beverly had once told him after a night of going to town with alcohol bought in the cheap liquor store when they were teenagers, Richie would do and drop everything in a heartbeat for Eddie.
If Eddie said that Richie had to eat stuff of the floor, he wouldn’t even pause. Which just- Eddie shuddered even having to think about doing that. He knew Richie was infuriated with him, and he was afraid, especially after hearing the gossip Sofie had so lovingly spread, that he loved Eddie too much.
He would die for Richie, he had thought about that for a long time and sometimes it scared him. How confidently he could say that, without thinking twice. Despite that, he didn’t think he could ever kiss more than just a peck in public, or would be able to go to fan events with Richie. Which, in all honesty, made him feel like a horrible boyfriend.
Richie was famous, but Eddie couldn’t go with him to his Emmy nomination. He tried, desperately, but he had a panic attack in the car and Richie had almost missed the ceremony because of it. He didn’t try to go again.
Richie, of course, didn’t care about any of this. Or he at the very least didn’t show it. Eddie came to the frightening realization that, though Richie had never voiced his complains about how Eddie behaved around him, he never actually told Eddie he liked whatever they had going.
It had been a week since Eddie had heard that comment, and it was still in the front of his mind. He was acting weird around Richie now, unable to hide anything from the man he had loved since he first understood what the concept of real love was like. When he was a little kid, the manipulation his mom put him through was enough to made him think that love equaled rough touches, doctor checkups and taking someone to the doctor for a paper cut.
So needless to say that it took a while for Eddie to comprehend that he loved Richie. Richie was getting concerned, his nervous ticks showing up again. He stuffed his hands in his pockets if he was getting anxious, and he would spend an overwhelming amount of time trying to brush out the knots in his hair. It was Eddie’s favorite thing to do for his boyfriend, and it hurt him to see Richie being so violent with his hair. It didn’t hurt as much as it gutted Eddie to see Richie getting more and more swallowed up by his anxiety. He knew a conversation was going to come up eventually.
He just didn’t think he was ready for it. Eddie had always been a coward, and even more so now. He loved him so much, and he knew that Richie deserved better, but he was also selfish. If Richie wanted to break up with him, than Eddie was going to drag it out as long as possible. When Eddie finally made it home from his job the following day with a long sigh, Richie was waiting for him in the living room. Thanks to his job, Richie was home almost constantly, and though some people might find that annoying, Eddie loved it. Instantly, Eddie’s already relaxing body tensed up again. The look Richie shot him was one of worry, and Eddie panicked internally.
He tried to smile, but it clearly didn’t meet his eyes, as Richie just raised an eyebrow in return. Shrugging his jacket of his shoulders, Eddie turned with his back towards Richie, taking deep breaths while hanging up his coat.
‘Eds’, Richie started, and even though tilt had only been a few hours, Eddie had missed his voice so much. He surely didn’t tell him as much as he should.
‘Hey baby, how was your day?’ Eddie responded, trying to keep his voice light. He almost winced. He never really used a nickname on Richie, except for Rich and trashmouth. He felt dread settle in. It wouldn’t surprise him if Richie wanted out of their relationship, Eddie had been nothing but rude.
When he turned around, he saw Richie’s scrunched up face. He looked like he was trying to figure something out, and he was trying to stay serious, but it wasn’t long before he bursted out laughing. Eddie deflated a bit, his first attempt wasn’t going great so what? ‘Shut up asshole’, Eddie said, instantly wanting to knock himself over the head. He was such an idiot. Richie only laughed harder, whipping literal tears away. ‘Baby’, he repeated, still chuckling. Eddie couldn’t help but grin back at him, unable to stop himself when he saw Richie’s face light up.
After Richie had finally finished laughing, Eddie reached forward to give him a kiss, which is what he usually did right after getting home. Richie turned serious again, reaching for Eddie’s hand when he went to pull away. ‘Hey Eds’, he started. Eddie opened his mouth, his lips already forming the words to his standardized sentence like a reflex, before slamming it shut with an audible click. He really needed to practice being nicer to Richie. He never meant anything with cruel intentions, when he called Richie trashmouth he meant it in a loving sort of way. He had assumed Richie knew that, but lately he wasn’t so sure.
