Work Text:
When Sicheng woke up, he didn't waste any more time.
He got out of his bed, grabbed his nearest coat and rushed to the very well known street he used to pass daily with his boyfriend. He shall not fail, he mustn't , he has to succeed. That's all he has in his mind ever since he woke up two hours ago.
Today, again, the twenty-seventh of October, their wedding anniversary.
Sicheng knocks, as always, knocking on a door he knew almost too well because of how many times he repeated the same gesture, over, and over again. And he knew what the man behind the door would do.
"Sicheng!" when the door opened a man a little bit shorter than him. "Did you miss me already? It's just two days since i—"
"Told me that you'll stay in your office for a week? I know, but it's our anniversary today, did you forget?" Sicheng giggles, as if it's a repeatable script he already mastered he continued his sentence like a mind reader. "Come on now Yuta."
Yuta, his lover laughs it off, welcoming Sicheng inside his office.
This has happened, for Sicheng doesn't know how many times.
If it's a drama script, this is just an opening, a happy-go-lucky looking opening, before then the complications started, crushing the feelings of comfort the audience had and then there comes the ending! It is up to the actors or actresses to decide whether it'll be a bad one or a good one.
Sicheng glanced at the clock Yuta put behind his door, he felt as if he could hear the ticking sound it made due to anxiety.
Tick tock, tick-tock.
This time, he can't fail.
Yuta was brewing drinks in the kitchen, while Sicheng watches from afar, Yuta who realizes laughs. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks playfully, receiving a soft giggle from the other. "Nothing, your back looks sexy when you brew something for me," Sicheng replies.
Sicheng counts every second that passes, every minute they spent, now Yuta and the mugs are with him in his office that has a loveseat placed near his working-table, they snuggle in, Sicheng wishes it could last forever.
Then suddenly, the infamous phone call, Yuta's phone rang and that's when Sicheng went out of the script. "Stay, I'll pick it up for you," he said as he got up and walked to where Yuta would always place his phone.
Near the bathroom.
"Hello?" he said, greeting the other person behind the phone. All he heard is a giggle, he squinted, half relieved because he didn't remember this happening, half anxious of what's going to happen next.
Are you prepared for the consequences against gods and fate itself? Dong Sicheng those sentences linger in his mind when a long weird silence occurred, then he heard a breaking in the office room.
He ran with Yuta's phone still in his hand, finding the man he's looking for nowhere to be found he screamed "Yuta!!" before running through the room finding Yuta mingling with his stuff, he sighs, in relief.
Yuta glances at him in confusion. "What? Sicheng what happened?"
Sicheng threw Yuta's phone to the sofa as he ran, embracing the crouching man mingling with his stuff with a shaky but relieved voice. "Nothing, nothing happened, I was worried about you."
"About me—"
Sicheng was relieved, he didn't fail this time, he did it, he saved him, cause one wrong step can actually turn this event all the way around, Sicheng clenches to the calves of Yuta's shirt when he felt the latter swinging him all the way around, switching their place.
And that's when he widened his eyes.
He realized, he failed, again.
"No," Sicheng grabbed the nearest weapon around him, throwing it at the person who sabotages his success with teary eyes. "NO! GODDAMNIT," Sicheng screamed, hugging Yuta's bleeding body as he saw how those pairs of eyes started to lose its shine.
He failed, something was wrong, something had gone wrong, and he glanced over to find out what it was.
But then he felt Yuta's body starting to turn cold.
That moment he knew he lost.
And then he woke up, again.
Sicheng couldn't feel his eyes tearing up, he couldn't even feel a single trace of tear from his cheeks, of course, he remembered how exactly he was acting one day before their wedding anniversary, he was ecstatic, he's determined with this surprise plan he had been planning for so long.
So, so long.
That was when it all started, this loop, Yuta dying and him waking up, trying to save Yuta, trying to undo anything that could make him disappear, anything to save him.
But as if gods are against him, even with the ability they granted him, they just couldn't let him stay by his side.
A car hit them, a system failure in one of the amusement parks they visited, food poisoning, many other things he tried to prevent his death and that man's death only, it isn't supposed to be this hard. All he wanted was to save one life and fate just couldn't grant him that.
As if they were saying, anything, but this man's life.
Sicheng sat in his bedroom reflecting on any flaws, anything that might fail his plan.
He felt himself crying, breaking down with silenced sobs as he tried to shut himself up, he glanced over the clock on his wall. He realized something strange.
He woke up earlier than he used to, it made him jump, he barged outside his bedroom, staring directly at a man that had just come home, he was surprised hearing a sudden thud, Sicheng knew, at this time he was supposed to be sleeping. "Sicheng? Why are you awake— wait are you crying?"
