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Everything still feels the same inside the coffee shop. But at the same time, nothing was the same.
The very familiar table was still pressed against the window, the place where Yoongi always prefers to occupy. His hand gently touched the chair, pulling it lightly and creating a small scraping sound against the floor. He took a seat and felt nostalgia suddenly consume him whole.
It's been a year since he last sat there.
-
The first time Yoongi saw Taehyung was a day just as normal as the others. Yoongi’s face was buried inside his textbook as he tries to study for the upcoming exams. Every day was the same. Yoongi goes to school and visits the coffee shop once his classes are over, opting to do his homework there instead of their own house.
“May I sit here?” a deep voice sounded, interrupting Yoongi from his peace. Yoongi was all too prepared to lash out at anyone who dares to bother him. It’s his table. He always sits there. Why is this man suddenly disturbing him? Can’t he see that Yoongi is studying?
Yoongi looked up, all known curses at the tip of his tongue. But the moment his eyes landed on the man standing in front of him, he felt his breath hitch, all words disappearing from his mouth. The only thing he could think of was the man’s shining eyes and the perfect features on his face, accompanied by the adorable smile. How can a man be so beautiful?
“What?” he asked, completely dumbfounded as he continued to stare at the man.
“The other tables are full and you’re the only one without company. I just thought I should ask if I can accompany you instead,” he said with that deep, charming voice, making Yoongi feel almost nauseous.
“Oh, uh, sure. You can sit there,” he said, trying his best to stabilize his voice so the man wouldn’t be weirded out by how nervous he was feeling.
“Thanks,” the man answered happily before taking a seat in front of him. “I’m Taehyung, by the way. Kim Taehyung, what about you?”
“Min Yoongi,” he answered, not even glancing at the man. He fears that he would continue gawking at Taehyung if he lays his eyes on his beautiful features again.
“Ah, your name really suits you,” Taehyung said so genuinely that Yoongi almost believed him.
“Thank you.”
That was the first time someone has ever approached Yoongi in that coffee shop. Taehyung was really talkative. Yoongi wouldn’t consider himself excellent at conversations, but somehow, Taehyung made it seem so enjoyable that Yoongi didn’t find the need to run away.
He learned a lot of things about Taehyung just on the first day of their meeting. He learned that Taehyung has a little brother and sister whom he loves so much, and a dog named Yeontan whom he loves just the same. He also learned that Taehyung likes to take photos and sing for his siblings to help them fall asleep. Yoongi didn’t question that at all. Taehyung has a nice talking voice so he’s certain that the boy would sound amazing while singing as well.
Yoongi also learned that Taehyung hates coffee. Well, not really hate. Hate is a strong word, Taehyung said. He just dislikes it so heavily that he would never consider drinking coffee as long as he’s alive. Yoongi briefly asked him why the hell he’s in a coffee shop if he hates coffee so much. Taehyung corrected his usage of the word ‘hate’ before starting to explain how he absolutely loves the hot chocolate there so he doesn’t mind the smell of coffee. Plus, the strawberry shortcake doesn’t disappoint either.
+
“Sir here’s your hot chocolate and strawberry shortcake,” the waiter kindly said, placing his order on the table.
“Thanks,” Yoongi muttered, not glancing at him.
Instead, his eyes focused on the strawberry shortcake in front of him as his nose was assaulted by the strong smell of hot chocolate. Taehyung would’ve loved it. But he isn’t there.
Yoongi pulled out his phone from his pocket, scrolling through the numerous photos in his gallery before his eyes landed on the very first photo he took of Taehyung. It was a stolen photo from back when they first met when Taehyung was talking excitedly about his deep love for art. Yoongi didn’t mean anything about it by then. He just thought that Taehyung looked too amazing to not be taken a photo of.
The photo consisted of Taehyung and his all too familiar boxy smile, seated right in front of Yoongi. So close that it’s almost possible for him to touch.
Yoongi could feel a bitter smile form on his face as he thought about how it used to be a couple of years ago. Taehyung used to be there in front of him all the time as he studies and does his homework. Taehyung used to be there until a year ago until the last time Taehyung sat in front of him the way he used to do. The way Yoongi has grown used to.
