Work Text:
The silence between them was a little awkward at first, a little tense. All Riku could think about was getting back out there, continuing to search every inch of the universe, every nook and cranny of every galaxy he could access. How could he possibly spend a single day not doing anything when Sora was out there?
One day could be one day too many. Sora could fall permanently in that one day. If he...if he died, the one day he wasn’t looking—or if this one day was the one chance he would get to find him, and he passed it up by taking the day off....Riku didn’t want to think about it, but it’s all he could focus on.
—
It was still early in the day, Naminé had come to him that morning, asking if he’d like to spend a little time with her, take his mind off of his worries just briefly enough to catch his breathe.
She didn’t mention how tired he looked, how sickly and pale he’d been looking recently.
“If you wear yourself out, Riku, you won’t have the energy to find him.”
Her words were soft, delicate and careful as always. Naminé was perceptive, she could almost read the pain in his heart like it was the open pages of her sketchbook.
But every time she came close to understanding, the book would close, and she’d be left staring at its worn out cover.
“I can’t.”
Rikus answer was simple, short and concise. Almost frantic if one were to squint.
“I have to keep searching, I—any moment wasted is another moment he’s alone, in danger, maybe worse. How can I just sit back and do nothing?”
His voice raised an octave, his breath catching in his throat—lungs threatening to collapse with every racing thought he had. So close—he was so close to spilling everything, but he’d bite his tongue, take in a breath, and quickly apologize for his tone.
He couldn’t let anyone know. He’d take this secret with him to his grave if he had to.
It was embarrassing, Riku thought. Laughable. Wrong . He couldn’t let a single soul find out.
I’m in love with sora.
Every waking moment was plagued by this thought. He’d known for a while, he’d dared to have hope, but that was all for naught, he was sure.
It hurt to admit, even if it were only to himself—Sora and Kairi were happy, weren’t they? What right did he have, to make them feel bad over feelings he didn’t deserve to have?
Each passing day—each passing moment, a little piece of his heart was chipped away, and there was no one he could turn to.
Kairi was asleep, having her heart searched for Sora—she thinks there’s a clue there.
It hurt Riku, but he wouldn’t speak it out loud.
Almost a year had passed and no progress had been made—He wished she’d spoken to him about it first, talked to him—stayed by his side instead. They were supposed to be friends, weren’t they?
It was beginning to feel like that wasn’t true, either.
Maybe it was his fault.
A gentle hand on his arm broke him from his winding thoughts, and he let out a breath. Shifting his gaze down towards Naminé, he could see her worried expression.
Perhaps he’d been a little on the defensive side.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, it’s been a rough few months—“
“I should get back to the ship, I have more worlds to search.”
It was then that Naminé let out a sigh at Rikus words, gentle fingers grasping at his forearm with a little more weight.
“Please,” her tone grew a little more serious, which was rare for her gentle attitude, “please just take a few hours to relax.”
The worry in her voice made the cracks in his heart spread a little further. He was hurting others.
His green eyes, tired and weathered, cast downwards, studying the faded bricks of the Radiant Garden plaza.
His throat felt as if it were trying to close on him, but after a few moments he was able to force the words out.
“Alright. But...only for a couple hours at most.”
Naminés eyes had lit up with his response, relief flooding her whole being, and that gentle smile of hers returned.
“Come on then, follow me!”
Keeping a hold on his arm, Naminé guided him across Radiant Garden and to the small place in which she had been staying. The outside was decorated with an almost endless amount of different flowers—some were blue, some were green, some were purple or yellow—you name it, and Naminé probably had it.
For a brief moment, Rikus thoughts drifted from the waves of self loathing he felt, to the sight of the pretty flowers. They reminded him of Sora.
“Did you plant these yourself?”
The edge in his voice had vacated for the time being, replaced by a quiet, almost youthful insecurity and curiosity.
“Most of them, Xion helped with some, though I don’t think she has a very green thumb.”
The sound of her light laughter caught Riku off guard, and he peered at her wondrously. Laughter. It sounded almost foreign to him, but the corners of his lips turned up, just the slightest bit.
