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Slowly, he roused from his shallow slumber. Blinking, breathing deeply, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hands, he let a low, half-groaned yawn escape his dry lips. The whole time, he felt his companion’s piercing gaze on him and when he glanced to the right, to the person sitting behind the steering wheel, he saw the other man watch him from the corner of his eyes.
Offering a barely-there smile and turning to look out the window to his left, not really seeing anything other than his own reflection in the glass, he mumbled, voice still rough with sleep, “Eyes on the road.”
There was no reply. Still, the tiny grin wouldn’t leave his face for another few minutes.
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
Slowly, almost carefully, the car crept along a seldomly used dirt road lined by trees and shrubbery until Kyo pulled over on an improvised parking lot in a small clearing and turned off the engine. Kaoru heard him take a deep breath and did the same. They glanced at each other and then away. Silence reigned for a few oppressive, uncomfortable moments until, finally, Kyo loosened his seat belt and pushed his door open.
As he, too, got out of the vehicle, Kaoru took in his surroundings for the first time. The quiet forest around them, the sun casting her gentle rays through the slowly balding tree tops, warming his skin against the slight autumn chill. A mellow, almost sweet calm took him over and for the first time in a long while he felt himself focus inward. For that single, peaceful moment in time, there didn’t exist anything and anyone outside himself. He took a deliberate, deep breath in, exhaled only slowly, conscious of how the air filled his lungs and left them again. Maybe this hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river, and it made me complete
“Run away with me.”
There was no question, no subtlety in those words. It wasn’t even really an invitation so much as it was a demand, and when Kaoru looked Kyo square in the eyes, one brow hitched up questioningly, he found nothing but calm determination in the singer’s piercing gaze.
He didn’t know how to respond to that. Run away? But he had duties. Stuff to do. Songs to write. Interviews to give. The band–
His thoughts were interrupted by the shorter man’s voice, gentle this time, almost careful. “You need a break.” This time, there was a distinct undertone of worry and Kaoru felt himself deflate slightly. The sheet music he had been studying slipped from his hands and danced to the ground noiselessly.
He was twenty-nine years old, yet he felt like he was nearing his forties. He hadn’t known it showed this obviously. A simple nod of his head without so much as another minute of contemplation. Yes. He needed a break.
Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I’m getting old, and I need something to rely on
Kaoru felt himself gently pulled from his reverie by the distinct sting of burnt tobacco creeping up his nostrils. Blinking, he focussed his gaze forward, staring at the smouldering cherry of a freshly lit cigarette Kyo was holding out to him. A flick of the singer’s wrist, something questioning and almost impatient in his mocha eyes and the guitarist snorted slightly, but offered a short, lopsided grin as he reached out and took the slim stick. He wedged it between his lips, taking a long drag from it while he watched Kyo light one for himself.
The vocalist looked deep in thought, Kaoru noted as he kept his gaze on the shorter man, observing him nibble the filter, moving the cigarette around between his lips without the aid of his fingers. It was habit for Kyo anymore, doing that, the sight a familiar one to the leader, but for the first time he felt somehow enchanted by it. Only when the shorter blond looked up and straight at him, both brows raised in inquiry, barely concealing the amused gleam in his mocha irises, did Kaoru turn his gaze away. He was too old to blush, but the heat in his cheeks wasn’t caused by the sun and he was very aware of that fact.
Worse, he knew Kyo was, too.
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin.
The treck from the car up to the cabin was quiet, contemplative. Adjusting a strap of his backpack, Kaoru sighed softly. Immediately afterwards, he almost bumped into Kyo, who had been a few paces in front of him as the shorter man stopped suddenly.
Kaoru made an undignified noise and Kyo almost dropped the bag full of groceries he was carrying in his right hand. But then the singer turned around halfway to fix Kaoru with his deep eyes. “Listen,” he began quietly, tilting his head slightly. The action made him look questioning and innocent rather than on the verge of giving his older bandmate a lecture. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. If you’d rather go back home–”
Kyo trailed off as he watched Kaoru wordlessly walk past, continuing along the trail they had followed for the past ten minutes. For another few seconds, he simply stood there, staring at the leader’s back, until the older man stopped and turned around halfway, sending him an inquisitive glance and motioning for the vocalist to follow already.
