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Evelina Sarah Rogers is born at 5:45 am on a Saturday, fourteenth of June. A summer baby.
But she's not handed to Bucky straight away, there are complications, something about a cord wrapped around her, something about low oxygen. She was struggling and had to be cut out. It's fine, the doctors assure him. It's just precautionary measures. Bucky tries not to panic, Steve holding his hand and stroking his hair as they count down the minutes until they have her in their arms.
She's given back to Bucky exactly forty-eight minutes later looking pink and healthy. Bucky weeps yet again. She's perfect and small, ten little fingers with ten little toes. Curly brown hair and eyes that are closed right now but Bucky hopes they match the same ocean blue shade as his husband. The same one that stood with him through it all, the same one crying into buckys shoulder as they fawn over their baby girl. Bucky doesn't think there could ever be anything as great as that moment right then.
~
They're having skin to skin, as is necessary when a baby is a so new born. Bucky feels like crying, like laughing and like falling asleep all at once. His hormones wreaking havoc in his body. On the outside he remains calm though, smiling softly down at the new bundle of pink resting in his arms.
"Hi baby, it's me your daddy." Bucky whispers, feeling a little foolish but still a little high on gas and air to care. "Papa's gone out to get me some food, he'll be back soon. I hope you know just how loved you are- how treasured. I hope you know that, cus I didn't expect you, wouldn't have even dreamt of having you but-" Bucky wipes his eyes, swallows away his tears. "I'm so grateful that you're here. Me 'n' your papa love you so much." Bucky presses another kiss to the baby's forehead, resting his nose lightly there , taking in the new baby smell. "My little Evelina Sarah Rogers- oh I know baby," he laughs softly when evelina moves her arms in what seems like protest, "you're still a a Barnes my darling. But your papa at least deserves you having his surname no?"
Bucky feels silly and light, resting in the hospital bed, tired and sore but happy. Murmuring sweet nothings to his baby girl because she's not even been here for 24 hours but he can't imagine ever not having her.
He wishes his own mom was still around, it's a thought that sombres him, makes him feel a kind of way. He blames it on the hormones again. He knows wherever his mom is now, be it as an angel watching down or in the universe as cosmic stardust she is proud and would be proud of him.
There's the sound of the hospital door opening, they've not allowed any guests yet. Courtesy of T'challa. The new parents at least deserved 24 hours with their new born alone- Bucky is so greatful that t'challa thought of that in advance.
Theres a gush of air and the closing of the door. "Hey baby, how you feeling?" Steve greets him. Buckys heart bursts yet again at the sight of his husband. Flushed out, pink nose from the cold outside. "We're good." He replies. "C'mere," Bucky demands.
Steve laughs, takes his coat off. He reaches Bucky and kisses him, once and then twice. A third time for luck. He presses a light kiss to the baby's forehead. "You want me to place her in her bassinet?"
"No and yes." Bucky groans. "Don't wanna give her up but also wanna eat."
"Eat and take her back." Steve suggests.
"You deserve some skin to skin with her too stevie, it's your turn. You eat and take her. I wanna take a nap." Bucky says with a yawn.
Steve's eyes look glassy, he presses a kiss to buckys hands where they're overlapping holding evelina. "I love you."
Buckys murmurs it back. They share a tender moment until Bucky's stomach rumbles and they both chuckle softly.
"Here I'll take her."
And Bucky- as gently as he possibly can- passes the baby over to Steve. He feels himself relax as Steve takes hold and rocks her to soothe her back to sleep.
"Sam called me, asked when he could come round." Steve states, placing the baby down to move back close to Bucky.
"He's welcome anytime, he knows that." Bucky says. Because Sam is welcome anytime. He's the closest thing both of them have got to a family. All of the avengers are family but there's just something about Sam Wilson. The 24 hour rule most definitely didn't apply to Sam Wilson.
"He was joking around about how you didn't even invite him to the labour-do."
"If it was a natural birth I would've for sure seen him in."
The complications of Evelinas birth weighs the lightness of the moment down. Steve breaths in and out softly before caressing buckys face again. "She's here and safe and healthy. You both are. My darling."
Steve wipes Bucky's tears before he wipes away his own, "it was so scary- to think we were so close to losing her."
"I know baby, but we got her. There's no use in thinking about the what ifs when she's here and healthy and I'm so blessed that I have you and your resilience and your strength , cause I know you blame yourself for it, i can see it in your eyes.but You need to stop because I promise you babe, you played no part in anything that went wrong."
"Thank you." Is all Bucky can manage to say. Heart in his throat because he's scared and his heightened everything aren't helping the situation. "I need you to hug me like right now." Bucky asks. Needing to feel the physical confirmation of Steve's words, needing the physical comfort and weight of Steve's arms around him.
Steve doesn't hesitate, he moves and engulfs Bucky in his arms.
•
Sam visits the next day and he comes with a massive teddy bear, flowers and chocolates.
"The bear is bigger than you sammy." Bucky complains.
"There's just no pleasing you is there, princess." Sam retorts sarcastically. Placing his bags down. "When's she done eating?"