But as Yoongi turned his phone off and placed it on the table, he made the mistake of moving his eyes to look at the seat in front of him and felt his heart ache so terribly when he realized that it’s empty. Taehyung isn’t there. Not anymore.
Yoongi spent just a few more minutes inside the coffee shop, a few forced sips from the hot chocolate, the strawberry shortcake remains untouched. He couldn’t bear to stay there any longer. It reminded him too much of Taehyung. And it hurts. Yoongi doesn’t want to hurt anymore.
After a long while of deciding what to do next on that seemingly melancholic day, his feet brought him to a very familiar playground. The sun is almost setting so there were no kids left to play there. Yoongi suddenly wished there was. Yoongi never liked kids but maybe the sound of their laughter can ease the heaviness in Yoongi’s chest even just for a little.
He walked towards the direction of the swing, settling down on the seat he always used to choose whenever he goes there.
“Hi,” a voice sounded out of nowhere, almost making Yoongi jump out of his seat. His eyes then landed on the slides, seeing a little boy hiding there.
“Hello,” Yoongi answered, trying his best to not scare the boy. Kids are always scared of him. He doesn’t even know why.
“Can I sit next to you?” the boy asked, wide eyes staring at Yoongi.
Yoongi just nodded with a small smile, telling the boy that it’s okay for him to sit anywhere he likes without asking for permission because Yoongi doesn’t own the playground.
“Why do you look so sad?” The boy asked, startling Yoongi from his thoughts again.
Yoongi briefly stole a glance at the boy before looking down again. “I’m not sad.”
“Yes, you are. You’re not smiling.”
“Just because I’m not smiling doesn’t mean I’m sad.”
“But Mommy said that it’s important to smile all the time.”
“Your mom is too generous. The world is a cruel place, kid. Not everyone can just smile all the time.”
The kid made a humming sound, seemingly deep in thought. “I’m Jungkook. What’s your name?”
“Yoongi.”
“Wow, your name doesn’t suit you. Aren’t you supposed to be all shiny since your mommy gave you that name?”
The question almost made Yoongi smile. That’s completely the opposite of what Taehyung told him the first time they met. “I know. It doesn’t suit me at all.”
“But it can! You just have to smile all the time! Then you’ll be all shiny like your name!”
“It’s not that easy, kid.”
Jungkook huffed, lightly kicking on the ground in frustration.
“Why are you frowning anyway? It doesn’t look good on you. Did someone say something mean?”
Yoongi just shook his head, almost laughing at how innocent this little boy is.
“Oh, then did anyone bully you? You should tell them to stop! Don’t let bullies do what they want, okay?”
“I appreciate the worry, but no one’s bullying me. I’m pretty sure I can fight back,” Yoongi replied in amusement.
Jungkook’s wide eyes just stared back into his, making him feel almost uncomfortable. “What?”
“Do you miss someone then?”
Yoongi’s form completely stiffened, making him feel the need to suddenly run away. “Why would you think that? I could be like this for literally any reason.”
“Mommy gets really sad when she misses Dad,” Jungkook replied with a small hint of sadness in his voice. “And you’re really sad too. Do you miss someone?”
Yoongi turned silent for a while, just letting the question linger. “Yeah,” he said. “Maybe a little.”
“Who is it? Do you miss your dad too?”
Yoongi smiled fondly at the boy, feeling his heart lighten a little. “No. Dad and I are on good terms, kid.”
“Then who do you miss?”
“You wouldn’t know him.”
“I want to know him!”
Yoongi didn’t give in at first. He started making excuses as to why he can’t let the boy know who Yoongi misses. But after a few minutes of Jungkook’s puppy eyes staring straight through Yoongi’s, he finally decided to give the boy what he wants. He turned his phone on and showed Jungkook a photo of Taehyung with Yeontan on the very same playground they’re currently in. On the photo was Taehyung on top of the slides, with Yeontan placed snuggly inside his arms.
“He’s pretty,” Jungkook muttered, lips forming into a pout. “I wanna meet him. I wanna pet the dog too.”
Yoongi took his phone back and placed it safely inside his pocket. “We can’t see him, Jungkook.”
“But why?”
“I don’t think he wants to see me anymore.”
