Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The usual tranquillity that surrounded the old Catalyst Village was shattered by the piercing howls of a distressed infant. Tucked away in the tight living-space of a modest wooden home, a heavy-eyed Taylor paced the floor, gently rocking her tiny daughter as she walked. Those cries seemed to reverberate all around, the effect near deafening.

“Easy, honey… Mama’s got you,” Taylor cooed. “Shhhh… shhhh…”

Baby Liv Andromeda Montoya had taken over her mothers’ lives in the two weeks she’d blessed them with. It had been a learning curve—a steep one. Or at least it was for Taylor. The annual Catalyst reunion had been a reassuring crutch; it was a lot harder to feel overwhelmed when you had the world’s best support squad at your back. But most of the group had gone home, and she had to step up. Do the mom thing. Which meant comforting the distressed child… making her feel safe and secure…. Liv wasn’t having it.

“Come on, baby-girl… I’ve got you…” Taylor nuzzled her face in, leaving kisses on Liv’s forehead, but if anything, the cries only grew louder. Ouch. She’d gone over all her bases; bub was fed, clean, and wind-free. Surely, tiredness would win over in the end, right? She’s just a baby. You can handle a baby. Your baby.

Still Liv screeched, her face almost tomato-like in its scarlet flush. Taylor knew her ears would soon be ringing, but her focus was on soothing the child. Gentle bounces of her arms, patting of Liv’s back, murmured words of comfort… and yet Liv still cried. Eight minutes… ten….

“Taylor, I’ll take her. It’s okay.” Estela strode over, concern clear in her eyes.

Taylor felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment as the baby was swept out of her arms and into Estela’s protective embrace. Again. Within seconds, the cries began to quieten.

“That’s it, Livita… that’s our girl…”

Our? Taylor had to force herself not to wince. Try telling Liv that. She looks at me, and I might as well be an alien for all the comfort I can give her. Ha, she thought bitterly. Figures.

Liv’s shrieks became whimpers, then gurgles, then she settled, sucking contentedly on a lock of Estela’s hair.

“So much to say, Liv, so much! Telling Mama Tay your life story, pequeńa?” Estela peppered her baby’s face with smooches as they swayed together. She turned to Taylor with a warm smile. “I think she’s cried herself out.”

“Don’t speak too soon, love. She’ll hear you!”

Though Taylor laughed it off, it hurt. More than it should. Not once, not freaking once had she been able to settle Liv once she started crying. For Estela, it seemed to come as easy as breathing; in her arms, Liv just fit, as if holding her was the only purpose they could ever have. As if Liv had already decided who her real mother was, and it was definitely only the one mother. Taylor found herself almost resenting the bond Estela already shared with their daughter, and then hating herself more deeply with every time those unwelcome thoughts reared up. The most beautiful thing in the fucking world, and it made her feel as though she was nothing. How the hell can you be jealous? This is everything you wanted for Estela. That unbidden voice argued back. But I wanted to feel it too.

No—you can’t think like that. It’ll come; it’ll come in time. As Taylor watched Estela gently rock the baby to sleep, she knew she had to pull herself together. There was no way she’d let hurt feelings hold her back from giving that girl her all.

“Hey, ‘Stel?” she said, carefully hushed.

“Hmm?” Estela looked up from Liv, her eyes still alight with affection.

“I thought I might go on a supply run while you get her down for her sleep. I haven’t caught up with Diego since everyone went home— and it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to remember everything we need if I don’t have this little lady attracting the entire population of Elyys’tel to me like a magnet.”

Estela chuckled gently. Getting mobbed by curious Vaanti on their regular market trips was something she strongly hoped would fizzle out over time. It made sense for one of them to get in a quick visit while Liv was settled. But by the time Taylor had trekked there and back, gathered necessary supplies, and caught up with Diego, she would have been left to care for Liv—alone—for over an hour, maybe even two. That would be new. Easy; surely, nothing to worry about. But new. She nodded, though.

“That’s not a bad idea. Once she’s down I can get dinner started; you’ll have worked up an appetite by the time you get back.”

Taylor could have sworn she saw a flicker of worry cross her wife’s face, but when she searched for it there was nothing of the sort to be found there. Estela was all smiles and rosy cheeks as she cradled Liv in her strong arms. All this time they’d spent in their secluded baby bubble must have been getting Taylor all bothered over nothing. That’s all it is. You’re just losing your mind in here. Some fresh air and space? That was exactly what the doctor ordered.

La Huerta, May 2024

Taylor huffed as she strode up the slope towards Elyys’tel. It was not a difficult walk from home, but with a squirming eleven-month-old baby in her arms, there was a little more juggling involved than she’d once known.

“Almost there, wriggly worm! You gonna see Tio Diego?”

Liv fidgeted some more, craning her small neck to look over her mother’s shoulder. “Tee… gaaa…” she babbled.

“Hey, you’re getting close. We’ll make a chatterbox out of you yet!” Taylor buried her face in the infant’s belly and blew the biggest raspberry she could muster. Met with, of course, instant squeals of laughter.

“You’re not gonna get her all buzzed and then pass her on to poor Diego, are you?” Estela, following along behind, raised an eyebrow at her wife. She couldn’t really blame Taylor; that sweet bub of theirs had a way of sucking them both in.

“I would never!”

“Or…” Estela suggested, “I could just whiz through the market run on my own. We probably don’t need two sets of hands today.” The baby was near due her afternoon nap; the threat of a tired tantrum if Taylor walked away from a play session prematurely was very real.

“Well, I won’t pass up some more Livi-and-Mama-Tay time!” Taylor swooped in on Estela for a kiss. “Aaaand kisses from Liv!” She laughed as the small child gave Estela a slobbery headbutt of a goodbye.

Then, it was just the two of them; Taylor and her little Liv.

“Looks like it’s you and me, partner.”

Liv looked up at Taylor quizzically. “Ma?”

Taylor’s heart skipped a beat. So close. To hear ‘mama’ from her daughter’s lips remained a dream. Even now, it was hard to shake the lingering feeling that the title belonged solely to Estela. If Estela was ‘mama’ first, would it be too confusing for the baby to call Taylor by the same? Would Taylor be just a nameless figure?

