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It was cold and rainy the day Sana’s spark died out.
Her classes had been canceled for the day, but instead of going out and enjoying herself, it started pouring. So she did what she normally did, make the best out of a bad situation. There were nine of her friends living in the dorm apartments, someone should be available, right?
Maybe she could build a fort and watch movies with Momo?
She rolled over from where she lay on the couch and grabbed her phone off of the table. She pulled up her contacts and scrolled through until she found one of her best friend's names.
“Momoring~” Sana stated as the call was put through “Let’s hang out, Dahyun is gone for three more days and I’m lonely.” She pouted cutely. Dahyun, her adorable girlfriend of six months, had been on a two-week-long trip to Sweden for her classical music class.
“I’m sorry, Satang, I’m going to be with Tzuyu all day today, maybe tomorrow?” The other girl replied casually. Sana felt something in her heart twinge in a silent ache at the statement, eyebrows furrowing, she missed Dahyun so much.
She frowned for a moment before forcing a small smile on her face. “Y-yeah. That’s fine, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She hung up before Momo had a chance to say anything else. She could feel her eyes welling up with tears, this had been the third time in the past two days that she had cried.
Sana was the type of girl you don’t leave alone for too long; she naturally craved attention, but not necessarily in a bad way. Some might call it attention-seeking, which made her feel like a bit of an ass, but it was more than that.
She had a need to be validated, A yearning to be accepted. She just got so lonely sometimes and she liked having people around her, it helped a lot keep her mind off it, but she hadn’t seen any of her friends in a week and Dahyun was still gone and oh my god she thinks she might be having a breakdown.
It was okay, there were still some people she could ask around to hang out, right?
“Let’s try Minari! She might be available!” She tried to perk herself up, wiping a rogue tear from her eye with the sleeve of her baggy jacket, well, Dahyun’s baggy jacket. Sana looked at her phone again and dialed in the numbers.
She bit her lip as the phone continued to ring and just before she thought it was about to go to voicemail…
“Hello, Satang! I’m sorry it took me so long to answer, Me and Chaengie are on a double date with Jihyo and Wendy and I didn’t hear my phone.” Mina spoke softly, voice seeped with adoration, like she was looking right at Chaeyoung.
Sana could almost see it.
Sana once again felt her heart drop, that crossed off at least three possible candidates. Why did everyone else get to see their girlfriends, when she couldn’t even talk to hers?!
Unfortunately, Dahyun’s phone plan didn’t cover that far of a distance without overcharging, so they both agreed to only call once every few days. ‘ God damn it! ’ She screamed in her head ‘ This isn’t fair! ’
Sana felt her face grow hot, tears once again threatened to flood her eyes. She raised her free arm to wipe her face vigorously and sniffed back her tears
“...Sana, are you okay?” The younger girl asked worriedly. She heard a shuffling noise from the other line “Sana…? Are you there?”
“Babe! We need your order next!” She heard Chaeyoung yell in the background.
Sana tried her best to smile. “It’s okay, Mina-chan, I was just going to ask what you were doing, but it’s okay, I can call one of the other girls.”
She heard a pause before a sigh. “If you’re sure…” Mina mumbled, sounding hesitant.
Oh, how Sana would love to ask her to drop everything and come stay with her, to hold her and let her cry. And it’s sad because she knows Mina would be there in less than a heartbeat, but Sana isn’t a selfish person.
Or at least, she’s trying not to be, Sana cares too much about other people’s happiness to let her own get in the way.
“It’s okay, really, I’ll call Jeongyeon!” She replied with a faked casual tone, waving her hand in dismissal even though the other couldn’t see it.
“Well, okay, I’ll call you tomorrow, Sana-chan.”
The line clicked and Sana felt another crack take place in her heart.
She closed her brown for a moment, sighing. Her day had gone from ‘Semi-Bearable’ to “Shitastrophe”
She entered the last pair of numbers, begging the universe to hear her plea.
The line rang out three times before Jeongyeon answered “Hello?”
“Jeongyeon! What are you doing today?” Sana asked the other girl, her voice laced with hope, “Please tell me it’s nothing?”
“Well, technically I’m not doing anything because I’m sick, Nabongs is taking care of me. Sorry, Sana.” She could hear the other girl’s frown, but it could never rival her own.
“Oh.” She replied dejectedly. “I’m sorry to have bothered you then, I’ll leave you to it.”
“Yeah, sorry, but hey, Dahyun gets home soon! It’s only three days, it’s not a big deal. If I’m feeling better tomorrow I’ll let you know and we can get lunch or something.” Jeongyeon said cheerfully, if not a bit nasally.