“But he looked so happy in the photo you took. Doesn’t that mean he’s happy when he’s with you?” Jungkook asked, still looking so innocent and clueless.
“I don’t know, Jungkook,” he answered. “I really don’t know.”
Yoongi spent an hour just playing with Jungkook in the playground. He accompanied the boy with everything he wants to do, and he found himself enjoying it as well. Taehyung would have loved to meet Jungkook. He’s always been good with kids.
Too bad he’s not there next to Yoongi anymore.
Jungkook soon left when his mother came to pick him up, apologizing and thanking Yoongi for taking care of her child while she was gone. An emergency apparently happened in the place she works in, forcing her to stay a lot longer than usual. Yoongi just smiled and told her that it’s okay and that Jungkook wasn’t much of a bother anyway.
When they’re gone, Yoongi found the silence in the playground overbearing. He couldn’t stay there anymore.
And so his feet took him to another familiar place, the library.
The library was a haven for Yoongi. It has always been his and Taehyung’s most frequently visited place other than the coffee shop. It’s a lot cheaper here and definitely quieter than the coffee shop.
-
Soft giggles entered Yoongi’s ears as he was woken up from his deep slumber. It sounds a lot like Taehyung, and Yoongi wonders what’s making him laugh so much.
“What?” he grumbled, eyes slowly opening as he adjusts to the sudden brightness of the surroundings.
“You look so cute,” Taehyung said as he pursed his lips while trying desperately to hold back his laugh.
“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked, looking at Taehyung with a glare.
“Nothing.”
Yoongi then fixed his things on the table to get ready to go back home, with Taehyung holding one of his hands as they walk out of the library.
On their way out, they passed by Namjoon who’s fixing the alignment of the books on the shelf nearby. Yoongi waved goodbye to Namjoon, but to his surprise, Namjoon just started to laugh so loudly, which is really uncharacteristic of Namjoon because the man practically worships the library.
“What?” Yoongi asked, mildly annoyed by the way Namjoon is laughing at him without any reason at all.
Namjoon stopped laughing for a while, a hand placed on his stomach. “Your cat whiskers look so good, hyung. I didn’t know you love cats so much.”
“Hyung!” Taehyung exclaimed, looking at Namjoon with a betrayed look on his face.
“What?” Yoongi asked. “What does he mean?”
“It’s nothing. Let’s just go home,” Taehyung grumbled under his breath as he pulled Yoongi’s hand to lead him out of the door. But Yoongi held his ground, refusing to obey.
“No. Give me my phone. I want to see myself on the camera.”
Taehyung’s eyes widened, mouth opening slightly to protest but Yoongi shut him up with a glare.
“My phone, now.”
Taehyung groaned and pulled Yoongi’s phone out from his pocket, handing it to the older boy immediately.
Yoongi turned his phone on and looked through the front camera, only to see that there is indeed a drawing of cat whiskers on his face. “Kim Taehyung.” He pocketed his phone and turned to look at Taehyung with a glare.
Taehyung smiled sheepishly before bolting out of the room, away from Yoongi.
It was a tough chase, honestly. Yoongi was never much of a runner, but Taehyung really wasn’t either. Yoongi soon caught up to Taehyung and grabbed the latter by the collar, demanding for him to help Yoongi remove those marks on his face. Taehyung was reluctant at first, muttering about how it looks too cute on Yoongi and how dare he ruin Taehyung’s masterpiece. But with the threat of never being allowed to kiss Yoongi again if he doesn’t help, Taehyung immediately gave in with a pout and asked for a kiss with the promise to help Yoongi later.
Yoongi just smiled through the kiss, a hand clenched on Taehyung’s arm tightly to support himself because Taehyung’s kisses are always like this. It makes him so weak on his knees that he always feels like he’s about to fall. Yoongi will always fall for Taehyung.
+
“Hyung, wake up,” a voice suddenly entered Yoongi’s ears, making him come back to his senses. He groaned and forced himself to sit up, eyes fluttering open only to see Namjoon looking at him worriedly.
“What?”
“The library is closing soon. You need to go home.”
“Oh.”
Yoongi stood up and took one last glance on the empty chair beside his before harshly tearing his gaze away as he felt his heart grow heavier. Of course. Taehyung wouldn’t be there.