She shook it off. Liv was only eleven months old; she might not say a word for a long time to come. Taylor had learned to appreciate each day of motherhood in itself; it wasn’t the milestones that truly mattered, but the life crammed in between. She was determined not to let these all-too-brief months be spent worrying.

“…Okay, I guess it’s going to be you and me, and Tio Diego. Ready to go up the big elevator to see him? Up-up?”

“Uhh!”

In the early days, the new family unit had received a lot of stares, particularly from young Vaanti. With Aleister and Grace never really visiting Elyys’tel with little Reginald, Liv was the first human baby most of the villagers had seen. The elyyshar himself had taken her to be his niece, and with two Catalyst mothers to her name as well, Liv wasn’t just any human baby—to many, she was a symbol of a harmonious future upon La Huerta. Nowadays, Liv was met with warm greetings rather than stares, and she’d become acquainted with several Vaanti toddlers. Everyone wanted a piece of the child, but the way Liv sought out Taylor’s face in a crowd let there be no doubt; Liv was hers. It drove Taylor near crazy that she needed any more validation that she, like Estela, was ‘Mom’. But maybe it was natural? She wasn’t ‘sister’ or ‘daughter’ or ‘granddaughter’ or ‘niece’ or ‘cousin’… not to anyone, and she never had been. To be ‘Mom’? That held more weight than Taylor could put into words.

No longer greeted with over-the-top fanfare at her mere presence, Liv could walk some of the way--with wobbly waddling steps-- to Varyyn and Diego’s expansive quarters, where she could relax and play with her uncles and Mama Taylor watching over her. These visits always flew, and today, with the added treat of having Taylor in on the fun, Liv had a whale of a time. She was enchanted by everything in the treehouse home; the glowing flowers, the action figures, the ancient Vaanti heirlooms, the various masks upon display. Now that she was toddling about on her unsteady feet, finally she could explore to her heart’s content—at least as far as her caretakers allowed her.

A bashed-up old lion mask clattered to the floor, knocked asunder by the inquisitive toddler’s having rammed at the bookcase. Liv’s eyes grew wide. It looked kind of like a cat. She had a cat at home, at she was utterly fascinated by the creature. But if that was a cat’s face, where was the rest of the animal?

“Caaaaaaaaaa!!!” she shrieked.

Taylor got down on her hands and knees and crawled forward. “That’s a lion. Rrar!”

“Waaaa.”

“Look, Simba,” Diego said, in his very best James Earl Jones impression as he guided the baby’s gaze out the window to Elyys’tel beyond. “Everything the light touches is our kingdom.”

Varyyn’s eyes grew wide. “Diego, my love, that is quite a weight to put on her young shoulders. Maybe she doesn’t wish to become elyyshar?”

Taylor swiftly plucked the lion mask from her best friend’s hands. “O-kay, maybe we’ll kerb her ambitions for a little while? Pretty sure that’s a conversation for once she’s out of diapers.”

Liv just looked up, chuckling at the silly adults. She crawled forward as Taylor crouched back down to her, and gurgled her approval.

“Hey, Livi!” Taylor called, lowering the mask over her own face. “Where’s mama?”

“Waaa!”

Taylor lifted the mask just a little, then stuck out her tongue.

Delighted, Liv squealed. She reached up her hand to Taylor. “Ma… mama…”

The room became deathly quiet, the three adults frozen in surprise, their eyes trained on Liv, who giggled at their apparently funny faces.

“Uh, Tay… did she just say…?”

Taylor finally managed to pick her jaw up the floor. “Livi-darling, what did you just say? Did you say… did you just say ‘mama’?”

Her first word. Her first word was… me?

“Ma-ma?” Liv put those small hands around Taylor’s leg, and her face lit up when she saw the joy that had blossomed across her mother’s face. Whatever it was she’d just done; she’d apparently made her mama very happy.

“Mama! Yes, Mama! That’s me; Mama Taylor!” Her face hurting with the force of that irrepressible freaking smile, Taylor pulled her baby into her arms and bounced her up and down. Diego and Varyyn were cheering, but all she could hear was that sweet voice echoing around her mind. “Liv, Liv, you are a little genius!”

“Muuuh!!!” Liv squealed. Yep. That was definitely it. The magic word. “Mamamamama…”

It was at that moment that Estela strode into the throne room, her backpack bulging with supplies. “Where’s my Livita--?”

“Ohmygod, Estela, get over here! Estela! ‘Stel!”

“What is it? Is she okay?” But the fact that Taylor appeared to be jumping up and down in jubilation, Liv giggling in her arms told Estela that there was nothing wrong at all; it was….

“Mama!”

Estela let out a joyous high-pitched squeak that made Liv laugh all over again.

“Did… that sound just come out of Estela…?”

Paying no heed to Diego’s teasing, Estela had eyes only for the two people she loved most in the world, and within seconds, she had her arms around them both.

With Estela’s arms around her, and Liv babbling away in her own, Taylor sniffed back tears. You know what? This must just be the best damn feeling in the world.

Taylor had hurried through her supply run, constantly aware that there was a demanding newborn back home and that Estela would be in need of a break before long. What she needed, though, was to lean on the shoulder of her best friend. If anyone could take her mind off those stupid, irrational fears of hers, it would be Diego. Or so she thought. Taylor had only managed about a half-minute of jovial banter before it all came tumbling out.

“I’m terrified that I’m just not capable of bonding with her. I feel… I feel like I’m already screwing it all up.” Huh. Guess a heart-to-heart is happening. Should’ve seen that coming…

Surprise registered on Diego’s face, but he quickly went into support mode. He had, after all, learned from the best—Taylor herself. In no time at all, he’d seated his friend comfortably down upon a bridge overlooking the bay, and was handing her a chilled and refreshing juice.

With a grateful smile, Taylor took a sip. The slightly sour hit was like a cool slap in the face, and she realised just how damn overtired she was. She took a deep breath before opening up some more.

“All my life, the one thing I’ve always known I’m good at is that I can make friends. I’m a people person. But with Liv? Something’s just not clicking. She doesn’t look to me for comfort; I’m just another scary thing for her to scream about.”

Diego’s expression was sympathetic, warm. More used to being on the receiving end of Taylor’s pep talks, he needed her to know that he was there for her. “Tay, she’s a baby. Fresh out of the oven. I don’t know if you read the manual, but newborn babies tend to wail a lot. I don’t think it’s personal.”

