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2020-02-16
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i will love you with too many commas (but never any asterisks)

Summary:

On an evening like any other, curled up in their shared bedroom, Eva and Jasper finally say something they've both been meaning to say for a while now.

(Set between the end of season three and the beginning of season four.)

Notes:

We've got four months of Jeva alone time to fill in and I'm here to provide cuddly vampires and fluffy conversations. Please enjoy these two being cute together!

Title from Sarah Kay's "Love Poem #137" (which is lovely, and everyone should read).

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Eva wakes to the increasingly familiar feeling of Jasper’s arms around her waist. No matter how many times it happens, she will never stop loving how wonderful it feels to wake up next to someone again. She likes her privacy and her solitude as much as he does, but they are each other's exceptions and she always feels safer sleeping in his arms.

She’s been “just spending the day” for about a month now. Eva isn’t quite sure when losing track of the hour and not having enough time to get home before sunrise turned into not intending to go home at all, but Jasper hasn’t complained about the arrangement. She’s been moving things in, slowly but surely, and he’s been more than happy to help her get settled into his haven.

And despite the dangers outside these walls and the stress and fear that have been weighing her down more than ever before, waking up in his arms still feels lovely. Tonight is a good night, she decides, one where she feels lighter, less tightly wound. One where she can relax into Jasper’s touch as the day sleep relinquishes her body to the prowl of night.

When she stirs, Jasper’s embrace tightens. He pulls her back flush against his chest and nuzzles into her neck. His lips trail across her throat, pressing light kisses to her pale skin. There are far worse ways to wake up, Eva thinks.

“Hello there,” she says, reaching back to brush her fingers against his cheek.

“Hey,” he purrs against her neck, a slight happy growl creeping into the end of the word. He holds her tight and keeps kissing where her pulse used to be. “Glad to see you’re awake.”

“Are you hungry already?” Eva teases, tipping her head back to rest against his shoulder, allowing him better access to her neck.

“No,” Jasper mutters, pressing another kiss just below her ear, “Just happy to wake up next to you.”

“The feeling is mutual.” She leans back against him, content just to savor this comfortable peace for a little while longer. “Just feeling extra cuddly tonight, then?”

“I am not cuddly,” he grumbles, even as he runs his nose along the curve of her neck and hugs her to him again.

Eva knows he doesn’t like to admit it—still so unsure of his own body when it comes to intimacy, still so hesitant about his own desires—but Jasper is a cuddler. He loves being close to her, loves holding her and being held in return. He melts whenever she touches him, purrs like a pleased lion whenever she curls into his side while they read together. He seeks out kisses and hugs and when he’s stressed or in pain, he likes to stretch out on the couch and rest his head in her lap. On all fronts, Eva is more than happy to indulge him.

Eva rolls her eyes at his halfhearted denial before rolling over in his arms to face him. She pulls back just enough to look him in the eyes as she speaks. 

“No, you are,” she replies with a coy grin, “But I like it.”

Jasper lets out a growled laugh and leans in to place a quick kiss on her lips, the first of many this night she hopes.

When he pulls away, Eva brushes his cheek with her thumb. Whatever may be happening in the city outside, these early evening moments are theirs to cherish. This is the closest she comes to feeling safe, anymore—tucked away behind closed and locked and warded doors, tangled up in blankets and bed sheets and him. 

She decided a long time ago that nothing can reach them here in this room, so she lets herself relax.

“What’s on the to do list for tonight?” she asks.

“There’s a few more places around that could still use traps. Or I thought of a couple more books we could look into about the ley lines, if you’d prefer to read tonight.”

It’s what they’ve been doing almost every night since their encounter with him down in the labyrinth. There may be a truce in place now, but they both know it won’t last, so they’ve been preparing. Nights filled with seemingly endless research—pulling books from both his library and hers—and building traps and defenses that would feel ridiculous if they weren’t so effective.

It is tense and tiresome work—the kind that never lets her forget why they’re doing it—but it’s been nice to spend more time with him, time where they are not actively being threatened or constantly interrupted. She doesn’t love the idea of making peace with the Camarilla, but she can deal with a cold war. In her half a century of unlife, Eva has gotten very good at waiting.

And it hasn’t been all bad, not down here, not with Jasper. Their self-imposed isolation has given them the chance to explore their relationship more, to talk and to touch without worrying about his coterie barging in or listening at the door. They had so little time together before the Hollywood Sign incident, and there were more pressing matters to deal with after his rescue. But now, safe underground, the nights stretch out before them. There is time now to map each other's bodies and catalog their reactions and experiment with Blush of Life. Time enough to discover each other and how they fit together.

Pleasant memories of barely restrained groans and clever hands fill Eva’s mind as she asks, “What if I just want to stay in bed all night?”