He made his way towards the door, not even saying another word to Namjoon.
“Hyung,” Namjoon softly called, making Yoongi stop walking. “Are you okay?”
Yoongi scoffed before he continued walking again. “No,” he whispered. “I’m not.”
He walked out of the library without even giving Namjoon another glance, his heart still heavy with the memory of Taehyung.
It’s been a year. A whole year since Taehyung left him. And during that duration of time, Yoongi has never caught a glimpse of him.
Yoongi knows that Jimin kept in touch with Taehyung. It’s impossible not to. Jimin and Taehyung come as pairs and Yoongi doubt that Taehyung would disappear on Jimin so suddenly too.
It could’ve been so easy. Yoongi could’ve forced answers out of Jimin and he’s sure that the younger man would give in, considering how much he wants Yoongi and Taehyung back together again. But Yoongi never tried. He doesn’t think he ever will. He doesn’t even know where Taehyung is right now. He just suddenly left without a single trace and maybe he doesn’t want to be found. And if he really doesn’t want that, then who is Yoongi to ruin his plan by finding him? He probably doesn’t even want to see Yoongi.
So Yoongi went back to the place with the most memories. The place he and Taehyung share. Or at least, they used to. Yoongi went back home.
It didn’t take long for Yoongi to realize that the empty house is not a home without Taehyung.
-
Yoongi came home with a permanent frown etched on his face. It was a horrible day.
He went with Hoseok and Namjoon to apply as producers in a music agency but the stupid people there thought that it was a good idea to completely insult Yoongi’s works and ability as an artist. It’s absolutely ridiculous. They probably can’t even create proper music! And they dared to insult Yoongi’s hard work like that?
“Welcome home, hyung,” Taehyung’s familiar voice entered Yoongi’s ear the moment he opened the front door and step foot inside.
Taehyung immediately approached him and placed a kiss on his cheek as he helped Yoongi with his bag. “How was it?”
“Horrible,” Yoongi answered as he practically threw his body down on the couch.
“A bad day?” Taehyung took a seat beside him.
“You have no fucking idea. No one knows what music is these days. Everyone’s so fucking stupid.” Yoongi could feel anger start to consume him again.
“It’s okay, hyung. I’m sure you’ll find the right company. Just don’t give up, okay? I believe in you,” Taehyung said genuinely that Yoongi couldn’t help but feel his eyes burn with unshed tears. This is so unfair. Why is Taehyung always so understanding and kind to him? He should be upset. He should be mad at Yoongi for failing at doing the only thing he’s good at. He should get mad at Yoongi for being so incompetent that he can’t even find a proper job for something that he’s been doing all his life. He should see how much of a disappointment Yoongi is. So why is he looking at Yoongi as if he didn’t do anything wrong? Can’t he see that everything is wrong?
“It’s not that easy,” Yoongi sharply stated, hands forming into fists. “You think it’s so fucking easy, but it isn’t. Grow the fuck up, Taehyung. Not everything is supposed to be okay. Don’t smile at me as if nothing is wrong. You’ll never understand because you weren’t there. You didn’t humiliate yourself in doing something that you love. You didn’t hear someone else insult something you worked so fucking hard for. You don’t know anything so stop acting as if you do. It’s not fucking okay.”
Yoongi stormed out of the living room after that, opting to bury himself under the covers in embarrassment instead. He’s so ashamed of himself. He doesn’t want Taehyung to see him the way he sees himself but he ended up doing it anyway. How is he supposed to face Taehyung now?
Yoongi felt a few tears escape his eyes in frustration before he clenched them shut, forcing the tears to stop from falling. Yoongi isn’t weak. He doesn’t want to be weak.
And so he stayed like that for a whole hour, just staring at the empty, boring wall while thinking about how he can apologize. Taehyung doesn’t deserve that. Taehyung was just being nice. He just wanted Yoongi to feel better and Yoongi ruined that by suddenly lashing out at Taehyung. He should be ashamed of himself.
The bedroom door slowly creaked open, with Taehyung’s familiar presence soon filling the room. Yoongi clenched his eyes shut, pretending to be asleep to avoid confrontation. That’s what he’s best at. Avoiding everything until it disappears.
