Archive of Our Own ^beta

Despite what most would think, Lena Luthor hadn’t always wanted to be a CEO, or involved in the business part of the family business at all for that matter. She had been more than happy to lead her own R&D team in peace without having to deal with the bureaucracy of being in charge of a multi-purpose business conglomerate.

She couldn’t deny that she loved her work, she loved all the good she could do with her position, and sure putting arrogant men in their place gave her a rush, but she did miss her R&D days. She missed all the silly experiments and prototypes she got to make just for fun, she missed getting to create, she missed the late nights she’d forget to go home and Kara would track her down in one of the labs with Chinese takeout for them to eat while Kara listened attentively to whatever scientific rant Lena was on about and giving minor but extremely helpful inputs every here and there.

Some things never changed, eight years later and Lena still lost herself in her work, Kara still found Lena with her nose buried in papers and chemicals late at night and had to coax her to eat, and the blonde still hung on to every word Lena had to say no matter how mad-scientist-y it sounded as if it was the most important thing anyone in the world had ever said, and Lena still valued Kara’s help and opinions over any other’s.

Many of the things that changed were for the best, Kara didn’t live in that godawful studio apartment in the rent-controlled side of town anymore, where Lena could hear every single passing car throughout the night, they could sleep together every night without the fear of seeming too clingy and codependent, Lena wasn’t haunted by her family name anymore but embraced it proudly as part of who she was, her mother and brother didn’t control any aspect of her life anymore and she got to have full control of her decisions, and of course they had a beautiful and happy little boy together which was the best thing Lena ever had or ever would make in her life.

But Lena’s least favorite change had to be the paperwork. She just hated doing paperwork, hated analyzing reports and revising budgets and dealing with contracts; she was good at it, never one to let one t uncrossed, but she absolutely hated it.

And as it turned out, buying another company only helped to increase the amount of paperwork one has to do. Who knew? She thanked whatever deity was there to hear her that Sam was the one dealing with the new merger over at L-Corp because otherwise, she would certainly snap.

But with CatCo she was the one that had to do it, and she very much disliked that; there was so much work to get through. She had spent the first few weeks of work as the new CEO, and the previous months leading up to it, learning everything she could about the company, analyzing everything there was to in minuscule details.

With a lot of help from Kara, Lena got to know CatCo intimately, every little corner, every small radio show, and every lifestyle column and every anchor under the CatCo brand. She reviewed carefully everything that happened in the company and analyzed everything that was working and what was not, the things she didn’t agree with, the things she thought there should be more of, the people who worked for the company; and then started working on a plan to present to the board on how to improve the quality of work and value of the company.

Everything she had to do for L-Corp when she stepped up she was doing for CatCo, except she wasn’t an unsuspecting 27-year-old being sprung a bigger responsibility than she had ever signed up to, while in the midst of planning a wedding and having to deal with her brother on trial for mass murder and the entire country suddenly turning on her anymore. She did have Kara by her side, as she had had six years before, and she had a lot more experience now, and a beautiful little boy who filled her heart like nothing else.

But coming up with a plan to improve a company that was so far away from her area of expertise was hard work, needless to say, Lena hadn’t had much time to sleep in the past few weeks.

She spent most of her nights, after putting Liam to sleep, in her home office or the living room couch drowning in papers that she’d rather burn and never see again. More often than not she’d go to bed as the sky was already lightening up, and Kara was already almost awakening. On the days that she actually surpassed the night, Kara would insist on her taking the morning off to catch up on sleep, and if Lena was being honest, it was what was keeping her sane through it all.

However, as her workload started winding down, Lena started noticing things.

Like how moody Kara was acting lately, anyone but Liam was in danger of getting a grumpy snappy answer if not careful; how uncharacteristically distant Kara suddenly was, which Lena had originally thought was Kara giving her space to work, but she noticed it continued for longer than it normally would, Kara wasn’t curling up next to her with a cup of tea to just keep her company while she worked as she normally would, and that for Lena just didn’t feel right. Lena noticed at last, how tired Kara had been in the past few days, it wasn’t noticeable to the untrained eye, as a Kryptonian, Kara didn’t really need as much sleep as humans did, but Lena knew Kara’s ticks; her attention spam was scarcer, she was more easily distracted than normal, and she’d often blank out for a few minutes, looking lost in thought for most, but Lena knew when she got like that her mind would be completely empty and she’d come to not knowing she had just spent 5 minutes staring at the air. Kara was also slower, almost sluggish in her movements, not when she was working as Supergirl, but at home or at CatCo.