“Yeah… only three days.” She hung up the phone and set it down on the table before laying back and staring at the ceiling. She felt a wildfire of emotion settle into her bones, making a home in her blood. She couldn’t stop the tears from coming this time.
Not a big deal? To most, it wouldn’t seem like it, but Dahyun is Sana’s entire world .
The way her sparkling eyes almost disappear when she’s happy, the way her laugh sticks out in a crowd, how she would wrap her arms around Sana and whisper in her ear that she loved her and it would always be okay in the end.
Sana didn’t feel okay.
She felt like she couldn’t breathe, like she wasn’t even worthy of it. A sense of hopelessness lingered over her as she tucked herself into the throw blanket.
Three days had never felt so fucking long.
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It didn’t surprise her the next day when no one called her back, she wasn’t worth the effort anyway.
Sana never left her spot on the couch, she just… wasn’t feeling it.
She cried herself into a fitful sleep again the same night.
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TWICE GROUP CHAT
Dubu.dubu: Umm… excuse me but I’m on a plane back to Seoul rn and my future wife isn’t answering me?? @shyshyshy where u be?
GodJihyo: I haven’t seen her since last Friday when we went out for karaoke
GodJihyo: she also hasn’t been on the chat in the past couple of days I don’t think?
Bunny_Honey: That was more than a week ago Jihyo its Sunday
GodJihyo: You saying you’ve talked to her?
Dubu.dubu: Are you saying none of you have talked to her since last week?!?!?!
Bunny_Honey: … No i havent…
Dubu.dubu: Anyone seen her?!?!? @ everyone
Momowow: I talked to her a couple of days ago, she asked to hang out but I was busy with Tzu~
Chewybaka: yes.
Chaegercub: @ Blackswan talked to her yesterday too, Bro!
Dubu.dubu: Oh thank Jihyo!! Is my Sana-Sana okay????
Blackswan: I didn’t talk to her yesterday, I talked to her a couple of days ago as well, although she seemed kind of off… but I was on a double date with Chae and Jihyo
No.Jam.Jeong: I don’t think any of us have seen her this week. She also asked me to hang out, but I was sick.
No.Jam.Jeong: But...oh my god
GodJihyo: what?
No.Jam.Jeong: *facepalm* I was supposed to call her back yesterday.
Momowow: FUCK ME TOO oh my god I was distracted I forgot. Oh my god I feel horrible
Blackswan: … I may have also forgotten to call her back
Bunny_Honey: Oh no…
Dubu.dubu: So let me get this straight because I’m four hours away from killing everyone on this chat.
Dubu.dubu: She called almost all of you and you said no for your various reasons after you haven’t seen her in a week and after that didn’t call her back even after she seems “off”
Chaegercub: I didn’t even know, bro, I’m so sorry.
Dubu.dubu: WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR HOW LONG AND NONE OF YOU THOUGHT TO REACH OUT WHEN YOU KNOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT BEING ALONE?!?!?!
Blackswan: Oh my god what have we done?
Chewybaka: I’m confused…?
GodJihyo: I forget that Tzuyu is the newest member of our group sometimes
Momowow: Sana has pretty bad abandonment issues, Tzu, I can only imagine what she feels like right now
Chewybaka: Oh yeah, then that’s definitely really shitty
No.Jam.Jeong: I’m sorry Dahyun, I didn’t think too much of it. She seemed fine to me, maybe a little lonely?
No.Jam.Jeong: I told her it wasn’t a big deal, it was only three days
No.Jam.Jeong: Oh my god, I realize how bad that sounds, I’m such an asshole.
Bunny_Honey: Yoo Jeongyeon. What. the. Fuck.
Dubu.dubu: oh my god, what if she’s hurt? Someone please help I’m freaking out
GodJihyo: Dubu, calm down, we’ll call her and if she doesn’t answer we’ll go look for her.
Dubu.dubu: I’m gonna throw up, I’m going to skin you all alive when I get back. And she’s not answering it’s going straight to voicemail.
Chaegercub: Mina and I are leaving now, we’ll go straight to your apartment.
Dubu.dubu: please let me know as soon as you find her. You still have a key right, mina?
Chaegercub: she says she has one yes.
Dubu.dubu: good you’ve all got 3 ½ more hours to live. All of you get to go to my apartment and check on my beautiful girlfriend who deserves nothing but the world
GodJihyo: Everyone get their asses to Saida’s in five minutes
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Not five minutes later did a group of seven solemn-looking girls stand in front of Apartment #324 in the JYP Dorms.
Momo reached an arm out and knocked on the door lightly.
