Chapter Text
The trolley situation is an interesting one, a classic hypothetical situation in which you have the choice to sacrifice one person, or five.
There are several different versions of this hypothetical question, but for the sake of simplicity we will be using the version in which you are on a bridge with a very large man, this bridge is one in which trolley tracks pass beneath it. Over on one side of the bridge you can see five workers doing their jobs on the train tracks, and on the other side you can see the trolley approaching with the workers unaware of the trolley.
At this point you are pushed into making one of two choices: Choice one is somehow you know that if you push this large man onto the tracks it will stop the trolley, but the man will die in the process. Choice two, is to simply let the trolley go by and the five workers will die.
However, this situation is oversimplified in nature, however popular it may be. As with any choice, there are always unknown variables that will affect your choice. However, with this scenario there is no other options nor variables to consider other than that someone will die regardless of what you do and that it is within your power to choose how many people die.
This scenario, with its oversimplifications, is obviously flawed in the fact that you only have two options. Therefore, I will make it more complicated by asking instead in this scenario: what is your first reaction?
We begin the scenario with you on a bridge that sits overtop the trolley tracks with a rather large man. It is night time, and there is no one except the workers that work on the trolley tracks, and of course you and this unknown man that is busy turning the modest looking wedding band that sits on his finger distractedly. Currently, down below a ways away you can see five of the workers toiling away, looking like little fireflies from where you stand with their bright yellow lamps. You turn away from the sight and face the other side of the bridge, and just as you turn around, you see that an incoming trolley is alarmingly close. Neither the workers who are busy, nor the large man notice that the trolley is incoming. For fun's sake let's see what your favorite characters would probably do as their first reaction.
We will start with Welcome To Nightvale:
Cecil- Promptly returns to the Nightvale Radio Station to narrate the situation as it is happening while getting extremely descriptive about it.
Carlos- Freaks out like a normal person and tries to contact the Nightvale Secret Police for help after trying to get the large man on the bridge to help him warn the workers.
Hooded Figures- Screech in an incoherent garble that vaguely sounds like radio static as the rather large man tries to discreetly walk away without looking at the hooded figures.
Legend of Zelda:
Link- Goes on a long roundabout quest and either goes back in time or takes advantage of the short amount of time he has and somehow manages to save both everyone on the bridge, save all of Hyrule (or Termina, or anyplace he is in at the time), fix everyone's minor problems, and have spare time to just screw around at the end.
Zelda- Prophesied the event beforehand with her visions and does any of the following: send royal guards to deal with the problem by removing the workers from the vicinity, sends Link to deal with it, attempts to do it herself with help (only Tetra), deems the event a will of the goddesses or an inevitable event and does nothing but somehow mentions it to Link and Link promptly ends up doing the above.
Ganondorf- Honestly depends on his mood, general sanity level, if those workers are Gerudo, if the large man is King of Hyrule, and if that trolley has to do with anything pertaining to his master plan of conquering Hyrule. If he did somehow find reason to stop the trolley, he would either use magic to stop it, push the large man off (RIP King of Hyrule), turn into Ganon and stop the train himself (he really doesn't need to he's larger than the large man already, he's like 7'6 canonically), jump down and block the train himself with his twin swords (I really wouldn't put it past WW Ganondorf to do this and somehow manage to succeed in doing it without hurting himself), or use one of his lackeys to move the workers safely (The most sane solution, but is it his first? Probably not.). Otherwise, Ganondorf would just let the train pass without another thought or completely destroy it.
Invader Zim:
Zim- Assuming this has no correlation with Dib and GIR isn't around, Zim will either somehow manage to take everyone without a single trace, or at least take what he wants without anyone noticing; which is probably the trolley itself (Zim can be surprisingly competent when he wants to be as evidenced with the organ harvester episode) or just watch in fascination as the workers go splat as the trolley runs them over. If this has anything to do with Dib, however, he will probably fail at whatever he's doing unless it only affects Dib and no one else. If GIR is involved, things will just get even more ridiculous with his schemes and things will go sideways even quicker.
GIR- Does nothing and watches the trolley or tries to make the large man his friend.
Dib- If it doesn't involve Zim or the paranormal, then Dib will do nothing and accept that he can do nothing about the situation (because Dib seems to not have motivation, self-confidence, nor self-awareness it takes to do otherwise as he ironically enough seems to think he is as incapable as any other person to do something about it). Otherwise he will manage to thwart Zim in whatever he's doing unless it only affects Dib, but not without collateral damage nor will he be concerned with the people affected (dude never is, at least not with whatever happens to them after he saves them or if the damage Zim did was permanent or not unless it's his family affected).
Villainous:
Black Hat: Probably critiquing from his office the large man, who is a client with his plan of killing all five workers with said trolley after having the large man sign a contract and paying for the Black Hat Org. services and getting absolutely pissed off at the large man's incompetence when a few survive because the large man didn't think his plan through.
Dr. Flug: Assuming that trolley isn't from Black Hat Org. or run by another villain Dr. Flug probably won't do anything unless there are valuable parts on it, a plane related object on that trolley, if it is somehow related to him being a part of camp council, test subjects, or retrieving Demencia. However, if it is somehow related to a plane, Dr. Flug will get it himself the quickest way possible clients be damned. If there are just valuable parts or test subjects and no plane, Dr. Flug will just send in the Hat Bots. If it involves him and somehow the camp, Dr. Flug will most likely try to use the situation as a learning opportunity for the kiddos on villainy thus ending up with everyone except Dr. Flug and the kids dead surrounded by mass destruction. If it involves Demencia retrieval then Dr. Flug will either send the Hat Bots or if needed go himself and drag her back by the hair if need be.
Demencia- Unless she is preoccupied with something else, this woman will cause the most destruction possible to everyone and by the end of it she would have most likely blown up both the trolley, the bridge, and eat any survivors and then move on the the surrounding populated areas to provide a gift for Black Hat unless she needed to report back to the manor.