A tiny smile crept onto Kyo’s features as his feet started moving all on their own and he rushed to get ahead of his friend.
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
“Do you remember our birthdays a few years ago?”
Kaoru raised his head, blinking confusedly. The question had come rather out of the blue and he turned halfway to be able to look at his friend, one brow hitched up in inquiry.
“What you said then, I… I know what you meant, now.” Mocha irises shone back at Kaoru with a certain amount of sadness and something the leader couldn’t quite grasp. Longing? He opened his mouth to reply, but Kyo cut him off before even a breath could leave his lips.
“The only times I feel at home… that I feel safe… are with you.”
The admission left Kaoru at a loss, staring rather dumbfounded as he watched Kyo gather his things and turn to leave. And, more than that, the words lingered in the leader’s mind long after Kyo was gone, long after Kaoru himself had returned home and gone to bed.
Sleep had eluded him that night.
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?
Keys jingling in his pockets, the shorter blond led them further through the underbrush with quick, sure steps. Kaoru tried to focus on the sound his feet made on the dirt track, on the rustling of leaves, wet from the recent rain, and the cracking of twigs beneath his boots. Again, he almost bumped into Kyo as the singer suddenly stopped in a small clearing, right in front of an old cabin.
It was entirely made out of wood, had a small patio all along the front with a short roof hanging overhead. The windows were small and dirty, the dark blue paint on the front door chipped off in places, revealing the plain, seemingly damp pine wood underneath. But for how old and run down the place looked, it was incredibly homey and inviting.
Glancing back at his bandleader, Kyo offered a half-formed, barely visible smile before he went on ahead, up the three creaking steps to the veranda, and unlocked the door.
“Welcome home,” he said, his voice sounding as casual as all that, while they entered the living room one after the other. Unable to see the singer’s face, Kaoru was completely clueless to the solemn expression the shorter man wore. And maybe that was for the best.
Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I’m getting old, and I need something to rely on
“You’re too quiet lately.” Kyo’s voice carried across the space between them easily, clear and distinguishable even with the tipsy lilt and the pounding music coming from inside the apartment. Kaoru didn’t look at him, only took another long drag from his cigarette and shrugged half-heartedly.
“Talk to me?” the singer insisted, pushing a chilled bottle of beer into the leader’s free hand before taking a sip from his own. He scrunched up his face is disgust, but swallowed the liquid anyway.
Blowing out the smoke in a thin stream, Kaoru simply shrugged again, ran a hand trough is shock of plum-coloured silk, shook his head slightly and took another drag.
Making an undignified noise in the back of his throat, Kyo turned away. “Fine. I’ll get Die then,” he grumbled, more to himself than the other man, as he started to walk.
Kaoru sighed, an uneasy feeling settling deep in his guts. He knew he’d disappointed Kyo by not talking to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the vocalist. Quite the opposite. But Kyo’s mental health was unstable on the best of days and Kaoru simply didn’t feel comfortable burdening the blond with his – in comparison – lapidary problems. Everyone had ups and downs, after all. But as he watched the retreating form of the smaller man, something snapped inside of him.
“Wait,” he called after the younger man, his baritone too loud and too desperate to really belong to the calm and collected guitarist. Immediately, Kyo froze in place. He didn’t turn around, but his posture and the way his shoulders and back were set very straight told Kaoru he was listening attentively.
“I… I just feel so… lost lately. As if I didn’t really… belong here,” the leader said, his voice suddenly so small that he barely even recognised himself.
Turning back around, Kyo looked at his bandleader wordlessly for some seconds before closing the distance between them again. Silently, he reached out and pulled the guitarist into a loose hug.
Too stunned to react, Kaoru sucked in a deep breath, but what took him off guard even more was the solemn whisper into his ear. “There’s nowhere else you belong more than here. You’re a star. Always have been.”
The embrace lingered for a few seconds longer, before a soft pair of lips pressed a short kiss to Kaoru’s right cheek and Kyo retreated. Regardless of the semi-public display of affection, – something the leader had never been very fond of – it was the look in those mocha irises that grabbed Kaoru and wouldn’t let go of him. All the trust and determination the singer had managed to put in that one, short glimpse – almost as though he had allowed Kaoru to see a fraction of his soul.
