Chapter Text
"Dude, your mum's hot."
Jack Tyler chokes on his Vitex. "What?"
"Your mum," Andrew repeats slowly, "is hot."
"Oh my god, Andrew, you can't just say that to a guy," Zoe groans, punching Andrew in the arm.
“What? It’s true. Mrs. Tyler’s a hottie. Have you seen the legs on her?”
“That’s my mum you’re talking about,” Jack says.
“Yeah. Your hot mum.” Andrew holds his hands up at the daggers shooting from his friend’s eyes. “What, you don’t think your mum’s good-looking?”
“Well yeah, I think she’s pretty,” says Jack, “but hotness implies some kind of attraction. And you- you can’t be attracted to my mum. She’s my mum.”
“How many actresses do you wank to that have kids?” Andrew retorts, and Jack squirms a little at his brashness. “Hot mums. All of ‘em.”
Jack has wondered for a long time why he keeps hanging out with Andrew Abbott, and this certainly doesn’t help matters. But he’s trying to keep his cool because Zoe Parker is with them too, Zoe fucking Parker, at his house, in his living room, eating his snacks. Jack does not want to mess this up and Andrew is not helping.
“I sincerely hope you are not wanking to my mum,” Jack warns. “That’s gotta be some kind of rule. No wanking to your friends’ parents.”
“Totally,” Zoe agrees, and Jack’s heart swells. He hopes he doesn’t look as goofy as he feels when he smiles at her.
Andrew rolls his eyes and for some godforsaken reason keeps talking. “You gotta admit though, she’s definitely the hottest mum out of all our friends. And she makes really good hummus.” Mercifully, Andrew shoves a pita slathered in the stuff into his mouth and that keeps him quiet for a moment.
“Actually, my dad made that,” Jack says, trying to change the subject. “Mum hates cooking and she works weird hours anyway so Dad does it usually.”
Unfortunately, Andrew swallows. “That’s another thing. How’d a geek like your dad land a catch like your mum?”
Zoe jumps in. “Oi, don’t even. Doctor Tyler is totally hot.”
“Oh Zoe. Not you too,” Jack moans, trying to disappear into the couch cushions.
“Seriously?” Andrew says, completely ignoring Jack. “He wears weird suits.”
“He’s gorgeous,” Zoe gushes. “Tall and a big smile and such great hair. Sorry, Jack. But it’s true. You have hot parents.”
Jack is rescued by his aforementioned gorgeous father poking his head into the living room. “Hey guys, tea’s almost ready. You two staying?”
Andrew and Zoe voice their assent, and as they make their way to the kitchen, Zoe leans in and murmurs to Jack, “You shouldn’t take it too badly. You had to get your good looks from somewhere.”
Suddenly Jack is very okay with having the hot parents.