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"Lukey!" I call out going into our dressing room. He probably lost track of time doing his hair. We still had 2 hours but the band usually likes to hang out before we go on. "Luke, are you ok." I ask nocking on the door, after 5 minutes I just say fuck it and open the door.
When I enter I see everything perfectly in place, but Luke. He's rocking back and forth, hands pulling at his hair and quietly sobbing to himself. I can feel my chest tighten up. I thought this would happen.
He gets panic attacks a lot. Not to mention this is our first show in the U.S. I'm surprised he didn't have one on the plane honestly.
He must not have heard me come in, if he did he would be yelling at me to leave him alone and telling me he hated me. Even though it was something brought on by the attack.
I tiptoe quietly until I'm behind him. I sit criss-cross and in a swift movement pull Luke into my body.
He squeals and immediately starts screaming. Then he yells 'leave me alone' I hate you' and 'screw you go away'.
"Lukey. I'm not going to hurt you ok?" I whisper into his ear. He whimpers and pushes his shaking body closer to mine. "What's wrong baby." I ask him. We use little pet names, even though we aren't together... And never will be. I need to focus on Luke's problems right now. Not mine.
"I'm scared A-Ash." Not that nickname please "I don't th-think I can do this. I-I-I'm going to fail and m-make a fool of us! I c-can't do this." he try's to get out of my grasp as he stands up so I grab his hips and pull him back to me.
I hold him to me as sobs rack his body again. I hate seeing him cry. "Lucas Hemmings." he stops crying only sniffling occasionally. "You will do great. Everybody here already loves you and thinks you're amazing." I kiss the back of his neck in assurance.
"I love you Ashton..." I hear a whisper.
"I love you too." I smile turning Luke to face me before smashing my lips into his.