Taylor gave a little huff and her cheeks reddened. This was so embarrassing. “She likes Estela.”

“That’s… probably a good thing?”

“You’re going to tell me I’m insane, but I think she knows. Estela is Mom, and I’m just, just… I dunno, some random who gets in the way. A spare part. I just feel like I’m missing the bond. I never once wished I’d been the one to carry the baby, but now...” Taylor shuddered. “I can’t believe I’m even saying that. It’s totally messed up.”

Diego took Taylor’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s really not. I was actually surprised you guys went the way you did; it always seemed to weigh on you that you’ve never been related to anyone by blood.”

For a little while, Taylor was quiet. It wasn’t uncomfortable, and she appreciated Diego’s patience with her as she tried to put her thoughts into order. “It was more important that Estela feels connected to her family,” she said at last. “She gets to have a piece of her mom in Liv, and it’s wonderful. And besides, it felt like it would be… risky for me to be the biological mother. I’m a walking question-mark, and if anything went wrong because of that…” She hummed thoughtfully. She couldn’t let herself have any regrets, not when the daughter she’d been blessed with was so utterly precious, already the light of their lives. Who could know if they’d have her if different decisions had been made? “We did think about going the partner IVF route, but it felt too clinical for comfort. You know we wanted to do as much as we could at home, make it feel natural. If we hadn’t conceived when we did, we were going to give it a try, but then, along came Livi. God, I love her. I look at her and I can barely even contain it… and it makes me so scared.”

“Hey…” Diego urged gently. “You’re Livi’s mom too. I know it’s different; but you’ve got something really special with her. Your face was the first thing she ever saw. You were the first person to ever hold her. Between you and me? I think Estela’s just got a weird way with babies. Come on-- Reggie was the same, absolutely could not get enough of her! It’s that hypnotic stare, I’m sure of it.” A smirk played upon his face, irrepressibly cheeky, and he gave Taylor a nudge of the elbow. “Even worked on you.”

In spite of everything, Taylor laughed. “Okay, you might have a point there. There’s just something about Estela. Fine.” She put her head back and sighed heavily. “I just want her to love me. It’s like some crazy, desperate need. Like I’ll die without it. I’m not totally nuts, I know it’s so early in this, but there’s a voice in my head that keeps on saying I’m not...”

“Taylor,” Diego spoke firmly as he held his friend’s face in his hands. “As my best friend, you’re obligated to listen to me. That’s the rules. Right? You. Are. Her. Real. Mom. And you always will be. Even on the days when she won’t stop sassing you, and you feel like she’s gonna make your head explode. You’re her mom, just as much as Estela is. You don’t love Livi any different, and Livi isn’t gonna love you any different. She’s just so freaking lucky, and she doesn’t even know...”

His voice cracked and broke. That he’d been a donor for a friend’s baby had been shared with his parents, but the news, so momentous for him, had been met with deathly silence. His mama and papa simply didn’t want to know. It was just another of his deviations from what they’d always expected of him. Liv, he knew, would never suffer the pain of such rejection, for Taylor and Estela--- heck, himself-- could not waver in their love for even a moment.

Diego’s voice was but a whisper when he managed to push it forth. “You’re gonna be such a great mom, Tay.”

Hearing it from him, she could just about believe it.

United States, March 2029

Taylor’s gaze flashed over the clock. After eight already. It wouldn’t be long before she’d have to wrangle her little Liv to bed. She’d have to give her a heads up, get her used to the idea so that the end to all the fun didn’t come as a horrid surprise. Last she’d seen Liv, she’d been following Craig around, demanding him to pick her up and whizz her through the air. Probably best if they calmed things down ready for bed. It wasn’t often they went out to parties, but Diego’s birthday was always a big deal—and a rare excuse for a late night.

When she looked back over to her daughter, Taylor found Liv with a woman leant over her, talking. Getting a cold, worrying feeling in her gut, she walked closer, and recognised the woman’s face—it was Diego’s mother. Taylor had only met her the once, and it had been brief; glancing really.

“Hey, Diego.” Taylor reached for her friend. “Something feels weird.” She strode forward, feeling Diego follow along behind. “Liv! Honey, is everything okay?”

The answer was clear as Liv broke away from Mrs Soto and put her arms around Taylor’s legs. The usual youthful joie de vivre that lit her face had given way to nervous uncertainty.

As Taylor went to speak, to find out what the hell was going on, the older woman brusquely talked over her.

“So, this is the child; my little granddaughter,” Mrs Soto said, before scanning from Liv to Taylor, eyes cold with scrutiny as she searched for resemblance. “I only need to look at you to know you’re not the mother.”

Diego, eyes wide with mortified alarm, put his hand on the crook of his mother’s arm and attempted to pull her away. “Mama! You can’t—”

“I’ve had about enough, Diego-- we should be suing these people for custody! Your daughter!”

“She’s not my—”

Taylor could barely make out the heated exchange. Her head was spinning, shock having overcome her like an icy bucket of water sweeping through her entire body. …not the mother…. She could feel Liv gripping her thigh with a fearful intensity, and shock became fury. “Livi, darling,” Taylor said, her voice trembling with barely-suppressed rage, “I’m going to take you find Mama Estela. Then, you stay with her, okay? I need to talk to this lady.”

“She said she’s my abuelita…? I thought Abuelita is gone?”

Shaking, Taylor crouched, forcing herself to ignore Mrs Soto’s cry of ‘of course I’m her abuela!’ and focusing on being the reassuring presence her child needed her to be. “Yes, sweetheart, Abuelita died a long time ago. Come now; Mama ‘Stel will give you a big, big cuddle.”

Estela had been keeping to the edge of the party, after having caught up with Jake over a cold beer. She wasn’t quite tipsy enough to get into the dancing, not yet, but she quietly enjoyed watching her friends as their movements gradually became wilder and all the stresses wash away from their faces. All these years later, it seemed that Raj hadn’t lost his magic when it came to putting on a shindig. But then, a sight that made her stomach drop. Taylor was hurrying across the floor, face ashen and Liv at her heels. Upon seeing the tears glistening upon Liv’s cheeks, Estela lurched forward.

“What’s happened?”

