Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Intouch closes his eyes as he leans against Korn’s chest. He feigns sleep for a bit - listening to Korn’s heartbeat and Korn indulges him, his hand combing through his hair.

They both know as soon as they acknowledge the fact they are both awake one will have to leave. That they can not stay here, in their haven together. That although this bed in this apartment is theirs, it's not. 

They do not yet have the right to label anything as theirs.

The hand slows and In stubbornly refuses to open his eyes.

“In.”

“No.”

“In, it’s getting late… your father will-”

“I don’t care, P’Korn.”

A moment of silence. 

“I have to go.”

In turns and presses his face against Korn’s chest. 

“Please….”

“I’m sorry Nong.”

In tightens his grip before relenting and moving his weight off of Korn.

He doesn’t close his eyes as Korn starts to leave the bed - their bed. Korn collects his clothes and gets changed as In curls up on the too big bed and wraps the blanket around himself.

“Are you sure you have to go?”

Korn doesn’t turn around and In knows its because his own self restraint is as bad as his. Korn only nods his head once. In lets the blanket slip away and moves to the end of the bed and kneels, resting his chin on Korn’s shoulder. “I’ll miss you.”

A quirk of the lips. “You’ll see me tomorrow In.”

Intouch pouts. “Still…”

Korn turns towards him and In closes his eyes as he feels a pair of lips against his forehead. “I’ll miss you too.”

By the time In opens his eyes the door to their apartment is closing. 

He sits in the silence of their apartment , on their bed and looks out of their window. 

Rain starts to fall.

Chapter Text

In lies against the tree and watches as Korn sleeps. 

The book - he’s not sure what it's called or what it's about and honestly he doesn’t care but Korn loves it… - is open, and dog-eared, the spine folded where it had slipped from his grasp.

In could watch Korn sleep forever. The creases that are normally furrowed deep in his brows are absent and he looks so much younger, so much happier - free from the struggles of his daily life, of the life his father wanted for him, that he knew Korn didn’t want…

But the life he’d take anyway to protect his younger brothers.

“Are you going to watch me sleep all day In?”

In starts, eyes darting back to Korn’s face. Korn’s eyes are half lidded and if he’s being honest the look in his eyes is most definitely doing things to him.

“P’Korn.. Hi.”

A small smile. “Hi.”

He stands and walks over towards his lover before lying down beside him, resting his head on his stomach and staring at the clouds.

Korn’s hand brushes through his hair and In is tempted to close his eyes and let himself drift off to sleep, but he had come out for a reason. 

“P’Korn, when’s your birthday?”

The hand freezes momentarily before the fingers resuming the combing through his hair.

“Soon.”

In sits and glares at his boyfriend. “Soon isn’t an answer P’Korn! How am i meant to plan a surprise without knowing the date? This is so unfair… you know my birthday, and I bet you already have everything planned-”

Korn lets out a small laugh. (It’s a sound In treasures - Korn doesn’t laugh nearly enough)

“I’ll tell you later In.”

Intouch opens his mouth to argue but Korn places a gentle hand over his mouth. “It’s after you birthday, don’t worry, i’ll let you plan something - but it has so be small- In are you listening?”

In shakes in silent laughter. “Of Course Phi. I always listen when you talk.”

Korn glances around the park before bending down and connecting their lips. 

In smiles.

Chapter Text

Krit and Kard smile from where they hide on the staircase. 

The house is quiet with their father away for the next few days on a business trip. Korn had been quiet all day so Krit had snuck out an hour ago.

“In?”

Korn can hear his brothers snickering to themselves as he ushers Intouch into the house. He sends a glare their way and he can hear the sound of retreating footsteps. A pair of arms sneak around his neck and he blinks in surprise. 

Intouch.

Intouch stands in front of him a small smile playing at his lips as he stands in the hallway of the house.

His father's house.

(He never wanted In here - it would be too easy for him to be tainted.)

He shouldn’t be here. In is too good. Too pure. 

But he smiles so brightly. 

The pair of smiling lips touch his and Korn feels himself relax

Maybe everything won't be as bad as he thinks. Maybe they can be happy at some point in the future.

Maybe they’ll get their forever.