“Is that so? You’ll just have to teach her then, I’m sure she would enjoy it. Sora’s tried his hand at gardening before, but he had the same problem.”
The life had nearly returned to his voice as he spoke of the missing boy.
“Whatever the opposite of a green thumb is, he definitely has that. Couldn’t even keep a succulent alive, you know that? They’re practically the easiest plant to care for!”
An exasperated sigh left his lips as they entered Naminés new home.
“What’ll I do with him?”
There was almost a smile to his voice, but the anxiety, the panic, it flooded back just as fast.
He’s gone.
“I didn’t know you were that enthusiastic about plants! Do you like to garden as well, Riku?”
As it had done before, Naminés calming voice broke through his thoughts, and he blinked with confusion. He supposed he did enjoy plants...flowers and other types of nature. It soothed him.
“I...I guess you could say that. I haven’t tended to anything for a long while, but I used to enjoy it.”
Perhaps spending some time with a friend would be a good thing...he was already feeling a little distracted, but still. His whole being, his core, his bones ached with a need to be out there looking.
Another small splinter formed in his heart.
Having spent a few minutes deciding what they would have to drink and eat, a simple cup of tea and some homemade cookies were chosen, and, like a couple of gossiping teens, they settled cross legged on Naminés bed.
“I’m glad you agreed, Riku. You can’t keep pushing yourself so hard….” a nervousness pervaded her voice, almost unsure whether she could even make eye contact with him, “you look so worn out…”
“What else am I supposed to do? He could be dead for all we know.”
Maybe his choice of words were a little blunt, his tone a little harsh, but it was so hard to keep himself positive. So hard not to give in and just, be angry.
As a silence settled over them, Naminé sipped her tea with a grace all her own—but there was a tenseness in the air. And Naminé was struggling to read what it was.
Peeking up from her cup, she tried to get a grasp for what Riku was feeling, for what she could say to ease his worries...but the book was closed right now, a lock binding its pages shut tight, and she couldn’t find the key.
There was more to his worry than simply wanting to find Sora, that much she could tell. Maybe…maybe if she could get him to ease up and relax, then she could find a way to help.
“Say...Riku,” her voice began in a curious tone, eyelashes fluttering lightly as a small smile crept its way onto her lips, “would you...let me paint your nails?”
It was the perfect idea, Naminé thought triumphantly. There was no way you could remain stressed if someone was doing your nails, and plus, it would look nice!
It was a very good plan indeed. She gave herself a mental pat on the back as she watched Rikus expression shift from serious to confused, his head tilting like that of a puppy.
“You want to paint my nails?”
It wasn’t a request he’d been expecting...but the idea didn’t particularly bother him.
“I guess that would be alright, are you sure though? It may get ruined when I fight.”
“Don’t worry about that Riku—no more worrying today! You’re here to relax and have some fun, alright? Just take it easy.”
Clapping her hands together as to solidify her statement, Naminés smile beamed, and Rikus flustered befuddlement only pleased her more.
This would be good for him, she was sure.
“I know it’s been tough on you lately, but just trust me today, you need this.”
Letting a small sigh slip from his lips, Riku seemed to deflate some, his shoulders relaxing and the stressed tension easing from his face.
“Just for today. I...I really do need to be searching, but I’ll try and relax for today.”
It was difficult to smile, he felt so worn out, but he did his best, and that seemed to be enough.
“Now then, would you like to pick a colour? I’ll do mine purple. You could even paint them for me!”
Naminé grinned practically ear to ear as she excitedly pointed Riku in the direction of her nail polish collection.
Standing up from the bed with what energy he could muster, Riku rubbed at the back of his neck a bit sheepishly. This felt so foreign to him, taking it easy. Giving a small shake of his head, he moved his way towards a small shelf near the bathroom—it was stacked neatly with several dozen different colours—though some of them looked the same to him, they all had different names. Very strange names. He leant forwards to get a closer look at a few of them, picking one up, examining it, and putting it back. This process repeated a few times—if he were to get his nails done, he should at least choose a good colour.
