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It wasn’t the first time Elliot went to the house of Fianna. Actually, he had already lost count on the times he had visited the place, whether with Ernest or Claud or even with his father. Anytime some member of his family decided to check out the place, he was quick and effective to stick up onto them. It was almost a routine now, even though the visits to the old city of Sablier weren’t that frequent, after all. And, as it happened every time he came here, he shamelessly waved at his older brother and walked down the corridor to the usual place.
The library door was rather big and heavy. And closed, of course, as its only user liked to keep it. Despite that, Elliot didn’t hesitate opening it, but took a pick inside before entering, trying to avoid some unwanted or violent encounter (because he knew now too well that person’s true ferocious behavior when interrupted).
As he though, the place was quiet. And as he thought, the only person inside was sitting on the floor against a shell, knees bend and a think and apparently heavy book opened on his lap. Elliot carefully took a step inside the place. “Hey.” He greeted, flatly.
The boy at the floor slightly raised his head to take a peek at the newcomer through the long strands that covered his eyes. “You came. Again.” He said, simply, looking down at his book again.
“Guess I did.” The other answered, grimacing somehow impatiently. “And you seem as talkative as always, Leo.”
“I don’t have too much to say. Nothing really changed since the last time you came here. Also, I’m finishing this book, so if you wouldn’t mind to wait a bit…”
“It’s okay.” He said, simply, sitting down in front of the other. Having in account the few pages left for Leo to read and his natural high speed at doing so, Elliot thought ten minutes would do for him to finish. And he didn’t really mind to wait, since he had nothing else to do, and obviously knowing that any try of making Leo stop to pay him attention would give him a free ticket to some kind of pain, which he couldn’t really guess. Just the fact that Leo didn’t kick him off or simply ignored him was a considerable improvement having in mind the first time they met. “Haven’t you read that already?” He asked after some minutes, looking at the cover of the book and remembering it from a few months ago.
“Yeah. So?”
“Nothing. I was just asking.”
But looking around the library was kind of boring. It was a small library, at least compared to the Nightray’s one, and the view out of the big window was the same plain as always. So Elliot found himself staring at Leo. Leo was certainly one of those quiet guys people would tend to ignore. Elliot asked himself how he had even realized his little presence the first day he came to Fianna’s House, since the guy was so silent. But now that he knew of him, it was barely possible to ignore him. His simple way of standing still had turned into something out of Elliot’s understanding and incredibly fascinating in the weirdest of ways. Somehow, it wasn’t unpleasant at all to stare at that noiseless statue, because it seemed to breathe life despite all. The way his hands hold the books was always so delicate and humble, as if all of them were some kind of precious piece of art. That seemed particularity sweet to Elliot, the way Leo seemed to carefully treat those books, and yet it looked a bit nostalgic, because he had never seen the boy act half as gently with an actual person. Those dark strands didn’t always totally covered his face, letting Elliot take a glimpse of his eyes. And those eyes were big and hypnotizing, of a weird purple tone, but not quite purple, something super weirdo and inexplicable, like if a dozen of different dark light shined uninterruptedly on his iris. Even if Elliot had never straightly looked into them, because he had no courage to ask so, he really felt curious.
The blond boy was snapped out of his thoughts by a voice. “Do you want a picture?”
“H-Hum?” Elliot, mumbled, shaking his head in surprise.
Leo faintly looked up. “What the hell are you staring at? Do I have something on my face?”
“N-No. Not that I see at least.”
“Great.” Leo finished, and shut up.
After a quick look at the old ceiling, he talked again. “So.. what is that story about?”
Leo looked up at the boy, mistrusting, as if not sure if he was being ironic or not. He must have realized the serious expression on Elliot’s face, because he lowered his head and talked. “It is the story of a girl, a young princess of a really messed up country that was cursed.”
“Yeah? Why was she cursed?” Elliot asked, genuinely interested, one arm over his high knee, while the other leg was stretched against the floor, in a casual pose.
