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Her heart was beating faster than usual. Her palms felt a bit too warm. For the first time in her life, Byleth could understand how others felt when nervous. Of course she had felt nervous before, but she had never experienced the symptoms that came with the feeling. A part of her liked the feeling of her heart thumping quicker. It told her she was alive. She was normal. She wasn’t truly a demon like her title said.
Waiting near the ruined Goddess Tower, she wondered if Hubert would show up. He had been busy ever since the end of the war. Edelgard wanted to eliminate those who slither in the dark as soon as possible. But she also wanted to start her reforms. It was a balancing act that she needed to juggle carefully.
Byleth tried to help as best as she could. However Hubert seemed to take on most tasks as he was the Emperor’s right hand. When she had left the letter on his desk, she had almost taken it back. However, she decided she needed to face him. After everything she had gone through - teaching at Garreg Mach, nearly dying in a black abyss, fighting in a war, and taking on the Immaculate One - this should be a simple task. Or at least that was what she told herself. Matters of the heart were still a foreign concept for her. She was still learning.
Finally she saw him coming toward her. His mostly black ensemble was hard to miss. Clenching her hands and taking a deep breath, Byleth readied herself. Facing him she felt her heart give a few more quick thumps.
“I hope you have called me out here for a good reason,” he said, piercing eyes studying her.
Byleth swallowed the lump in her throat. “This may not seem important to you, however it is important to me.” He nodded, his full attention on her. “I have been figuring out my feelings ever since...ever since the end of the war. I’ve realized that I feel even more than I used to. And, I’ve been told that it is best to share my feelings.”
He was frowning, most likely unsure where she was going with her words. She continued, “I...I love you, Hubert. I don’t know when I started loving you, but I know I do.” A fond smile formed on her lips. “I wish, if possible, to spend my life with you.”
The dark haired man was silent. His face showed no emotions, but he would not meet her gaze. Something acidic burned in the back of her throat as he finally answered. “I cannot return your feelings. I’m sorry.” He met her gaze then; his eyes were distant and cold. “My life belongs to Her Majesty. I am her servant, and cannot be anymore to anyone else.”
It felt like the blood in her veins had frozen over. Her heart, which had been beating rapidly, felt heavy and painful. She wanted to hide and run at the same time. Swallowing, she nodded. “I understand. Thank you for hearing me out,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.
She left before he could say more. As her feet took her to her room, everything went by in a blurr. There was a roaring sound in her ears that drowned out every other noise. Closing the door to her room, she slowly slid down the wood until she was sitting on the floor. Staring blankly at her hands, she wondered if this was what heartbreak felt like.
Her chest felt like it was being constricted. She found it hard to breathe every time she took a breath. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed so tight it felt painful. Clutching her chest, she tried to stabilize her breathing, but her throat felt like it had closed.
No.
There was something actually stuck in her throat. Byleth coughed as she tried to clear it. It felt painful the way it was stuck in her windpipe. Pounding her chest, she finally managed to pull up whatever was stuck in her throat. Covering her mouth, she spat the object out. In her hand was a slightly crumpled flower. Brows drawing together, she couldn’t fathom where it had come from.
It was a bright yellow. The flower had six petals and a slight trumpet shape in the middle. Byleth stood up and tossed the flower in the trash. However another coughing fit started and another flower laid in her hand. She frowned as worried bubbled up.
The flower was partially covered in blood
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A few weeks had passed and Hubert hadn’t seen Byleth. He tried not to think too much about the reason why. However in the few quiet moments he had, he would replay the scene at the Goddess Tower in his mind. Over and over, he tried to recreate it. He tried to think of ways it could have ended differently. Ways that it didn’t end with Byleth leaving with that expression on her face. Yet every time it ended the same.