With a careful smile now gracing his features and his heart beating a tiny bit lighter in his chest, he flicked his cigarette butt off the balcony and followed the vocalist inside, back to the party. It was his birthday, too, after all.
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin.
It was dark outside already, the forest around the cabin in a beguiling state of utter quiet, the gentle tapping of raindrops against the tree tops a calming background noise. It made Kaoru feel disconnected from his usual self, almost as though the person he normally was had been cut away, leaving only this raw version of himself. This wide-eyed dreamer, the boy he’d used to be years ago, when he first met Die and later Kyo and Shinya and Kisaki, their newly formed band’s leader – Kaoru snorted; the bassist had almost led them to ruin.
Thinking about it, they had all still been children, one of them literally, and when Kisaki had left them and they’d found Toshiya – a boy just as wild and wide-eyed as Kaoru himself had been, then – and when they formed something new with him, they had all agreed to not have a leader; nobody really wanted to do it, it seemed like too much work with too little to gain, so they’d decided to wing it. Only months later, when they realised that a band without someone taking the reins wouldn’t actually get anywhere, they’d voted Kaoru into the position – a unanimous decision that had left the guitarist with little choice, forced him to accept. He now knew, admitted to himself with a sigh – it had been then the wide-eyed boy had slowly started fading, that the suddenly in-charge guitarist had told himself to grow up and lead them to the stars. Was that why he felt so drained lately? Had it been too much, had he been too young? At the age of twenty-nine, he felt old, used up, like an old battery that was leaking acid, slightly bent out of shape and rusty. He felt uninspired, and even the graceful trees and the gentle nature around him couldn’t ease his mind.
With heavy steps, he took the creaking stairs leading up to the patio and sat down cross-legged on the damp wood. His boots tumbled to the floor noisily as Kaoru pulled them off his feet; they were wet and dirty from his solitary walk, leaves and mud sticking to the soles. He got some on his hand taking them off and made a disgusted face as he wiped his palm on his jeans. Sniffing and pulling his soppy self up from the floor, he simply left his shoes where they had fallen and turned to push at the front door. It swung open with a bone-grating screech and Kaoru flinched, hoping like hell the vocalist wasn’t asleep – despite it probably not even being close to nighttime yet. With Kyo, one just never really knew; the guy could sleep anywhere.
“There you are. Nice walk?” the singer’s voice graced his ears even before he had taken a step into the living room and Kaoru hummed by way of response. Quickly, the guitarist entered and closed the door behind himself to keep the autumn chill from invading the cosy little area; the hinges protested loudly once more.
Kyo didn’t look at him, had, in fact, turned his back to the older man, facing the only source of light in the dimness of the room – the fire crackling away in the fireplace. There were two steaming mugs of tea in front of the smaller man, the faint scent of rose hip and honey mixing with the smell of burnt pine leaves and smouldering wood. It was homey and warm, and as Kaoru sat down on the old rug in front of the fireplace – next to the vocalist, close enough to touch and yet far enough away to not be indecent – and Kyo finally looked at him with a soft spark in his deep eyes, the leader felt right in his own skin again. His doubts and all the dark thoughts from earlier faded away until nothing remained but the sense of belonging; of home and warmth and some sort of love.
They sat silently in front of the fireplace for a good few minutes, even after their mutual staring was broken and they just gazed into the crackling flames. Until Kaoru, boldly, scooted closer to his friend, his damp pant leg brushing against Kyo’s knee. The singer scrunched up his face and spared him another glance.
“You’re sodden to the bone,” he asserted, his voice low but, interestingly, very commanding, sending a chill up the leader’s spine that he couldn’t quite place. “Get changed,” Kyo urged after a moment of the older man spacing out, snapping him back to reality. And, wordlessly, Kaoru acquiesced.
And if you have a minute, why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go?
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know
When Kaoru returned, wearing a pair of plain grey tracksuit bottoms and a washed-out Metallica shirt, he found the shorter man in the same position he had left him. His initial thought that the singer hadn’t moved was only disproved by the fact that there was an old acoustic guitar perched in his lap. For a moment, Kaoru simply stopped and stared at Kyo’s relaxed form in front of the fireplace, listened to the soft sounds the guitar made as its strings were plucked in no particular order.
