Chapter Text
'This could not be correct' thought Beelzebub as she looked over the latest. 'This was most definitely a mistake.'
Beelzebub was sitting in her office, going through temptation reports. While not necessary for her to read through each one, she enjoyed the torment of humans too much not to at least skim over the happenings of earth.
The humans were so easily fooled into doing the wrong thing, and once they fell into one, they would only fall into the next and the next till their souls were blacked with it.
However, Beelzebub did make a note of unsuccessful temptations, so that the demon responsible could be properly reprimanded. Which is why this report puzzled her so.
Date:1452
Assignment to: Demon Crowley
Temptation no. 193078982.a
The temptation of Johannes Gutenberg
Summary:
Printing Bibles; What a stupid idea.
A freaking angel sweeps in the last hour with the proposition of a wonderful business idea. Like the angels have any idea at all about running a business.
All that work to convinced Gutenberg to go ahead with the peculiar idea of this new contraption. All that work of getting him the funds from his brother in law to give him money to open his shop.
Not to mention the work beforehand to get all the pieces in place. I knew that one day those humans were going to invent something that was faster than those old scribes. Humans are too knowledge-hungry for their own good, to have the patience for waiting for knowledge. And knowledge in the wrong hands is a sweet victory indeed.
And just when everything is going right, I turn around and this angel has persuaded Gutenberg about economic pursuits of printing and selling religious texts. I don’t think angels even understand human economics.
Now I can’t even get close to the shop to undo all this without the risk of being burned!
This may still be turned into favor for our Lord. For these religious texts have been greatly covered by the scholars and guarded fiercely by the church wankers. If I can get one of these scholars to raise questions on the church teaching, there may turn in our favor.
One of the best demons? Impossible, Inconceivable, a ... an error ...
Yes, it had to be an error. For how could this demon be outdone by an angel in this way?
If there was one thing a demon could rely on was that angels were not subtle. They did not even know the meaning of subtle.
When angels came to earth like a storm. All uptight holy light and smiting everything remotely devious. Which, if the rumors were true, sometimes included entire civilizations.
Setting down the report, Beelzebub leaned back into her chair and faced the hearth. With a quick snap the fire lit, and the door was locked. The other demons knew not to disturb her, but she was in no mood to punish some imbecile that managed bypass her secretary.
Crowley had been working for their lord since the beginning since the first war in heaven. He was one of their best agents, seldom did he fail in delivering. Although his methods were unconventional, there was no denying he got results.
He was the one that had caused Adam and Eve to be thrown out of the garden. 'Her' greatest creation, made in 'her' image, cast out just like they were.
It was a fantastic win for all of hell. Granted, what he did to get them cast out was something Beelzebub did not know. It must have been truly something terrible to have caused them to have been kicked out. For they were special, above even the angels. Look at here humans now, how pathetic.
For an angel to have caught him off guard was something she could not imagine. This angel would have to be taken care if it was going to mess up hell’s plans.
Crowley had asked to stay on earth as a permanent agent. In which Beelzebub granted. It would not hurt to have a demon up their causing trouble on a full-time basis.
Not many demons wanted to stay on earth after their assignments were done, preferring the comforts of a warm hellfire, brimstone homes, and the torture of souls.
In truth, Beelzebub was thankful that he had chosen to stay on earth. Crowley enjoyed causing strife wherever he goes, as all demons should, however, this includes their domain. When he was not causing trouble for the humans, he was playing with the other demons.
Beelzebub would not care if it was not for the complaints from the other departments written in triplicate on the loss of torturing productivity this demon caused. Or the angry demons knocking down her door to yell complaints on the said demon. Or Crowley himself sauntered into her office at all hours and asking annoying questions. Even in the seven circles of hell that man-shaped being had absolutely no boundaries.
In one particular incident in the 400 BC, where Crowley had been waiting on a new body, he had glued shiny pieces of metal to the floor in one of the doorways. This caused no less than 38 injures as demons tripped over imps sending them tumbling down stairways.
If Crowley had not chosen to go back up, she would assign him there herself out of pure self-preservation.