Naminé watched from her bed as he did so, quietly and thoughtfully observing his behaviour and filing each and every little nuance away in her mind. Riku was a curious guy, and she found him more interesting each time they spoke. She would learn piece by piece who he was behind his facade, and maybe then she could learn how to help him.
Xion was the same way, for a while. Quiet, reserved, curious. Naminé wanted nothing more than to understand her...sometimes she found herself sketching Xion in her book—with her cute, short hair, and her cool style. The way she developed freckles when she sat in the sun for too long...the way she looked good no matter what. For some reason,anytime she drew Xion, her face would feel all too warm. How strange.
Getting lost in her daydreams of Xion, Naminé lost track of just how long Riku was spending looking at all the colours.
It had to be the perfect one—or perhaps he was procrastinating. He chewed at the corner of his lip while reading each label, almost as if he were searching for something specific, and yet, not knowing what he was searching for at the same time.
Looking over a shade of red, a small smile grew on Rikus lips and he nodded to himself. The colour, and the name, they were perfect, albeit a little cheesy.
Sunkissed Sky it was called. It was his colour.
The sky at dawn, a brilliant shade of red, just like the brilliant boy it reminded him of. He held the bottle close in his hand and relished in the moment of happier thoughts.
The bright smile he saw in his mind made the cracks in his heart tremble and grow deeper, the shards threatening to puncture through his chest. His hands were shaking as he clutched the bottle.
Did he even have the right to long for that smile? To feel the warmth of Soras heart align with his? Their hearts were in tune...they sang together, but what did that mean, really? He wasn’t the one, that was obvious to him. Why taunt him with such connections if it were all untrue?
The phantom sensation of Soras arms being thrown around his neck in an excited hug shook him to his core, and with each passing thought, he felt more of himself crumble. He couldn’t dare to hope, not after everything he’s seen. And yet, the pounding of his broken heart refused to be dismissed. He couldn’t give up, he couldn’t leave Sora—he couldn’t let him go, no matter how selfish he felt that was.
I miss you. The thought played over and over in his mind, like a broken record at the end of the world. Tears threatened to spill from the corners of his emerald eyes, but he couldn’t let them. He couldn’t let anyone see how he was really feeling.
Taking a breath in, Riku spent less time picking out a purple for Naminé, but was sure to still find something nice for his friend. Turning on his heels and moving back to sit on the bed with her, he quietly held out the bottles of colour, hoping the slight tremble in his fingers wouldn’t be noticeable.
“Oh!” Naminé exclaimed with glee at the options presented to her, a thought crossing her mind.
“Is there a particular reason you chose red? That’s not a colour I’ve ever seen you wear, not that it’s wrong or anything, just an interesting choice.” She gave her head a small tilt, curiosity heavy in her question. She had a suspicion, but she wanted Riku to express it himself.
“It reminds me of Sora.” The words fell from his mouth before he could even think them over, “red is his colour…”
A hint of pink grew on his cheeks, and he couldn’t help but to avert his gaze.
“It felt right.”
That didn’t help the heat rising to his face.
The answer came more bluntly than she expected, but maybe that was a good sign. It helped her fill in the pieces of the puzzle she was putting together in her mind.
Looking at how Riku averted his gaze, it felt as if everything had slid into place. She knew what was going on.
“Ah!”
She was practically beaming, but Riku didn’t share the enthusiasm.
“What’s up?” Trying to settle himself back down, he gave her his attention, brows raised in question.
“Never mind, it’s nothing! Not important!”
“Uh huh…sure, sure.” Riku heaved a sigh. It’s always something, but what could she have meant? Before he could continue that thought though, his right hand was taken in Naminés as she quickly but quietly began her work on the nail painting process. His hands were surprisingly delicate for how calloused and battle worn they were. Almost like him. He was worn down and beat up, but still such a softie at heart.
A more comfortable silence fell over them this time, until Riku spoke up, providing his own question.
“Is there a reason you chose purple?”