"Anytime now....I think." Bucky replies, still unsure of when to know a baby is done is nursing. He can't exactly see how much milk she's getting or is taking in.
"Man the guys are gonna be so jealous I get to hold your kid first."
"You better not be betting on my child." Bucky warns.
"Calm down, no body betting anymore cus I just won a hunnid dollllaars."
"Tony?"
"Tony." Sam confirms and they both share a laugh over it.
"How you feelin'? I hear you had a c-sec." Sam says.
Bucky swallows past the lump in his throat, it doesn't make him as upset anymore but he hates even thinking about it. "I'm feeling a lot better now. The c-cord was wrapped 'round her neck, they had to cut her out before her oxygen supply stopped."
Sam moves to the bed, sits next to Bucky and puts an arm around him. If it were anyone else Bucky would've disarmed them. Bucky rests his head on Sam's shoulder. "Shit." Is all Sam can say and Bucky can hear the shudder in his voice, the fear. "Can the universe not be a bitch bout giving yall some happiness!"
"Hey, but she's here at least." Bucky laughs. And that's why sam Wilson is different. He doesn't take the opportunity to make it about himself or make the situation more depressing than it needs to be.
"I know, I'm so glad for you kid." Sam smiles. Pressing a kiss to Bucky's hair. He moves off the bed and brings one of his gifts to the bed. "I gotchu your favourite." He reveals a dozen glazed Krispy Kreme and Bucky could squeal.
But he doesn't. He needs to play this up a bit. Evelina stops feeding and he sits her up to burp her in the way the nurses showed him.
"You're an evil man, Sam Wilson."
"What? I can never do anything nice EVER can I?"
"I need to lose this baby weight, not gain it all back!" Bucky complains but it's light hearted, he doesn't mean it, he just needs a reason to argue with Sam.
"What do you mean babycakes, you look amazing." Sam argues back. And though they're joking the tone of sams voice is serious.
"You're still an evil bastard and I need a shower." Bucky says flippantly, scrunching his nose at Sam.
Sam is about to reply but Evelina let's a burp out, breaking the moment. Sam and Bucky both laugh over it. "Okay my love, uncle Sammy is gonna take you now." Bucky whispers to her before turning to Sam. "I'm gonna go take a quick shower, she'll be asleep but if anything happens Steve's about, so you can both stress out when she has meltdown." Buckys says with a tease, Sam knows he's joking and Bucky knows sam is capable enough to handle a newborn.
"Sweetie, she'll be sleeping on cloud nine in my arms. Piss off and go shower- call me if you need anything."
"Okay, I'll be out in ten." Bucky murmurs as he leaves the room and enters the en-suite to shower. Sam remains lounging in the chair with the baby in his arms until the door opens and steve is back.
"Hey man," Steve greets, tiredly running his fingers through his hair.
Sam greets him back. "Yall have the prettiest mother loving baby there is I swear."
"That's Bucky and my mom mixed into her, you should see her with her eyes open, carbon copy of Bucky's."
"True, but she's also got you, her facial structure- ew can't believe I gave you a second hand compliment," Sam teases. "How yall coping?
"I guess cus we're still in the hopistal it hasn't really hit us yet. Bucky's been recovering well, his stitches are looking healthy and all in all everyone's doing good."
"And how are you doing?"
"I... have never been happier," Steve replies tears in his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time since evelina was born. "I've been crying so much recently and it's all like... just happiness, you know?"
"I'm proud of you blondie," Sam says, tears in his own eyes. "From where you came from to what you are now. Your growth. "
"Oh, Sam."
They both have tears glittering in their eyes, Steve moves forward and gives Sam a one armed hug, bearing in mind of the baby in his arms. "I'm so proud of you too. We've both been through so much and look at us."
"Who would've thought."
"Not me," Steve laughs.
Sam places the baby in the bassinet. He stretches his arms out and gives Steve a proper, well deserved bro hug, with shoulder patting and all. Because Sam has known Steve since he's come out of the ice and the only one that has ever seen him at his lowest points. When holding the image of captain America there is hardly any room for err. Just as well that Sam is now captain America but that's a sob story for another day.
•
Two months have come and gone. Bucky watches Steve from his place at the kitchen island. They're sat in the lounge area, Evelina on Steve's chest as he gently pats her to sleep . It's so precious, his post partum hormones are still all over the place. He feels like crying at the scene before him, his heart feeling so incredibly full, bursting at its seams. Steve is so good with their daughter.
Evelina looks at him eyes half mast from being milk drunk, just on the verge of sleeping but not quite. There's a dribble of milk goimg down her chin which Steve wipes away with her bib. It's such a normal sight, it's such a normal thing for a parent to do but it feels so incredibly heart warming and special when it's his husband doing it for their daughter.
Steve laughs at their baby, " Just as stubborn as your daddy," Bucky hears being whispered to Evelina, "just as cute as him too huh?" Whilst bucky knows that Evelina favours his features more, her looks are purely cute because they're hers. Sometimes- it's only been two months- he can't believe that he and Steve actually created her, that he carried her.