“Well, because she fell in love.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, the man wasn’t a noble, so her parents didn’t approve. So she went to look for somebody who would help her convince them. She ended up meeting a powerful witch.”
“And… did the witch help her somehow?”
“Yeah… kind of…”
“How that?”
“Well, she told the princess that she couldn’t make her parents change their minds, but that she could give her the power to make them stop going against her.”
“And… did it work?”
“Well… It worked…” Looking at Elliot’s waiting face, he went on. “The witch threw a curse at her. When she got home, she went to her father to talk to him. He still didn’t agree, and the princess thought it strange and when she was about to stop the king from leaving the room, when she touched his arm, he died. She started to panic and ran to her mother, but the moment she hugged her, the woman died too. Just then the princess realized: the curse the witch had threw her was that simple. Everybody she touched would only die. That way, the princess was forbidden of any kind of relationship, and so she could never see her lover again.”
“Wow… that’s kinda… sad?”
“Yeah. It is.” Leo agreed.
“And… that’s it? That’s the whole story? How does it end?”
“Well… after many years alone in her room, the princess got mad. So she ran away, touching everybody she could find, killing all of them the same way. “If I can’t be happy, then none of you can”, or something like that. Until she finally found her lover, lost a long time ago, realizing she was still in love with him. The man tried to make her stop, told her he would forgive her every crime because he deeply loved her.”
“And so? Did she believe it?”
“Yeah. She did. And so she kissed him.”
“She what?!” Elliot shouted. “But… wouldn’t he die if he touched her?”
“Yeah. He died.” Leo clarifies. “She realized that even if he could forgive her everything, she would never be able to forgive herself, and so she couldn’t live with him in happiness, because she didn’t deserve it. So the princess spent the rest of her live wandering on the forests, crying over the life she left behind and wishing the love she would never again have.”
Elliot stood in silence for a soft bit, thoughtful. “Uau… That was pretty unexpected… and depressing.”
“I agree with you this time.”
The blond Nightray raised an eyebrow at Leo. “Do you actually like such a book?”
“Yeah. It’s pretty good, actually.”
“How can that be? It so... sad, damn it! Why would somebody read it?!”
“Well, not all the stories can have a happy ending. This particular book is a great reminder of such.”
“And why would I want to remember that? Isn’t that why we read? To actually believe there are some happy endings?”
“It is.” Leo nodded. “That’s exactly the reason why I keep reading this book. Because when you spend too much time sitting here, like me, and wandering around so many happy stories, you tend to forget how it works outside, in real life. You tend to start believing that the good stuff you read about can actually apply out there. This is my way to avoid such dreamful thoughts.”
Elliot felt some nostalgia on Leo’s voice, despite the expressionless manner of the other. “But… Why would you want to avoid happy thoughts…?”
Leo dramatically closed his book and sighed. “You ask too many questions, have I already told you that?”
“C’mon!” Elliot shouts, watching Leo standing up and walking to a shelf to put the book there. “Is it a bad thing to believe in happiness in real life?” He stood up. “Will you tell me?”
Leo sighed once again before turning to Elliot. “It is not, okay? For some people… In the other hand, this protagonist… reminds me of myself…” He added, turning away.
“What do you mean?” Insisted the Nightray.
“Look, I feel… tired, okay? Just let me be for an instant…”
“Wait!”
Leo turned in surprise when he felt his forearms being gripped and turned to face the blond guy that stared at him with a serious face. They stood there for a moment, away from each other, but still too close, in the silence the space provided, broke only by their light breath. Elliot soon realized the boldness of his unconscious movement and stepped back, letting go of the other. “Hum… I’m… sorry.” He whispered, looking down, somehow embarrassed.
In a normal situation, Leo would have probably kicked the kid right there but he was somehow calm this time. “I’s.. okay… Kinda.” He said. The truth is that Elliot’s insistence was making him a bit dizzy. He didn’t want to give him an answer, it would expose too much of himself, and so he just wanted to go away and be on his own again. “Bye.”
