Work Text:
“This is never going to work,” Remus groaned with an accompanying eye roll.
“Of course it is! It’s perfect!” Sirius rubbed his hands in anticipation. “Every girl likes puppies.”
“You’re a mangy dog, not a cute puppy.”
“You wound me, Moony. How can you say that to my face?” As if to prove a point, Sirius Black smoothly transformed into his black dog form and set his best sad dog eyes on Remus.
“Your funeral, mate,” Remus called out to James who was still in the bathroom, the door partially open.
“What’s the worst that could happen?” James shouted back as he stepped into the main dorm room, his hair an artful mess that took him forty-five minutes to perfect in order to look just this side of dishevelled.
Remus merely sent him a look and muttered something sounding very much like ‘bloody nitwits’ under his breath as the other two left for the common room: James Potter and his dog, Snuffles.
It was supposed to be a quiet Friday night. Remus had looked forward to his book all day. He knew his friends had plans. The two idiots with their new strategy of endearing Lily to James, and Peter long since off on a date of his own.
He looked at his watch, then closed his eyes, savouring the peace of the deserted room. 7pm and, if he was an optimist, he’d have at least two hours of alone time.
Since he was more of a realist, he wasn’t surprised when, thirty minutes later, his peace was broken by James and Sirius returning. They’d barely crossed the threshold when James rounded on Sirius, wand out and a furious look on his face.
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT DOWN THERE?” he shouted as Sirius returned to human form and hastily grabbed his own wand.
Remus quietly placed a privacy spell on the door and put a shield charm up around his bed where he was lounging. James’ wand was emitting angry red sparks.
“YOU TOLD ME TO ACT LIKE A REAL DOG!”
“NOT LIKE THAT YOU FUCKWIT!”
“WHAT DID YOU THINK DOGS DID?”
“LOOK PATHETIC LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO! LIE DOWN AND ROLL OVER. WHATEVER. BUT YOU DON’T GET TO FUCKING STICK YOUR NOSE UP LILY’S ARSE IN GREETING!”
“IT WASN’T HER ARSE I HAD MY NOSE UP!”
Remus lifted his book higher to hide a grin. The arrested expression on James’ face was too much. Of course, then Sirius, being Sirius, had to open his gob again. Remus flinched when he heard the thud as Sirius’ body flew back into the wall and wondered at his friend’s intelligence when he muttered about Lily smelling divine.