And as Lena started going to bed earlier, less tired, she got the proof that she was right in her assumption:

Kara wasn’t sleeping.

It was hard to miss the rigidity of Kara’s body in the bed next to her before sleep managed to take her, Kara who was always soft and pliable when relaxed, who would allow Lena to move her this way and that way to get more comfortable without even waking up; Kara who talked in her sleep a lot and sometimes even floated, and who would tangle herself around Lena as soon as Lena touched the mattress, as if even sleeping she missed Lena’s presence, now just laid immovably, visibly tense, on her side of the bed, facing away from Lena, not a single sigh escaping her lips, no thanagarian or french or elvish word nor wild statement disconnected from any logic, just fully silent.

Of course, it could have been just a one-night thing, Lena considered that, but the next night was the same. Lena walked into the room after a long night and early morning of contracts and numbers and planning, and Kara was laying in bed, on her side, facing out towards the window, unmoving. Lena went into the closet and got ready for bed, and when she got back, Kara was in the exact same spot, as tense as Lena had ever seen her. She got into bed, pulled the covers over her, fixed her pillows, and Kara didn’t move; Lena half wondered if she was even breathing, she certainly didn’t look like it.

“Hey,” she whispered softly into the darkness, reaching a hand to touch Kara’s shoulder. She could feel Kara’s tension increasing under her touch for a moment before Kara relaxed, and Lena thought she heard a small sigh. “Are you okay?”

Kara made a noise low in her throat, a mix of a hum and a groan, and turned around to face Lena, slowly.

“Missed you,” Kara croaked out, trying to mask how awake she really was.

Lena didn’t really have the time to reply, as Kara was already pulling her close, arms protectively around her; Lena rested her head on Kara’s chest, ear pressed directly above Kara’s heart, her alien heart with too many chambers and a calming rhythm unlike any human’s, and wrapped her arm around Kara’s waist, tightening the grip just slightly, in the way she knew Kara liked.

“Me too,” Lena mumbled against the warm skin there, breathing in Kara’s familiar scent.

Kara placed a kiss on the top of Lena’s head and relaxed even more, her arms feeling loose and heavy around Lena, not an uncomfortable amount, but just enough for Lena to know she was probably lulling into sleep. She didn’t have the heart to disturb Kara from what was most likely the first time she had gotten to relax all day by asking her whatever had gotten her so tired lately, so she let it go. Not long after, she both heard and felt the deep even breaths that told her Kara was, in fact, sleeping.

Before Lena could fall asleep herself, she heard a soft little hum of a word in the familiar throaty intonation she had come to associate with Kryptahniuo.

“Zehdh,” Kara all but sighed as she slept.

Lena smiled and tightened her arm around Kara’s waist, hugging the sleeping woman more closely, and Kara’s own arms tightened in response to it.

Zehdh, home, family, belonging, it was, as Lena had learned throughout the years, the thing Kryptonians valued the most, the thing that Kara valued the most; and Kara had said that word to Lena many times in the years they had been together, sometimes in elaborated sentences to convey an even deeper meaning, but it never ceased to warm Lena’s heart. She felt honored that Kara felt at home with her, that she felt like she belonged, even after the several years they’d been together, because Kara made her feel at home as well, and ever since they met, whenever Lena was lost or confused or doubting herself, Kara made her feel like she belonged. Kara was everything good that existed in the universe wrapped in one ridiculously handsome package, and that goodness had chosen Lena, despite her family, despite her difficulties, despite everything life had thrown at them, Kara chose Lena, and she continued to choose Lena every day, and not a day went by that she didn’t think about how lucky she was.

So Lena let herself succumb to sleep with a smile on her face and her heart full, holding Kara close, and the mystery of Kara’s lack of sleep just slipped her mind when she woke up still tightly wrapped around Kara, and as she woke Kara up with light kisses and lazy smiles, all she could really think about was how much she loved her wife. Eventually, they would be consumed by thoughts of business deals and budgets and interviews and whatever tragical cruel thing the world had in store for the day, but at that moment, nothing else existed, no one else but them.