“I just think it’s pretty.”
“Is that all?”
Riku quirked a curious brow towards Naminé at her simple answer. For someone who could speak about the meanings of colours for hours, there must have been more to it.
“Ah,” She scratched at her cheek lightly—a bit nervous all of a sudden, “it’s a little embarrassing...but Xion said it would look nice on me, so I thought I’d try it.”
There was a tint of pink to her cheeks as she gave a sheepish laugh.
She couldn’t help herself though, if Xion thought it would look pretty...of course she’d try. Did Xion think she was cute? Naminé hoped so...
“You’re blushing, Naminé.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
Rikus tone grew a little playful as Naminé tried to distract herself by grabbing a few little tools—first she’d file his nails, then treat his cuticles, and then she’d paint them. Why not treat him?
“Denying it only proves you were....do I detect a crush?”
Honestly, he felt he could laugh right now—not to be mean, but in a knowing, understanding way.
“A crush? Don’t be silly! She’s far too cool for someone like me.”
The red on her face only increased, slowly spreading to her ears and down her neck. Riku couldn’t blame her, really—this whole being a full person thing is still new to her, and letting herself have nice things...she still struggled sometimes, believing she didn’t deserve them. Riku often felt a similar way—maybe that’s why they got along so well. They think quite alike, surprisingly.
In a way, though, Riku was jealous. It was obvious that Xion had the same sort of crush on Naminé, but Naminé didn’t realize that it was mutual. For him...with Sora...it was hard to tell. He’d resigned himself to believing he was wrong, that he didn’t deserve him—that he didn’t feel the same. Sometimes when he thought about the smile Sora gave to him all the time, his heart flutters and he feels so sure...and then he thinks a little more, and he’s not as sure. It weighs him down so much, but he won’t put that burden on anyone.
“I wouldn’t worry so much,” Riku gave a soft, almost somber smile to his friend as he sat relaxed on the bed with her, focused on the way she treated his nails, “I’ve seen the way Xion talks about you, how she acts around you—it’s pretty obvious, she’s got the same sort of crush on you. Probably thinks the same thing you do....why not talk to her about it sometime? Maybe draw her a cute picture?”
Here he was, offering out advice when he could barely stand on his own from the weight in his heart.
Her work on his hands paused, and Naminé looked up at him with a start—surprise in her sparkling blue eyes.
“A—A crush? On me?” Pointing the nail file in her hand towards herself, she seemed to not process what he said right away.
“That can’t be true! That would be too good to be true! She’s so pretty, so cool and strong...and all I do is care for plants and draw...”
A huff escaped her, followed by a pout as she returned to filing the last few nails.
“You’re creative,” Riku affirmed, his soft smile remaining, “and you have a powerful gift all your own. Just talk to her, I’m sure you’ll see what I mean.”
“If...if you’re sure. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try, at least. But what if it doesn’t go well?”
There was a hint of fear in her voice, but Riku shook his head.
“It’ll go fine, trust me. You two are perfect for each other.”
Sighing softly, she gave up her side of the argument and nodded. A thought crossed her mind however, and she shifted her attention to him.
“Can I ask you something in return for, all that?”
Her brows were raised in curiosity, and she set down her file, completely focused on the friend in front of her.
“Sure I suppose, shoot.”
“Do you have feelings for Sora?”
“Well yeah, he’s my best—“
“More than that, Riku.”
To him, the implication in her question—in her statement, made it felt like all the air had been sucked from the room suddenly, and he couldn’t breathe. His mind raced and swirled and tumbled without any grasp of a direction. She knew. She knew? Did anyone else know? His deepest, darkest secret. Riku could barely see Naminé in front of him, his nerves making his vision white.
“Hey, hey—“ Naminés voice broke through his panic, and her hand on his wrist once again brought him back to reality and helped him breathe.
“It’s okay. Riku, it’s okay. I know...you love him, don’t you?”
Her voice was as gentle as could be, almost as if he’d crumble into pieces if she said even a syllable wrong.
