Archive of Our Own ^beta

I heard a knock upon my door the other day

I opened it to find death staring in my face

The feel of mortal stalking still reverberates

Everywhere I go I drag this coffin just in case…

Zim had been gone for almost ten years. At first I thought it was another of his evil schemes, those stupid plans. But the thing was that this time, his house was gone as well. That hideous cul-de-sac disappeared one day, without any further notice, and unfortunately I had none of my cameras near by to record what happened. I took Taks ship and looked for him in every galaxy near by, but I couldn’t find him, and no one saw him as well. It was weird, I got suspicious, so back home, I built a radar to detect any signal of Zim, but nothing came, never…

Eventually, I realized Zim wasn’t coming back, so I decided to finally gave in. Paranormal investigation wasn’t the same, I had no reason to keep on protecting earth since it biggest menace was gone, so I won?... I accepted to work with my father at his lab. He was thrilled, his insane son finally got into the real science. It was fine, it was easy, it was boring, I was bored, but everyone noticed my works and efforts, they were finally paying attention to me and it was a good feeling, for a while.

My bodies tremblin’ sends shivers down my spine. 

Adrenaline kicks and shifts into overdrive.

Your secrets keep you sick your lies keep you alive.

Snake eyes every single time you roll with crooked dice

One day, while I was at a conference presenting the newest invention of my father and me, i felt it. I looked at the audience as they cheered and applause but I couldn’t hear them, I saw their happy faces, I saw my father’s face full of joy, he was proud but I still felt it. Whats wrong? Why I feel so empty? They are proud of me, they believe in me, they love me!... Don't they?. Yes, they loved this new Dib, the kid who discovered the cure of cancer when he was sixteen, the Kid who solved world’s hunger when he was twenty, the kid who finally turned out to be the worthy heir of professor Membrane, but this wasn’t me…

No, I’ve never wanted any of this! This is not who I am! This is not me! I’m just wearing a disguise, a disgusting disguise! The improved version of who I always hated! This is not me, this is not me!

I felt the darkness as it tried to pull me down . 

The kind of dark that haunts a hundred year old house . 

I wrestle with my thoughts I shook the hand of doubt . 

Running from my past I’m praying feet don’t fail me now!

Back at home, I locked inside my bedroom, I heavy breathed as I looked at my walls. There was science posters, there was sticky notes with my inventions ideas, there was a picture of my father and me, both in lab robes. I looked at the picture, I looked at my face and I couldn’t recognize who he was.

No, that couldn’t be me. I punched the portrait and broke the glass over in many pieces, some of them fell on the floor. I saw my knuckles covered in blood but they didn’t hurt at all, it didn’t hurt. I took one of the pieces and cut through my skin, I thought it was going to hurt me but I felt nothing, so I did it again, and again and again. I cut myself so many times the only thing I saw were red tendrils over my pale skin, dripping down my arms and hands. It didn’t hurt, it didn’t hurt at all. I can’t remember when or how, but suddenly I was sitting on the floor, holding out my arms while the blood kept on dripping all over my clothes. I looked around and I started crying, how could I lived like this all of this years? How could play pretend like that? I was a puppet and my own puppeteer, presenting a show every single day, and I finally got tired. I closed my eyes while the tears kept on flowing, I closed my eyes and emptiness took me away.

I’ve lost my god damn mind,

It happens all the time,

I can’t believe I’m actually

Meant to be here,

Trying to consume,

The drug in me is you

And I’m so high on misery

Can’t you see...

My body was cold, my eyes were closed and I felt how my breathing was slowing down. This was it. I’m sorry dad, Gaz, everyone, I’m sorry about this but I can’t keep on pretending anymore. I can’t be an empty vessel, I can’t be a puppet no longer. I cut the strings that were trapping me, fell down on the ground and let the emptiness consumed me whole.

I've lost

Myself

You tried to reach me but you just can't help me

So long

Goodbye

You tried to save me it wont work this time!

♬

♬

♬

It was hard but I finally opened my eyes. The light was blinding my sight so I had to blink a couple of times before I realized I was in a hospital bedroom. My arms were covered in bandages and I was connected to some machines. I wasn’t able to end with my life after all. What a fucking failure.

“Stupid of you to think you were able to end with your own life, when we both now I am the only one who must have that honor…”

Dark thoughts were haunting me already when he interrupted, of course I didn’t notice I wasn’t alone, and that voice brought me back on reality in seconds, that voice… I didn’t recognized this person, he wasn’t taller than me but he wasn’t that short as well. His black hair was comb back lazily and his eyes green eyes looked directly at me. He was standing on the other side of the room, next to the window. He was wearing a pink hoodie and tight black pants, he looked familiar but … Who the hell was this guy? “I’m sorry, I think you are in the wrong room. I don’t—“

“Know who am I? Of course you don’t!” He laughed, it wasn’t a mocking laughter, I was an actual laughter, like I just told the funniest thing in the world. “That’s exactly the point, Dib” the guy clicked something behind his ear and after a few seconds, his appearance changed completely.

“NO, THIS CAN’T BE POSSIBLE!” I immediately sat on my bed, crawling back to the wall, standing as far as I could from him “ZIM! But, how? Why? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL OF THIS TIME? No, wait… What are you doing in here?! Do not dare to try anything or I’ll—I’ll call the nurse!” yeah, stupid menace but I was still tired, bear with me…

He didn’t got closer, he only raised his hands, showing me he wasn’t trying to do anything. “I wouldn’t try to call the nurses nor the doctors. Gir broke a few machines down there so they’ll be busy.” He looked pretty calm, he didn’t raised his voice at all, which was weird since he loved to scream all the time. “ I found about what happened thanks to the internet news…”

When I was sure he wasn’t trying to do something, I relaxed a bit, looking down immediately as I heard his explanation. It was embarrassing enough to know that my dad and Gaz discovered my suicide attempt, and now Zim knew it as well. Worse! The whole internet and people around the world knew it. My fucking luck I guess. “Yeah, well, that’s none of your business… Besides, you didn’t answer to my previous questions.”

He sighed and took a seat next to my bed before speaking again. “How? I told the doctors I was your relative, I have a pretty good ID and Gaz called the hospital so they believed it.” Damn Gaz, what the hell. “Why? At first I thought the news were fake, or it was a bad joke, but when I got to your house, Gaz told me, and I know she would never lie or joke about something like this... I came here to look at it with my own eyes. My worst enemy tried to take his own life. Wow, that was my dream a few years back you know? but not now.” Hmm, wait what? “Where I’ve been all of this time?” he looked a bit somber when he said that, and a bit sad?... “That’s a very long story and I don’t want to talk about it but, if you insist, we can trade stories. Tell me what happened, and I’ll tell you.”

At this point I was more than confused. He looked like Zim, he sounded like Zim, he even smelled like Zim (Yes, he had always had a special scent, and yes, I knew it perfectly.) but he wasn’t acting like him at all. He looked mature, down to earth, which is weird considering he is an alien. I thought about declining his deal, but I needed to talk about what exactly happened to someone, also, I would discover what happened to him all of those years. “Fine, but if this is one of your stupid schemes to ridiculize me, I swear I’ll hunt you and dissect you in my own laboratory, I have one now!”

He laughed again. “Yes, yes, you’ll dissect me, I know the drill… Now talk.”

I’ve lost my god damn mind,

It happens all the time,

I can’t believe I’m actually

Meant to be here,

Trying to consume,

The drug in me is you

And I’m so high on misery

Can’t you see!

Can you?...