Work Text:
Silence. Silence lingered between the atmosphere of two persons. After they fought a year ago, both are entrapped with pride and dignity. No apologies, no communication heard between them. The supposed couple were sitting in a café in an agreement to clarify things between them.
Youngjae sighed. This is the first time in a year he saw his boyfriend personally. He studied the man in front of him- his features are almost the same but there are remarkable changes. Like his face got matured, his long hair kept in a bun, his shoulders- oh, his shoulders got broader, and most of all, the relaxation in his posture. He smiled briefly- just reminiscing the moments he had with the older. They’d been together for four years. And for a while, they just basked each other’s presence.
However, the younger cannot bear the silence anymore, so he broke it by complementing the other. “I’ve heard you’ve got a collaboration with Kwon Hyuk. Congratulations,”
Jaebeom smiled at him, “Yeah. I worked hard on it,” just to forget you and your face. It’s been a while since he saw Youngjae- no erase that. It’s been a month since he last saw him. He went to the musical show in which the younger was cast in order to see him.
No one really knows that Jaebeom keeps on tracking Youngjae’s whereabouts. Call him a stalker, but he becomes uneasy when he cannot hear news about Youngjae’s well-being, knowing the younger can’t fully take care of himself.
“Congratulations to you as well. You just had a successful musical show last month, right?”
Youngjae nodded and smiled at him and silence prevailed them once again.
“Actually, I called you to clarify things between us. I’m sorry if I over-reacted with how the situation went,” Youngjae said.
“It was my fault, really. I’m sorry if I didn’t give you enough attention as much as before. As your partner, it was my responsibility to take care of you, but I got overboard with working. If I haven’t been so engrossed with producing music, this won’t happen,” sighed Jaebeom.
The phone screen from Youngjae’s phone screen flashed. It was a message from someone, but Jaebeom isn’t really interested in that. He was more interested in Youngjae’s lock screen photo.
It was Junmyeon kissing Youngjae.
Suddenly, Jaebeom saw red. He clenched his fist and jaw firmly. Truly knowing he’s at fault- for not doing his part. Youngjae had been tolerant to him- he knows that Jaebeom’s work requires time and effort. He would sometimes bring food to his studio and pamper him- to make sure the older is okay. But Jaebeom got greedy- he didn’t reciprocate some attention to Youngjae. Just a little, Youngjae would sometimes think whenever he sees his boyfriend facing his computer screen, and work. work. work.
Youngjae, ever the keener one, noticed the change of Jaebeom’s demeanor. He figured it out right away that the older saw the photo. In his defense, he quickly grabbed his phone and put it inside his pocket. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This meeting was meant for closure but not this, he doubtingly thought.
Jaebeom suddenly chuckled. A forced chuckled, it seems. Youngjae was worried about what might Jaebeom do. He knew the consequences before entering his current relationship and yet, he still took risks.
“So, is there anything to talk about?” Jaebeom broke the silence. His posture looks so tense and his eyes can make anyone shiver.
No response. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
“If none, then I have to go,” Jaebeom carefully stood up and went to the door. He almost went inside in the cab when a hand grabbed his arm to stop him.
“Let’s talk, please?” a voice he heard he promised to forget.
Silence. Jaebeom stood still. Then, a tear ran down onto his cheek. For a moment, both people are silently crying- Youngjae, because of guilt and Jaebeom, because of dejection. It seems that the circumstances don’t fit their needs now or ever. To end this quickly, Jaebeom inhaled deeply and pulled himself together. He apologized to the driver and dragged Youngjae away.
“You know, when we had this what-so-you-called cool-off, I didn’t think it would take longer. Maybe because both of us are prideful. Or maybe, I’m good at diverting things. But every day, Youngjae, every day… you just keep on lingering in my mind. Every moment, I always long for your presence- your warmth, your smile and just you… I even went to your musical show last month to support you- knowing that you really like singing… And,”
He chuckled.
“Don’t you know how difficult for me to show affections and say that stupid three words, huh? Does it have meaning to you? Or do you just take it for granted?” Jaebeom gritted these words. He’s getting livid that he didn’t notice he aggressively wiped his tears. These stupid tears won’t fucking stop.
“Hyung…”
“Don’t. call. me. hyung,” He emphasized each word as he stared icily at Youngjae.
“Jaebeom-ssi,” Youngjae swallowed. “I… I know I’m at fault, too. But... Junmyeon-hyung took care of me when we were apart. I was also longing for your presence too- waiting for you to realize that you still have the responsibility as a boyfriend. That you need to balance me and your work. I deeply understand your work requires time, but I also need affection too, hyung. It’s just…” it’s just Junmyeon-hyung filled what’s been lacking in our relationship, but he cannot say these words a loud.
“It’s just, what?”
“It’s just… whenever I’m with Junmyeon-hyung, I feel loved. Hyung, I feel really loved. The feeling is really good when someone is taking care of you. When someone asks how am I? Are you doing good? And please don’t misinterpret. I’m not comparing Junmyeon-hyung to you. You were a good boyfriend- a kind and loving boyfriend,-”
“And I’m just not more open than Junmyeon,” Jaebeom finished the sentence.
Youngjae just nodded.
A snowflake fell on Youngjae’s hair. Wow, it’s the first day of snow, Jaebeom thought. He reminisced how he and Youngjae get excitedly easily, like a child, when it’s the first day. They would roam around the city, laugh together, talk about things while snowflakes kept on falling. And at the end of the day, both made love on their bed.
Youngjae noticed the snowflakes too. He looked around and appreciated the beauty until he stared into Jaebeom’s eyes.
Both just kept on staring until Jaebeom sincerely asked- as if his walls broke down, “Are you happy?”
Youngjae stared at him.
“Are you happy?”
Nothing.
Jaebeom licked his lips. Getting annoyed, he asked once more.
Youngjae nodded.
Silence.
“Okay, I get it now. You may go,” he sighed in defeat. There’s no use now. “I hope he treats you well better than me,” Jaebeom whispered in the air as he walks away from his light and from his strength. What's important his happiness- Goodbye.