With a deep, shaking breath, Riku tried to steady himself—tried to force his voice to work.
“I...yeah, I do. I...” biting on his tongue, he tried to hold his words back, “I love him, more than anything in the world, in any world. I have to find him—I have to make sure he’s safe. I’ll search every inch of the universe if I have to.”
Carefully, Naminé rubbed her thumb against his wrist in a soothing motion before taking his hand back to begin painting his nails at last.
“You’ll find him, I know you will.”
She smiled at him, calm and reassuring.
Despite the kind words, Riku didn’t seem anymore at ease after the panic that had consumed him once again, and Naminé worried.
“Is there something more bothering you?”
“I don’t deserve it. I...” deep breath. Riku had to breathe, keep himself from panicking once again.
“I don’t deserve to love him this much...when he’s already made up his mind. It’s not me he loves.”
Saying those words out loud—it hurt him more than he thought they could. He’d said them internally over and over...but out loud? It felt so real.
He refused to cry. But he was shaking.
“You know, Riku, you should listen to your own advice, sometimes.”
She spoke with understanding still—with care.
Setting one hand aside so she could start on the other, Riku looked at her, not understanding.
“Have you considered that perhaps you’re wrong?”
“All the time.“
“No no, not what I mean. About him not loving you—about his choice.”
He was quiet for a moment, rolling her words around in his tired brain.
“What do you mean?” Although he was intrigued, he held little belief. Why dare to hope?
“Sora, he...you know he cares a great deal about you, Riku. More than you believe. I’ve been inside his memories, numerous times. I can tell you, without a doubt, his memories of you—his feelings for you—are the strongest, truest ones in there.”
The boy in front of her—it was as if every gear in his body froze, jammed by the words he heard.
“Do you...do you mean...he and Kairi...they’re not...?”
Forming his words into a full coherent sentence was suddenly very difficult, and his mind was failing at keeping up.
“No, they’re just friends, Riku. Like you and I, and everyone else. Nothing more.”
His heart was shaking—trembling, the cracks throughout it threatening to burst and shatter its pieces everywhere. He wasn’t sure whether to cry—or whether to kick himself, or...whether to even believe or not.
A sigh escaped Naminés pursed lips, and she shook her head. He clearly was in worse condition than she’d originally thought—thankfully, she was done with his nails for now.
“Come here.”
She moved her things aside and patted the space on her lap. He needed to relax.
“What?”
“Come here and lay down, silly.”
She patted her lap a few more times until Riku seemed to finally get the idea. Carefully he’d move over and lay himself on his back, head on her knees as he let his hands rest on his chest while his nails dried.
Riku seemed tense still, and a little nervous, but with all the gentleness she could, she began to stroke his hair.
“Relax, I do this for Xion when she feels overwhelmed too. It always calms her down, so maybe it’ll do the same for you, worrywart.”
She hummed playfully, poking a finger lightly at his forehead before returning to combing his silver hair with her fingers.
“Thank you...” Riku's voice was weak almost, barely audible as he lay there, letting his eyes shut. It did feel nice.
Playing Naminés words over in his mind, he tried to think more—tried to view it without the weight of his fear.
Did Sora really feel the same way? Could he feel the same? Would the universe allow it? Thoughts darted back and forth in his mind, and he tried to sift through them all.
If he let himself believe...Maybe, just maybe he’d have a chance. Maybe his feelings weren’t so wrong.
Sora was his whole world, his precious sky—what if he messes it up? What if he’s messed it up already?
Hush . He told himself, letting out a breath to calm his rampant nerves.
“Naminé...?” Riku spoke up just faintly, staring tiredly at the ceiling which had flowers painted all over it in a rainbow of colours.
“Yes?” Her voice was ever so soft, and she smiled—continuing to gently card her fingers through his messy hair.
“You said you’d seen his memories...can you tell me—how long has Sora felt that way towards me? If...if what you said was true.”
Taking in a deep breath, Naminé hummed thoughtfully once more, twirling a lock of silver hair around her finger absentmindedly.
