Work Text:
Rose and Dave stand in the village square.
DAVE: hey
ROSE: Hi, Dave.
DAVE: yeah
ROSE: Yeah?
DAVE: yeah i think so
ROSE: Um.
ROSE: All right...
ROSE: ...
DAVE: no you need to plug in the aux before turning it on or it doesnt recognize it
ROSE: I need to... turn on the "aux" or it... what?
DAVE: ugh hold on
DAVE: hey
ROSE: Hey?
DAVE: hey cant you seen im on the phone im on the FUCKING phone im helping vriska or terezi or whatever theyre all the same with some delicate equipment on the phone
ROSE: uh-
DAVE: i dont need anyone calling to interrupt especially not some jackass wholesome FUCK such as yourself
DAVE: I HATE YOU! YOU BLOW! AGH FUCK
ROSE: Dave! What? What did I do? I am sad now!
DAVE: oh wait hold up
DAVE: hey
ROSE: ...
DAVE: rose?
ROSE: Am I still holding up?
DAVE: oh haha no i was saying that to gamzee
ROSE: Gam... zee...?
ROSE: He's here? I don't...
DAVE: ah no im on the phone with him
DAVE: he interrupted my call with karkat
ROSE: Oh! Oh, wow, what a relief. I thought you were yelling at me.
ROSE: Wait, I thought you said you were talking to Terezi?
DAVE: whatever you think i care
DAVE: how anyone can keep them straight is a mystery to me
DAVE: like seriously you need to learn like 20 new stupid names in hivebent alone i had to read it once through just to learn them and read it again to figure out what the hell was going on
DAVE: really how did that whole revenge chain go again
DAVE: vriska like fed terezi to her mom so aladin flew to her house and killed her with skrillex
ROSE: Who?
DAVE: sorry
DAVE: sonny moore
ROSE: Ah.
ROSE: What?
DAVE: i was just saying id be having a lot of an easier time remembering whatever happened to any of the trolls if i could just remember their names
DAVE: and id have a lot easier time remembering them if they were normal names
DAVE: names like jacqueline or cuthburt
ROSE: Yes. Cuthbert, The Named Man.
DAVE: yeah names like jaundice or anthony
DAVE: bastard stu
DAVE: not like
DAVE: bastik putnam
DAVE: pfizer tolmey
DAVE: kohdak estman
DAVE: fransi sbacon
DAVE: djonav aarkke
ROSE: Is Karkat still waiting for you?
DAVE: yeah hes waiting he thinks hell get in my pants if he just digs his heels in and asks me out every single fucking day
DAVE: play the long game hes desperate
DAVE: i already told him im not interested in his rancid scrote
ROSE: I meant, waiting for you to answer him on the phone.
DAVE: oh yeah wow hold on
DAVE: hey gamzee
DAVE: nah fuck you
DAVE: dunk chode gamzee you got that
DAVE: dunk some fucking chode
DAVE: ok bye yeah catch you later lol bye
DAVE: karaka?
DAVE: hey did you get it set up yet?
DAVE: no that wasnt a racial slur i would never call you that
DAVE: is there even an analog to being white on alternia
DAVE: even if there were i dont think youd be it
and so........
ROSE: Hey, we've had a lot of fun here today.
DAVE: haha yeah i know i was laughing
ROSE: Hee hee.
ROSE: But you know what isn't fun?
BOTH: Leptospirosis.
ROSE: Many infections go unnoticed for years, ultimately leading to liver disease and kidney failure.
ROSE: Please bring your dog to the vet for a full urinalysis annually.
DAVE: maybe even twice
ROSE: Maybe.