“Sana-yah,” She started just loud enough to carry over to the girl inside. “Please open the door.”
The other girls looked around at each other after a few beats of silence, trading thoughts silently through their eyes.
Nayeon sighed loudly from her spot next to the eldest Japanese girl and rested her forehead on the wood. “Listen, I wouldn’t open the door if I were you either, Shiba, but please let us in. We’re all so sorry and we love you so much.”
A handful of soft sobs came from the other side of the thin wooden entrance, breaking her heart into a million pieces. She turned around to look at the other girls, tears coming to her eyes.
Chaeyoung held a crying Mina in her arms, Momo was struggling to keep herself together, Jihyo and Jeongyeon held their heads low in shame, and Tzuyu’s eyes were overcast in worry.
Besides Momo, obviously, Sana was her favorite unnie. Her eyes hardened into a glare.
“If this door isn’t open in five seconds, Mina-unnie, I’m going to break it down.” She growled out to her. Mina, wiping her face, nodded and handed Momo the key to the apartment.
Momo turned around and put the key into the lock, twisting it ever so carefully. “Satang, we’re coming in.” She almost whispered as she creaked the door open slightly, her voice cracking with emotion.
Sana was her sister, the three of them, Mina included, had been together since elementary school. She had never felt like such a piece of shit in her life, Being in a new relationship, she was distracted a lot now, so she had been putting off a lot of things, she never meant to set her best friend aside like that.
She was one of her favorite people!
The apartment seemed just the same as the last time they had been there, albeit a little messy. (Dahyun was always the cleaner one of the two.) But all of the lights were off and the only thing they could hear was a series of loud gasps followed by heaving sobs.
In the middle of the living room in front of them, laid a despondent weeping Minatozaki Sana, curled up into a white throw blanket, that had collected makeup and tear stains.
She looked so… small.
Mina and Momo didn’t last more than a second before rushing to kneel in front of her.
“I’m s-so sorry,” Sana choked out thickly through her tears. “I’m so so s-sorry for whatever I d-did, I won't do it again, just p-please don’t leave me alone a-again.”
And just like that, seven hearts broke at once.
“I know I can be a-a-annoying and hyper, but I-I can change that! I don’t want to b-be alone anymore. What if she never comes back? Ohmygod what if she leaves me because I’m so fucking pathetic?”
Tzuyu came forward first immediately, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl and lifting her into her lap, grabbing both Mina and Momo into the hug. The tears that met the side of her neck as the other girl sobbed made her choke up. “I’m sorry, Unnie, she won't leave you, she’s coming back, I promise. You didn’t do anything at all.”
Chaeyoung pulled out her phone to text Dahyun, who was still blowing up the chat, telling her they found her.
TWICE GROUP CHAT
Chaegercub: She was in the apartment but she’s not doing very well. We’ll have a group go to the airport to pick you up and the rest of us will stay here with Sana
Dubu.dubu: is she safe?!
Chaegercub: She’s not hurt, but she looks like she hasn't slept very much or eaten anything, but she’s hysterical, you need to rush here so we’re sending Nayeon, Jeong, and Jihyo.
Dubu.dubu: my phone is about to die. I’ll be touching down 3 hours, be here. Parking Lot A arrival pick up.
Chaeyoung winced at the harsh tone, but she understood completely, they all fucked up. Sana had been asking for company all week and they had all told her no, this was all on them.
“I miss her so much,” Sana continued to howl into the Taiwanese girl’s collar. “I l-love her so much and now she’ll never c-come back!”
It wasn’t news to them that Sana had abandonment issues, but none of them other than a select few (Momo, Mina, and Dahyun) had been there before to properly handle what was going on.
(Sana had been abandoned by her father at the age of 10 on the Ikoma hiking trail. She was found four days later wandering in the middle of the woods, hungry, scared and with a broken wrist from falling down a steep hill. She hadn’t been quite the same since, staying with her mother for the rest of her upbringing. After the incident, her parents split and her father was arrested for Child Abandonment)
“She’s coming back, Satang,” Mina shushed her gently, running a hand through her head. “She’s on her way right now to come and see you.”
This only proved to make things worse, however. “Don’t lie to me!” She shouted into poor Tzuyu’s ear by accident, making the younger girl flinch.
Jeongyeon frowned sadly and ran a hand through her hair in desperation. “We’re not lying, Sana-yah, she’s on the plane home now.”
Nayeon nodded softly, putting a hand on Jeong’s shoulder. “That’s right, Jeong, Jihyo, and I are going to go pick her up when she lands in a couple of hours.”
