Work Text:
There's a world where Eddie Kaspbrak is happy.
A world where his dad never passed away, and neither did his sister. Where Eddie himself didn't nearly succumb to bronchitis at age five. There's a world where Sonia Kaspbrak never lost her mind.
There's a world where little Eddie Kaspbrak has never worried about sickness. He's never been afraid to get a little dirty at recess, or search for frogs down by the river, or stomp around in the sewers midsummer in search of lost brothers and paper boats. He was allowed to fear normal things. Not things like lepers or HIV, but things like the dark and heights. Like going to the dentist or being eaten by an eldritch clown monster that dwells under their town. When he gets sick, it's calmed with chicken soup and his mom's hugs rather than trips to the hospital and being pumped full of useless drugs. When he breaks his arm, his friends are allowed to visit and sign their names with little pictures to show they love him.
There's a world where Richie Tozier doesn't have to sneak in through his window late at night. Instead, he just strolls through the front door and announces his presence. Where he doesn't get tossed out, but instead, Sonia calls him sweetie and Frank ruffles his hair before he runs up the stairs to Eddie's room. They stay up all night laughing and eating sweets until Eddie's big sister yells at them to quiet down.
There's a world where Eddie never fears that his feelings are sick or wrong. He's never been told that he's dirty for thinking about another boy the way he does. There's a world where he isn't afraid to hold Richie's hand in their clubhouse after school, he isn't afraid to let Richie hold him when they fall asleep in the same bed after a movie night. He's almost not afraid to just kiss Richie and tell him the truth, but there are some things about living in a small town in the 90s that don't change.
There's a world where Eddie never gets married. Where once he's left Derry, he doesn't feel the need to slip back into something from which he once broke free. Although he meets a nice girl at their new church named Myra, he says he just isn't interested, and his mother doesn't push it. He allows himself to find himself in college, but there's always something missing. It's easier to be gay in the big city than it was in small town Maine, but not a single man he meets seems to fill the ache in his chest that only yearns for thick-rimmed glasses and a boisterous laugh and a nameless face he can't recall.
There's a world where Eddie doesn't die in the sewers under Derry. Where he has a different weapon. Because he never had asthma, he doesn't use an inhaler to fight It. He never gets close enough to be lost to It. He throws a fence post through It from a distance, then gets tackled out of it's path before a swinging claw can turn him into a shish kebab. He's able to crawl out of the cistern, out of the rotting house on Neibolt street, and wrap both arms as far around his six closest friends as he can.
There's a world where Eddie is brave enough to tell Richie how he feels. How he loves him, has always loved him from the moment he learned what love was, he knew he felt it for Richie and Richie alone. He's brave enough to pull Richie in and kiss him sweetly in the murky waters of the quarry, not thinking of germs or bacteria or dirt. Just the feel of Richie's lips on his, Richie's hands on his waist, Richie's tears collecting under Eddie's palms where they rest on Richie's cheeks, Richie. There's a world where they're able to have this, have each other, love each other.
And as Eddie lies there, bleeding out in the crumbling cistern in the cold underbelly of his town, he lets himself smile, if only for a moment before he slips away into the eternal, unfeeling darkness. It may not be this one, but somewhere...
There's a world where Eddie Kaspbrak is happy.