The happiness of a perfect morning with Kara, which was later turned even more perfect when they were joined by Liam, distracted Lena enough that she didn’t think about Kara not sleeping well until way into the night.

When Lena finally managed to unbury herself from her work enough so that she could breathe and think of something other than revenue optimization, she remembered her concern of the previous day and decided she had worked enough for the night.

Kara was perched over on their loveseat entranced by the sketchpad on her lap and she looked tired, so very tired, crestfallen, tense like a rubber band about to snap, and Lena’s heart clenched. Her head snapped up when she noticed Lena’s presence, though by then Lena was already halfway into the room; blue eyes went wide as if Kara couldn’t understand how Lena was right there.

“Hey,” Lena greeted, slightly unsure of herself.

“I didn’t hear you.” Kara’s voice was almost accusing, her crinkle creasing her brow with confusion.

“You were pretty focused there.”

Lena gestured to the pad, and Kara shrugged dismissively.

“That’s nothing.” She closed the pad and threw it carelessly on the coffee table, then looked back at Lena with a frown.

Instead of saying anything, Lena made her way towards their bed and started taking off the decorative pillows from over the coverlet. Kara followed and copied Lena’s actions on her own side of the bed. As they pulled the coverlet together, Lena noticed Kara glance at the clock on her bedside table.

“You’re done early,” Kara commented.

Lena followed Kara’s gaze to look at the time herself: 3 am.

“You’re up late,” Lena said back.

It was supposed to be a joke, a witty comeback, but Kara tensed up.

“Yeah, I, um…” she trailed off, then sighed. With the coverlet off, Kara sunk into the edge of the bed, back rigid for a moment before she turned to look at Lena. “I can’t sleep without you,” Kara said, but unlike the other times she said those words before, it wasn’t said in a light tone, instead, she sounded peeved, almost bitter, as if Kara was upset with that fact. And that’s when it downed on Lena.

She chastised herself for not noticing it before, but Lena wasn’t in her 20s anymore, couldn’t function all that well on no sleep and extra stress; she had always had a tendency to hyper-focus on something, a goal, a concept, a project, and forget herself, forget the world and everything else as she worked on that; Kara was the one who would always see to it that Lena didn’t exhaust herself. Perhaps the biggest thing that should have clued Lena in as to something being wrong, was the fact that Kara hadn’t been hawking over her to get her to eat and sleep at a reasonable time the whole week.

She thought back to that psychic meta, Psi. Kara had been left more than a little shaken up by their encounter, cried herself to sleep two days in a roll and had been extra clingy with Liam since then, but Kara swore she was feeling better, that there was nothing to worry about, and Lena believed her, assumed if there was something truly wrong, Kara would have told her. In retrospect, Lena should have counted with Kara’s tendencies to ignore her own needs over those of others and not wanting to burden anyone; they did have a whole argument about it when Kara was dealing with Psi.

Lena smiled sadly a Kara, pained that she would hide from her like this.

“You haven’t been sleeping at all, have you?”

Kara pressed her lips together and looked away from Lena’s face, and that was answer enough for Lena’s question, as was the minuscule raise of her shoulders, as if she wanted to hide from the accusation.

“Ever since Psi?”

Kara shook her head slightly.

“Kara,” Lena sighed, sitting on the bed and reaching for Kara’s hand, managing to only get Kara’s knee when the blonde pulled her hand away subtly.

“You have your own problems,” Kara defended. “I didn’t want to distract you from work.”

“Your problems are my problems, my love,” Lena said gently, squeezing Kara’s knee. “You know that.”

Kara said nothing.

“Talk to me,” she pleaded.

“No, it’s… it’s nothing, I just…” Kara sighed. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Lena frowned at that, practically pouting at Kara, but nodded.

“Okay,” Lena accepted. “Do you want to see if you can sleep with me here?”

Kara nodded, looking at Lena almost hesitantly, vulnerability sipping out of her.