Taylor could only stammer. “I-I—”

“There was a m-mean lady, Mommy,” Liv whimpered. “She said Mama Tay isn’t my mom.”

Estela’s face twisted with anger. “Who was this?”

“It’s… it’s Diego’s mother,” Taylor managed to say, pulling herself together. She had to. There was no way on earth she could stand for what had just gone down. She put a hand to Estela’s flushed cheek, and took up the courage that flared in her blazing eyes. “Who’s even more awful than I expected. But we’ll talk later, okay? I’ve got to deal with this, and I can’t have Liv hanging off me when I say what I need to say.”

As she turned away, ready to face what she knew could be hell, she was stopped by a sudden clasping of her hand.

“Taylor!” Estela tugged her wife in close, so that she could press her forehead to hers in an expression of solidarity. “I’ve got her. You’ve got this.”

God, I love you. Taylor squeezed Estela’s hands, then took a deep breath. Liv was in safe hands… and she had something to settle.

Taylor strode over to Mrs Soto, who was locked in a heated exchange with her son. Anger licked through her heart like a flame. For Diego, and for Liv. Her expression must have been ferocious, for Mrs Soto momentarily stalled in her tirade.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” she demanded, stepping up to Diego’s side. “Being a part of her family is not a right, it is earned. Because of your fucking entitlement, my baby is now crying her heart out. My daughter.”

Her eyes flashing, Mrs Soto scoffed. “How can you say you love that girl, even call yourself her mother, when you deny her a normal family? How do you expect her to grow right if she doesn’t have a father in her life? Do you want her to be a… a freak? I have never seen anything so selfish; you people are despicable!”

“A father? I never had one.” Taylor wasn’t quite sure how she remained standing upright, she was shaking so violently. This woman had no idea. “And my wife; the man who might have called himself her father… he was a murderer—a monster.” She spat the words out, sick to her stomach. Stay in control… you’ve got this. “The three of us; me, Estela, Liv—we’re a family. Diego’s a part of that family too, and Liv’s tio abuelo. We’re set. Liv is happy, and she’s safe, and she’s loved. You have no fucking business telling me who is or isn’t a mother; not when I’ve seen the hell you put Diego through—”

“Taylor, it’s okay—”

“It’s not! The way they treated you was not okay. The way she thinks she can wade in and have a say in how our family works is not okay.”

“Diego, are you going to let this woman talk to me like this? Or are you finally going to step up and be the man I hoped to raise—”

And then Diego’s jaw set, and he silenced his mother with just a look. Enough. “Mama, I told you to leave. We’ll talk later, but if you try to contact Olivia or her mothers again, I’ll be helping them file a restraining order for harassment. Now, please; just go.”

Though the look she gave her son was withering and the one she threw at Taylor of pure disgust, Mrs Soto had no retort, and stormed out of the room.

Diego’s breath rattled with anxiety as he watched his mother leave, and Taylor needed no more encouragement to pull him into a tight hug. As he embraced her in return, she felt him gasp through tears. For him, Taylor’s heart hurt. After all this time, the little progress made with his family had gone up in flames. With words deserting her, she could only hold him. They were, as they always had been, in this together.

“Hey…” she said at last. “I know what’ll put a smile on both our faces.”

With her arm around Diego and his arm around her, Taylor returned to the dance floor, a weak smile on her face. It would be nine soon, definitely bedtime for party animal Liv. To Taylor’s utter relief, she found Liv smiling from ear-to-ear, as though nothing had ever happened, and twirling around at the end of Estela’s arm.

“Mommy, Mommy!” Liv tore over, and flung herself at Taylor, who pulled her right up into her arms.

“Gotcha, sunshine!” Taylor spun her daughter around her in a wild arc, her heart skipping as she felt Liv go totally relaxed in embrace, infinitely trusting as she was flung up into the air. “One last dance before bed, ‘kay?”

To hell with what anyone else might say or think; Liv knew she was Taylor’s. And Taylor was Liv’s mama.

Taylor startled as her phone buzzed in her pocket. “Sorry, better check this!”

A text message from Estela. That in itself was unusual; Estela barely touched her phone, not unless there was an urgent need.

‘I need to talk to you. It’s important.’

“Everything okay?” Diego asked.

“Uh, I think so,” Taylor replied uncertainly.  “I should probably make a move. Estela wants to talk.” Guess I haven’t been completely subtle about not being totally okay. Or it’s just… her. Nothing really does get past her. Unless… something’s wrong? Suddenly, her blood ran cold. Was something wrong with Liv? She had to get home. Fast.

Chapter Text

All was quiet. It was just her, Estela, and the baby. Liv had dropped off to sleep easily in her arms, and was now settled peacefully in her cradle. Estela should have been as contented as the babe, but the stillness made her uneasy.

Their small wooden home a little way out of Elyys’tel was wonderfully cosy, it was small wonder baby Liv felt so at ease. Neither Estela nor Taylor had ever found any other place quite so homely, probably because it was so completely theirs, and from the very beginning there had been a space there for one more. Their Liv. It was too perfect… too good for this world, Estela knew that much.

Ceasing her incessant pacing as she tried to keep her hands and mind busy, Estela brought up a chair beside the cradle. She couldn’t help a hard exhale when she saw the gentle movement of Liv’s own chest.

Of course she’s fine. Why the hell wouldn’t she be?

Feelings of impending doom seemed to be creeping upon Estela with increasing frequency, swooping upon her most often whenever she was without Taylor’s comforting presence. It wasn’t surprising, she supposed. All of a sudden, she had a whole lot more to lose. Little Livita; so tiny. She was like a doll, a helpless doll, at the mercy of whatever the world saw fit to inflict on her. There was once a time when Estela would have, without hesitation, given her life for a righteous cause, for the protection of the innocent… but all at once, her own life meant so much more. She had to be there for Liv, at almost any cost. Liv needed to have better, happier childhood than what Estela had.

“Sweet dreams, nene,” she whispered, stroking the backs of her fingers over Liv’s gently rising chest. You just sleep. I’ll keep you safe…”

The door opened with a creak, and a frantic Taylor rushed in.“Has something happened? Is she okay?”

“What--?” Estela looked up with a start. Maybe her text should have been a little more reassuring. “Taylor, I—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. She’s fine.”