Maybe the fears that keep him up at night - the ones that have manifested into nightmares that haunt him while he sleeps as well as while he is awake - maybe they won’t come to be.

Maybe.

In pulls back and smiles.

He smiles so brightly that for a moment Korn forgets all the horrors in his life and believes they’ll be alright. They’ll be fine.

They have each other and their promise and nothing could ever break that.

Chapter Text

Intouch winces at the coolness of the ice against his cheek and Korn frowns.

“It’s not right-”

“P’Korn-”

“In! It’s not right! You can’t sit there, looking like this and tell me you think it's right! He has no right to lift a hand to you-”

“And you?”

In’s voice is soft but Korn can hear the hidden bite and lets the topic go. 

The sit in silence as Korn presses the ice against the bruise on his face.

“In?”

“Yes P’Korn?”

“Do you ever think of running away? Of leaving everything behind and just…. Disappearing?”

Korn watches the smile that flits across Intouch’s face (And the wince of pain that follows)

“Everyday Phi. I think about it every morning and every night. Everytime I close my eyes.”

“So do I.”

The silence settles back in and when the ice melts In rests his head on Korn’s shoulder.

Neither speaks.

Chapter Text

Korn sits in his room and shakes.

How long?

How long had his father had someone following them?

“If you don’t something will happen to him”

He has to tell In. He has to warn him. 

(He feels sick. He’s seen what his father can do. What he has done.)

Images flash across him mind - In missing. In found in a shallow grave. In shot dead in the middle of the park.

In. In. In. In.

Intouch. His Nong.

He chokes back a sob. 

How had it come to this?

Chapter Text

They were at the beach again but this time they weren’t alone.

In watches from the rock he’s sitting on as Krit and Kard play with their brother and listen at the delighted shrieks.

He was glad they could have days like this. 

These memories.

The boys first time at the beach.

Maybe in a few years they could bring Alin! 

Intouch closes his eyes and leans back letting the sun beat down on his face.

A sudden shadow and a drop of water has him opening his eyes to see Korn standing behind him. “Phi?”

A grin breaks out over Korns face and In is momentarily struck dumb. (He’s so beautiful)

The moment is brought to a stop when Korn scoops him up and starts running towards the sea. “P’Korn! P’Korn no! Don't you dare - don't you-”

He’s dropped into the water before he can voice his threats. He surfaces coughing and with the sound of laughter in his ears.

The salt water stings his eyes but he can’t help but laugh along. He swings himself over Korn’s back and holds on tight, burying his head in Korn’s shoulder.

“I love you P’Korn” He whispers, lips curling into a smile at his ears.

Korn turns his head smiling softly. “I love you too In”

Korn presses a kiss to the crown of his head before throwing them both backwards, back into the sea.

Chapter Text

Korn watches as Intouch sleeps and smiles softly. 

There aren't enough moments like this - moments of silence and tranquility where he can watch as In peaceful - peaceful and safe.

Safe in his arms.

He’ll protect In until his dying breath.

While Korn is alive he won’t let anything bad touch In.

He’d rather die first.

He would rather die than see In hurting.

He presses a soft kiss to In’s forehead and In shifts in his sleep and muttersw inaudible words.

Korn tightens his arms.

He’ll keep him safe.

No matter the cost.

Chapter Text

There are moments when In wonders if it was all worth it.

Moments in the darkness of night where he lies by himself staring at his ceiling, bruises littering his skin and alone.

Alone.

He knows Korn, although he refuses to tell him, isn’t happy either - that he is worried and scared for him.

He wonders if he should have listened to his friends that day and left the son of-

No.

Intouch wanders over to his window and looks up to the moon.

He doesn’t regret it.

And no matter how this ends - he’ll never regret it. 

He loves Korn.

Korn loves him.

And if they have to wait 10, 20, 30 years to tell the world - to be accepted they’d wait.

A figure dashing through his garden catches his eye and he spots Korn under the tree in his garden.

At first fear spikes through him - but his father is asleep.

He creaks open his window with a smile and grabs his coat off the back of the chair and a pair of shoes from his floor. He drops them from the window.

And once he is halfway down the tree he lets go.

He lets himself fall.

He lets himself be caught.

As long as they had each other they would be fine. 