“Alright, come here,” Lena said as she adjusted herself half-sitting against her pillows, shoulders resting on the cushioned headboard; she patted her leg gently and Kara unceremoniously laid down, with her head on Lena’s thigh.

Lena’s fingers gently grazed Kara’s face, brushing the strands of hair away from it, she then brushed lightly over Kara’s eyebrows once, twice, and went back to stroking down Kara’s cheek; those deep blue eyes fluttered close and Kara leaned into the touch.

“Can you talk to me?” Kara asked.

“About what, my love?”

“Anything. I just want to hear your voice,” was whispered against Lena’s leg. “Tell me about work; what have you come up with?”

And so Lena did.

She told Kara about her plans to get CatCo back to its roots as a fashion and gossip magazine in parts, but also give focus to the journalistic progress it had been making since Supergirl showed up, because “Why not have both? CatCo isn’t one or the other, it’s a magazine that tells us that women can care about the political climate, and science innovations, and the business world, and also worry about what to wear to a party, because one doesn’t negate the other. Womanhood is those things coexisting, it’s wanting to have the perfect date and buying lingerie for a special moment, and trying out new stuff in the bedroom and worrying about what future we’re leaving for our children; CatCo is a place where women can indulge themselves in their most primal desires, and not feel judged for wanting to know how the royal family spends their morning, nor talked down to when reading about the main problems a car can have so mechanicals don’t scam them… and that’s actually a great piece, I’m gonna ask you to write that for the next print,” Lena pulled her phone from the bedside table to write down the idea and when she looked down again, Kara was gazing up at her with a delighted smile, blue eyes shining despite her tiredness. “What?”

“I love you, you know?”

Lena smiled back, a blush spreading on her cheeks.

“Was that too rambly?”

Kara might be the one more prone to rambling in their relationship, but Lena also had her moments.

Kara shook her head against Lena’s leg. “That was the perfect amount of rambliness.”

“Good.”

“When did you get so passionate about women’s magazines?”

Lena shrugged, faking non-committedness despite the smile. “I married a reporter, picked some things up along the way.”

“Lucky reporter.”

“Lucky me, really.”

The distraction seemed to be working on helping Kara relax, she looked like she was both fighting sleep and begging for it to come, her heavy eyes set on Lena’s as she struggled to keep them open, and when Lena stroked her cheek once more, she practically purred.

“You’re amazing,” Kara whispered as she nuzzled her cheek against Lena’s leg.

“Am I?”

The blonde nodded, her eyes drooping for longer at each blink. “You excel at anything you set your mind at.”

“Eh, I can’t really fly,” Lena joked, with a little shrug.

“I’ll teach you.”

That elicited a laugh from Lena.

“You know, I don’t really want to talk shop right now,” she told Kara. “Why don’t I just try to bore you to sleep with astrophysics or something?”

“I love astrophysics.”

“So does Liam, he keeps asking me to tell him about the stars, but he’s out like a light within minutes.”

Kara smiled with her eyes closed but didn’t say anything else.

“Or I can tell you a story? Whatever you want, my love,” Lena said, brushing Kara’s hair.

“I just want to hear your voice,” Kara repeated the earlier request.

Lena took a moment to just look at Kara, take her in; the lines of her face, the little scar between her eyes, her faded eyebrows and golden eyelashes, the freckles sprinkled on her cheeks and nose and eyelids, her pink lips. Sometimes she was hit by this overwhelming wave of emotions regarding Kara, she couldn’t quite wrap her mind on just how much Kara had done for her, how much Kara changed her life, saved her time and time again, and not in the physical sense. The idea that someone she met by chance in a restaurant she wouldn’t normally eat at, in a neighborhood she got lost in, could mean so much to her, could have become the most integral part of her life, ingrained into every aspect of every day, was very much overwhelming. She didn’t even want to think where she would have been, who she would have been, if she hadn’t walked into that cheap - to Luthor’s standards - restaurant that night.

She felt guilty for not having noticed something was wrong with Kara before because she knew Kara better than herself, she knew every crinkle and every grimace and every look, could tell what Kara wanted to say before the words even formulated in her wife’s mouth; and yet she hadn’t noticed her wife was so troubled.

“Okay, scoot up,” Lena told Kara, prompting inquisitive blue eyes to look up at her.