By the time Taylor had walked into the room and hurried to the cradle, that much was obvious. Liv was safe and comfortable, probably dreaming away. She exhaled, but didn’t totally relax. Something was still going on with Estela, and it had Taylor right on edge.

In silence, Estela watched her wife look over their daughter with utmost tenderness, then remembered their plans. “I was going to start cooking dinner. Sorry. Everything just…”

“Hey… it’s okay.” Taylor paused on her way over to the sofa to lay a hand against Estela’s shoulder, then sat herself down, cross-legged. “It’s not like I didn’t come running back like the over-anxious new mom that I am.” She noted the grateful half-smile and felt a little relief. There was no reason to panic. “You… wanted to talk?”

Estela nodded, but for a long while said nothing. Taylor’s presence was a comfort, but to give a voice to those fears seemed to amplify their significance.

“I feel helpless,” she said at last, her voice quiet. “I can’t get over how fragile she is… how small. How do I… how do I…?”

“She’s safe, ‘Stel.”

Estela roughly brushed away the tears that welled at her eyes, and fell into the sofa beside Taylor. “I’m just terrified of her being hurt. I’m terrified that I might not be there for her when she needs me.”

There was a dawning in Taylor’s eyes.  Of course, it made sense. “Okay,” she said gently. “I- I understand. I can’t tell you that she won’t ever have her heart broken like you did. I can’t promise that her life will be easy, or that you’ll always be there to hold her. But our Liv, our baby girl, she’s always, always gonna have love around her. You, me, Diego and Varyyn, Tio Nicolas… every single one of our friends; we’ve got her. And I’ve got you.”

With a dry sob, Estela buried her face in her wife’s shoulder.

“It hits me… sometimes. When you’re gone. I feel inadequate, like I can never be strong enough to keep her from suffering. My mom tried so hard, she died trying… but she couldn’t protect me at all. If that wasn’t enough, what the hell chance do I have?”

“Oh, Estela…” Taylor put her hand to Estela’s back and slowly stroked a soothing pattern with delicate fingers. She wrapped her other arm around her and let her cry.

After an age, Estela’s sobs became sniffles. She looked up to Taylor with a weak but grateful smile.

“You know it’s not the same? The uphill battle is over. Maybe your mom couldn’t give you a safe childhood, but her sacrifice is a big reason we can do that for Livi.”

Estela shrugged, sniffing. “Maybe. It just seems too easy. There’s got to be a catch somewhere… something I’m missing…”

“Hmmm,” Taylor said, considering. That was fair. When you’d witnessed the literal end of the world, it was hard not to expect the worst. That she and Estela were even there together now was a result of immense pain and suffering; a price had to be paid. But that didn’t mean they’d pay for their happiness again. “I get it. I really do. Life has been so fucking cruel to us, and especially to you. But there’s so much more than cruelty. There’s always gonna be a way to go, but this is the better world you fought for.”

“I know that. I’m better at believing it now… normally. I guess… I guess the goddamn hormones have my brain on the fritz,” Estela said bitterly, cursing her own weakness. She was so, so freaking thankful that she had Taylor to get her through when irrational fear set in. When it was Taylor’s turn to crack, she’d support her in the exact same way. She exhaled heavily, then rested her head on Taylor’s shoulder, where her face was peppered with kisses. What the hell would I do without you? “I don’t know how to give her a carefree childhood. She should have that much. I just don’t even know what that looks like—”

“Hey…” Taylor turned to press her forehead to Estela’s, feeling her, eyes closed. “We’ll work it out together. Just be you. Be sweet, wonderful you, and the rest will come.”

USA, 2028

Estela shuffled through a pile of papers and plucked out the one she’d been searching for.  She tried to keep work commitments to a minimum through the school holidays, just keeping on top of her emails and the applications for scholarships that came her way. With the enormously-downsized company’s office located in Aleister and Grace’s sprawling family home, it was simple enough to stay connected to what mattered. Liv, now five years old and a bundle of energy, would be happily playing with her cousin.

As she perused the letter from a hopeful San Trobidan student, a young man seeking financial aid to continue his studies as he’d lost all close family in the war, an awful shout crashed over her like a bucket of cold water, and she was on her feet.

“That was Liv.”

Estela practically flew down the stairs, her heart hammering as screaming cries reverberated in from the yard. There she found Grace bent over Liv, who lay crumpled on the grass, shrieking as she resisted attempts to help her.

“Olivia, darling, please--” Grace urged. She put a gentle hand on Liv’s little back, but the child only curled in on herself further and lashed out with a flailing fist.

“MOMMY!”

The scream pierced Estela like a knife. She skidded onto the grass on her knees, and reached out. Liv’s small face peered out from the ball she’d huddled into; eyes red and puffy, and cheeks soaked with tears. It damn near broke Estela’s heart to see the pain in that sweet face.

“I’m here. I’m here, mija. Can you look at me, Livita? That’s it. That’s my brave girl. Now, take a deep breath; in… and out.”

As if placed under a magic spell by her mother’s mere presence beside her, Liv quietened, her screams turning to whimpers. Looking up into Estela’s eyes, she pulled in a big breath, then exhaled shakily.

Estela had to make the effort to control her own breathing, but kept herself together, painfully aware that Liv would feed off any anxiety she showed. “Can I see?” she ventured softly.

Liv winced in anticipation. “It hurts!”

“I know, Livita. I promise I won’t touch unless you say I can.”

Trusting, Liv unfurled her hunched body, and winced painfully as she angled her right arm towards Estela.

The sight of that awkwardly bent limb made Estela’s stomach drop. Shit. That’s definitely broken.

“Okay,” she said calmly, “we’re going to need to get that looked at in the hospital.”

Young Reginald, about a year Liv’s senior, peeked over Estela’s shoulder with wide eyes. “The hospital? Is Livia gonna have her arm amputated?”

“Reggie, no.”

“What’s ‘ampotatoed’?” came a sniffling enquiry.

Estela groaned inwardly. Reginald sure had his moments to throw around his impressive vocabulary. She was quietly thankful that Grace hastily removed him from the situation. “It’s nothing you need to worry about, Liv,” she reassured. “The doctors will fix your arm right up.”

The car ride to the hospital was not especially enjoyable. Over every bump in the road, Liv would shriek, and with her good arm clutch desperately to Estela beside her.