As long as they had each other Intouch would have no regrets.

Chapter Text

Although he didn’t show it, In was scared.

He feared that he would be forcefully dragged from Korn, by their fathers, by society by anyone who deemed them wrong.

He sits up from where he was resting, his head on Korn’s lap.

“P’Korn?”

“Mmm?” Korn’s gaze doesn’t move from where he’s watching the stars. 

“If…” he trails off. He’s being silly. He’s exaggerating everything. He’s -

“What?” Korn turns to him and In’s chest feels lighter.

“If we die and are born again… do you think we will find eachother again?”

Because he can’t imagine living a life without Korn - now or ever. Korn was it for him - he held everything In would ever need or want.

He’s surprised by the speediness of the reply though. “Nonsense.” In pouts. “You watch too many drama’s” 

He probably doesn. It was a stupid thought anyway… but still…

“I’m being serious!”

He watches as Korn smiles softly. “Of course we will”

There's no hesitation or anything and In feels a smile bloom over his face.

“Really?” And he’s relieved. (Oh so very relieved - he doesn’t know what he would have done if Korn had taken it as a joke or brushed it off)

“Yes. I will keep searching for you until i find you.”

Relieved he falls back on his usual ‘cheer Korn up’ tactic. (His father is back tonight and In fears for his boyfriends safety as well as his sanity.)

“What if….  What if we’re living on different continents?”
 
He watches Korn smile and shake his head. “Then i will fly a plane to find you”

“Ooh~ so rich” he teases as he relaxes back down beside Korn.

(He’d had an answer ready as soon as he had asked - was it something Korn had thought of as well?)

He glances up at Korn to see him watching him out of the corner of his eye. “I’ll also search for you Phi.”

He shifts again and Korn watches him. “Promise me that we’ll always find each other” He holds out his pinky. 

Korn hums in agreement. “I promise”

In pointedly looks at his hand but smiling softly Korn has gone back to star gazing.

“Aren’t you going to pinky swear?”

Smiling Korn just shakes his head. But when In grabs his hand and brings their pinkies together he hooks on tight.

He isn’t sure who leans in first but they are forehead to forehead, fingers interlocked. 

In opens his eyes to see Korn watching him. (He isn’t smiling either)

Chapter Text

Happy birthday to you.

They had made a promise! 

They had made a promise so everything would be fine. They’d be fine.

In is numb to the world - numb to everything but the feeling of Korn’s arms wrapped around him. 

Everything had been perfect. 

They had been eating dinner in the dinner, Korn had sung - sung for him! - something he had sworn he’d never do…. And he’d closed his eyes and wished everything could stay like that forever. That the moment would freeze and they need never worry about anything other then each other-

It was all falling apart. 

How had he known they were there? He doubted An had told him - he wasn’t even meant to be here. He wasn’t meant to be home….

He can’t breath.

The feeling of the fingers digging into his arms trying to drag him away - he tried to take him away from Korn .

The rain falls and In is numb. Numb to everything but the grounding grip of Korn.

“In are you tired?” 

A nod. Yes. he is. He is tired of it all. Of the relentlessness of his father - the hatred, the fear. 

(He wants it all to stop.)

But everything will be okay. As long as he has Korn he can weather any storm. They will overcome this together.

They had promised forever. 

In doesn’t even register that they are back in their apartment until Korn’s grip slackens and falls.

He turns to look at Korn and sees the same bone deep tiredness staring back at him. Korn opens the door of their apartment - because it is - it is theirs , no matter how hard they try to take it away from them, this place is theirs, their haven and their escape. 

Theirs. 

The door behind them closes and In lets his tears fall. He squeezes his eyes shut and when he opens them Korn is standing in front of him. Korn raises his hand and gently wipes away one of the tear tracks from his face before letting In just rest his cheek against his hand.

Neither speak. 

Moments pass and the only sound is the rain beating down against the windows and the distant roll of thunder. 

In raises his eyes to meet Korn's and freezes at the blankness he sees. Korn is looking at him like he's trying to commit everything to memory.

Like he's never going to see him again. 

(Like he’s going to say goodbye. Like he’s going to disappear.)

“P’Korn what are you thinking?”

Silence. 

Korn doesn’t blink.

