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"I am fine." she said when he asked her if she needed a break.
"I am fine." She whispered as she mended his wounds.
"I am fine" She claimed as she was left behind once more by her love.
But Kakashi knew that she was not fine and his point was proven when he saw her bearing the symbol.
He told her that the porcelain face was a symbol, a shackle around her neck, not an escape route from reality.
And despite trying everything in his power to understand her motivation, she didn't answer.
Her behavior didn't change.
And then he understood, when he saw her putting the mask on.
She was not trying to destroy herself, she was not taking her time there like some sort of punishment. It was a survival mechanism.
She could not get hurt if she was not loving the people. She could not blame herself for losing a life when they were more than happy to die.
But she accepted his company, she accepted him in her bed, but only as he went to her. It was a peculiar situation. He was not prepared to lose one more person he loved. Life took enough from him.
"You took your time." Her voice rang as he entered his room.
It was the first time she actually made the first move.
She was laying on his bed.
"What are you doing here, Sakura?" He asked out of curiosity. It was a fact that she didn't seek him out before. It made him worry even more about her well being.
"I was lonely."
A motive made out of three words,a motive strong enough to destroy souls.
"And I thought that maybe you wanted some company." He saw her biting her lip as she faced him. She was anxious and that was new for her.
"But, if you want, I can leave. I will manage." A small smile graced her full lips as she waited for his answer.
"It will be my pleasure." The words barely rolled off his lips, as she jumped in his arms. Her body was small against his and warm.
They opened a bottle of sake, and talked as they drank.
It was comfortable.
And that night she confessed. She accepted to be part of ANBU because she felt abandoned. Her friends came to her, asked about her only when they needed her. Otherwise,she could spend weeks without seeing them if she didn't go to them.
They all moved with their lives, leaving her in the hospital treating their wounds.
“ I know that you are busy, but could you…” The words that she heard every time they would show up. Neither saw the dark circles that formed around her eyes, neither saw the pain that took residence in her smile. It was a smile that could not reach her eyes.
ANBU was her way of abandoning them. It was her way of making sure that her presence is missed.
"Kakashi, you are the only one to ask about my well being." Her voice cracked, but her tears didn't fall.
"And if it wasn't for you,I would have accepted the offer of leaving Konoha and moving to Suna."
That piece of information felt like a punch.
"There is nothing to keep me here besides you and Tsunade." She concluded before drinking another glass of sake.
"What about Sasuke?"
" I will not waste time on those who don't even care if I'm alive."
“It is ironic, I found here people that actually care. They never let me alone. Always, seeking me out, even when there is no injury to treat.”
As they talked, they leaned closer to the other, to the point where they were nearly touching.
"If you are going to kiss me and then disappear…" she whispered as she stared into his eyes, not finishing the sentence.
He grabbed her by the back of her head, closing the distance between them.
It was sexual, it was primal, passionate, demanding.
When they finally stopped to catch their breath, they were both flustered. Neither knew what to expect from the other one.
"I won't settle for halves, Kakashi."
"I don't intend to let you down, Sakura."
They laid in bed. He was playing with strands of her pink hair, as she rested her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat.
And he knew that he was not going to lose himself to the pain anymore, as he was not feeling alone anymore.
“What are you thinking about?” she murmured in the night.
“Nothing.” and the truth was that for the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel the death’s stare.
“We are going to return to Konoha.” she stated as a matter of fact. “ I will return to my life in the hospital.” she sighed. He knew that she didn’t want to go and be buried in bureaucracy.
Her life was with the patiences, not sorting papers.
“I am fine, Kakashi.” It was like she read his thoughts, but this time she was not lying. She was fine.