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Steve had not said anything for about an hour. He was just sitting quietly as if staring off into space.
Natasha and Sam had tried to start several conversations with him, but Steve hadn’t responded to any of their attempts. They pretended they were busy after four or five attempts.
“Is he always like that when he visits, Peggy?” Sam whispered after awhile, glancing up from the fake paper he had been pretending to read for at least a half hour.
“I don’t think it is just that. He had a note when we came in, I am not sure what it says. He read it quickly and crumbled it up.” Natasha put down the tablet she had been surfing the internet on.
Steve was actually still holding onto the note, as he gazed out into space. “It’s nothing,” He said, almost scaring them both. He crumbled the note tighter in his hand.
“Bullshit it’s nothing,” Sam mumbled under his breath.
“Are you okay?” Natasha asked worried, as she got up from the kitchen table , and walked the few feet into the living room. She sat on the couch that was close to the chair he was sitting in.
Steve released a small sigh.
“We are your friends, you can tell us anything, you do know that, Cap?” Sam came and sat beside Natasha on the couch. He put his arm around her shoulder. He wasn’t sure if she would push it away or not. Sometimes she didn’t like public displays of affection, and while it was just them and Steve she may not want to be touched. Steve knew about their relationship, but she knew Natasha could be sensitive to his feelings.
Natalie moved slightly closer to Sam.
“You brood more than Angel, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer series.” Sam chuckled.
Steve turned to him with a quizzical look like Sam knew he would. “I haven’t watched it yet.” His hand started to reach for the notebook he always kept in his pocket, but he had forgotten he had taken his jacket off when he walked in. He would check that it was in there later.
Natasha slipped the note out of his other hand.
Steve frowned.
Natasha unfolded the note. She read it quickly and showed it to Sam.
The note read, “Cap, hope you are well. Sorry , we haven’t talked since I came back from the dead, been super busy. You know how that goes. Hope we can work together soon. I heard you were looking for the Winter Solider, you know he is a homicidal maniac, right? Just trying to look out for you - Greg. P.S. Thanks for sending me another copy of the trading cards, it meant a lot. Nick gave them to me last time I saw him.”
“Why do people act like he is a maniac, he isn’t. Not the Bucky I knew, I know most of it might be gone, but it isn’t like he was going around killing people because he wanted to.” Steve stood up. “I’m going for a walk, don’t follow me.”
Steve grabbed his jacket from off the back of the kitchen chair where he had left it, and walked out of the apartment. He wasn’t sure if they would actually not follow him or not. It never seemed like he could have complete privacy anymore.
It was easier for him to hide in the crowd before he was in the army. As much as he tried, sometimes Steve just liked the quiet of being by himself, or not being noticed. Bucky was the one who was always noticed, Bucky was a real star.
Steve had always felt like he was never special. He was just a kid from Brooklyn, trying to do what was right.
Agent Coulson may have been trying to look out for his best interest, everyone who heard about his search for Bucky seemed to be looking out for Steve. Natasha and Sam seemed to be the only ones who slightly understood why he was looking for Bucky.
He had talked to Peggy about it a little bit, but he tried not to bring up to much with her. He knew essentially he could talk to her about anything he wanted to, but she wouldn’t remember it. That didn’t mean he felt he could. He never had been one to burden other people with his problems, he was taught that they had to be taken care of on his own.
It also pained him to watch such a beautiful, vibrant woman fade away. He wished there was something he could have done, Bucky and Peggy shouldn’t have to suffer the way they had.
Steve looked over his shoulder. He didn’t see anyone following him, ut that didn’t mean they weren’t. He could never tell. Spies were tricky, and he didn’t think he would learn to live in their world. As a soldier, everything had seemed more straightforward. Even before then, everything had seemed to be easy. Nowadays, it seems like everyone had ulterior motives for every action.
Even people who were fans of his, apparently were getting him to autograph things so they could make money off of it.
He pulled his notebook out of his pocket. There was a secret compartment in the notebook, which no one seemed to check. Inside the pocket, he had his old picture of Peggy. He had also added something new last week.
Steve didn’t think anyone had been there when he had gotten it, so he hoped the secret was still safe. He pulled out a folded piece of paper.
“Steve, I have missed you. We will meet up soon. I am still shaky with my memories, they aren’t all back. There is a small coffee shop near your apartment, Iwe will wait there on the 30th.”
It was still a few days before the 30th. He longed to just hug Bucky, to let him know everything would be okay and that he would do anything Bucky needed.
Maybe there wasn’t anything he could do to fix Bucky, but he was going to try.
He heard footsteps behind him, and stuffed the note back in the secret pocket, and put it in his jacket pocket quickly. It was probably Sam or Natasha checking on him.
He tried to glance out of the corner of his eye, but didn’t see anyone. The person was walking in his blind spot.
Steve felt himself tensing a little. He would be ready to defend himself it came to that.
“Steve?” A whisper sounded behind him.
Steve spun around quickly. For a second he could see Bucky standing there like he used to be, smiling and confident. It was just a brief illusion. The man in front of him looked sad, and unsure of anything.
Without saying a word, Steve pulled him into a hug. He wanted to say a million things to him.
Bucky hugged him tight. “I know you blame yourself, Steve. It’s not your fault. I need your help though.”
“Anything, I am with you to the end of the line.” He kissed Bucky’s forehead. He had never done anything like that before, but he had the strongest urge to protect Bucky. His mother had always kissed him on the forehead when he was sick. He had always felt it showed someone you loved them more than words. It was hard for him to explain the idea.
Bucky didn’t say anything, pulled away from the embrace, abruptly. “Sorry…sorry…” He looked more lost and confused.
Steve wasn’t sure what to say.
“Sorry… It’s been a long time since someone touched me like that… I can’t explain… I am sorry…”
“It’s okay. Why don’t we go somewhere and talk, I can buy you dinner.”
Bucky gave him a slight smile. “Thanks for understanding… It is weird tiny things can bring back memories. I remember doing that to you what seemed like a long time ago when you were in the hospital when you were 16, and everyone thought you were going to die. You may not remember, you were sleeping I think.”
“Pretending.” Steve gave him a warm smile, “I never mentioned it though because I thought you would be embarrassed.”
Bucky laughed a genuine laugh. “I thought you were pretending. You never were good at faking things.”
Steve smiled bigger, it was nice hearing his friend laugh. He hoped he would hear more of it soon.