“It’s a little complicated. Looking at it from an outside perspective, it’s been a long time, since you were children...but, Sora wasn’t aware of what those feelings meant until recently. You’ve been by his side for as long as he can remember, a universal constant, and he’s loved you dearly since the very beginning.”
Taking a moment to think over everything she’s seen in the boys memories, Naminé smiled. In a way, seeing how Sora’s love evolved through his memories, was something sweeter than any cake.
“The problem is though…” She pondered, looking up at the ceiling briefly, “Sora has felt this way for so long that he believed it was natural—that of course he felt like that, you’re his best friend. He didn’t realize just what those strong feelings were—in his memories, you’re strong, cool, charismatic and the centrepiece to his world...but, it’s only begun to click recently...that he loves you as more than a best friend.”
Hearing these words struck something within Riku, an emotion so strong he wasn’t sure if it was going to break him or put him back together—but...inside, the light of another, the light of Sora, was slowly mending the pieces of Riku's heart. It would take a while...and it wouldn’t be complete until he was reunited with him, but Riku felt at peace, for the first time since his light disappeared.
“He really thinks of me like that?”
Riku’s question was followed by a gentle laugh, something so peaceful and pure, it almost felt like it wasn’t his.
“He does, you’re at the front of his mind, always.”
Naminé couldn’t help but to smile, glancing back down at the boy resting on her lap, stroking his hair softly and soothingly. She was glad she could help him relax...seeing him so worn out, it was like he was wearing himself thin—like there’d be nothing left of him soon. It was frightening really. But, here he was now, resting, smiling—almost falling asleep. She giggled a little at that.
“He’s...he’s always on my mind too. Always in my thoughts, the reason I do anything. He’s the single most precious person to me...ever since we were little I...I wanted to be with him no matter what, but I thought...I thought he’d moved on, cared about others more, loved someone else. I pushed him away because of that, I was wrong, wasn’t I? I just...I love him and—and I...I need to find him...bring him home.”
Riku had started mumbling, just a little bit, as he grew tired, unable to keep his eyes open for much longer. He wished he could keep going, talk about Sora for hours—to get back out there and search . But he was tired. So tired...he felt as if he couldn’t even lift his head. Instead, he lay there as his hair was gently played with, and with thoughts of Sora flooding his mind, a few tears rolled down his cheek.
“I’ll find him...won’t I?”
“Of course you will...nothing will keep you two apart.”
Naminé had answered, but Riku was already drifting off, his breathing slowing and settling into a gentle rhythm.
“Sleep well, Riku.”
She spoke her words softly, watching him with care. Inwardly, she laughed a little. Perhaps he could paint her nails another day, for now though, it’s alright if he just rests.
A sound caught her attention not long after, and she glanced up to find Xion had returned home. She must have had a busy day.
Quickly though, she gave the don’t make a sound please notion, and gestured to the sleeping beauty on her lap.
Peeking across from the bedroom door, Xion covered her mouth in a gentle laugh, and, maybe it was the talk of love in the air, but to Naminé, Xions laugh was the most beautiful thing in the world.
“Busy day?”
Xion joked, and Naminé gave a simple sigh.
“Very.”
A warmth spread over both their cheeks as they exchanged smiles—Naminé saw it this time, the love in Xions eyes, and for now...everything felt just right. They were people now, free to love as they wish.
—
In Rikus slumber, he once again dreamt of the city full of tall, looming buildings adorned with bright neon lights, his search for Sora continuing even when he lay resting. It was hard to tell recently though, whether his dreams were shifting into nightmares or if something more was going on. He felt watched. He felt spied on.
When he regained his bearings, took in the familiar surroundings, he stood in the empty crossroads.
Silence.
Everything was so quiet—the neon lights burned his eyes through the dark of the endless night. Rubbing at them with the back of his glove quickly, he wasted no time in running. There was no particular direction in mind, he just had to run—had to look everywhere he could while he had the time...but something was different this time.
The feeling of being watched was stronger, and the clouds in the sky looked darker.
The sigil on his back felt red hot.