Chapter Text
*sounds of a dinner parlour*
Ah, good evening, Traveller. And welcome...to the Penumbra.
Tonight’s entertainment is: Juno Steel and the Dungeon of Dreams.
*sounds fade out*
A beep came over my coms. “Hey, boss,” Rita shouted, “you’re gonna wanna look at this!”
I sighed heavily. She says that about literally anything. I once heard her coo over a cat that turned out to be a bomb.
The name’s Juno Steel. I was a private eye, but ever since everything that happened to Oldtown Hyperion I’ve been, well, busy with this case. Whatever that means.
“Mista Steel!” Rita said again into my coms. “This is of big cultural importance!”
“I can’t see anything, Rita,” I said into the coms mic, “the room’s camera isn’t that good.”
“Egad,” I heard the cooing voice of Peter Nureyev say before I could reply, “is that what I think it is?”
“Looks like it, Mr. Ransom.” Rita replied, using Nureyev’s current assumed name. “Do you think-?”
“Hey, Miss Museum and ‘date’,” I interrupted, adding as much venom to ‘date’ as I could, “the Venusian Museum of Cultural Artifacts closes in half an hour, so maybe skip the guided tour and get to the VES before our good friends find you.”
“Goodness, Juno, we’re nearly there.” I heard Peter sigh loudly.
“Just a few more seconds to decrypt the firewall...” I heard Rita say, trailing off as I heard her pressing buttons. “Ah-ha! We’re in!” I heard her chuckle. “Always wanted to say that! Just like in the movies, like when Frank Coldheart broke into the Mighty Five’s coms room in Flame War and-“
“Ms. Rita,” Peter said gently, “perhaps we could resume this riveting discussion topic later.”
“Right, sorry Mr. Ransom.”
There were a few more moments of clicking and something that sounded like a screech, then Peter exclaimed, “Got it! Putting it into the briefcase now.”
“Perfect.” I said, punching the air. “Now all you gotta do is get it back through security before someone asks questions more specific than ‘Did you enjoy your tour today?’”
“Sounds like everything is going great, darling.” I turned around to see Buddy Aurinko leaning against the doorway of my room, her orange red hair framing her face like a halo. Normally she would be doing the liaison job for the ground troops, but she felt ill after the whole Neptune affair. That and Vespa was about to escort Peter and Rita back through security, and she always felt a little off whenever Vespa was away.
“Thanks.” I said to her, then turned my attention back to my coms. “Jet, is the RUBY7 ready to pick up our trio from the front steps?”
“I’m just parking now, Juno.” Jet monotoned. Ever since Neptune, he’d also been very closed off. He had a good excuse though; I remember seeing him scrub blood from the RUBY7 once he and Rita got back aboard the Carte Blanche, and I haven’t gotten much else out of him since.
The next several minutes were agonizing as I heard Peter, Rita, and Vespa making a slow getaway from the Venusian Museum of Cultural History. Their trip through security meant that they removed their coms, so if something went wrong we wouldn’t find out until they got out. Only the ambient sounds of the museum played, with people shouting, talking animatedly, and the beeping of the security checkpoint.
A gruff voice at one point loudly said, “Sir, we’ll need to scan your briefcase.” My heart leaped into my throat, and the sharp intake of Buddy’s breath indicated she was also afraid. The moment of truth; Rita needed to have slipped a bug into their scanner’s camera to show the same image as when they entered.
I twirled my curled hair anxiously. “Um-“
“Shh.” Buddy shushed behind me. “Let Rita do what she does best, dear.” Despite whatever sickness she had, her matronly tone was still there.
I heard a loud beep that made me and Buddy wince. Then I heard a slight chuckle.
“Just my binoculars.” I heard Vespa say loudly. “For...uh...looking.”
I shook my head. I knew she wasn’t suited for something this delicate.
“Ma’am,” I heard a gruff voice say, “there’s something clinking around inside. We just need to check to be sure there’s nothing in here, okay?”
“That’s ‘cause they’re broken!” Vespa said forcibly. “You broke my antique, you dummy!”
“Ma’am,” the guard replied, with a tremor in his voice, “is that-“
He didn’t get to finish, as I heard the sounds of Peter yelling something at the guard caused him to tell her to stay right there, and to not move while he went to go investigate “that gentleman over there.” That’s when Peter put his coms back in.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” His voice came in crystal clear. “I just noticed that I forgot my coat in the bin there.”
“Of course, sir.” This, of course was the perfect diversion for Vespa to sneak through the guards.
We almost got away with it too.
“Hey!” the guard said over Peter’s coms, “I told you to stay put!”
All hell broke loose. I heard Vespa grunt and something made of glass shatter. An alarm went off, a drowning ringing sound that completely blocked out Rita and Peter’s coms. I heard yelling, and what I think was a scream. Pure panic.
The alarm sound began to fade out as it was replaced by the sounds of footsteps slapping against pavement. A couple of yells came from behind them, but they were too far to make out the words.