This led to a very particular problem. Beelzebub did not want to recall Crowley back to hell for his failure in handling one angel. She knew that he could turn the situation favorable, probably already was, and she would like him stationed on the earth if possible.
Yet, if this angel could so easily undermine a powerful demon’s plans then it would have to be handled.
Beelzebub sat, staring into the hellfire for what felt like an eternity.
If one demon could not handle one angle, then maybe she could send up another. Most of the other demons were content to stay down here until an assignment came up, meaning there were plenty of demons to send. However, if one overplayed one’s hand it could backfire, and heaven would avenge their comrade. It would not due to start Armageddon early before all the pieces are in place.
This situation needed a delicate hand and much more planning. Beelzebub needed more information on this angle. A spy was needed, someone to slip unnoticed by even another demon and get more information on this angel.
Then and only then, would she make her move, and send this angel away.
Mind made up she turned back to her desk to start on the paperwork in sending up her most cunning demon.
One week later
Beelzebub was in her office looking over paperwork. In truth, she pretending to be doing paperwork in order to get some peace and quiet. Her paperwork had long been taken care of but no one would dare question her on what she was doing.
Beelzebub was just beginning to relax with a plate of her favorite sweet wine.
So, of course, Naberius chose this moment to bust in without knocking.
Her irritation only grew as he gave her no greeting or awareness of where he was. His three heads continued incoherently babble to himself as he paced in her office. Wetness ran down his face. Tears? She did not even know it was possible for demons to cry.
Getting over her shock, Beelzebub stood up and commanded, “ZIT DOWN AT ONZE!”
All three heads shot up and stared at her with round canine eyes as if they had forgotten she was there. Before she could let her displeasure been known, he complied. All heads lowering to stare down at the ground.
“now ezzplane to mee why you felt it wize to barge into my office when you are zzhould be on earth trailing an angel?” She let the buzzing intensify around her threateningly and felt a thrill when the demon started to tremble.
Naberius opened one mouth then closed it again before the head on the right said softly “the wiles of a demon do not work on this angel.”
Beelzebub sat back in her chair and stared daggers into the demon sitting across from her.
After a long pause with no further words, she finally spits out “Ezzplain?”
The right head started in a timid voice, “I tracked down the angel by the scent of peace and wellbeing."
"I was very careful in following the angel," added the left.
"I did everything right! I used no miracles of my own! I should not have been noticed." The middle head wailed.
There was a long pause as their ears flattened, "The earth is very difficult to navigate.”
“I was right behind the angel when I fell, and the next thing I know the angle is right next to me.”
The panic rises in the demon’s eyes, “I thought I was done for!”
Naberius pauses before saying in his raucous voice, “but then it just led me inside of a building. Going on an on at how no being should be out in this weather without proper protection.”
“It gave me a blanket and made a fire,” the left added. “it let me sit, as it made me a hot drink.”
“After I finished the drink, it handed me human clothing. Then let me to the door and told me to not be too rough with the humans as they were fragile.”
Now there was a long pause, was Beelzebub tried and failed to ignite this demon with fire using her eyes.
The effort was wasted as Naberius was looked down onto his lap. Beelzebub now took notice of the colorful coat the demon was wearing and the way he seemed to be cuddling into it.
“Let mee get this ztraight,” Beelzebub said breaking the silence, “you were zpotted by your target right away?”
After a hesitant nod, she went on. “This angel did not try to zmite you?”
Another nod.
“This angel then proceeedz to invite you in, make you a cup of tea, and chat with you.”
This time there were three nods in the affirmative.
“And it knew what you are?” her tone had turned from threatening to generally curious.
“YES!” cried the demon dissolving into more tears. “It sat me next to a fire and told me that a demon should know that it needs to bundle up as hell is much warmer than earth especially during this time of year.”
The demon paused and said so quietly that she almost misses it, “it made me feel loved.” Then the demon dissolved in uncontrolled sobbing.
Beelzebub put her head in her hands rubbing at her now throbbing temples. She was going to have to fill out the documentation for an emotionally compromised demon; a long and cumbersome document of hell's own making to discourage any demon from filling one out.
And she still had no solution to the problem of the angel on earth.