Chapter Text
When Steve first woke up, he thought he could never find joy again. Not when his world was divided into the befores and afters. Before the war, when he might have had nothing, but he had Bucky. It was Bucky who picked up a pair of rusty kitchen scissors shortly after Steve came out.
He cut Steve's hair when and helped him fashion clothes from his father's closet. They laid on their bellies and chose Steve's name together. Bucky always understood Steve, saw him as the man he was always meant to be.They got married when Steve was eighteen and Bucky was nineteen. They moved away from their childhood neighborhood to make sure Steve could be himself.
Their life was hard, dealing with hunger, illness, and struggle. But it was their life, butterfly kisses, dancing in the moon light and making love under the stars. Then the war came, and Bucky received a letter calling him to fight a war thousands of miles away.
Meeting Dr. Erskine changed Steve's life, giving him the body that matched who he always saw himself to be. He rescued Bucky from the jaws of hell, and for a short while, they were reunited.War was ugly, it warped them, blood, loss, and death. But Steve had Bucky, and Bucky had Steve, for a time it was enough. There are afters Steve would rather forget. The aftermath of losing Bucky was earth shattering. A part of himself died that day, and then he put the plane into the icy waters of the Atlantic ocean.
In some horrific turn of events, Steve didn't die in a watery grave. No, it turns out he is much harder to kill. Waking up in a world without Bucky and everyone he loved./p>
Living is much worse a punishment for the mortal sin of trying to kill himself. You might say Steve and his childhood Catholicism remain at odds with each other to this day. Guilt. shame, and trauma penetrate every aspect of part of his waking hours.
He finds out the war he gave his blood, sweat and tears is meaningless. Nick Fury and SHIELD don't leave the tesseract in the bottom of the ocean where it belongs. If the world hadn't been in grave danger, Steve might've walked away together.
The battle of New York plants seeds of doubt in Steve's wiliness to trust SHIELD. Once more he dawned the red, white, and blue. The colors once sparked pride in his country, but now he can taste the ash and gun powder in his mouth.
The red reminds him of war, the white of death , and the blue of a shallow, watery grave as he struggled for every breath.
Eight weeks after fighting another war, Steve found out he was pregnant. He had felt like a stranger in his own body, struggling with nausea, frequent urination, soreness, and exhaustion.Googling his symptoms led him to conclude he needed to take a pregnancy test, just to rule it out. Given the medical testosterone he was taking under Erskine's guidance, and continued to take when he woke,
Steve didn't realize pregnancy was possible. More research led Steve to discover transgender men who safely got pregnant, and gave birth to healthy newborns. He decided then to go off the grid, distrustful of Fury and SHIELD. Part of him wanted to trust his team, having read their dossiers, and completed their risk assessments.
A nagging feeling in his gut make him chose a different path. Steve made preparations over the period of four weeks: gathering supplies, weapons, a vehicle, and fake identities. He threw a dart a map, and make a home in rural Indiana for himself.
Steve bought a farm with apple trees, goats, chickens, a dog and a little yellow house. He made himself a home, for the first time in a long time, his hands were soft. He cared for the earth, and his animals with a tenderness.
It was there Steve let himself heal again, learning to fall in love with the little ones who grew in his womb. With no neighbors for four miles, he build himself a peaceful life.
He gave birth in cold winter weather of November during a snow storm. On November 16th, 2013 on the coldest night of the year, Steve welcomed Lukan "Luke" Jameson Rogers , a dark haired eight pound four ounce baby boy.
And Lukan’s twin sister, Bridget Elizabeth Rogers, at eight pounds, two ounces. She looked every bit like her brother. Luke and Bridget looked every bit like Bucky, with their dark hair, lips, face, and nose. Steve's world was rocked forever, now he had these little people to love and protect.
It was as if apart of his love for Bucky continued to be alive in the world. The last three years has been full of nows. Steve's life is filled with love, laughter and sunshine. His two year olds love to laugh, and shows Steve how to see in color again.
He looks forward to wake up, making breakfast, caring for the animals, and making time with his children. Steve should've known his picture perfect life couldn't last forever. Parenthood had him soft slower, he should've been more guard more.
Days after his children’s second birthday, Steve makes his morning rounds, feeding the animals while Luke and Bridget are asleep. He takes his time, taking to the chickens as he collects eggs and feeds them.
Steve cares for the goats, milks the cow, and fed the horse. When he returns to the house, Steve knows someone else in the house. Panic seizes his limbs, knowing Luke and Bridget are sleep asleep down the hall. His eyes train in to locate Nick Fury sitting at his dinning room table.