Yuta welcomes the crying man inside his arms, he was surprised to find this man in this state, Sicheng snuggles in for comfort. "Hey? Baby? Sicheng what's wrong baby?"
Sicheng just shakes, he can't believe he failed again, he can't accept this, he can't accept the fear of this very man hugging him right now is about to die hours later, he'd say all of them is only a bad dream but.
He can't just say it's a bad dream.
"I-I dreamt," Sicheng managed to let out. "You, dying in front of me, thousand times, I tried to save you but," Sicheng's breath was muffled with sobs. "I couldn't, you died, again and again, and again and i—"
"Shh, I'm not," Yuta calms him down, well, of course, he would. Yuta would always calm him down every time he had a bad dream, every time he overthinks. "I'm right here, and look! Today's our anniversary, right? You say you'd bring me somewhere special."
Their anniversary , right.
When reality hits him, it as if slapping him just like that when Yuta said it, their anniversary today , aka another day of failing to save him, he can't even cheered up now because no matter how many times he tried, Yuta would always lie lifeless in front of him, in front of his very eyes.
Yuta, who works as a detective, Sicheng thought because of it Yuta would have the ability to survive more than him, the rate of surviving would automatically increase, in his mind, because Yuta faces death every time and he'd always come back alive.
But when that day happened, the world turned upside down for Sicheng.
And that's exactly when he first started taking advantage of his long-unused ability, trapping them in a time loop until he could save him.
It's his millionth attempt, he didn't even track how many times he had tried to bring that man back alive to stay by his side.
Now he doesn't know anymore.
Tick tock again the clock goes, he breaks the embrace and stares at his love standing in front of him still alive, Sicheng cupped Yuta's face. "Stay alive, ok?" he said, hoping those two sentences leaving his lips would make it easier for him to save Yuta.
But Sicheng notices the weird long pause before Yuta smiled back. "I'll try," he said, kissing the palm of Sicheng's hand.
But sometimes life just hates you that much.
Sicheng woke up in tears, now, he realized his actions have pretty much affected his ability to manipulate time, that his current self whois a separate being from all the reality he repeated and his self that was the part of those realities, they have become one. Not once or twice would Sicheng wake up in tears before then he goes back to sleep and wakes up just exactly like how the script would always made him do.
He failed, again, and again. Now he's just too tired to repeat everything that sometimes he sat still by himself in his room for hours before going along the exact same event before then he rebelled against fate and tried to break the streak but.
It was always out of his reach.
Why Sicheng always wonders, just why can't I do this?
The last attempt he saw how Yuta died because of food poison, then he saw Yuta getting pushed off of a roof and then their car crashed. Sicheng grunted he can't give up but.
Would this attempt be any different?
A soft knock was heard on the door, Sicheng lifted his head, oh no, he thinks as he muttered a small. "Come in," and, he swore to god his voice as if it was a whisper he barely even heard himself speak.
Yuta opens the door rushing to Sicheng's side. "Oh no you're crying again," he said, wiping the trace of his tears away. "Is it the nightmares again?"
Nightmares? Sicheng scrunched. "When did I tell you that I had nightmares?"
The awkward silence that occurred right after was strange, but Yuta smiled nonetheless. “You did, you said you were afraid of me dying or something,” his soothing voice, it’s so familiar to him that it made his heart clench hearing him speak. “Oh baby, I’d say you looked cute but considering you look cute because you cried I just wanna squeeze you until you can’t breathe if that’s okay.”
In between his tears, Sicheng managed to chuckle hearing the words Yuta got out of his lips.
Sicheng snuggled inside those arms that now he already memorizes too well of, how Yuta would embrace his body and let him stay there inhaling the scent of his shampoo or, maybe the scent of his body wash, or maybe his perfume. Doesn’t matter, anything to make the memory of him linger, anything at all.
When Sicheng realizes how quiet and safe it is inside his room, he breaks off from his embrace and with eyes sparkling he said. "How about we stay home instead of going outside like how we always planned to? You know we can do some cookings together? We'd bake a cake for two and we cuddle with some hot chocolate?"
"Sicheng i—"
The both of them turned silent when they heard a sudden thundering voice faintly heard outside his room, Sicheng closed both of his ears refusing to listen to the voices, he didn't want to lose him again, not now, not ever.
God please just let him stay by my side. I beg of you.
"Sicheng please hey listen to me," every struggle Yuta did to make Sicheng listen to him go off to waste as it seems useless, Sicheng still clench his eyes shut while the both of his hands shake, still trying to block off every remaining thing that'd seems like an endless nightmare.
And Sicheng knew the second all of this moment passed he'd woke up and pretended like it was all a dream.
"Sicheng," Yuta kneels down to look at him right in the eye. "Listen to me before—"
The words got cut off short by the thundering voice that only seems to get louder as time goes, Sicheng takes a quick peek before he shakes his head hard. "No, I won't listen," he said. "You'd just disappear if I did, please no,"
"I won't baby look at me let me say a word."