He felt the bed move slightly as Taehyung’s weight was added to it. Yoongi felt an arm snake around his waist and warm lips were pressed on his temple. “I’m sorry,” Taehyung whispered so genuinely that Yoongi wanted to cry right there and then. Taehyung shouldn’t apologize when he didn’t even do anything wrong. Yoongi should be the one apologizing. “I love you so much. I just want you to be happy.”
A tear fell from Yoongi’s eye, but he didn’t dare to open them. He was a coward. He couldn’t face Taehyung like this. Not now. Yoongi isn’t brave enough right now.
+
The empty bed felt even bigger with only Yoongi to lay there. Yoongi turned to his side, leaving space for Taehyung. It’s Taehyung’s, and Yoongi never once thought of ever occupying it.
There’s still this stupid small hope inside of Yoongi that maybe, Taehyung will come back and fill that space once again. Maybe if Yoongi waits long enough, then he would feel those safe arms around him again and feel those soft lips press kisses on his face every night as he goes to sleep and every morning as he wakes up. Maybe if he’s patient enough, then Taehyung would be there when Yoongi wakes up, a huge boxy smile on his face as he whispers ‘good morning’ against Yoongi’s ear. Maybe Taehyung would be there with his arms around Yoongi as the older man attempts to cook breakfast without being distracted by Taehyung and his overwhelming presence. Maybe Taehyung would be there.
But as Yoongi opened his eyes when midnight strikes, he looked at the other side of the bed and noticed how empty it is. Nothing changed. Taehyung still isn’t there. Maybe he’ll never be there again.
The next morning wasn’t any better. The bed still felt unbearably cold and Yoongi is still alone. He’s starting to get used to being alone.
He grabbed his phone from the bedside table, seeing multiple texts from Seokjin. The older man is inviting him for another group dinner at his own restaurant. Yoongi never went to those meetings with his friends after Taehyung left. It just never feels the same. Nothing is right anymore ever since Taehyung left, and going to those meetings without Taehyung by his side would mean that he accepts the fact that Taehyung isn’t there, and Yoongi doesn’t want that. He’ll never face them without Taehyung next to him.
-
Another group dinner, another day of disappointment. Namjoon was telling the others about another failed job application and Yoongi suddenly became too aware of how heavy his and Taehyung’s interlocked fingers are. He purposely didn’t tell Taehyung about another failure because he was afraid of disappointing him. He just wants to make Taehyung proud. Why is it so hard?
He felt Taehyung press a gentle kiss on his temple, making him suddenly look up to face Taehyung.
“It’s okay,” Taehyung muttered. “I’ll always be proud of you.”
Yoongi felt his lips trembling after hearing those words but he managed to hold his tears back this time. He just tightened his hold against Taehyung’s hand, never wanting to let go.
If only Yoongi knew that it would be the last time the seven of them would have that stupid group dinner together, then maybe Yoongi would’ve done better. Maybe he would’ve held onto Taehyung a little bit tighter. Maybe he would’ve told Taehyung just how much he loves him every single second of that day. Maybe he would’ve kissed Taehyung a thousand more times until he couldn’t remember anything but the feeling of Taehyung’s lips against his. Maybe he would still be Taehyung’s and Taehyung would still be his.
+
Yoongi’s feet took him to a very familiar bar.
Yoongi never likes to get drunk because Taehyung is a lightweight drinker. He’s not very good at handling alcoholic beverages. But he likes to dance and he forces Yoongi on the dance floor all the time with that stupid grin on his face so Yoongi really doesn’t complain.
But Yoongi has never gone there alone. He hates people. He doesn’t like interacting with strangers. So why is Yoongi going there so early in the morning? He doesn’t know either.
He sat on one of the stools and called the bartender over to ask for a drink.
“Hey,” a voice called from his other side, making him snap his attention towards the man seated beside him. He looked old. And suspicious. Can’t he see that Yoongi doesn’t want company?
“I don’t want to talk to you,” Yoongi muttered, taking a sip from the drink in his hand.
“Don’t be like that. You have such a pretty face. Wouldn’t want it to go to waste,” the man said with an ugly grin on his face, making him grimace a little.
He suddenly stood up intending to leave immediately. He shouldn’t have gone here alone in the first place.