“Are you going to wait for the seasons to change or will you finally sit down and help me tune this thing?” Kyo eventually asked, his voice soft and amused, before he turned his head to look at the leader over his shoulder. Again, there was that gentle spark in his mocha eyes and Kaoru was moving before he even fully realised it.
He planted himself in the spot he had vacated earlier and accepted the guitar with a tiny grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. “I thought you brought me here to get me away from work,” he chuckled as he began plucking the first string to correct its tuning.
Kyo shrugged. “As if you’d be happy just sitting around doing nothing. You’d be pissed before we even went to bed. And drive me up the walls in the process.”
Kaoru glanced at him questioningly, is breath hitching in his throat as he mentioned going to bed together. He didn’t… mean it in that way, did he? Insecurity flickered through him, must have shown in his features and Kyo must have seen it, for the vocalist snorted softly. His voice held a distinct undertone of ‘get your mind out of the gutter’ as he amended, “Relax. I didn’t take you here to get you laid.”
Coughing, feeling his cheeks heat up, the leader focussed his gaze on his fingers and the strings. He was about to apologise when the singer cut him off mid-breath. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I haven’t been thinking about it. I just don’t believe you’re ready.”
At that, Kaoru’s head shot up and he stared at the younger man in disbelief. His jaw worked, but no words would come to mind, so he eventually closed it, not to embarrass himself further. His heart was sitting in his throat, pounding away there heavily and he couldn’t quite say if it was fear or excitement that bubbled beneath the surface of his skin. He wasn’t uncomfortable with the admission, per se, and certainly not with Kyo, not even in this close proximity, but even in his wildest dreams Kaoru would never have allowed himself to even think of having any sort of sexual relations with his bandmates. And for the shorter man to just say something like that so bluntly – it put him off, shoved him right out of his comfort zone and made him feel weak and vulnerable.
He swallowed audibly, didn’t even realise how hard his fingers clamped down on the strings, couldn’t feel them biting into his skin until Kyo reached out and touched the back of his wrist. Slowly, gently, fingers curled around the suddenly too cold and clammy skin until the vocalist’s pointer hovered just over Kaoru’s pulse, no doubt feeling its frantic pace. Then, the shorter blond sighed. “Relax,” he repeated, all but whispering, “We’re here as friends. I promise.”
Nodding once, the older man focussed back on the acoustic in his lap and their conversation turned to shallower, less anxiety-inducing topics – like when and where Kyo had acquired a Fender Squier. And, seeing that the guitar was obviously well loved and much used, Kaoru couldn’t stop himself from asking if it was the one Kyo had practiced his – limited but respectable – guitar skills on.
The rest of the evening passed them by comfortably, dominated for the most part by mellow conversation. Until Kaoru finished tuning the guitar and started playing a melody from the top of his head. When he finished and Kyo asked him to repeat it and the vocalist began humming along, eventually turning to singing a low-key lovesong, lyrics pulled from a poem he had written some time ago. The leader snuck a glance at the notebook in Kyo’s lap, gazed at the words written in it and got stuck on the title before Kyo snapped the little black book closed and gave him a stern look.
Even when Kaoru lay down on the couch in front of the fireplace later, the one-word-title didn’t leave him alone, his mind restless even in his sleep. It simply said Kaoru.
Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I’m getting old, and I need something to rely on
The next morning was rather tense. Fueled by restless sleep, Kaoru felt as though he had been hit by a semi, the coffee Kyo had made was too bitter while at the same time not strong enough and he didn’t feel like eating, especially when the shorter blond raised a questioning brow and pointedly stared at the untouched food on the guitarist’s plate.
With some amount of effort, the leader managed to swallow a few bites, just out of respect for the vocalist who had prepared the meal for him, before pushing the plate away and downing half of his coffee in one huge gulp. Immediately afterwards he felt like throwing up, but for some insane reason it wasn’t the food or the coffee that made him feel this way. It was the way Kyo looked at him, his deep eyes so dark Kaoru couldn’t read any kind of emotion in them. When had the atmosphere between them shifted this harshly, and why?