“It’s not far now,” Estela assured, though the short drive sure as hell felt like it was taking forever when her kid was in pain.

Distracting herself, Liv’s eyes wandered over her mother’s right arm, where she knew a scar marked the place of a very similar injury.

“Am I gonna have a beauty stripe on my arm like you?”

Estela’s stomach clenched, and it was with great effort that she kept her expression calm and her tone breezy. “Um… maybe. It depends on whether the doctors need to operate to fix you up. But whatever happens, you are going to be just fine, okay?”

Oblivious to Estela’s inner distress-- which had apparently been covered up expertly-- Liv smiled to herself. “I hope I get one. I wanna be just like you.”

Livita, no. You don’t want that.

“You’ve got so many beauty stripes,” Liv babbled, “you must be the most beautiful person in the whole world!”

Damn, she was a sweetheart. It made Estela’s own heart ache with love, almost too much to bear. She kissed Liv gently on the head.

“You are so kind, my Livita. There’s nothing more beautiful than that.”

Liv yelped as the car rolled over a speed-bump, but recovered quickly, looking up to Estela with a giggle. “Did you jump off something too high like me? When you broke your arm?”

The cold fist that gripped Estela’s gut tightened its hold. “No… I….” She didn’t want to go back there, to have her mind infected by those images, those voices. The voices who’d cursed out her and her family as traitors to San Trobida, who’d jeered that her tio would be caught and his head cut off, who’d shrieked with mirth as they’d held her down and twisted, twisted her arm until jagged bone tore through her flesh. In spite of everything, of Liv, Estela shuddered from head to toe.

“So, how did you break it?”

Estela swallowed past a hard lump in her throat. “Someone hurt me. Some very bad kids.”

The happy curiosity fell from Liv’s face. “Some kids broke your arm? They must have been the meanest bullies ever.”

“Yes. But they are a long way in the past now. We don’t let bullies win.”

Liv nodded solemnly, then snuggled against Estela’s side. She was sure her mom must be the bravest person there was. “When we’re in the hospital, you’ll hold my hand?”

“Of course, mija. Of course.”

It dawned on Estela with sweet suddenness; she and Liv were not the same. No scars would change the starkly different paths they’d walked. Her Livita was an innocent, effervescent in the simple joys of life, for her life was simple and joyous. With her, perhaps Estela’s could be too.

It never ceased to amaze Estela the effect Taylor’s presence, just the fact that she was there, had on her. Strong and capable, Taylor had never truly needed her protection, though it was offered in spades. When Taylor was there, the solemn responsibility of keeping Liv safe was shared, shared with the most trustworthy person Estela had ever known. Liv’s vulnerability could be offset in a small way, for Taylor was indomitable, and fierce in her love. When they first met, Estela could have never imagined just how much she’d gain from having Taylor to lean on. But it had to work both ways.

“Taylor,” she said quietly. “I haven’t been fair to you.”

“What do you mean?” Taylor’s face registered surprise.

 “Every time she cries, I take her from you. I’ve never given you a chance to learn to settle her. I just hear her crying and I can’t stand it.”

As understanding showed in Taylor’s eyes, a blush came to her cheeks. “That’s natural, you know,” she mumbled, easily giving away her own insecurities.

“It is, but it’s not right for me to try and shoulder everything alone. It’s not right for me to stand in the way of you bonding with her.” Estela brought her hands to Taylor’s face, cupping it tenderly. “I know it’s been getting to you, and I’m sorry for making it worse.”

Taylor glanced away, embarrassed. “I figured you’d noticed how frustrated I was getting. It… it looks so easy for you; the way you’ve bonded.”

“Mi amor, she just has to get to know you. Maybe it’s time you start feeding?”

“If she settles in my arms long enough to even start nursing? That’ll be the kicker.” Taylor couldn’t, though, help the smile that had jumped to her face. She’d breastfed Liv several times; only briefly, as their focus had been on getting Estela’s milk flowing, while using a pump to kickstart her own supply, but those short sessions had been something like magic. “But… you’re sure?”

“I’m pretty sure my milk supply’s properly established now… so long as I pump when you nurse her, I shouldn’t run out. We should be sharing this; fifty-fifty.” Estela sighed, then kissed Taylor’s brow. “It should have been sooner. I’ve just been scared of losing it.” She shook her head, then looked back to her wife, willing her to understand. “It’s not often someone looks at me, and not even for a moment is there any mistrust. It’s like she looked into my eyes and saw everything most people don’t.”

“She could feel how much you love her. She could feel that you were her safety net.” Taylor grasped Estela’s hand. Those calloused hands were so gentle; how could little Liv not feel secure when they cradled her? To be held by Estela… well, there was no greater security than that. “You’re always going to be that person for her. Like you’re that person for me.”

Still, Estela couldn’t help that lingering fear. One could have all the best intentions of staying by their child, or shielding them from the horrors of the world… but that world was cruel, caring little for best intentions.

La Huerta, 2034

“AAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!”

Liv thrashed violently, her windmilling arms sending up a great spray of water into the air as she fought to keep herself from being dragged beneath the waves by the beast below.

“No! No--!”

She was pulled under, leaving foamy ripples in her wake.

Spluttering, Liv breached the surface. She inhaled water as she laughed hysterically, then her lean body was wracked by a coughing fit.

“Easy, Livita.” Estela, the child-snatching ‘beast’, patted her daughter on the back until the coughs subsided. “I can’t play shark attack with you if you’re gonna breathe-in half the damn ocean.”

Liv just kept laughing, and swam into her mother’s arms. “I c-can’t… h-help it…” she guffawed. With a sly grin, she went in for a tickle, knowing full well that Estela wouldn’t retaliate for fear of making her choke on more water.

“Uh-ah!” Easily, Estela got hold of both her daughter’s hands, and smirked while she struggled. “Mija, what have I told you about starting fights you can’t win?” She tutted mockingly.

“Mom! Stop being such a butt!” Liv wriggled but couldn’t get free. With a pout, she resigned herself. At near eleven years old, she was strong and energetic, but still no match for her mother… or at least, this mother. “One more time? I’ll try really, really hard not to laugh when you pull me under.”

Estela rolled her eyes. Her girl had a weird old sense of fun. “Fine. I’ll give you a twenty second head-start.”