Richie looked taken aback when Eddie didn’t correct him on ‘Eds’, but chose to ignore that in spite of the feeling of fear forming a ball in his stomach. ‘Are you okay?’ Richie finished, his eyes question, pushing the glasses further on his face. Eddie nodded, smiling a lot him a little wider than he usually would. ‘Yeah babe, everything was fine. You know normal boring stuff at work. The kind you don’t want hear about. How was your day?’
Richie had a questioning look featured in his face, yet he seemed to come to the conclusion that Eddie wasn’t going to tell him what was up.
‘It was good, I worked some more on jokes for my next segment, do you wanna hear them?’
Eddie nodded enthusiastically, and this time it wasn’t forced or anything he had to think about. Though he would often pretend to be disgusted by the words coming out of the comedians mouth about their relationship, in reality he found it hilarious.
He often made fun of Richie’s jokes though, taunting him whatever line he came up with. Richie always laughed when Eddie roasted him, including those roast during his performances as well. Eddie didn’t feel like roasting his boyfriend now though.
Richie turned excitedly towards his laptop. He had slammed it shut when Eddie came in, and was now opening it again. As he did he absentmindedly scooched closer to where Eddie was sitting, causing their bodies to touch as much as possible.
Eddie’s heart soared, he loved this man so much. He never thought he’d have the courage to admit it, but after almost dying, thankfully pulling through at the last minute, he wasn’t going to spend another second on running away from the things he wanted.
‘I was wondering if we could order take out’, Richie commented offhandedly, still trying to open the document he had been working on. Eddie glanced at the calendar, hanging next to the giant clock they had in their living room, and saw that it was a Tuesday. Tuesdays were usually reserved for Eddie to cook.
On Tuesday, Friday and Sunday Eddie prepared meals, the other days of the week Richie takes care of whatever meal he had in mind. Eddie had been fine with scrambling a meal together every night, but he often tried doing making something healthy to balance the junk they ate when it was Richie’s turn. In other words, on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday they ate stuff Richie would never in his life have considered eating before Eddie.
He never complained about the meals he had to eat, probably because Eddie would throw a fit if he didn’t have vegetables at least twice a week. But that didn’t mean that he actually liked them. Eddie must have waited too long, because Richie looked up from his screen to follow his gaze.
‘oh shit sorry Spaghetti, I thought we were Wednesday today, what do you plan on making?’
Richie had said it casually, and he probably didn’t mean anything more than he said, but Eddie wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t overthink everything. He laughed, though it sounded like he was starting to go crazy.
‘No it’s fine, what would you like? Do you want Chinese? Or do you want some pizza? Hold on I’ll call them’, Eddie rushed out, jumping up to get his phone from his pocket.
Richie watched him go, explaining that he didn’t need to order food and that he was just as happy eating whatever Eddie chose to make, but Eddie was to busy rushing to the phone to pay attention to what Richie was saying. As the night went on and Eddie not once roasted Richie, even on stuff that Richie had set up to be roasted, he got even more worried.
Over the next few days, things got strained between the two lovers. Richie had no idea how to feel or think about the change in Eddie’s behavior. It was a vicious cycle they had fallen under. Eddie would be way more touchy than he usually was, Richie would find it weird and hold back on his part, touching him less and less, which caused Eddie to panic and made him hang off Richie even more.
Finally, Richie had had enough. He had asked Eddie to go to a restaurant with him, so he had no choice but to listen to whatever Richie had to say. Eddie had tried avoiding having an actual conversation with Richie, he knew that he was being weird towards his boyfriend, but he loved Richie too much to lose him.
He didn’t really have a choice though, he had missed having normal interactions with Richie. He really missed bickering with Richie too if he was being honest with himself, it’s what made their relationship interesting, and it was how it had always been between the two of them.
When Eddie and Richie got to the restaurant, a small Italian place where they had their first date, there was an uncomfortable silence between the two of them. Eddie had tried, during their ride, to start up a conversation, but a tense gaze from Richie told him that a pet name, which Eddie tried to use, was not going to make the conversation better at all.
They ordered their standard meals, dividing wine between them and stole glances when they thought the other wasn’t looking The silence was finally broken when a woman came up to Richie and asked for a picture, her hands lingering a little too long on one of Richie’s shoulder.