“Come on, Jet!” I heard Rita yell at the top of her lungs, causing me to wince in pain. “Get the car! Oooh, I’ve always wanted to say that too! I can’t believe I’ve got to say two great quotes from Flame War -“
“Ms. Rita,” Jet interrupted, “now is not the time to give me pop culture references.” I heard the RUBY7 hum and make that whistle sound that meant it was talking to Jet. “Yes, Ruby. Do we have everyone?” Another positive whistle. “Off we go then.”
I heard the four-times-multiplied sound of the RUBY7 taking off. I leaned back in my chair, letting out a big sigh.
“It seems they were successful…barely.” Buddy laid a hand on my shoulder. “You did well, Juno.”
Well, that was an emotion. I wasn’t interested though; I was just worried about Peter…and Rita…And everyone. I was worried about everyone equally, obviously.
Anyway, it wasn’t long before the four of them were back on the ship. I heard Vespa muttering something about leaving her knife behind while running her fingers through her neon-green hair. Jet was giving Rita and Peter a confused look, but he looked alright. Peter’s jacket was dishevelled, and his glasses were a little askew on his face. Rita was prattling on about who knows what, but only Peter seemed interested.
“…and you can get a castle! And get servants! And become really important in the world!”
“…Sounds wonderful, Rita.” Peter muttered, then his eyes lit up when he saw me. “Juno!” He motioned to the briefcase he was carrying. “We did it!”
“I can see that, Ransom.” I tried to give off some kind of professionalism, but then I motioned to the briefcase. “But what now?”
“Yes,” I heard Buddy say behind me, “now we’re going to be wanted for taking the only remaining VES from the most well-protected museum in the galaxy.” She shook her head. “We‘ll need to lie low for a while.”
“Yeah, no surprise.” I said loudly. “It wouldn’t be the first time that Vespa-“
My voice was cut off by an angry glare from Buddy and a jab in the kidney from Vespa. I exhaled loudly as the air was forced from my lungs.
“Children, behave.” Buddy gave both of us a stern look. “In fact, I think it’s time that we stop acting like loose cannons and more like a team.”
“Oh, Ms. Buddy!” Rita started waving her hand like a drowning person trying to signal a lifeboat. “I have an idea!”
Buddy raised an eyebrow. “And the idea is...?”
“I was talking to Mr. Ransom while we was stealing the VES, because we saw an ancient team game from Old Earth that would be really beneficial and really fun and-“
“The game,” Peter interrupted, “was an old boxed set of Dungeons and Dragons. Still in mint condition, I might add.”
Buddy raised her eyebrow even higher. “A team game?” She crossed her arms. “Is it long?”
“Well, it’s as long as you want it to be! Why, I was thinkin’ we could do it for as long as it takes us to get to our next heist…” Rita kept twirling her foot on the floor.
“I, for one, am extremely interested in this game.” Peter cooed. “Particularly the, how did you put it, the ability to take on a new persona.”
I wasn’t quite convinced. “And how are we going to play this game? You didn’t take it from the museum, did you?”
“Oh, I’m sure I could download a version on my coms and set something up.” Rita suddenly seemed really…anxious? She wasn’t normally this worried about something. But then it hit me: she was really interested in this game, and she was convinced it could help our team-related issues. I was willing to play along, and there weren’t any other immediate objections as we all looked at Rita.
“How about Rita thinks over how she would like to introduce us to this ‘Dungeons and Dragons’,” Buddy replied, filling the silence, “and the rest of you get yourselves cleaned up. There’s something red on your pants, Jet, and it’s driving me up the wall.”
We split back up and went to our separate rooms. Peter veered away from his room at the last minute and decided to join me in mine.
“Another successful heist.” he said, lightly closing the door behind him. “You know, I’m starting to wonder how your morals are holding up. Stealing things, being away from Hyperion...”
“It’d be a little more bearable if you didn’t remind me of it.” I snapped. “I’m more worried about what kind of silly game Rita has planned for us.”
“It doesn’t seem very silly to me.” He sat down on the bed next to me. “It sounds like a great opportunity to learn about the rest of our little family. How much do you know about Buddy, Vespa, and Jet?” When I failed to immediately reply, he chuckled. “An old Earth writer once said ‘Give a man a mask, and he’ll show you his true face.’”
“It sounds like they were full of shit.” I retorted. “Just because it’s Rita, I’m willing to go along with it.”
“That’s the spirit.” Nureyev laid his hand on mine. It was still electric how he could make me feel something with just a smile or a touch. I’m still getting used to it. “Just be prepared to see things you aren’t expecting.”
“I can’t prepare for them if they’re unexpected, Nur...Ransom.”
Peter blinked and cocked his head, but was saved replying by the sound of loud banging on the door.
“MISTA STEEL!”
“Coming, Rita!” I gave Nureyev a smirk and then went out to follow Rita to whatever crazy thing she had cooked up for us.
Some people might say I had a spring in my step, but they’re lying, obviously. Juno Steel, private eye, never acts excited for anything. Or anyone.
*sounds of a dinner parlour fade back in*
Oh, going so soon? Well, there will be plenty more from this story, I assure you.
The Penumbra Podcast is created and produced by Kevin Vibert and Sophie Kaner, and funded by your generous support on Patreon.