He only continues looking at him like he’s going to disappear in front of his eyes.

Like this is the last time he’ll ever-

The hand on his shoulder slips. (When had the hand even moved from his cheek to his shoulder? He hadn't noticed..) Their fingers brush but Korn doesn’t grab his hand as he usually would.

Instead he averts his gaze, looking to the floor now instead of him.

He hits Korns shoulder. “I'm asking you what you're thinking of!”

No reaction.

Panic.

Panic and fear. 

The fear, old fears previously soothed, now start to rise. The rise and rise and In can only tighten his grip on Korn's shirt.

He tightens his grip on Korns shoulders

“Didn’t we make a promise?” he sobs. “We promised that we would stay together!”

Everything is crumbling down around them and all he can do is pound on Korn’s shoulders. (Why doesn’t he stop him?) 

“ You made a promise !”

He can’t leave him. Not now. Not ever. He can’t do this without Korn.

Without Korn he might as well be-

Arms come up and wrap around his pulling him close but In can’t see past the tears blurring his vision. Korn holds him and lets him get his anger and frustration out - it’s almost like he is taking it as punishment - as if he deserves it…

The tears continue to fall and all In can do is plead. 

“Please. Please don’t leave me” 

He sinks to the ground, letting Korn’s grasp on his wrists fall slack.

Everything is falling apart

Chapter Text

Happy birthday to you

He cries.

He cries for what he has and what he could lose.

For what he doesn’t want to lose.

After what seems like an eternity Korn kneels beside him, silent.

He doesn’t touch him, doesn’t hold him… only hovering altogether too close and not close enough.

“I love you In.”

In can only peer up at him through tears and closes his eyes as Korn rests his forehead against his own. 

Maybe everything would be okay. Maybe Korn would stay. 

(Maybe Korn wouldn’t break their promise)

“Remember this, I love you so much In.”

He can hardly breath through his tears.

“Phi… if you love me, you have to stay with me.”

He’s begging him - can’t Korn understand? He can’t fight them alone - he needs him. He needs-

He cups Korn’s face and tilts his head with shaking hands so their gazes will meet. “Don’t leave me here... please stay with me...”

Korn doesn’t reply, only looks at him and that gaze … it's telling him everything he doesn’t want to hear.

“Korn don’t leave me” 

He can’t stop crying. The fear and pain is too much. He knows that however tonight ends he won’t be able to sleep.

“How do I live without you?”

(It's a rhetorical question - it doesn’t need an answer but he has one all the same. He can’t. He doesn’t know how anymore. It's like as soon as he approached Korn every other pathway in his life fell away and the sun came out from behind a cloud. 

He loves Korn. He always will.

He doesn’t know how not to.)

His fingers curl at the coller of Korn’s shirt and finally, finally Korn is looking at him.

He attempts a smile but he breaks halfway there.

He’s scared.

Korn looks away again, back to that spot on the floor and suddenly In isn’t scared.

He’s terrified.

Chapter Text

Happy birthday, happy birthday.

“Happy birthday”

In grins up at his boyfriend who has a soft smile playing at his lips.

“Thank you P’Korn” 

Korn just ruffles his hair and In feels the blush rise in his cheeks. “Make a wish”

He closes his eyes. What to wish for? He has everything he could ever want right here at this table.

Korn.

Korn and him together. 

“I wish…. We can be together forever.”

(He doesn’t even have to open his eyes to know Korn is smiling too.)

The moment is perfect.

A smile curls at his lips and as he parts them to blow out the candles…

“Hey!”

Everything comes to a screeching halt.

~*~*~*~*~*

They fight.

They argue.

They run.

(The candles remain lit, sitting in a cake that will never be eaten)

~*~*~*~*~*

They sit on the couch and In is curled up as close as he can get to Korn; his head on his shoulder his hand on his thigh. Korn is curled around him as well - one hand rubbing soothing circles on his back the other gripping wrist and holding him close.

His tears slow. All he wants to do is curl up on their bed and sleep. Not even sleep, just to lie down with the steady weight of Korn's arms around him, holding him close and keeping him safe.

Here. In their home.

Their home.

It was his birthday… why couldn't they just leave them alone?