"Babe, I cant lie, I think she's had too much milk." Steve says from the couch, seemingly unaware that Bucky was completely aware of their baby's milk drunk face right now.
"But she's asleep right?" Bucky asks, Steve turns to look at him, eyes wide as if he expected Bucky to be further away.
"Yeah but look, her eyes are still open n she's, she's drooling milk, look." Steve says through his laughter. Taking the bib and wiping Evelina's mouth again. "Milk drunk."
"Well, she gets her appetite from you- that and thinking she can take way more than she can handle."
"That's papa's sweet girl," steve coos, evelina responds with her own little sounds, a hum. "You're my sweet baby arent you, papa's your favourite huh?"
"Funny that, the kid looks like me but favours you more. guess i gotta wait til the next one to have MY mini sidekick."
"Next one?" steve asks with a smile.
" Yeah why not? we should make our own little avengers team." bucky replies, but then laughs and clarifies, not even letting Steve get a word in, "Fuck if you think im gonna pop out like fifteen more kids, we're gonna have some serious problems pal."
Steve just grins. "At least 6 more though right?"
"Lets make it seven, ive always loved odd numbers."
They're laughing and joking right now, but bucky feels serious about having a big family. his biggest fear is being alone when he reaches old age. he fears dying alone, and after being alone for 70 years, it would be the last thing he wants in his dying moments. having kids would resolve that to an extent, good parenting would do the rest.
Bucky figures he'll just let it pan out. see where life takes him with all its ebbs and flows. Right now they're happy and whole with their one, and Steve could never deny Bucky of anything. Never could and never will. Bucky knows that he just needs to say Steve will do. (and that just adds onto bucky's "<3 a million reasons I love my husband<3" list).
"I'd give you the whole world and you know that. Let's focus on her before anything else."
Steve finally says.
"You're in my mind again." Bucky groans, because it's exactly what he wants and Steve never fails to shock him when he says things that Bucky can't figure out how to verbalise.
Steve shakes his head and laughs. "You dummy, I've known you my entire life and you think I wouldn't know what you want?"
It's a rhetoric question and Bucky doesn't answer, but with tears in his eyes he bends down again and kisses Steve from his place behind the sofa. "I love you." He whispers on Steve's lips.
"Come 'round here." Steve whispers, getting up from the sofa to lay evelina down in the travel cot they have in the living room.
Bucky walks on the soft carpet of the living room and meets Steve in the middle, immediately being gentled into a hug, "feels like I haven't held you in so long." Steve mumbles in buckys hair, pressing a kiss there.
Bucky feels himself relax into Steve's arms, the hands running down his back making him want to melt into his husband's being. "We've been so busy with the baby, I haven't been able to ask how you're getting on. How you're healing, my love." Steve adds.
"I'm healing, it doesn't even hurt that much anymore. Like barely." Bucky responds, wrapping his arms around Steve's neck, he looks at the love of his life, dark circles under his eyes, and brows worried. "Stop fussing over me, I'm healing baby, I'm doing good. You know it, even the doctor said."
Steve wraps his arms tighter around buckys waist, dips his face. "I can't help but worry, especially when it's do with you."
"You need to stop," Bucky mumbles against Steve's lips, "Because I have you, any pain that I feel will never ever amount to what I felt when I didn't have you there, when when we weren't us."
"Bucky-" steve croaks, throat tight.
"Why have we been so emo these days, it's like both of our hormones are haywire, did you give birth or did I." Bucky jokes, trying to lighten the mood. Steve plays along, trying to work past the heaviness of their emotions.
"You're rubbing off on me, that's what it is."
"Rubbing off on you? That's cheeky mr Rogers, you know I'm out of commission for like at least another month." Bucky smirks, voice syrupy in the way he knows affects Steve.
"You sly bastard." Steve snorts. He grabs buckys ass and pushes him closer. "I'm waiting on the day we're able to sleep at least six consecutive hours and then watch what I do to you." Steve says in a voice so low that Bucky feels it vibrate.
"I'll hold you to that, daddy." And as hard as he tries not to, Steve bursts out laughing and Bucky tries to keep his silent for the sake of their sleeping daughter.
"I hate you so much."
"I hate me too." Buckys wheezes. Face burried in Steve's shoulder. Memories of their past filled with attenpts at trying to be and not being. They were too young and naive to be able to do it properly but it brings back good memories.
"We should try for that nap you've been talking bout." Steve says once they've both calmed down.
"Yea, as much as I'd love to, I don't think it's gonna happen." Bucky says in a low voice, peering behind Steve's head to see Evelina very much awake in her travel cot. "Baby's up."
"I'll get her, you take that nap." Steve sighs, kissing Bucky's nose.
Bucky shakes his head no, reasoning that he's no longer tired.
Besides he'd rather spend the afternoon with the two loves of his life. With the baby in his arms and Steve massaging his feet. Bucky just thinks that he really went through it all only to be where he is right now, and it's insane how immeasurably happy he is. Like Steve hung the sun in the sky and Evelina is the stars, they are unabashedly his whole world.