He shook his head. There was not much he could do. After all he had pledged his life to Emperor Edelgard and her cause. Distracting himself with unnecessary things would only hinder his abilities. Even if he felt the same way, he could not allow himself to accept. Maybe after everything was settled he could…
Hubert pulled himself out of that train of thought. Even after those who slither in the dark were eliminated, Emperor Edelgard would need him to spread her reforms. It was for Byleth’s best interest to find someone else. He would not be able to give her the love she deserved. Not when his duties outweighed his personal life.
As he stalked through the church, he wondered how someone like her could fall in love with him. It was no secret that many saw him as a rat who only served the Emperor. He didn’t care what they called him. His hands were sullied by the many things he had done. Still, how could someone so bright and loved by many fall for him? Hearing her confess her feelings had made his heart burst with joy. For a brief second, Hubert had forgotten about his duties. In those seconds he had imagined his life with Byleth, and it was beautiful. However reality quickly pulled him back.
Arriving at the meeting room, he took his usual seat next to the Emperor. Despite trying not to, his eyes went over to the empty chair at the opposite head of the table. “Will the professor not be joining us again?” Edelgard inquired.
“I do not know, your majesty. I have not seen her for the past few days.” The words felt bitter in his mouth.
She drummed her fingers on the table. “Is she sick?” He could hear the worry in her voice,
“Not that I am aware. Though Manuela would know.” His sharp gaze met the older woman.
The former opera singer sighed and glanced around. “As far as I know, she’s as fit as a fiddle. She hasn’t come to me in a while.”
At least he felt some relief knowing she wasn’t sick. “Perhaps the professor is just busy with other things. I’ll be sure to find out, Emperor Edelgard.”
“Please do-” The door opened with a squeak, and the object of their discussion walked in. Hubert felt his stomach drop as he finally laid eyes on her.
Her skin was a sickly pale, almost gray. Her eyes were dull and she barely gave anyone a glance. Her usually vibrant hair hung limply as if all life had been drained. What was worse was the way her eyes had sunken into her face. Dark circles made them even more noticeable. There was no light in her eyes. It felt like looking at the eyes of a dead fish.
“I apologize for-” she coughed in a handkerchief “-missing the last few meetings. I’ve been under the weather.” She took her seat and quickly hid the tissue in her coat pocket.
“My teacher….you do not look well. Perhaps you should rest, and Manuela can prepare a tonic for you,” Edelgard suggested. The Emperor’s brows were creased in worry. Everyone was staring at her in shock. Except Linhardt, who was napping.
Byleth waved her off. “I’m fine. Let’s start this meeting.”
Hesitant, Edelgard started the debriefing. Throughout, Byleth would have coughs that seemed to shake her whole body. Hubert found himself watching her rather than listening to the meeting. By the end, he had taken little notes, but his concern had increased greatly.
Once everyone was dismissed, Byleth quickly left. Hubert followed after her. “Byleth.” She waited for him as another cough wracked her body. “I think you should go see Manuela.”
She looked at him tiredly. “I will. Is there something else you need?”
There was a lot he wanted to say, but he couldn’t. “No. Just get better. For your sake and her majesty’s.”
Nodding, she continued on her way. He watched as she was joined by Linhart. The usually sleepy looking man was waving his hands around. Byleth merely nodded before following him. He wanted to ask where she and Lindhardt were going, but he had no right to pry into her business. He had no right to feel any way about who she talked with.
Yet he took a step forward as if to go after her, but stopped himself. He felt something under his foot. Stepping back, he had trampled over a bloody flower. Despite being completely covered in blood, he could discern that it was a daffodil. Where on earth it had come from was beyond him. He sighed before turning back to the meeting room. The Emperor had wanted to discuss something with him after the meeting. Ever dutiful, Hubert was ready to hear what she had to say, and if necessary, execute her orders.
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“It seems that the illness has progressed rather quickly. I’d say that it’s in the third stage based on the amount of flowers you’ve been coughing up.” Linhardt scribbled on his notes. “The few papers we’ve found on your disease say that progression varies from person to person. Tell me, has anything else changed?”