"It's okay In. It's all going to be okay"

"Don't leave me Phi..."

It's all he can choke out. He sits up to face Korn and his hands cup his face. It's a desperate plea that might go unheard by the heavens but never by Korn, because Korn loves him-

"I'm sorry"

In freezes. The tears have stopped and all he can do is stare at Korn. Why is he apologising? He promised he'd never leave me. He promised-

"I love you, remember that." The thumb continues to streak his cheek. "I love you so much."

What is he saying? Why does it sound like a farewell? It can't be. They swore they would leave together. He can't leave him behind he promised .

"Don't say something like this! Don't say it like you're saying goodbye!" 

He can't say goodbye. He promised he wouldn't leave him .

"We will always be together" he reminds him. "I will always be with you Phi"

I'm not letting you go! Not the one good thing - the only good thing I have!

He's not sure who leans in first but then they are kissing.

Slow. Softly. Like they have all the time in the world. 

Because they do.

Him and Korn. 

Korn and In. That's their world. Their own little perfect world…

He doesn't even hear the door open.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Everything happens so quickly.

His father grabs him and pushes Korn.

Korn pleading with his father. 

Korn falling after being shoved.

Another man is at the door. Korn's father.

Korn begging.

The desperation - he has to get to Korn. He has to get to Korn. He has to get to Korn.

(He doesn't even register his father dragging out of him, he has seen the light dim in Korn's eyes. 

The light dims and In is beyond terrified.)

And then Korn lunges.

He lunges and when he backs away there is a gun in his hand.

Chapter Text

Happy birthday to you~

"Korn!" He needs to get to him he needs to-

"Korn, Korn! Don't do it Korn!" In barley hears Korn's father over the ringing in his own head. 

He tugs and pulls but the fingers on his arms tighten and In can feel the bruises forming but it's inconsequential. They don't matter. Only Korn matters.

Korn who has a gun to his head and whose eyes are locked on him. His eyes are dimmed of their usual light.

"Korn… no…." He can't break their promise. He can't he can't he can't-

"Korn. Korn! Korn - give me back the gun!"

In pulls and tugs and tries - oh does he try - to get to Korn, but his father's grasp is too firm, too tight.

"Don't… please Phi…"

Why don't they stop him? Do they not realise he is serious?!

Because he is.

Intouch can see the tiredness and the deadness in every angle of him and Inn the unwavering stare he sees only a sort of tunnel vision. A clarity.

"Give the gun back to me Korn!"

In grasps at his father's fingers trying to get loose but if anything they tighten. "Let me go!" He needs to get to Korn. He needs to stop him - nobody else will stop him it need to be In. If he can get to him he can save them. (He can save them both.) "Korn!"

His father's arm comes around his neck and he can't get free. Korn's father is still ordering him around as though he expects Korn to obey. 

(Can nobody else see that look in his eyes?)

"In."

No. No no no. Please no.

He tugs and he pulls but his father's grip is relentless.

"Phi loves you In."

No!

"No Phi… no… please…"

Korn closes his eyes.

"Korn!"

A single shot.

Red.

Blood.

Korn falls.

His father's grip slackens and that's all he needs. He moves too quickly (but not quick enough.) and falls at Korn's side.

The tears are back and this time there's nobody to brush them away.

He’s alone. He’s alone. 

Why?!

“Don’t leave me here!” he grips Korn’s shirt. “Please stay with me.” 

He's too still. “Wake up Phi!” 

He needs Korn. How is he meant to survive without him? How is he meant to keep going? 

“Answer me. Please. Please I love you, please”

He cups Korn’s face - an imitation of less than an hour ago when Korn had held him.

But now he’ll never hold him again.

He broke their promise. 

“You said you never leave me” He weeps as he touches their foreheads. They had made a promise - why hadn’t he kept his promise?

“Why did it turn out this way?!” why couldn’t they leave them alone?

He rests his head on Korn’s chest, if he closes his eyes he can almost imagine they are in their bed - 

But no. there's no heartbeat.

He’s dead.

Korn’s dead.

He looks down at Korn and tries to ignore the seepping wetness that flows, that now stains his jeans and the tailends of his shirt.

“We love eachother don’t we? So why did you do this to me?” Why did you leave me?