Momo ran a hand up and down Sana’s back soothingly. “Satang, have you eaten or slept… or took a bath?” She tacks on carefully on the end, not trying to upset her any further, just getting a basis on where to start before Dubu kills them all.
Sana is their number one priority right now.
Sana sniffled and shook her head slightly. “I can’t eat right now, I tried sleeping, it worked for a little while, but I can’t sleep in our bed w-without her.” Another set of tears leak out of her eyes.
“Okay,” Jihyo started, her natural leader taking over “It takes us 30 minutes for us to get to the airport and we’ve got an hour and a half left until Dahyun lands. So Mina and Momo if you can help her with a bath, Nayeon and Chaeyoung can start cleaning, and Jeong, Tzuyu and I can cook her a meal. Okay? Let’s go”
Getting Sana into the bath wasn’t an easy task, the girl was almost catatonic, her thoughts running through her head at light speed, but Momo and Mina both managed, washing her hair for her helping her wash herself up.
When they emerged from the room, Sana looked almost human. She wore another one of Dahyun’s white baggy jackets and a pair of black sweatpants with blue socks, glasses perched on her face.
The group looked up from their place strewn around the living area of the apartment and smiled at her.
Sana felt her eyes well up with tears again, she bit her bottom lip and shuffled her feet awkwardly, looking down shyly. “Y-You all stayed?” She asked them.
Chaeyound stood from her place at the kitchen island and walked over, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Of course we did, Unnie, we love you! We’re so sorry for pushing you off this week, I swear we didn’t mean to.”
Sana shook her head, frowning. “No, it’s not your fault, I shouldn’t be so sensitive about it.”
It was Jeongyeon’s turn to say something. “No.” She said with eyes as hard as steel, “I was way out of line when I said that it wasn’t a big deal, you mean so much to us Sana, if it’s important to us, it’s important to you.” Sana looked up from her spot on the floor and suddenly the older girl pushed a plate of food into her arms.
“Now eat, you need to feed yourself, Sana, I know it’s hard, but we have to. Dahyun will kill me the moment she gets in the car if you don’t eat before I leave.”
At the mention of the pale girl’s name, the pink-haired girl perks up slightly. “You weren’t lying to me?” She asks with wide wet eyes. “My Dahyunnie is coming home?”
A single drop slips out of her eye as the other girls nod. “A couple of us are going to go get her, we have to leave to get her now or else will be late, can you at least take a bite so I feel better about going?”
Sana all but shoves a piece of the fresh cheese kimbap in her mouth and oh my god she hasn’t eaten in three days.
“I will forgive you on one condition,” She speaks around her food that she’s basically inhaling. She pauses for a moment to swallow.
“Anything,” Jeongyeon says with a determined resolve.
Sana finally cracks a small smile, fleeting, but there. “Go get my girlfriend?”
The other girls smile at her, Jeongyeon nods. “I can do that, my friend.”
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“Chaeyoung told me that they’re and I quote ‘having a feelings jam, but it's more like group therapy’?” Jihyo announced from the back seat of Nayeon’s black Kia Optima as she looked over her phone.
“Like where they sit in a circle and tell each other what they did today?” Jeongyeon asked, flinching when Nayeon snorted and slapped her shoulder with the back of her hand. “That’s not funny, quit it.”
Jeongyeon threw her an incredulous look “Bullshit! You just laughed!” She rubbed her arm to soothe the ache.
‘Damn’ she thinks to herself ‘That woman hits hard.’
“Shh.”
“What? No-” Her argument gets cut off short when a small female with platinum blonde hair and a large scowl is spotted walking towards them.
A wave of sudden fear and guilt washed over the three girls in the car. Dahyun’s eyes are red and puffy and she looks like she just got finished crying a couple minutes ago.
“RIP” Jeong slipped in one more quip before stepping out of the car to help Dahyun with her bags.
When she slides in the car beside Jihyo, the older Korean girl stiffened up and frantically looked around for something distracting.
Oh, look! A weird stain on the back of the… You know what? Jihyo would rather talk to Dahyun.
She doesn't want to know how that got there or what it even is .
“We’re sorry Dahyun-ah, We’ve let you and Sana both down tremendously.” She starts.
Dahyun just looks out the window and the silence that ensues is incredibly awkward and makes them all feel awful.
It’s silent for a couple more minutes before they hear Dahyun sigh loudly.
“I’m so mad at you guys, but I understand. You all have your own lives and things get in the way, and I'm so happy you all were there for her today, but she needed you.”