Sicheng let himself in to the affirming tone of his husband when he speaks, he let himself lose against the strong grip of his lover and obey, staring teary-eyed he saw how his husband laughed. "You really looked cute like this you know."
"Shut up."
That's the Sicheng Yuta knew, one who knew no other response aside from 'Shut up', not one who cried all night long because of a stupid 'dream' .
The thundering voices return, and now the both of them feel how their floor shakes, Sicheng clenches to the calves of Yuta's sleeves. "Stay, please," he said, desperately. "Just stay here it's dangerous outside please."
The long weird silence occurs again, Yuta seems weird, in Sicheng's point of view.
But he couldn't believe his own eyes when Yuta, by force, letting go of Sicheng's grip on his sleeve.
"...Yuta? What—"
"I'm sorry."
Sicheng didn't know how'd he look when he jumped to chase over the running Yuta before then a blinding light covered his sight.
He lost him again.
And he cried, he woke up crying.
And he didn't waste any more time.
He lost track of how many times he had glanced over to check what time he wakes up before proceeding with his plan on saving the love of his life, but now he barges out seeing Yuta with a surprised face wearing his pajama, before then he smile and he said. "Good morning baby, how's your sleep?"
But Sicheng isn't around this early for this kind of crappy talk, he walked faster before then he weakly hit Yuta's chest, it made his lover widen his eyes.
"Why can't you just let me fucking try for once."
That sentence made Yuta freeze. "...Sicheng? What do you mean baby, is something wrong—"
Sicheng grabbed Yuta's collar, he screamed into his face. "Yes, there are a lot of things, no, even everything is wrong and that everything is you! You! Why can't you just let me try and fix all of this shit for once god damn it Yuta!"
Sicheng was a sobbing mess, and Yuta can't even process the fact that his Sicheng, his baby, his soft baby is grabbing his collar and screaming at him. "Baby I don't understand—"
"You know what, fuck this, I spent all of my fucking years to save you, ever since I saw you died in front of my very eyes I tried, I TRIED Yuta, for the millionth time I keep on failing I keep on fucking failing even when I try my best to make you stay, even when I tried my best to keep you alive the universe just keep YOU out of my fucking reach!"
The awkward silence occurs, again, and Sicheng glanced at the clock, minutes have passed, he still has time. Sicheng is sure of it, he still has a chance to change everything.
He just needs to turn himself in in return for Yuta's life, right? Is that what the gods want?
"Yuta listen," Sicheng faced his Yuta, with eyes sparkling even though there were tears in the edges of his eyes. "Let me go when I said let me go."
"W-What?"
The stuttering person in front of him widened his eyes as Sicheng smiled, they may not exchange even a slightest, even a word to explain the meaning of that smile but deep down Yuta knew what that meant.
"Let me go."
"No, Sicheng no I can't do that after all I've done—"
"I spent all of my powers to prevent all of your deaths please I can't just let you die—"
"I TRIED TO CHANGE THE FATE, OKAY? THERE IS NO WAY I LET YOU TURN EVERYTHING BACK!"
And then silence. The both of them staring into each other's eyes.
Sicheng couldn't believe him, he couldn't believe every bit of words that Yuta spouted. "Yuta I don't understand—"
"I exchange my immortality for your life, do you get it now?"
Sicheng's gaze shakes. "You— you what—"
"Give up."
The air between them darkens, it's not even a simple conversation or a simple situation where Sicheng rants, when Sicheng snapped and Yuta was just there to listen and then hugged him when his anger toned down.
Sicheng's grip loosened, they fell and Yuta squeezed them fingers that parted because Sicheng just couldn't gather any more strength for anything other than standing still and up. "Why… how… "
"You can't wish upon your own death when the god of death himself already exchange his most precious and important core of his own for your life, Sicheng."
Yuta knew, all this time.
All this time he restarted everything over and over and it went to waste, because of Yuta, he keeps on failing his million attempts, it was all because of Yuta.
Yuta.
Yuta smiled, sadly. "Let me go, you can stop this Sicheng. I know how many times you tried to turn back time and rewrite the scripts."
The thundering voices strike again, the both of them lifted their gaze and stared at the exact same point, Sicheng's tears started to fall again.
Then he saw how Yuta began to fade. "It's okay," he said. "I know you're tired, it's been a long day, right?"
"No," Sicheng shook his head. "Don't, please, Yuta not for me."
"It's too late, they crave for my existence already."
Yuta always knew, there would be the time one of them had to go, and Yuta would always choose over himself to go rather than this gifted human being.
Sicheng held Yuta's hand, one more time, he felt how now he can't even touch his hands now, his fading self in front of him.