Then he sees his hands.

His hands. 

His hands are stained red. Stained with blood. Korn’s blood.

Korn’s blood colours his skin a dark red - the colour of the thread that he once bound them with.

(“ What are you doing?”

“Just…” he grinned up at Korn. “Tying the red thread”

Korn frowns. “You’re always fooling around - don’t you know? Some people believe that tying the red thread around wrists like this is a bad omen?”)

(Had he done this? Had he brought this down upon them?)

Red. Red. Red. 

So much red.

As he kneels in a growing pool of Korn’s blood his eyes fall on the gun, still in Korn’s grip.

( “The red thread will tie lovers together”)

(“i will make you believe - this is the red thread promise. It will tie us together.”)

<”You don’t have to tie our wrists - i’m not going anywhere. {liar} We will be together forever”>

Forever. Together forever.

He bends over and picks up the gun. 

The grip is still warm.

Forever. 

“I love you Phi.” he chokes out.

They would have their forever - a life where they were both free to love each other, where they wouldn't be hurt or dragged apart. Where they would be loved and accepted.

It was a nice dream.

The dream shatters and a second bullet sounds as the trigger is pulled again.

Chapter Text

In looks around at a familiar apartment through unfamiliar eyes. 

(Pharm; his mind supplies. - He can hear Pharm in his head begging him to stop but what does Pharm know? He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know what it's like to be left behind.

To be abandoned)

He holds the gun in his grip and presses the muzzle against his chin and glares at the boy in front of him. 

He can see the fear and horror - and as Pharm screams, it is Dean - he doesn’t want to hurt his great nephew but he needs to force Korn out.

Coward! He’s a coward - he’ll hide behind Dean’s eyes but he won’t face him himself. 

Maybe now when he threatens his nephew he will. For the son of his baby brother.

But there's nothing else to do. He’s screamed himself nearly horse and Korn won’t reply, instead leaving Dean to deal with his mess. Because it was all Korn’s fault. 

All of this.

If he hadn’t pulled that trigger….

They had had their whole lives and now.

Now they had nothing.

He could only stand and threaten and hope that for once - for once - Korn would care enough so take a stand.

“In, don’t do this! Don’t take him away from me.” 

The raw terror on the face in front of him has him shaking.

“Please don’t do this.”

It's not fair. Why should Pharm have someone who cares so much when he hadn’t? It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t-

“I’m right here. I’m here now.”

Korn? 

“I’m your Dean, Pharm.”

Not Korn.

“I’m your Dean, I'm right here.It’s okay. It’s all okay now.”

It was useless. Pointless.

Korn had never cared about anyone but himself. Of course he wouldn’t show.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

All he can do is cry. 

(Did Korn ever love him?)

He lets the gun fall at his side and feels Korn - no Dean, Dean who cares and loves, Dean who won’t leave Pharm the same way Korn left him - take it and pull him forward into his arms. It is so familiar. When he closes his eyes he can almost pretend it’s P’Korn, that nothing ever happened. 

“It’s okay. It’s all okay.”

Dean holds him as he cries, as his sorrow wracks his body. He can dimly feel Pharm, words of comfort float across his mind, along the edge of his consciousness. Maybe he should go.

He shouldn’t be here.

Dean wants Pharm.

Korn doesn’t want him.

“It’s okay”

In starts to step back. He’d move on. Somehow… he’d try…. Try to let them be happy….

The door opens. And In pauses.

The last time that door opened Korn’s father had been there.

He’d died the last time that door opened.

He holds up a hand in his mind to stop Pharm and he opens his eyes to see who stands there.

“Dean, Pharm…”

‘P’Sin’ Pharm’s voice supplies. His cousin. (Korn’s nephew.)

Korn’s nephew….

Sin steps back to allow a wheelchair into the room and In’s world tilts on its side.

It’s 30 years ago and Korn is standing in front of him with his father's gun pressed to his temple. “I love you In”

 He is dimily aware of Dean freezing up beside him but his head is ringing and the sound of a gunshot sounds in his ear.

“Dad.”

It’s Korn.

It’s Korn but he can’t even look at him, memories dragging him in deeper and deeper.

It was this man’s fault they died. If he hadn’t come - if he hadn’t brought the gun-

(“Korn! What’s going on?!”