“Then I guess I could go study alone,” Jasper answers, giving her a fanged grin that tells her he’s only teasing.

“What if I want you to stay in bed with me?” she asks coyly, matching his smile.

“Then I suppose that could be arranged. As long as you don’t mind being bored all night.”

“The work will still be there tomorrow. And I’m sure we could think of something to do.”

“You do always have the best ideas.”

Eva laughs and kisses him gently again—because he’s there, because she can, because there’s nothing stopping her anymore—and then presses her forehead against his. She exists in his space for a long moment, just reveling in the feeling of being close to him.

Despite everything else, this—them, together and unharmed—has been wonderful. Eva hadn’t realized quite how lonely she was until Jasper wandered into her life. Now she can’t bring herself to imagine a world without him in it. The danger and the fear and the pain are worth it, she decides, for moments like this—where it is just the two of them, tangled together and content in what they are. 

“I love you,” she whispers.

There is nothing special or significant about this night, no reason to say it other than it is simply true. Her statement is not grand or calculated. There is no artifice or performance to it. No candles or music or flowers other than those in her dried circlet and glass pendant resting on the nightstand. She’s wearing faded cotton pajamas and his hoodie is tossed somewhere else in the room—they are perhaps a bit under-dressed for a moment like this, but Eva can’t bring herself to care.

She loves him, simple as that.

Despite her soft tone and gentle touch, he tenses up beside her, the hand that’s been absentmindedly stroking her back freezing halfway up her spine.

Eva pulls her face away from his so she can see his eyes again.

“You don’t…” she adds hesitantly, trying to soothe him, “You don’t have to—”

“I love you, too,” he cuts her off, the words tumbling out in a rush, “I love you so much.”

One of his hands goes into her hair, cradling the back of her head, and the look he gives her—desperate tenderness and adoration—is enough to melt her undead heart.

“I love you so much, too,” she replies, giving him a soft smile and reaching up to curve a hand around the back of his head, tracing one of the black veins there. Her hand drifts lower, her painted nails scratching lightly at the back of his neck as he leans into her touch.

“That’s the first time we’ve… said that,” Jasper breathes out. He is soft and smiling in the way that Eva finds endlessly endearing. It's the same surprised but happy look he gave her after their first kiss and she is always pleased when she can bring it out of him again.

“I've wanted to for a while, but I didn’t want you to feel… obligated to say it back if you weren’t there yet,” she tells him.

“I’ve—I’ve been there for a while, but I didn’t want to overstep if you weren’t.”

“I honestly thought you already knew,” Eva admits, “Even though I hadn’t said it, you would’ve tasted it in my vitae any of the times I’ve fed you. And most people generally consider it a prerequisite for... moving in together.” 

“I didn’t want to assume anything. It seemed… presumptuous.”

“It felt presumptuous to think that your girlfriend, who has risked her life on more than one occasion just to keep you safe and who you now live with and sleep with and do many other... pleasant things with, might love you?" she asks incredulously, "That felt like overstepping to you?"

Jasper looks at her sheepishly—they are both so out of practice when it comes to this—and Eva lets out an affectionately exasperated laugh. She may tease him on occasion, but she understands his hesitancy. She feels it, too, in her own way. There are still things she had not told him, doors she has not been brave enough to open. They are figuring things out at their own pace, in their own time. She cannot fault him for waiting for her, even if she was simply waiting for him.

And while there is still much to discover, Eva has already learned during her time with him that reassurance brings out the best in Jasper. While he may sometimes enjoy a challenge, encouragement does wonders for his confidence and she never wants him to feel ashamed for how he cares for her.

“Then let me set any uncertainties to rest.” She leans in for another kiss, shifting their bodies so he lies back against the pillows as she moves to straddle his waist. “I love you, Jasper Heartwood. Never doubt that.”

He does not answer her, simply leans up to kiss her again, resting his hands on her hips before he pulls back just enough to speak. 

“And I love you,” he whispers, lips brushing hers as he speaks, “For all that you are and with all that I am.”

He returns his mouth to her neck, nuzzling against her again, and she sighs in his arms. Along with the quiet joy that runs through her veins—so palpable Jasper could taste it if he bit her in this moment—there is relief in this, in knowing she no longer has to hold back or pretend that she feels any less than she does. 

She loves him and she plans to remind him regularly.

Perhaps they’ll get out of bed eventually, Eva thinks. Perhaps they’ll get dressed and build another trap or read together or plan further defenses. But for now, she is more than content to stay exactly where she is: cold lips on cold skin, hands starting to wonder under soft sleep shirts, quiet laughter and soft moans mixing in equal measure as they move together; both of them simply basking in the glow of loving and being loved in return.

Notes:

Thanks so much for reading! Comments and kudos are always very much appreciated!