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Jen doesn't know quite how she ended up like this.
One moment, she's at pres at Chantel's house, before they head out to the karaoke bar for Monica's hen do. She's decked out in a tutu, an oversized tshirt and a pair of those fuzzy pink ear boppers, in a traditional tacky night out fashion.
The next minute, she's a lot more drunk than she was beforehand, going so far as to wave at a man probably fifteen years older than her, after Liv points him out. He waves back and she giggles, surprised at herself, it's a little bit school-girly and she's so glad no one can hear her with all the noise.
He's cute, in a weird way. Kind eyes and a dad-bod that's really fucking in right now. Dressed like a businessman who accidentally got roped into being in this karaoke bar, and honestly, she's kind of into it.
The woman who was holding onto his shoulders to talk to him is suddenly in her ear, after she and Liv have pulled excited faces at each other about it. She's whispering in her ear and pointing at him.
"Him over there, that's Rog. Go on, go and talk to him!" Jen gets a little encouraging shove from Britney Spears Girl - as Jen is calling her mentally - and Liv.
Fuck it.
Jen walks over and boldly throws an arm across his shoulder, she's drunk enough and by his response, he is too. They're dancing together for ages, and she can't stop thinking about how fucking sweet he is. He's pretending fireworks are exploding off his shoulders or some shit on the 'fire away' bits in Titanium and in her drunken mind it's the cutest thing. This 'silver fox' (fuck does she hate that term) is singing along to all the words and she's having the best time ever.
At some stage in the night, she's thrown her boppers on his head and it does nothing to stop how cute he looks, jumping up and down and accepting and returning each of the hugs she keeps giving him.
They're both drunk, he's warm and he smells nice. They're downing shots together by the end of the night, and she can't stop giggling, which is fucking weird. Jen's never giggled at anyone she's found attractive, ever. Each time she does though, she's rewarded with a big, goofy smile and a little more confidence from the man, and she can't get enough of it.
Instead of carrying on out to the club with the girls, she ends up heading to the chippy with him. To be fair, Jen's never been one for clubbing, so they probably weren't expecting her to. After some frantic messages from Kim, Liv and Becca, she's assured them she'll ring or text if she needs saving from the situation.
She loves her girls, but they all worry way too much about her. She's giddy, and the world is spinning slightly, but she's sharing a portion of cheesy chips with the guy from the karaoke bar, sat near the river and she's genuinely happy for the first time in a long time.
After that, she doesn't remember much about the night. She wakes up in her flat though, with a body facing the other way beside her. Panicking, she looks down at herself under the sheets, and finds she's fully clothed in pyjamas and lets out a sigh of relief.
The body turns over, and it's the guy from last night. He opens his eyes blearily, blinking at her a couple of times before his face falls into an easy, quiet smile. By the looks of things, he's wearing some under shirt thing and his boxers, and she has the immediate instinct that nothing happened. Maybe a couple of kisses here and there, but nothing beyond that.
"Hiya."
"Hey," she smiles at him. "Rog, yeah?"
"Yeah, that's me. And you're Jenny?"
Her breath hitches in her throat, literally nobody calls her that, ever. She hated it as a kid, still hates it now. But there's something in the way he says it, quiet and sleepy still that makes her heart melt. It sounds okay when he says it.
"Yeah, you can call me that."
--
"Oh. My. God. Jen."
A couple of days later, she's out for coffee with Kim and Liv on her lunch break. She's been texting Rog pretty much non-stop, after he sheepishly left her flat about 3 hours after they woke up.
"Its not that bad is it? He's only 11 years older than me." Jen knows she looks young, but she is 34. There's way worse age gaps out there, and she doesn't even know if anything will actually come of this yet.
"No, not that!" Kim waves her arms about excitedly, "the fact he calls you Jenny! I read your texts over your shoulder earlier. You've never let me call you that and I've known you since we were 14!"