“Yes!”

Her eyes closed, Estela counted, hearing the splashing sounds of Liv swimming out the way of the vicious sea monster. Reaching zero, she took a deep breath and ducked beneath the waves. Able to hold a breath for almost a quarter of an hour meant she could sneak up on her mischievous daughter like a pro. Which was, of course, the whole fun of the game.

Estela dove down, and her eye was caught by a cave system that seemed to jut out from the coast. The perfect hiding spot. If she knew Liv at all, and she certainly did, that was where she’d be. As she came closer, she heard a quick, strangled yell, and a strange tingle went up her spine. Something… wasn’t right. She delved deeper into the cave, following her instincts, when she was met with a sight that made her adrenaline surge.

Liv was trapped in place, held in a tangle of reeds. She burbled out a silent cry for help, her eyes wide with fear. As Liv reached for Estela, the reeds gripped ever-tighter, cutting into the skin of her ankle, while another tendril wrapped itself around her thigh.

Livi! Fear licked through Estela’s body, but she channeled it into action, as she’d had to do so many times before. Her mind on the verge of overdrive, she searched her surroundings and took hold of a sharp rock.

I’ve got you, Livita. I’ve got you.

With practised precision and fierce blows, Estela cut at the reeds, using her own hands to shield Liv’s skin from every sharp strike. The reeds redoubled their grasp for a few moments, then their lifeline was cut off, and Liv’s leg was free--

From out of the reeds came a lightning quick streak of shining scales and a long body, and instantaneously, a piercing pain shot up Estela’s arm. She shoved Liv away with all of her might, getting her out of reach from the snake, which had lain in wait for victims of the grasping reeds. As her arm turned to a dead weight and her whole body throbbed, Estela knew she’d been too slow to save herself. The world spun.

No, no, no, no, no….

Disoriented, she fought her way to the surface and took a gulp of air. Liv was already scrambling up onto the rocky ledge of the outcrop, and looking back to her fearfully.

“Mom! What was that?”

Estela could just about make out Liv’s voice, calling to her. Whatever was in that snake’s bite, it was acting fast-- fucking La Huerta and its freakish wildlife. But she held a Vaanti-made remedy in her pack, if she could just get back to the beach…. She pulled herself up-- or, at least, she tried; Liv had to forcibly drag her most of the way up onto dry land. The sheer helplessness, the speed in which it overcame her… it was terrifying, and panic began to set in.

“...In my bag… antivenom… Livi…”

The world seemed to blur. Even as she tried to claw herself forward, Estela’s arms gave way and she collapsed onto her face. No….

“Mom, you’ve got to stay awake…. HEEELLP! Someone, help!”

No…. Oh god, no. No! Estela’s body gave way and all she knew was helplessness; sick, agonising helplessness. She’d failed. Her baby Livita…. Please, no…. She succumbed to the encroaching darkness, her mind enveloped with the cruelest of memories… inescapable as she found herself defeated after a life of fighting.

Bile in her mouth… choking. The sickening knowing as her trembling fingers brushed over the logo emblazoned on the envelope. They were too late… they were too fucking late…. Please, god, no… Mom….

A frightened shout cut through the haze. “Mom! MAMA!”

…Mom?... ‘it is with deepest regret that we inform you...’

“Stay awake—stay awake, Mommy, please!”

‘…tragic accident…’ Gone… gone… Mom—no! Estela’s body quivered violently as she fought with her last ounce of strength. Her consciousness rang with an animalistic scream, an ancient memory and a wound, ripped open to kill her at long last. Anguish, rage. Helpless, hopeless… utter despair. She’s gone… she’s gone…. But through the speck of light that Estela frantically held onto, she could see another face. A face wracked with the very same agony that she herself was drowning in. Her baby. You can’t do this to her! No… not to Livi… Livita…. Please… anything but that…

“…I’m…s-sorr—” And all was darkness.

Estela’s eyes fluttered open. There was that face before her once more… blurred… out of focus. Two big brown eyes.

“L-livita…?”

“Mom… can you hear me?”

“Liv…”

“It’s okay. I gave you the antivenom like you said; you’ll be okay, right?”

It felt as though her head was surrounded by a fluffy cloud; she could barely take in the words… but it slowly dawned on Estela—she was alive. And her little Liv had just saved her.

“Mom, you stopped breathing and everything! I had to give you CPR, then you started breathing again! I was so freaking scared!”

Estela’s breath became shallow with sudden panic. She’d… she’d pretty much been dead. Liv had just watched her mother die before her eyes. No—no!

“Livi… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t worry. I’m okay. We’re okay. When Mama Taylor saw you weren’t gonna just… die on us… she went off to find the healers. She said she’ll just be a few minutes. You’ve never seen her run so fast!” The stroking of Liv’s fingers became more insistent, desperation to reassure rising as she felt the fear flaring out from her mother. She stared into Estela’s eyes hard, and forced a watery smile that could not hold. She’d been holding herself together too long. “I love you, Mom…”

Estela reached up a shaking hand and tenderly cupped Liv’s cheek. My baby. It’s over now; I’ve got you. “I love you… my Livita. I love you.”

No longer needing to be brave, Liv burst into tears and buried her face in Estela’s neck. “I-I thought you were g-gonna die, Mama.”

The words hit Estela like a ton of bricks to the chest. “It’s all gonna be all right … I’ve got you now. I’ve got you.”

Tears of relief spilled down Liv’s cheeks as she cried in her mother’s arms. Those arms that had hung so terrifyingly limp just minutes before, as though they might never embrace her again. Now, there could be no fear, for those arms were her safety.

“Oh, mija…” Estela murmured through her own tears. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You’ve been so brave, mi rayo de sol. I-I promised I’d never leave you and I—”

Liv leant up and smothered her mother’s cheeks with kisses. “I-I guess we look after each other. You saved me, and I saved you. We must be the most unstoppable team there is.”

Estela closed her eyes and just held her daughter. All the pressure that had been dumped on those young shoulders, and Liv had been a damn hero. Estela’s worst fears playing out, as if in cruel slow-motion… and then her precious child went and pulled them all back from the brink. God, she hoped that poor kid would never be in that position ever again. “I love you, Livi. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

Estela hugged Liv tight, and some sort of profound peace surged through her from Liv’s touch out. For so many years she’d been hanging onto a deep-seated fear that was so much a part of her it felt inevitable; but in that moment, holding her Livita and being held in return, she wasn’t helpless at all.