“Wait, Leo!” Elliot called once again. “D-Don’t go already! We… hum… we were in the middle of… a talk, perhaps…?”
Leo looked back. “The talk is over, asshole. Now bye.”
At this, Elliot felt the rage inside of him start to grow. That filthy little bastard kept treating him like scum, after all, no matter what he did. It was frustrating. “Okay then. Bye.” He said, as he turned around, angry.
Leo stared at him for a moment as the other boy looked at the shelves, trying to hide his rage with a kind of concentration. Ridiculous, he thought. “What the hell are you doing?”
“What does it matter to you, anyway? Leave already, since you were so anxious to do so..” He said as he steps the ladder present at his side.
“I won’t leave until you tell me what the hell you’re doing in my library. I don’t fully trust you…”
“Well, I’m looking for a damn book!” Elliot screamed, looking down at Leo, even though he didn’t really know what or why he was looking for, but too angry to tell it. “Is that forbidden or what?!”
“Well, not forbidden, but…” When he saw Elliot ready t take another step up, he suddenly remembered something and wide opened his eyes in panic. “Elliot, don’t move!”
“What now?!” The other shouted back, but took the step anyway. There was eventually a reason for Leo to warn him, and he only realized it when the wood under his foot cracked with a loud sound and made his loose his balance.
He had no time to move or scream, just t wide open his eyes in surprise while freefalling towards the wooden floor of the library. In the ecstasy of the moment, he just saw the shelving waving and a felt a few hardcover book hitting him on the stomach and face.
When everything went silent again, he just lowly moaned as he opened his eyes to look around. And, to his surprise, he wasn’t fully smashed onto the floor. He looked down and the panic hit him when he saw Leo under himself. “Oh, fuck it!” He mumbled, lifting his right arm that had hit Leo’s face right in the middle. “Damn it, Leo! Are you alive?!”
The boy slowly opened his eyes, partially hidden by his hair, as usual. “Ah…” He complained, rubbing his head, while trying to sit up. “I… Somehow… I guess…”
Elliot felt a sudden wave of guilt crashing him when Leo finally sat, blood running from his nose. “Damn, Leo! You’re hurt!” He screamed, as if he was angry at the boy and instinctively sat over the other's lap, lifting his arm to reach Leo’s nose, using his other to pull back his head.
Leo instinctively held the Nightray boy’s arm against his nose. “What the hell are you doing, you freak? Get off me!”
“You’re bleeding, moron!” Elliot shouted back. “Stop moving!”
Leo was rather surprised by the other guy’s persistence and stopped resisting. “What the…”
“I hit your nose! Stupid, why were you behind me?! What the hell is wrong with that ladder?!”
“The ladder is broken! I tried to warn you, scumbag! You were the one who didn’t listen to me! And I didn’t make it on purpose to stand behind you! It was an unconscious movement!”
Elliot’s rage seemed to fade for a second as he stared into Leo’s eyes. “You mean… You ran to catch me?”
Elliot thought for a moment to see Leo blush, but he wasn’t sure if it wasn’t just due to his injury. “I told you it was in an impulse! I didn’t think!”
The Nightray felt that guilty wave crashing him once again as he held Leo’s head up, in order to stop the blood flood. “I… You should be more careful!”
“What the hell are you talking about?! You were the one who crashed my nose!”
“Ah, yeah… I’m sorry for that. But it was you the culprit in first place!”
“Me?! How is that?!”
“Well, you refused to answer and then you walked away!”
“Oh, so you were angry, yes? How can your short fuse be my fault?!”
“Know what?” Elliot asked, watching his sleeve getting soaked in blood. “Shut the hell up! Do you want to bleed to death?!”
“It’s a nosebleed! It’s not a broken rib, or something! It’s eventually not mortal.”