Flashbacks to the previous night danced behind the guitarist’s lids when he blinked, images that seemed like they came from a far-off dream, barely-lucid thoughts and shapes and forms. The smell of burnt tobacco and the faint gleam of mocha irises in the dark, illuminated only by the slowly dying embers in the fireplace. A hand on his cheek, in his hair, lips on his forehead, then on his mouth, the scent of gooseberries and wet earth, the taste of spearmint and tobacco. Had it been a dream? Had he imagined it?
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Kyo assessed, clicking his tongue but looking somewhat concernedly at Kaoru.
Blinking stupidly, the leader’s gaze found his friend’s. Without even thinking on it, he blurted, “Last night, when I was asleep… have you… touched me?”
For a moment, the shorter blond looked thoughtful, but in just a matter of seconds, his expression changed and he looked like he had been stung by flames. Frowning, the vocalist pulled his lips into a thin line. “What the hell are you asking?” he hissed, sounding as dangerous as his glare looked. His arms came up to cross in front of his chest defensively and he looked ready to fight tooth and nail. “So what if I have a thing for you? Does that turn me into a rapist in your eyes? Do you think I would assault you?”
Shocked, the older man sucked in a lungful of air. “N-no! God, no!” he all but shouted, shook his head, but couldn’t bring himself to come up with any reassuring words. Not even an apology managed to reach the tip of his tongue.
“Then what?” Kyo almost growled, “What are you accusing me of, exactly?”
Uncharacteristically intimidated, Kaoru swallowed thickly. “N-nothing,” he stuttered, casting his gaze to his hands, only noticing now how sweaty they were and that his fingers were curled around the hem of his shirt. “I just… I thought I saw – felt…” He shook his head. “Nevermind. I guess I just dreamed. I’m sorry.” He gave a rueful smile and a half-shrug, then got up and retreated to the bathroom. He could feel Kyo’s piercing gaze burning his back the entire time. Had he seen it, he would have realised the sadness in them, the hurt.
It would take them months to get their relationship back on track and another few weeks still until Kaoru would realise that he had been running away from what he really wanted. But by then it seemed too late and so he tried, and tried hard, to let his feelings fade.
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin.
“Here you are. Running away from your own party again, are you?” Die’s cheerful voice broke through the music echoing through the walls. He threw a long arm around the leader and squeezed him in an awkward but affectionate sideways hug.
Kaoru groaned softly under his breath, rather taking another drag off his cigarette instead of talking. When he inhaled the nicotine deep into his lungs and caught the gaze of his taller friend out of the corner of his eyes, he lifted the fingers holding the cancer stick, offering it to him. Gracefully, Die leaned in, his lips closing around the filter, taking a long drag.
With a satisfied sigh and a soft grin, he let the smoke leave his lungs and in return for the hit of nicotine offered his half-finished beer to his fellow guitarist. It was accepted wordlessly and Kaoru took two short sips before sighing softly and staring out into the night sky, a faraway expression on his face.
“Are you trying to count the stars?” Die asked then, running a hand through his black and red hair, his gaze transfixed on his best friend. Again, the older man only grunted softly in response. At this, the taller guitarist sighed somewhat exasperatedly. “Kao. Kaoru. Look at me. Please.” There was a slight edge of desperation to his voice, and at hearing it, a short but intense pang of guilt went through the older man, twisting his heart in his chest. And thus, despite wanting nothing more than to run away and hide under the covers in his bedroom, he turned towards his friend.
They shared a long look, a tinge of hurt in Die’s eyes, but the friendly affection they always held was still present and Kaoru silently thanked all the Gods that would listen for that.
As a big, warm palm squeezed Kaoru’s shoulder, the younger man offered him a soft smile. “Now, talk. What’s eating you?”
Shaking his head, Kaoru tore his gaze away, looking once again up to the stars. “It’s nothing, don’t worry.”
He could hear Die take in a deep breath and he knew the taller man did it to calm himself, to not get overly emotional. It wouldn’t help matters anyway. The rich tenor was surprisingly calm and steady when the younger guitarist spoke up again. “But I am worried and it’s not nothing. Kaoru, please, just… fuck. I want to help you, but you keep shutting yourself off and it hurts, okay? It fucking hurts.”