Slowly, Estela became more aware of her surroundings. No longer lying on the outcrop, she’d been carried-- presumably by Taylor-- up the beach, and given shelter beneath a palm tree. Last she’d seen Taylor, she’d been relaxing on the sand with a book. No doubt, poor Tay too had been given the fright of her life. Thank god the Vaanti healers knew their remedies to all the shit this island threw at them. She looked up at the sound of movement up the beach, and there was Taylor, pelting towards her family like a woman possessed.

“She’s awake, she’s awake!” Liv hollered.

Taylor fell onto her knees before Estela, panting.It was about goddamn time the Vaanti clinic got itself a phone—that frantic dash had been torturous. But she’d made good time, and she was back… and Estela had come to safely. “Y-you’re okay!”

Estela smiled weakly. “…Taylor…”

“’Course she is,” Liv pronounced. “I’m taking good care of her.”

“Darling, you’ve… been a-amazing,” Taylor said breathlessly.  “I need to take a good look at Mama Estela, okay?”

She gently took Estela’s face in her trembling hands. “I’ve got you; I’ve got you….” She shuddered as the weight of what was almost lost crashed down upon her. “You know you’re not allowed to bail on us, yeah? You are gonna live to be a frighteningly badass old granny, and… and…” Spluttering, she choked on tears. “Oh, ‘Stel…”

With a low hum, Estela snuggled further forward, so that she felt Taylor’s forehead pressed against hers. It’s okay. It’s over, she reassured herself. You’re safe; you’re all safe. “I’m okay… we’re okay. She was amazing, Taylor.”

“I know. We raised a total hero.”

Liv wiggled her way back into Estela’s lap and wrapped her in another hug. She wasn’t about to let go now. Not for anything.

“That’s it. Sit back and get some rest. The healers say that once you’ve been given the antivenom, it’ll just take a few hours before you’re back on your feet as long as you go easy. It’s damn strong stuff they’ve got.” Face brimming with affection, Taylor stroked her wife’s hair. “So, either I give you a piggy-back home, or we could just chill out here and watch the sunset. Whatever you need.”

Everything I need is right here. “This is nice…” Estela said sleepily. So long as she had the two of them, so long as they had her, they had all they could wish for.

A baby’s cry, feeble in its beginnings but growing in strength as she awakened, broke the quiet that Estela and Taylor had been taking sanctuary in. Both women started, but Estela caught herself.

“Sorry,” she said. “You take her. She sounds like she needs a Mama Taylor cuddle.”

Taylor wrapped her arms around Estela from behind. “Those seem to be in demand right now, hey?”

Her cheeks taking on a pleasured pink glow, Estela turned to kiss her wife’s nose. “They always are with me. She’ll work it out.”

Bolstered just enough, Taylor reached into the cradle and took Liv in her gentle arms. The baby flailed and cried, and it was enough to make Taylor’s stomach resume its usual nervous somersaulting.

Come on, Livi… I won’t ever hurt you. You’re safe.

Estela walked away, fighting every urge to try and comfort Liv herself. In the long run, it would make their little girl happier if she wasn’t relying just on the one person for security-- and Taylor needed it so.

“I’ll make you a drink?” she suggested, keen to busy herself. “Tea?”

“Thanks, babe,” Taylor replied, only barely heard through the howls. “You might be better off making something that’s supposed to be cold. We might be in this for the long haul.”

A long haul it was. Liv fussed and screamed, seemingly oblivious to the gentle rocking and tender patting that Taylor lavished on her. As Taylor paced, she glanced at the clock; over an hour they’d been doing this. During that time; Estela had actively avoided interfering; occupying herself with a long shower and getting a start on dinner.

Taylor was near tears herself. “”Stel, it’s not working. You should just take her; it’s not fair to make her more upset for my benefit.”

Quietly, Estela came up behind her wife and put her arms around her. She nuzzled her face against Taylor’s and kissed her. “Lean into me,” she said.

Taylor did so, taking the comfort offered her. Perhaps, she wondered, she needed Estela’s reassurance even more than Liv did.

“You,” Estela said, “are the one thing that saved me from myself, from my own hate and fury and rage. I need our Livita to have you, to have you catch her when she falls. I can’t do this without you, Taylor.”

A lump rose in Taylor’s throat. She turned her head and closed her eyes, letting herself just breathe in that closeness. Her and Estela, they were one. And Liv needed them both.

“...I love you…” she breathed.

“And I love you.”

Slowly, tentatively, Estela began to sway, guiding Taylor’s body with her own, until it moved to a rhythm that to her came so naturally; how her own mother had once rocked her. Then she backed away, leaving Taylor with the baby.

At first Taylor thought it was her imagination, but Liv’s cries began to quieten. Her heart skipping, Taylor leaned her face in, nuzzling up against that soft little face.

“That’s it, my little sunshine. That’s it. Mommy’s got you.”

Liv kept on grumbling, but she’d lost her screaming intensity, just enough to take in that soothing voice and feel the tenderness coming through. Her eyes, once scrunched shut, looked up into a warm and loving smile.

“Oh, Miss Livi… we finally turn down the waterworks and it looks like I’m gonna start…” Taylor sniffed. It was the start of everything she’d wanted; her baby girl looking up at her, and for the first time seeming to see her. “We’re gonna be best buds, you and me. You and me and Mama Estela.”

A satisfied smile upon her face, Estela moved to get back to cooking dinner, all the while watching as Taylor relaxed into the role of comforter. It was something small, but more than any words could do, the sight gave some sort of wonderful reassurance. In Taylor, Liv had all the love that had saved Estela, and she could wish for her nothing more. It was this feeling that she’d have to keep coming back to, to keep her own crippling fears at bay.

“Hey, Taylor,” she called gently. When Taylor looked up at her, it was with utter contentment etched into her every feature. “This suits you.”

A pink blush dusted Taylor’s cheeks. “Thank you,” she mouthed.

They were a team of three now. That togetherness was everything, everything… and it would have to be, the vessel to carry them through the inevitable fears and joys to come.

Estela exhaled deeply. Maybe, just maybe, the three of them were going to be okay.