Jen sighs, "I don't know, there's something different when he does it. Don't ask, I can't figure it out either."
At that, her phone lights up with a notification, and she snatches it away from Kim as quickly as she can, because Kim wouldn't hesitate to read whatever it said out loud.
Rog :) (just when she thought he couldn't get any cuter, he'd typed his name in with a little emoticon, not an emoji)
Jenny, was wondering if you wanted to meet up later this week? Would be great to see you again x
Her heart flutters, fucking flutters and she's aware she's blushing right now because Kim damn near screams in a coffee shop.
---
Their first date goes surprisingly well. She's bricking it beforehand though, nervously staring out the window of the front room every two minutes. She wants to be ready, punctual and make a good impression, but maybe she did too much of that, considering she's ready about an hour and a half early.
She rings Kim to calm herself down, and that really does the trick. Kim laughs at her, tells her it'll be fine, and even if it isn't they can laugh about it afterwards. Everything feels okay again.
Rog pulls up outside and waves at her from the front of the car and she hurriedly grabs her stuff and runs out to join him, heart racing.
They go for a simple meal at an Italian place. Its nice, kind of quiet because it's a Tuesday night and she feels fucking amazing.
She's never had a date be so nice, kind and laid-back while also managing to keep a spark and a good amount of conversation going. The other thing she notices is that he never stops making her laugh, his eyes scanning across her face for a reaction and that makes hee feel warm inside. Rog is putting effort into this, but not too much.
They're both interested in the same sort of things, like TV shows and books and weirdly even music. Fucking Whitesnake. She can't help but roll her eyes at his enthusiasm, but it's nice to see this guy happy.
In the end, they're asked to leave the restaurant because they've been here that long. They're both entirely sober too, which sets Jen at ease. It wasn't just the alcohol, they have a genuine connection, things in common and if she's honest? The ability for this to go further.
He drops her off home with a smile, a hug and a simple kiss on the cheek and she feels fucking electric as she closes the door and slumps against it.
---
Everything moves fairly quickly after that.
A couple of months later, she's going out for coffee with Fran (formerly Britney Spears Girl) and Janet on Saturday mornings. She finds herself slowly picking up little bits of sign language, ordering books on Amazon and studying them.
She sits in bed practicing sign language. It's something she and Rog seem to have taken up together. He's confided a lot in her about that company and the relationship between members of staff there, and she's glad he's stepped away from it for a bit. There's the worrying question of Florida, but she doesn't feel like she can bring it up yet. Just enjoy the moments with him.
When they sit in bed at 2am and laugh about the similarities between different signs. The sign for the letter Z and cheese are similar, and to sleep-addled minds it feels fucking hilarious.
When they go and get fish and chips together, sitting near the river in silence, breathing in each others' company.
When he introduced her to Fran and Janet for the first time, and they take to going out as a group.
She adores both Fran and Janet, Fran's energy is completely captivating and gets her inspired to do certain things - like agree to going to see Whitesnake with Rog in June. Where Janet is such a calming influence and so down to earth. It works somehow, the two maintaining a weird kind of yin and yang.
Rog simply breathes it all in, and Jen can tell how much he loves them both. They're family to him, good people that have treated him well and looked after him after what happened with Mary.
Rog and Mary seem to be on good terms now, which is good enough for Jen. There's no need for bad blood after love has run its course. She wouldn't have met Rog without this all having happened either.
---
The best times are when they're at hers and her flatmate is out. They can sit in front of the telly and exchange little kisses, she can stroke her fingers through his hair and watch him doze off.
Why the fuck hadn't anyone told her how cute some guys are when they're asleep?
She's happy. She's so fucking happy now and she's got that one night at the karaoke bar and Chantel's inability to wait to thank for that.
As she throws her legs across Rog's lap, settles her head into the crook of his shoulder, she closes her eyes and taps out a rhythm on his chest.
Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on,
'cos I know what it means
to walk along the lonely street of dreams...