Gulping down another couple of sips of Die’s beer, Kaoru sighed and all but fell forward, hiding his face against the taller man’s chest. So the half-redhead had managed to guilt-trip him. He should have seen that one coming a mile away. It didn’t change the fact that he appreciated his fellow guitarist’s concern and the gentle, warm embrace he found himself caught in because of it.
“I can’t stop thinking about Kyo. About what happened… the things I said to him. I feel… awful. And like I can’t really connect with him anymore, like he’s slipping away every time we’re alone.” His voice was low, almost a whisper, and still it cracked.
Die’s arms tightened around him and he breathed into his hair, “I thought you two were getting along again. Kyo also said you’re friends…?”
Kaoru swallowed thickly and retreated a fraction to look up at his fellow guitarist. “But what if I don’t want to be friends with him anymore?” The confused frown on the half-redhead’s face was so cute and out of place it could have made Kaoru laugh hadn’t he felt too weighed down by his worries. Before Die could bring himself to ask, however, the leader elaborated. “Don’t get me wrong, I want him in my life, I want him close to me, but… closer. Closer than even you. And I don’t fucking know how to deal with it.”
At this, the taller guitarist tilted his head to the side and chuckled. “That’s your big, world-ending secret? That you’re in love with Kyo? Old news much? Just go tell him. Or, I dunno, kiss him. I assure you he’ll appreciate it.”
The older man stared up at his friend dumbfounded for a few moments, his mouth slightly agape. Then, he snapped out of it and frowned. “Old news?” he intoned, his eyes wide.
Die simply shrugged and threw an arm around Kaoru’s shoulders, turning them both so they looked out into the night again. “It’s not exactly a secret that you have feelings for each other. Do you know Kyo used to hate me with a passion for a while because he thought I had a thing going on with you?” He chuckled softly, glancing at his friend, who stared disbelievingly up at him, his mouth once again hanging open.
Another soft laugh passed the taller guitarist’s lips. “What? Kyo’s had a thing for you since God knows when. Wasn’t exactly subtle about it, either. But of course you wouldn’t notice. Little idiot.” Kaoru was about to reply, had already taken a deep breath to vent his indignation at the smug insult, but Die interrupted him. “Speak of the devil,” he said and chuckled softly, “If looks could kill, I’d be dead.” With that, he pressed a soft kiss to his friend’s right temple and disentangled himself from their sideways embrace.
With one last look back at Kaoru, he gave him an encouraging smile and said, in a low voice so Kyo, who had just stepped onto the balcony, couldn’t overhear, “Just go for it. You deserve to be happy.”
Before he returned back to the party, Die stopped and exchanged a few words with Kyo. Curious as he was, Kaoru strained his ears to eavesdrop, but found the music from inside too loud to be able to hear anything.
And if you have a minute, why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go?
So why don’t we go?
Walking over slowly, Kyo came to a halt in front of Kaoru, his friend, the man he looked up to for all the things he did for them, for him, the man he loved – and he cringed at himself, faltering slightly. Suddenly, he didn’t dare look up at the older man, instead shuffled around a little awkwardly under his scrutiny. He felt those dark eyes study him – they felt heavy on his skin; waiting, perhaps, or simply sizing him up. Kyo didn’t know, it didn’t matter. He bit at the inside of his cheek, fingering in his pocket at the bow of the small box that held Kaoru’s birthday gift.
“Kyo,” Kaoru started after a while, his voice low, but the vocalist raised a hand without looking up, interrupting the guitarist. Then, he ran those same fingers through his untamed raven mane and sighed.
“I just wanted to give you your present,” he said, his voice surprisingly clear and steady, as he finally looked up to his friend. Pulling the tiny silver box from his pocket, he held it out to Kaoru, waited with tense shoulders for the other man to take it. Once he did, Kyo had to suppress a sigh of relief. “Happy thirtieth, Kaoru,” he said softly, cautiously trying to meet the guitarist’s gaze.
But the half-blond didn’t return the look, his eyes fixated on the tiny box within his hands. He seemed very far away and Kyo was on the verge of just leaving, but then he remembered Die’s words and determination filtered through him again, straightened his back.