Steve is angry, putting his body between Fury and the hallway. He has a gun in his hand in an instance, pointed at Fury. He freezes for a moment when a little, quiet sleepy voice calls out.
"Daddy?", Bridget yawns clinging to Steve's leg.
Luke is quietly sucking his thumb, clinging to his blanket, as he quietly stands beside his sister.
"Luke and Bridget, help Daddy with the case."
'The little ones quickly departs back up the stairs as Steve quietly prays under his breath. He might still be at odds with his childhood faith, but fatherhood made him the praying type again. Anything to keep his children, safe, a pleading with God, the universe, someone.
"Stand down, Rogers." , Fury called out, never lowering his gun, but at least choosing to point away from the vital organs in Steve's body. "I don't take orders from you.", Steve snarled.
"You have kids." "None of your concern really."
"Are they why you disappeared off the face of the Earth?"
"I had to keep my children safe."
"If you can put the gun down, we can talk about this."
"Why are you here?", Steve growled.
"A pain in my ass. Figured if we were looking for you, so where they."
"Who is they?"
"Our enemies."
Their conversation was caught short by the hail of gunfire that broke though. Steve ducked quickly, he and Fury returned fire, but were outgunned.
His eyes caught sight of a masked man, about 6 feet tall, 250 pounds with a metal arm.
Steve chases after the man, throwing his shield at him. He is surprised when the masked man catches it and throws it back. The blond is left stunned, but quietly returns to Fury’s side.
The older man is bleeding badly from a chest wound. Steve tries to contain the bleeding, he uses the medical kit from his supplies. Military grade, aborsent tissue to stop the bleeding until Fury can get medical help. They agree to gather the kids, supplies, and bring Fury to SHIELD medical.
Steve leds Fury to his office, the kids are hiding in a chest in their father’s office. Fury limps with Steve to the car parked out front. Steve has a kid on his hip, and another way in a toddler backpack carrier on his back.
Once the kids are buckled into their car seats, Steve throws the car into reverse. He eyes Fury with murder eyes, the father is pissed.
”I’m sorry things went this way.”
”You’re bleeding in my car in the middle of BFE and my kids are the backseat.”
“Never saw you as a mini van guy, Rogers.”, Fury joker.
”Kids change things, Colonel.”
“I wish you told me.”
”You should’ve left the Tesseract in the ocean.”
”Fair enough.”
”Enough chit-chat. What is the plan, Sir?”
”I have a base about fifteen miles from here. My personal staff, they're friends of ours.”
”Of course, you do..”
”I had to keep an eye on you.”
”You really didn’t.”
”Motherfucker, that’s hurts.”, Fury groans when the van hits a pothole.
”Language.”
“Don’t trust anyone, Rogers.”
”As if I can trust you.”, Steve scoffed.
”Keep this. You’ll need it.” Fury passed him a Flash drive, and Steve tucks it into his pocket.
Steve tells the kids a story to keep them entertained and Fury awake. It feels like a long drive to the base.
Everything happens very quickly, Fury is taken away for emergency surgery while Steve sits in the waiting room with this kids.
He is greeted by a familiar face, and is surprised. Steve is surprised by how excited he is to see her. He is on his feet in an instant.
“Natasha?”
”Steve!”
”You’re alive.”
Natasha gives him a big hug, and he accepts.
”Daddy?”, a little voice calls out. Bridget is holding tightly to his leg, and Luke is behind his sister.
”Yeah, bug?”
”Who is this?”
”This is my friend, Natasha.”
“Hi!”, Bridget smiles, poking her head out.
”Hi, sweetie.”
”Are they yours?”
”Yeah, this is Bridget and Luke.”
Luke waves shyly, wanting to be held by his Dad. Steve picks his son up, and takes a seat with Natasha.
”Fury is dead, Steve.”
”Fuck.”
”Wanna tell me what happened?”
”I found Fury in my farmhouse. Then gun fire broke out, a masked man attacked us.”
”Can you describe him?”
”6 feet tall, 250 pounds and he had a metal arm. He caught my shield, Nat.”
”Did he have a red star on his arm?”
”Shit.”
”Do you know him?”
”They call him the Winter Solider. He is a ghost story.”
”Have you encountered him?”
”Iran, mid 2000s. He put a bullet in my gut. Can’t wear a bikini anymore.”
“I’m sure you look great.”
”You wound me. Seriously, though, Don’t want to bark up bus tree, Rogers. It won’t end well.”
”I don’t think he was after Fury.”
”Who knows about you and the kids?”
”SHIELD apparently, and our enemies. Fury didn’t specify.”
”We should call the team.”
”How do we know who to trust?”
”We don’t.”
”This is a terrible idea.”
”What choice do you have, Rogers?”
”I don’t know.”