Yuta's heart broke into pieces when Sicheng was trying to embrace him. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'll make sure everything felt like a dream when you stop."
Sicheng just can't, he didn't even lift his face when he heard Yuta speak like so.
Sicheng blinks, once, twice, thrice.
The fourth time he blinks.
His hand, it's not even there anymore.
Sicheng woke up a crying mess, and exhausted.
He found himself sleeping right beside his window, which faced right to his backyard.
His .
That word felt weird.
What on earth happened? It all felt like a dream, Sicheng thought as he then dragged himself off his sleeping seat and walked outside, to find a tomb.
That tomb made him stunned, for a few moments recalling every little thing that felt like a dream to him, a very vivid one.
I'll make it all felt like it was a dream for you. That voice, that sentence echoed inside Sicheng's head, he remembered how exhausted he was, he remembered loops.
He stepped closer to that tomb, kneeling, something covered what supposed to be written there, a name, a year. Whose tomb it is hes looking at, that's what's he's looking for right now.
The palm of his hand touching something that felt like sands he scrunched his nose, as then his hands manuvered, getting rid of the sands that weirdly dissapates into thin air when he pushes them out of the way.
His eyes widen.
it's been a week.
"Nakamoto Yuta"
That's the only word written on the tomb but enough to made his eyes blurry.
He saw how his hands shakes as he hold on to the tomb, he tighten his grip, he shudder as his hearings were muffling with voices of sobs and what he suppose is Yutas voices.
And it's overwhelming.
His eyes widened more when he saw how the tombstone turned into ashes. "No, please, no, god please let me keep it," a plead, filled with grievance enough to make everyone empathize.
His teardrops falls along with the disappearance of that tombstone hes no longer gripping on.
Now it's just him, exhausted and angry to himself.
When he screamed into the void he can faintly heard how the nothingness cried along with him too.
' i'm sorry '
"I knew i shouldn't have let you go by yourself into the mortals world, you develop a foolish thing called feelings that we told you would only bring you Doom," a voice, with a lighter tone, said.
"Please can't you just do this for your dear brother?" Yuta pleads, his voice sounds helpless. "We were happy, let me have this happiness please i beg of you—"
"Brother, Yuta, where is that once the dark and feared god of death i once knew, my dear beloved brother," another voice, with a tone heavier than Yuta's tone. "His lord made you his descendant and this is what you gave him? Hades trust you with all his might!"
"Calm yourself down, dear brother you're making the tides looks more like a tsunami," the lighter voice speaks. "Yuta, Kronus gave him his blessings in the name of titans,"
"And so i cant fall in love with a mere human just because the almighty Zeus who trusts you to be his descendant just because they were their long time enemy? Nonesense!"
The ground shudder, the air darkens and the wave rages, at this point they were making a chaos down there just because of a 'personal' reasons, the lighter voice sighs before a loud and echoing thud was heard
"Enough of this, the two of you," the lighter voice once again, speaks.
A long silence, before then Yuta speaks. "I do anything you asks me," he said. "I'd gave the legacy over to Doyoung if you want me to, just like how it was supposed to be."
"Yuta, don't—"
"You supposed to understand don't you? Johnny?"
"Brother—"
"Taeyong, don't you remember when aphrodite sets you up with the valentine boy? How does love feel to the both of you?"
Addicting, maybe that's a way to describe it.
The moment they let Yuta go to the mortals world, they knew something would definitely happen, of course that lad still go to finish his job receiving the deads and such.
But never do they expect they would hear a plead as unexpected from a god, as this one.
"Then vanish," The heavier voice grumble, he stood up making a creaking sound from where he just sat on, his younger brother gasped.
"Johnny—"
"Let him be, Tae, let him do what he wants im tired of him whining over and over again," the heavier voice turn on his back. "Summon hermes, tell him we have a message to deliver all the way to Korea."
Then that man dissapate, into a wet salty liquid. The sea, while then there's only the two of them inside the room.
The other's face was filled with grief. "...Fine, you may contact the moirai, they might obey if it was you," he sighs heavily, his brother's wish was one too hard to comply on.
He wishes to change the fate of a mere mortal who was gifted with the ability of a god, of a titan. A god who pleads so, especially a god of death himself.
Tae don't understand him, at all. "You'd rather gave yourself up than seeing him wandering helplessly in the underworld, didn't you?"
His mere existence is ahead of time, but once his role is gone, in order to proceed his wish he had to gave them something, something more.
His soul, that is.
Tae walk down approaching his brother with a grieving smile. "I hope you're happy with this decision, the moirais will arrive in any minute."
Then that man disappear.
And in no time the two brother heard how the dead howling for grievance that usually won't Happened unless something happened, that is when the waves enrage, the sky thunders.
He really did it.