Kara only frowned at her, confused.

“I need to lay down too,” she explained. “Come on, cuddling is scientifically proven to be the best sleeping position. And I’m a scientist, so you can’t argue with me.”

A soft smile passed by Kara’s lips and she lifted her head from Lena’s lap.

Lena slid down to lay her head on the pillow and opened her arms invitingly at Kara, who tangled around her with a content sigh, head resting on Lena’s shoulder.

“There,” Lena said, pressing her lips to Kara’s forehead. “Much better.”

Kara’s agreement came in the form of a sleepy hum, and a nod as she nuzzled closer against Lena.

Lena told Kara all about the mundane things that she had been pushing to the back of her mind as she buried herself in work for the past few days: the diner they had promised Sam and never actually got around to doing, how the next game night scheduled was theirs to host and they also had a girl’s night to cash out on, how apparently Liam’s new favorite food was the color red, and how she had an inkling suspicion that Eve had a crush on her along with the fact that she acted eerily similar to how Kara used to when they met and was a personal assistant herself. Just anything and everything she could think about was voiced for the sake of talking, and Kara listened to her quietly, humming a response at best, but overall Lena was just monologuing about random and menial occurrences of the week.

She kept talking until she was sure Kara was asleep, which took quite a bit of time, despite her eyes burning to be closed more each passing minute; had to fight the heavyweight of sleep until way into the early morning. A little bit before 6 am she sent a text to Eve to let her know they weren’t going to work that morning, and to not expect them in the afternoon either if she didn’t hear from them. She also texted Alex to give Supergirl the day off.

The bleeding colors of dawn were already slipping through the drapes and into the bedroom by the time Kara’s soft snores told Lena she was officially asleep, along with a few scattered words in both English and Kryptonian. The words told Lena that there was a lot more on Kara’s mind than she thought, more than just the lies from Psi’s visions that had shaken Kara for days; perhaps they had triggered more repressed memories than Kara had told her.

Lena finally surrendered to sleep to the sounds of Kara’s snores, knowing that nothing short of an emergency was going to bother their much-needed rest.

Lena didn’t get to sleep too much. She never did quite manage to sleep much past 10 am, no matter how late she went to sleep, and that morning was no different.

She woke up alone, face down on Kara’s pillow, and she tried to squeeze out the remaining of her sleep, maybe she could get another ten minutes, but it was fruitless, her brain was already awake. The bedside table clock read 10:25; Lena sighed deeply, not even 5 hours of sleep, how wonderful.

It took a few moments for her to marvel at Kara’s absence. At first, she thought Kara might be in the bathroom, or getting a mid-sleep snack, but after ten minutes, her wife was not back yet, so Lena deduced she had already woken up, fully, and didn’t want to wake her up. Which was normally an okay, and even sweet thing for Kara to do, except after the night before, it made Lena worry; they really needed to talk.

Finding Kara was not at all difficult. Despite the rather exaggerated size of their penthouse, there were only a few places Kara would be right after waking up if she was still at home; and if she wasn’t, she would have left Lena a message for her not to worry. It was part of their system, if Kara needed to go out before Lena was awake, she’d let her know through a text or a note, sometimes a voicemail, if she was in a big hurry or flying, or both. But Kara was home, and in no headspace to work, so there were really only four places she could be: the outside deck soaking up on some sun, the gym, her prayer room, or her paint room. And Lena had a feeling she wasn’t at the gym.

Lena passed by Liam’s bedroom as she crossed the hall and noticed the boy was gone and the bed was made, which meant Kara had gotten him up already.

She frowned.

Apparently, despite her efforts, Kara didn’t manage to sleep all that much.

Lena didn’t need to think as to where Kara was, instinct led her to the second floor, all the way down the hall across the game room, to the heavy door sealed shut with a biometric lock. It was probably the most secure room in the house, the one-room no one else had ever seen besides the Kara, Lena, Alex, J’onn, and Liam.

With the press of her palm right in the middle of the lead pattern on the wood, the door split open, red light bleeding out into the white hall.

Lena could hear Kara’s voice coming from inside, mumbling two sentences in Kryptahniuo like a mantra.