Korn is grabbed by his shirt and dragged across the room by an angry man In hasn’t met before. But he knows who it is. He can tell by the fear in Korn’s eyes that it's his father before he even opens his mouth.

“How many times did I tell you? Don’t get involved with this kid!”)

No! No! 

Not him. 

He’d tried to separate them. He’d killed them. He hadn’t left them alone - all they had wanted was to be left alone-

He backs away as far as he can until he hits the couch.

“Go away! I told you to go away! Why won’t you go away?!”

“It’s okay i’m here! Pharm i’m here”

And it's Dean again. 

Korn had come and gone and that was it? 

(He can’t breath.)

“It’s okay, it’s okay Pharm i’m here…”

He doesn’t want Dean though. He wants Korn. 

Korn.

“Pharm it;s okay… it’s okay…”

He can’t breath.

“That guy….” (He cant breath - he cant get the words out - he cant explain the fear that seeing him is causing in him.

“I don’t want it… I don’t want to see it anymore….” everytime he closes his eyes all he sees is Korn.

Korn with a gun to his temple and whispering that he loves him. (“In, Phi loves you.”)

“Calm down Pharm”

Pharm. Pharm.

It's still Dean .

He pushes him off. “Go away!” he begs. Give me Korn. I need Korn. Where’s -

“P’Korn! No.. P’Korn!” the gun… Where’s the gun? Does he still has the gun? The last time he had the gun-

“Don’t!” He can see it his minds eye as clear as day as Korn closes his eyes and pull the trigger and the blood-

All that blood…

 “P’Korn!”

He can’t breath. Where’s Korn? He needs Korn. 

Why doesn’t Korn come to him?

Arms that still call for Pharm wrap around him and all he can do is sob into Dean’s shoulder.

He can’t breath. 

The arms loosen before circling him more securely. They slot together like a puzzle piece and Korn buries his face in In’s neck. Neither speak but In still can’t catch his breath and he feels the silent tears hit his neck.

“Nobody is going to separate you two”

In cant move. Frozen against Korn, he doesn’t want to move - he wants them to go . He feels Korn shift, only slightly but his hand stays cupped on his head, holding him close.

Then he’s being pulled to his feet. He can feel the familiar gaze on his face but he cant bring himself to look. 

After everything he doesn’t know if he will break or not.

But he stands. He stands and holds on for life. 

(But isn’t he already dead?)

Chapter Text

He clings to Korn. He clings to Korn as if by letting him go will cause a repeat of history. 

Not again. I can’t lose you again .

The man who stands in front of them is faintly familiar. Does he know him? Should he know him? 

“Intouch…” 

Krit?

His grip on Korn tightens. (It could have so easily been them standing there.

Aged up 30 years what would they have looked like? 

Now he’ll never know)

“You’re parents were in pain for so long…”

His parents…

(He remembers sitting with his mother, making loup choup, his mother's acceptance of who he was, who he loved. He remembers his father. His father's warmth - the warmth that vanished when he realised the truth of who his son loved…. The constant fear that followed.)

He can only grip Korn tighter, nails digging into the shirt so hard he can feel the indentations in his own palms.

“This room…. no... this entire building… our dad bought it for you both…”

(Too little too late - why buy it for us when we were already dead?) 

Guilt.

“We made sure that it would always stay the same, we’ve maintained it like this for the last 30 years.”

In feels Korn’s grip tighten as his brother's gaze shifts onto him. In watches as Krit’s fingers tighten on the box. “Everything in this box, dad saved for you”

In’s nails dig in further. He doesn’t want to be here. He wants to go - why can't they go?

In glances toward the man - the man in the wheelchair, Korn’s dad, the man who brought the gun, it's his fault - who is staring at his hands and resolutely not looking at either him or Korn.

“Since you… while you’ve been gone…. Dad cries everytime he looks at this box”

( He deserves it )

Korn is shaking, he can feel the tremors in his arms - how dare they?! Haven’t they done enough?!

“Intouch”

In’s eyes flick back towards Krit. “Your dad was so sad too.” and suddenly In feels himself deflate. 

His dad.

“Your dad cried so much, everyday…he cried like his whole world was falling down.”