“Where are you going?” the man asked, his huge hand gripping Yoongi’s arm tightly as he forcefully pulled Yoongi back, making his back hit the man’s chest.
Yoongi didn’t even find the need to control his anger. He just ripped his arm away from the man before delivering a harsh blow on his face. “I said I don’t fucking want to talk to you. Are you fucking dumb?” he practically growled under his breath before kneeing the man on the stomach.
He walked away after that, walking fast to get as far away from the bar as possible. It was a bad idea anyway. Nothing good ever happens there. Nothing ever did.
-
“Hyung, I’m talking to you. Don’t ignore me,” Taehyung said as he gripped Yoongi’s arm tightly.
He’s drunk. He definitely is. Taehyung never gets this worked up over stupid things.
“It’s Hoseok. He was just playing around,” Yoongi desperately explained, trying to retrieve his arm from Taehyung’s hold. It was starting to hurt.
“He was dancing with you with his dick fucking pressed against you and you’re telling me it’s nothing?”
It’s too late for explanations. Taehyung is too far gone.
“Can you stop? He’s your friend too, Taehyung! We’ve been friends for years! Stop being so fucking unreasonable!”
Taehyung has been like this for a few months now. He suddenly started to get upset so easily and Yoongi felt weird about it. Taehyung is all smiles and laughter. He never shows sadness to Yoongi. Not to anyone else.
So when he started to act so anxious all the time, Yoongi was worried. But he never started a conversation about it because he never learned how to. Taehyung always starts conversations. Taehyung always fixes the problems. Yoongi doesn’t have any idea how to.
“I’m your fucking boyfriend, Yoongi. Stop spreading your legs for everyone else.”
Yoongi felt his blood boil at those words, and he didn’t even stop himself as he slapped Taehyung across his face, his cheek suddenly reddening after the contact. “Don’t fucking talk to me like that.”
Taehyung’s eyes widened in anger, lips curling into a scowl as he pushed Yoongi against the wall outside the bar. His hand grabbed Yoongi by the jaw, forcing their eyes to meet.
Yoongi could feel the grip start to hurt, and he swears there would be bruises there tomorrow. He reached up to grab Taehyung’s hand, trying to pull it away from his face. “Let go of me.”
Taehyung didn’t listen. He just tightened his grip, making Yoongi wince in pain before he leaned forward to crash their lips together into a kiss. Yoongi felt his lower lip bleed at the harsh contact, the metallic taste of blood touching his tongue. He pressed his hands against Taehyung’s chest, trying to push the larger man away from him. He likes kissing Taehyung but not like this. Never like this.
“S-stop,” he desperately said through the kiss, tears escaping his eyes in fear and anger. Taehyung is never like this. Why is he hurting Yoongi right now?
Yoongi gathered all of the energy left inside his body as he pushed Taehyung with all of his strength, making the boy immediately let go of him.
Taehyung’s eyes widened as he saw the fear in Yoongi’s eyes. He looked sober all of a sudden.
“Hyung,” he muttered in disbelief, “Hyung, I’m sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to-” he cut himself off as tears uncontrollably fell from his eyes.
Yoongi was shaking with fear. He’s not vulnerable, he really isn’t. But this is Taehyung. This is the man he loves the most in this world.
Never in this lifetime did Yoongi think that Taehyung would ever hurt him like that. Yoongi could still feel Taehyung’s bruising touch on his jaw and it burns. Everything suddenly burns.
“I-It’s okay,” Yoongi said, forcing a smile on his face. He could still see his hands shaking harshly but he tried to hide it from Taehyung. He doesn’t want Taehyung to feel bad.
“It’s not!” Taehyung yelled. “It’s not okay!”
“Taehyung-” Yoongi walked forward in an attempt to reach Taehyung, wanting nothing but to comfort the boy. He hates seeing Taehyung hurt. He hates seeing Taehyung cry just because of him.
“No,” Taehyung muttered, dodging Yoongi’s touch. “Just- Just don’t come near me right now. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I’ll hate myself forever, hyung.”
Yoongi took his hand back, clutching it tightly to stop it from shaking.