“Shut. Up! You’re making it worse!”
This time, Leo gave in and stood quite. He was ashamed and in an embarrassing situation, with Elliot sat over him, but he couldn’t make him move away. The genuine worry on the blond boy’s eyes didn’t let him. This time, Leo was the one feeling somehow guilty, but he would never admit such a thing. “You’re hurt too…” He mumbled against Elliot’s sleeve, realizing a slight cut on the guy’s forehead.
“Hum?” Elliot asked, confused.
“A cut. In your forehead.”
“Oh… Well, it must have been a book that hit me. Never mind.”
Leo wanted to protest, but he didn’t find the courage to do so. He just tightened his fingers around Elliot’s arm searching for some comfort and, looking away, he talked. “Because an illusion causes only pain.”
Elliot asked himself if he had imagined those words. “What?”
“That’s the answer to your stupid question. Yes: it is a bad thing to believe in happiness in real life. At least it is for people who will never find it, anyway. Because illusion is just another way to get ourselves hurt. That’s why I keep reading that book, keep remind myself that sad endings exist and that they are the reality outside. Because if I started believing I could find something good if I went out… I would definitely feel tempted to do so. And then I would get hurt, realizing everything was nothing but an illusion. That’s it. Are you satisfied, now?”
Elliot stood silent, because he had no idea what to answer. He felt sad and even guiltier now, not only because of the fact he almost killed Leo, but also because he made him arouse such miserable feelings inside. He slowly took away his arm from Leo’s nose. “I-It seems… like the bleeding is stopping…”
Leo quickly got out of Elliot’s grip and Elliot quickly took a step back and sat down on the floor. Books were all around them, broken wood as well. Everything was a mess, the space… and themselves. “T-Thank you…” Leo ended up mumbling, cleaning the blood from his nose.
“I-I am the one who needs to thank you. For… you know, trying to help, and stuff. Even though it didn’t work out that well.”
“Hum.” Leo answered and then stood up. Elliot did the same.
Suddenly, Elliot remembered to look at his watch. “Damn, I… I need to go, now. It’s time…”
“Hum.” Leo said, starting to pick up the books. “Goodbye, then.”
“Yeah… Goodbye.” It took him some effort to turn around, but then he remembered something and looked at Leo one again. “Leo?”
“What?”
“You… didn’t explain the other thing you said.”
“W-What thing…?”
“You said the main character of that book, the cursed princess, reminded you of yourself. Why’s that…?”
Leo hesitated a bit, but decided to answer, anyway. He had nothing to lose. “There was no way she could have a happy ending. She was cursed; she could only bring harm to those around her. That’s why she kept herself locked up for so long. Because… she couldn’t help but hurt the ones she loved.”
Elliot felt his heart tightened. He couldn’t explain the overwhelming pity and sadness taking over him, he couldn’t comprehend that feeling of loss he felt while hearing Leo talking so desolately. “You know… maybe the princess didn’t need to stay away.”
Leo looked up this time, confused. “What?”
“Maybe she just needed someone to show her the right way, to offer her an option. Maybe things didn’t need to go so wrong, you know? Perhaps… if she had let her lover stay by her side during all that time, even if it was hard, they could have found a way out of that curse together. That’s what I think.”
Leo couldn’t help but find that short speech kind of funny. But, as he giggled, he couldn’t keep away tears from reaching his eyes. “Maybe… Maybe you’re right…”
“I am!” Elliot affirmed and when Leo stared at him, the boy’s smile was bright and confident enough to make him shiver. “Now I do have to go, ‘kay? I’ll come back sooner or later! Until next time!” He screamed while he ran to the door, waving.
Leo stood in his place, dumbfounded, but then he also smiled. “Goodbye…” He whispered, not sure if Elliot would hear him.
And, before leaving, Elliot stopped at the door and pointed at Leo. “And happy endings do exist in real life!” He shouted. “I will prove it to you, someday! Just you wait!”