“Aren’t you gonna open it?” he asked, trying to sound more cocky than anxious, but failing miserably. He cleared his throat and Kaoru did the same, looked up to him and gave him a tentative smile. Then, the guitarist’s nimble fingers pulled at the bow on top of the box, before long removing it entirely. Lifting the lid, Kaoru peered inside and Kyo took in every little change in the other’s expression, like a sponge soaking up water. There was pleasant surprise, then a tiny, somewhat knowing smile that broke on Kaoru’s lips – it even reached his eyes. Those almost black irises that held a little spark of some unnamed emotion, so inexplicably enticing to the vocalist that he almost got lost in them.
“Is this…?” Kaoru asked, indicating the key with a sweep of his eyes before finally meeting his friend’s gaze. He smiled softly at the shorter man.
“Yes,” Kyo replied simply, mirroring the smile. Then, “I thought if you needed to get away again… you’ll have a place to go. And I… I also wanted to apologise with this, for making our relationship awkward. I–”
His speech was interrupted by Kaoru’s hands on his shoulders, pulling and then, suddenly, but not altogether unexpectedly, a warm mouth pressing against his own. For a moment too stunned to react, the raven sucked in a breath through his parted lips, before finally, blissfully, closing his eyes and melting into the contact. It was as though a million fireworks went off all at once in every corner of his entire body and he slung his arms around the leader’s waist, holding on for dear life to the hem of his shirt, fingers all but digging into the skin of Kaoru’s lower back.
Their kiss remained gentle and innocent for the longest time, only occasionally their tongue tips met when one of them decided to taste the other more thoroughly, but to Kaoru, that was what made it feel so real, so deep. It gave him the certainty he needed, the confirmation that Kyo really wasn’t just after sex, that there were honest feelings between them, a foundation they could build a solid, loving relationship upon. His arms tightened around the vocalist’s shoulders, pulling him impossibly closer until the guitarist could no longer distinguish his own heartbeat from the other man’s.
He felt Kyo smile against his lips and only reluctantly broke their kiss to gaze into the singer’s mocha eyes. He wanted to tell Kyo that he loved him, that he wanted to be with him, forever, if possible, and that he would never let him go again. Instead, he whispered, “We should probably head back.”
Chuckling, the raven responded, “To the party… or the cabin?”
“Yes,” was Kaoru’s simple reply, accompanied by a satisfied little grin as Kyo gave an amused snort and kissed him softly once more.
“So, is the dance finally over then?” Die asked as if he hadn’t watched the two of them like a hawk, a wide grin on his lips when he caught Kaoru returning from the balcony a few paces behind Kyo.
The leader didn’t even dignify that with a response. Instead, he simply kept his gaze glued to Kyo, watching with a smile on his lips as the raven made his way through the crowd of people towards the buffet.
As his fingers traced the cool metal of the key to their little cabin in his pocket, Kaoru felt a sense of warmth, of home and love settle over him. For the first time in a long while he finally knew where he belonged.
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go?
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know?
Kyo wasn’t going to even acknowledge Die, figuring the death glare he’d given him to be enough of a comment. He knew he had no right to be jealous, the two guitarists were best friends and Die had a girlfriend; but still, he couldn’t help that his heart constricted painfully in his chest when he witnessed the intimacy between the half-redhead and the half-blond that seemed so natural and easy-going. Thus, he couldn’t help the little growl that slipped past his lips when Die addressed him.
“Yes, you saw that correctly, I just kissed him. But no, I didn’t hit on him, so don’t worry. I do hope that’s what you’re here to do, though,” Die said, frowning down at the vocalist.
There was a pause, a shift in the air between them and Kyo’s glare turned into something almost soft as his gaze swept first the half-redhead’s face, then over to the other guitarist who was still standing in the middle of the balcony, nibbling on a fresh cigarette.
“Listen, short stuff. He needs you. Maybe he can’t just come out and admit it, but he does. I got him out of his shell for now. Don’t let him slip away again,” Die’s voice was solemn and when the former blond looked back up at him he could have sworn that there was a wetness shimmering in the guitarist’s eyes. “And don’t fucking hurt each other.”
Determination filtered through the smaller man and he straightened his back, nodded. “Not this time,” he agreed, wiping a strand of long, raven hair from his eyes.
They shared a smile and as Die, looking satisfied, squeezed the singer’s shoulder and sauntered off, his last words were more than enough encouragement for the vocalist to finally step into action. “Make him happy.”
“I will.”