There’s a small pause before she whispers her next words, her eyes drifting down. “I needed you…”
Nayeon turns around in the passenger seat while Jeongyeon’s driving to look at the pale girl. “I know,” She frowns but speaks with confidence, a promise made, “And I’m so sorry we weren’t there, but I swear, we’ll be there from now on. Anytime anyone of us needs it.”
It takes a minute for Dahyun to respond, but despite herself, she smiles at them. “I promise I will be too. But you guys will have to start on the promise after tonight, I’m kicking you all out as soon as I get home.” She finishes with a straight face.
This, however, cracks Jeongyeon up and she just can’t stop herself. “Two weeks really got you bothered huh?”
She personally doesn’t think she deserves the three smacks to the head she got afterward.
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Dahyun takes off out of the car like a shot the moment it stills in the student parking lot, leaving almost all of her stuff.
“DAHYUN YOU FORGOT YOUr, ugh whatever I’ll carry it in then.” She barely hears Jihyo behind her as she runs through the door, the three girls huffing behind her trying to keep up.
She slams down the elevator button and mashed it until it arrived. She holds the door open while she ushers the others in quickly, grabbing her bags from the other girl. As soon as they reached the floor, the youngest took off like a rocket.
‘ 320….321….322….323….324! ’
She twists the handle and swings the door open wide and looks at the sight in front of her.
Sitting there, in one of the chairs the living room sits Sana.
Her face is red from crying, her bun is messy, her eyes are puffy and she’s wearing her jacket. Her glasses are just a little too big for her face and she just looks so small and vulnerable and Dahyun absolutely melts .
Because she’s so fucking perfect and the most beautiful girl in the entire world. Dahyun dropped all of her things at once and rushed into the arms of the girl she loves more than anyone in the entire world, sitting directly on her lap. She laid her fingertips on the Japanese girl's face and caressed her like she was afraid she’d disappear.
Because she thought she almost did.
And the look on Sana’s face says a thousand words. It whispers ‘ I love you ’ and ‘ I can’t believe it’s you ’. Sana’s arms wrap around her waist and pull her close. She puts their foreheads together softly, closing her eyes at the feeling.
“Dahyunnie, you came back…” She says so softly like she’s afraid if she says them louder, the other girl might leave. Dahyun rubs her thumb across Sana’s cheek gently. “I’ll always come back to you, I love you so much, I’ll never leave you.” She responds in the same tone, her eyes filled with adoration. “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world, baby.” Sana’s eyes fly open and she looks directly into her partner’s own dark brown ones.
“Dahyun, you are my world.” And Dahyun just knows this is the girl she wants to spend her life with.
Not another second passes before their lips connect, gliding over each other with passion. Sana tastes like her own personal heaven, killing her with its sweetness. Dahyun nibbles on Sana’s bottom lip, soothing it over with a flick of her tongue, stealing Sana’s breath and making her gasp.
“And that’s our cue, good night! We’ll talk to you in the morning!” Momo voices from the background. Dahyun backs up to respond, Sana attaches her lips to the delicious column of skin that is dahyun throat.
“I’ll be a little busy in the morning, Sana and I have a lot of catching up to do.” She winks at them slyly.
“No, my ears!” Chaeyoung yells at the same time Tzuyu just replies “I’m leaving.” Before walking out the door, taking Momo, who waves goodbye, with her.
They all decide to leave a second later when they realize Sana’s not coming up for air any time soon.
As soon as the door shuts, Dahyun pulls away with a grin and grabs Sana’s hand. “Let’s go to bed, princess, I’ll tell you about how much I missed you.”
Sana smiles so brightly at her that Dahyun swears the sun is out of a job. “God Dahyun, I felt like I was dying, but you’re always here to pull me back down again. I missed you more than you’ll ever know.” She confessed as Dahyun pulled her into the bedroom and pushed her down onto the bed. The purple-haired girl straddles her and leaned down, lips brushing against her throat sensually. Dahyun nips at the flesh there and pulls a soft groan out of Sana.
“Oh god,” She pants, tears coming to her eyes. “I love you so much.”
“I would fight the world to stand beside you, Sana-chan,” Dahyun whispers into her ear, kissing it delicately, gently sucking the lobe into her mouth and scraping it against her teeth.
“I thought you were gone, Dubu.” She whimpers against the other girl.
“Never,” She replies earnestly, removing her t-shirt in one swift move. “You can’t get rid of me that easy, I still have things to do.”
“Like what, hmm?” Sana smirks back at her.
“Dahyun meets her eyes easily, leaning down to press their bodies together.
“Like give you my last name, Future Mrs. Kim” A blush blooms on her face as she says it.
She’ll say it a thousand more times if she’ll get a smile like that.