Eddie felt his face flush. When he was still married to Myra, he had never been a jealous person. He couldn’t care less about who had eyes for her, and if a guy had showed up and asked Myra to date him, Eddie was sure he wouldn’t have even stopped him.
Since starting to date Richie though, he couldn’t help but feel defensive at all the attention Richie constantly received. Being famous meant that a lot of people knew who Richie was, so Eddie never failed to feel the annoyance bubbling up under the surface. When she finally left, after telling Richie how amazing he was and how he was so perfect Eddie felt like he was about to explode. He took his wine glass in hand, grumbling under his breath.
Richie, who knew damn well that the lady had been flirting with him but didn’t care because he only has eyes for Eddie, turned to him with a smirk. ‘Why can she do that so easily but I can’t’, Eddie mumbled under his breath, not intending for Richie to hear him, but he did.
Richie’s smirk fell of his face. He reached his hand across the table, clasping Eddie’s hand in his. ‘You alright there Spaghetti-O’?
When Eddie did nothing but nod, Richie squeezed his hand. He waited until Eddie locked eyes with him, before trying again.
‘Are you finally ready to tell me what’s going on? Why you’ve been acting so weird?’ Richie had been wondering for days if he did something to upset Eddie. If he did something wrong and Eddie was ghosting him in some way, he wanted to know how to fix it, though he knew Eddie would never do that. If eddie was mad, he’d respond to that right away, not just dropping hints, but going straight for the throat. Figuratively speaking.
Embarrassingly to Eddie, his eyes started welling up with tears. He did his best to try and coil them away, but it didn’t help much, especially not when Richie’s own eyes welled up with tears. Richie had always been a sympathetic crier.
‘Eds’, Richie tried, but he was interrupted by Eddie. All the weeks frustration and annoyance was finally coming out.
‘I just don’t understand why it’s so easy for other people to be so affectionate. I tried so hard but I can’t help that you’re a dumbass sometimes and I like to make fun of you. I hate that my stupid colleague is making me doubt everything about us. Tell me Rich are you unhappy?’
Before Richie has the chance to answer, Eddie is already raging trough.
‘I know you love to touch and I love that you do that. I love you, but I just don’t think that’s me. I tried so hard, and all it got us was awkward silence. I love how we bicker, I love how that’s perfectly us, but I hate that I’m making it seem like I don’t like you. I’ve always liked you, ever since we were kids.' He gulped in a breath. 'And you love me so perfectly, you’re able to do all these affectionate things and I don’t even have a nickname for you or anything. I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry. I’m trying my best to change all that but I can’t make it better in just a week so please, please give me another chance.’ Eddie didn’t dare to look up at Richie, scared of what he’s reaction might be.
Richie started giggling, actually giggling. ‘Are you fucking giggling right now asshole?’ Eddie asked, his voice tinged with a sharp edge.
Richie smiled at him, tightening their finger together. ‘I missed you calling me an asshole Eds.’ Richie said, shaking his head fondly.
‘You think I love you perfectly? I think you love me just fine, Eddie spaghetti. You’re absolutely right, I touch you way more than you do to me, I know exactly what you like because your mother loved all those things too.’ Eddie snorted, trying to cover it up by coughing.
‘But that doesn’t mean I love you more than you love me. You show me you love me just as much, just in different ways. You make sure I eat healthy by cooking three times a week even after all the hard work you did during the day. You listen to my jokes and give me honest opinions about what I should keep and what I should change. I wouldn’t change anything about the way you insult me, because I know you love me. I know you don’t do it to hurt me, so I’m not hurt at all.’
‘You’re amazing Eds, I can’t believe you don’t know that. Should I tell you more often, baby?’ He spoke, teasing Eddie about him calling Richie ‘baby’ all week.
Eddie snorted once more, he hated that sound, but Richie absolutely adored it. Still, he was nothing but sincere when he said ‘thank you’, to Richie.
‘So does that mean I can finally start being mean to you again? Because seriously who picked that outfit? It looks like someone found it in a dumpster.’
Richie’s loud uninhibited laugh rang through the entire restaurant, but Eddie didn’t care one bit.
‘Sure thing Eds.’
‘Don’t fucking call me that.’