“Fuck, I don’t know what to do anymore, hyung,” Taehyung whispered, just loud enough for Yoongi to hear. He was looking at the ground, obviously trying to avoid Yoongi’s gaze. “I don’t know myself anymore hyung.” He suddenly choked up as tears fell from his eyes. “I don’t like the way I am anymore when I’m with you.”
Yoongi felt his heart break a little after hearing that. What does Taehyung mean?
“I love you, hyung. I promise I do.” Taehyung took a deep breath, gently wiping the tears from his own face. “But I’ve become the worst version of myself when I’m with you. I hurt you and- and we’re not even happy anymore.”
“Taehyung, please, it’s okay. I’m not mad, okay? I understand-”
“Hyung, stop,” Taehyung cut him off, voice trembling a little. “I’m starting to hate myself, hyung. I don’t want to hate myself.”
Yoongi felt his tears continue to stream down his face and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. “But I love you, Taehyung.”
“I know,” Taehyung said with a bitter smile on his face. “And I love you so much too.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” Yoongi asked, voice low.
“I love you so much so I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I just want you to be happy and- and I can’t make you happy anymore, hyung.”
They went back home in silence, no one dared to make a sound. Yoongi fell asleep only because he was crying too hard. Taehyung slept on the couch that night.
When Yoongi woke up, Taehyung was gone. There was no trace of him ever being there. There were no clothes left in their shared wardrobe, Yeontan’s toys weren’t scattered all over the place, and there was a lone key on the bedside table which Yoongi could recognize as Taehyung’s.
Taehyung left and Yoongi is all alone now.
Yoongi fell on the bed as sobs forced their way out of his throat, his loud cries filling the room. He grabbed Taehyung’s pillow, wrapping his arms tightly around it because it’s the only thing reminding him of Taehyung. His chest felt heavier and heavier as time goes by. He stayed inside the bedroom with his face pressed on the pillow, his tears drenching it completely. He doesn’t know how long he stayed there. He just cried until there were no more tears left and after that, he just stared at the ceiling and he immediately noticed the traces of the glow in the dark stars Taehyung once placed there years ago. Another tear fell on the pillow and Yoongi didn’t bother to wipe it off. There’s this hollow feeling inside his heart and he doesn’t know if it will ever feel whole again. Taehyung took half of his heart when he left and Yoongi will never get it back.
+
Yoongi didn’t come home after running away from the bar. He couldn’t bear it. The house reminds him too much of Taehyung and Yoongi thinks he can never consider it as home ever again.
Not while Taehyung isn’t there.
Instead, Yoongi’s feet took him to the forest, and he didn’t stop until he reached a familiar lake hidden behind the trees.
He sat on one of the huge rocks, closing his eyes and just listening to the sound of nature around him. It felt peaceful. And it would’ve felt better if only he didn’t remember that Taehyung also used to be there with him. Taehyung would sit beside him and stare adoringly at the water, hand interlocked with Yoongi’s. He would beg Yoongi to dip into the water with him until the older man agrees. He would pull off those puppy eyes and Yoongi wouldn’t be able to deny him anymore.
But as Yoongi opened his eyes to look at his other side, he noticed how empty it was.
He was alone.
Taehyung wasn’t there with him anymore. He hasn’t been for a year.
A bitter smile formed on his face as he looked at the lake again, imagining how it used to be years ago when he and Taehyung enjoyed playing in the water. It was so simple back then. They were always happy as long as they’re with each other. Yoongi couldn’t remember when it all stopped.
A familiar noise snapped Yoongi from his peace. No one ever goes there. It has only ever been him and Taehyung.
Small barks filled Yoongi’s ears before he felt a small weight on his back, almost making him lose his balance.
“Tannie!” a voice yelled, making Yoongi freeze altogether.
The voice is too familiar.
Yoongi looked at the dog in front of him only to see Yeontan wagging his tail and looking excitedly at Yoongi.
“Tannie, there you are,” the all too familiar voice said once again, followed by huffing sounds.
Yoongi snapped his attention towards the source of the sound, and his eyes met something very familiar. It’s the eyes he used to wake up to.
“Taehyung?” he muttered, a lump forming in his throat.
“Yoongi,” the man replied. A small smile formed on his face as he walked towards him, taking a seat next to Yoongi. The place where he used to be.