(“Korn!” 

The gunshot echoes through the room and In rips himself away from his father. “Korn! No! You promised, you promised…”

He felt like his whole world was crumbling, falling to pieces around his ears.)

His father....

(He remembers his childhood, n=before his father had become so vehemently opposed to Korn.

He remembers the day his father had passed on the family ring, the ring passed from son to son with their surname engraved on it. 

He remembers hugs and warmth and love.)

He cries.

He’s never going to see him again, he’s never going to have a chance to apologize - what were the last  words he had said to his father - said not screamed in fear or anger? He can't remember.

“Dad... “ he weeps. “I’m sorry..”

Korn’s arms tighten around him and a hand somes to cup his face. He lets himself lean against Korn, lets Korn give him the strength he needs - because as much as he wishes he was… he’s not strong.

Korn holds him and he lets himself break, lets himself shatter, lets himself be put back together under Korn’s soft touches.

He cries and cries and-

“It’s my fault.”

Korn.

“I hurt everyone around me…”

In tilts his head to look at Korn, and he sees him. Sees him for the broken soul he became in their final minutes and he sees the self hatred and blame. 

He tightens his grip.

 “I’m sorry…. Dad”

In watches as the old man smiles sadly and feels Korns arm tighten around him. 

“P’Korn, after the funeral… We made sure to keep in touch with Intouch’s family, right up until Intouch’s father got sick.. We knew he would be leaving us soon.”

In glances at the man in the wheelchair before his eyes flicker back to Krit to find his eyes on him. (Krit was good. Krit was safe. Krit had never lied or betrayed or hurt them-)

“Our dad promised him that he would do his best to take care of everything… our family, your condo…”

In watches as Krit’s eyes fill with tears and as he takes a step forward Korn’s hand tightens on his waist.  “Please don’t be angry at our dad Phi, In, don’t be angry at them.”

In watches Korn’s dad lift his eyes to look at his Korn and him and can’t help but instinctively flinch.

( The last time- )

“Please, they’ve been in pain for so long already. Kard was so angry at dad he wouldn’t even forgive him when he got sick and nearly died!”

(In can’t line that up in his mind - Kard the joyful youth who sat on the staircase and laughed when Krit had snuck him over to cheer up Korn. Kard who shrieked with laughter as the brothers had swam and played in the sea.)

(Kard who had idolised his eldest brother, who had loved him with his who heart.)

“I’m sorry. It’s because of me. I hurt everyone around me.” Korn trembles and In presses himself closer to him.

I’m here, I'm here I’m here.

“I was stupid…” 

Korn turns towards him and In dares to look. 

“I was selfish.” And Korn is looking at him. Holding him close.

“But now… I love everyone” 

Korn looks back towards his brother and his father - “I love you dad, and mom. I love all my brothers” 

Korn turns back to him and cups his face. “And I love you In. So much.”

The relief that surges through him nearly knocks him off his feet. He still loves me.

He closes his eyes as a pair of familiar lips press against his forehead.

“I’m sorry In… I’m so sorry.”

He watches the tears fall from Korn’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

He lifts his hand to Korns cheek and uses his thumb to wipe away one of the tracks.

“I, I thought I was strong, that I had to be strong…” He remembers the tricks he used to resort to, the too small umbrella… and Korn indulging him with an exasperated smile. (“Let me take care of you”)

“I’m sorry P’Korn, I’m sorry that I blamed you for everything”

The tears run freely and he finally gets a chance to say the words he’s been unable to since that day 30 years ago.

“I love you P’Korn”

He takes a breath.

“I love you and I forgive you.”

Tears keep falling.

“You can stop blaming yourself.”

In stares into Korn’s eyes - into his soul, and Korn stares back into his. All sense of time around them fades into nothingness and it's just the two of them.

Korn raises his own hand to wipe away In’s own tears before, In lets his hand drop.

“I love you too, In. I love you so much.”

And they fall forward into eachothers arms. 

Korn’s arms wrap around him and In buries his face into his neck. He smiles. He’d missed this.

He’d missed Korn.

But now they are together again.

Soon they will have to go, to give Dean and Pharm their lives back but after that they will leave together.

The two of them together.

Together forever.