Byleth stared at the flickering flame of the lamp on the table. “I’ve found it harder to breathe. Doing simple training exercises wind me. I also can’t sleep with the amount of coughing I do.”
“Well that’s not a good sign. If you reach the final stage, you’ll die. Have you thought about what I told you last time?” He eyed the diagram of the lungs that was covered in roots and flowers. It had been hastily drawn by whoever had left the notes.
“Yes. I...I think I’ll do the removal. Dying is...it’s not an option I want if there is a way to live.” She knew her father would have scolded her for taking so long to decide. She had spent long nights deciding. The side-effect to the surgery was of little consequence in the long run. Or so she hoped.
Linhardt studied her. “Are you sure? You do know the consequence.”
She nodded. “Yes.” Perhaps gaining her emotions hadn’t been such a good thing. Because of them she had gotten a rare disease. It would be her of all people to contract such a thing. The coughing and spitting up flowers drained her so much. She could barely remember a night of restful sleep. In her current state she was no use to anyone.
“Alright, I’ll let Hanneman and Manuela know. We’ll do the surgery tomorrow.” Closing his book, Linhardt seemed to drift off in thought. “This will be quite interesting to observe.”
Closing her eyes, she felt...relieved. Relieved that once the disease was removed, she could go back to how she was before. And perhaps relieved that she would never feel heartbreak again. For someone who had faced down many foes in battle, she was a coward when it came to her feelings.
Hacking up more flowers on her way to her room, she let them fall on the ground. A bloody trail of flowers stained the grass as a morbid decoration.
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Once again he was at the Goddess Tower, However, this time he had been the one to ask for a meeting. He adjusted his gloves once more. Seeing Byleth coming to him, he attempted to calm his nerves. If they were from fear or something else, he wasn’t sure. However he was sure on one thing. And that was that he needed to tell Byleth how he really felt.
Up close he could see that she was in better health. She seemed to be over whatever had ailed her a while ago. He was thankful for that.
“Is there something wrong?” she asked. She was giving him one of her blank stares. He hadn’t been on the receiving end of those stares in a long time.
“Nothing is wrong. I wanted…I wanted to discuss you and me.” He coughed. “To think, I had rehearsed a long preamble. Now, when it matters, it’s all vanished from memory as suddenly as the morning dew. To the point, then. I…I love you. I have for a while. However I thought that my obligation to Her Majesty came before my own happiness. But it seems I cannot hide how I feel about you from her, and she has given me her blessing.”
He watched her for a reaction. Yet, she merely blinked and tilted her head to the side. “I see…”
His ears burned. “I…I realize that last time I hurt you. That was not my intention. I executed everything wrong then. If you will still have me, Byleth, I will show you my love for the rest of our days.”
She stared at him for a moment longer before shaking her head. “I’m sorry, Hubert. I cannot return your feelings anymore. I do not love you.” She said it plainly and simply as if discussing the weather.
He felt a sharp pain in his chest. “I...I understand. I’m sorry I took so long to tell you the truth. Honestly,” he chuckled mirthlessly, “I deserve this more than anything else.”
“Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?” she asked, not at all bothered.
“No. Thank you for hearing me out.” He almost laughed at how this scene echoed a month ago. Except their roles were reversed. Byleth nodded before leaving.
Perhaps he deserved to be alone. After all he had a chance to have a happy life, and he let it go.
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The Tin Woman
“After a fierce battle, Byleth and Edelgard finally brought the tyranny of a godlike being to an end. Though wounded in the conflict and stripped of divine power, Byleth continued to fight alongside the emperor to bring true peace. After everything was said and done, she left to go traveling. Many who met her commented on how she seemed to be missing something. What it was, no one knew.
The Lone Heart
“Hubert fulfilled his promise to confront those who slither in the dark head-on. Even after peace had reigned, and Edelgard’s wishes were brought to fruition, he continued to serve her. It was said he never found love. Some say there were moments where pain surfaces in his eyes when he saw a certain someone. Even on his deathbed, it was said he seemed to hold a deep regret.”