Yeontan moved to settle on Yoongi’s lap before curling up to sleep there peacefully. Yoongi’s hand moved to stroke his fur on instinct, almost crying with how much he missed being able to do something as simple as that.
“You still come here?” Taehyung asked, breaking the silence between them.
“All the time,” Yoongi answered. “I missed you.”
Taehyung chuckled softly before turning his head to look at Yoongi. “I really missed you too.”
Yoongi couldn’t help but smile too. It’s been a year but it still felt the same. Taehyung still feels like home.
“So how have you been, hyung?” Taehyung asked once more, scooting closer to Yoongi.
A warm feeling washed over him. He opened his mouth and started talking about the good position he, Namjoon, and Hoseok got in a fairly big company. Taehyung listened attentively, the smile never leaving his face. Yoongi couldn’t remember the last time he has talked this much.
Taehyung told him about what happened during the whole year he was gone. He talked about how he went back home to Daegu to find himself again, to become a better person so he could face Yoongi again.
They talked for a while. Yoongi was smiling the whole time and Taehyung was the same. They talked until the sun started to set.
Taehyung walked Yoongi back to his house. The house they used to share.
“Taehyung-ah,” Yoongi called right before Taehyung could leave with Yeontan.
Taehyung turned to look at Yoongi with an eyebrow raised.
“Do you-” Yoongi cut himself off, nervously licking his lips. “Do you want to go to the coffee shop tomorrow? J-just to talk.”
A smile formed on Taehyung’s face before he nodded lightly. “The usual place?”
Yoongi smiled too. “Yeah. That one.”
“Sure. I’ll see you. The same time then? One in the afternoon?”
“Yeah, the same time.”
Taehyung turned to walk away again and Yoongi felt his heart grow heavier and heavier with every step Taehyung takes.
“Taehyung!” he called once more, before running towards the boy at full speed.
Taehyung turned to look back again, only for his eyes to widen in surprise as Yoongi practically threw himself on Taehyung in a tight hug. Yoongi’s face was pressed on the crook of Taehyung’s neck, and Taehyung could feel the small droplets of his tears. He couldn’t hold himself back as well, as tears fell from his own eyes, arms finding their way around Yoongi’s waist. Right where they belong.
“I missed you so much,” Yoongi choked out, arms tightening around Taehyung.
“I know hyung,” Taehyung said. “I really missed you too. There wasn’t a single day where I didn’t think of you.”
Yoongi continued crying, and Taehyung did too. They were just holding onto each other so tightly, neither was ready to let go. Maybe there was still that small fear inside of Yoongi’s heart that Taehyung would disappear again once he lets go. Yoongi doesn’t want Taehyung to disappear again.
They could faintly hear Yeontan’s small barks from their side, and Yoongi couldn’t help but release a small giggle. “I missed you too, Tannie.”
Taehyung chuckled at that, finally releasing Yoongi from his hold.
His hand reached up to wipe away the tears from Yoongi’s face. “Don’t cry, hyung. I hate seeing you cry, remember?” Yoongi nodded, a fond smile forming on his lips. “We’ll see each other tomorrow. And the day after that. And days after that too. Don’t worry.”
“Okay,” Yoongi said with a nod. “I’ll see you Taetae.”
Taehyung left after that, but not before pressing a light kiss on Yoongi’s temple as a form of goodbye.
Yoongi missed that. It’s been a year since someone got that close to him.
Yoongi entered the house with a lighter feeling in his chest, a huge smile still etched on his face. He looked around the house and suddenly, nothing feels wrong anymore. Nothing makes him feel heavy anymore. Because the memories he used to cry about are now just waiting for a continuation. And there’s no use crying over all these memories when they can soon create new ones. Maybe this house will feel like home again.
Yoongi couldn’t wait until tomorrow comes.
Maybe Taehyung wasn’t just a chapter of his life. Maybe he’s there to stay until the end. Maybe he isn’t a period. An ending. Maybe it was just a comma, waiting for the next part to be written out.
Yoongi will do all the writing. He’ll continue writing and writing their next parts until he reaches the last paragraph. The last period. The last goodbye. Maybe Taehyung was made to be there until the very last chapter. Maybe Taehyung was made for Yoongi. Maybe Taehyung was made to stay.