“.Rao sokaofidh nahn w khuhp I ehrosh ni :divi. .Rao sokaokypzrhiges w khuhp I raogrhys.” Rao, please make my journey/life light. Rao, please build my strength.

Lena had heard many Kryptonian prayers and meditations in the past few years, but she couldn’t say she ever heard Kara saying that one, nor could she remember hearing the edge of desperation on Kara’s voice before, as she practically pleaded her god for strength.

Quietly, Lena stepped inside, the door closing behind her with a soft woosh, and made her way across the room where Kara kneeled in front of the crystal altar; she kneeled next to Kara without saying a word, facing the same way Kara did, and just waited. Kara didn’t acknowledge her, simply continued saying the meditation without giving any mention of having heard her.

“.Rao sokaofidh nahn w khuhp I ehrosh ni :divi. .Rao sokaokypzrhiges w khuhp I raogrhys.” The Kryptonian words filled the room like they were part of the air inside it. “.Rao sokaofidh nahn w khuhp I ehrosh ni :divi. .Rao sokaokypzrhiges w khuhp I raogrhys.” Lena couldn’t be sure how many time Kara had said them. “.Rao sokaofidh nahn w khuhp I ehrosh ni :divi. .Rao sokaokypzrhiges w khuhp I raogrhys.” Maybe it was four. “.Rao sokaofidh nahn w khuhp I ehrosh ni :divi. .Rao sokaokypzrhiges w khuhp I raogrhys.” Or was it five? “.Rao sokaofidh nahn w khuhp I ehrosh ni :divi. .Rao sokaokypzrhiges w khuhp I raogrhys.” She lost count as she waited for Kara.

Eventually, Kara stopped and silence consumed the small room.

“I miss my parents,” Kara whispered suddenly, softly breaking the silence between them.

It prompted Lena to look away from the crystals and at Kara’s face. The pain she could see on her wife’s eyes, could hear in her voice, was one Lena knew well, that she had followed closely for years now, but it somehow felt very fresh still. She gave Kara’s thigh a little squeeze, just to let her know she was there.

It took another moment for Kara to continue, but when she did, Lena was sure she had never heard more pain in her wife’s voice in their entire relationship.

“Sometimes I think I imagined it all, that it didn’t really happen… that it’s all just a dream.”

Kara’s eyes were red, tears threatening to spill, but still, her face was stoic, like she was trying to distance herself from what she was saying. Lena felt Kara’s thumb rubbing against her arm and reached with her other hand to grip Kara’s.

“What is, my love?” Lena asked, but she knew the answer already, Kara was talking about how having watched her planet die felt like a distant bad dream she had that she often forgot was real; they’ve had that conversation before, in many different ways, and Lena knew that Kara needed some help letting things out, and that when she did, it would feel a least a little bit better, it’d lift a weight off her chest.

But what Kara actually said, took Lena entirely by surprise, pulling the entire ground from under her.

“I just… I don’t fully believe that I ever managed to get out, that I got to live a nice life, be happy, have a family… not after all that I’ve been through. Sometimes I think my life on Earth is just a dream, a beautiful dream my mind conjured to cope with the fact that I’m stuck in a tiny pod, floating aimlessly into space, unable to die, doomed to never see a single soul again. I think that I stared into miles and miles of pitch-black space until I went crazy, and my mind made up this dream where I got to get out and live a happy life; a life where I have love, and control, power; where I can protect my planet and my people, where I made a family, friends, instead of the meaningless existence of half stasis.”

Tears streamed freely down Lena’s face, but she was stable when she got a hold of Kara’s face in both hands, the gentle touch contrasting with the harshness she felt around her heart, face serious, almost stern, she could hardly breathe, but she had to get her words across.

“Listen to me, Kara,” she started soft, but firmly, her voice breaking just a little before she got a hold of herself. “I am real. This is real. You, me, Liam… we are real,” she told Kara slowly. “We have a beautiful life together, that we built despite everything of bad that has happened to us, we fought to be where we are today, to have what we have, and. It. Is. All. Real. If anything else, I can promise you this. You did get out, and you did get to love and be happy and protect people, and you did it all beautifully, with so much strength, and you didn’t let your past hold you back from being this gorgeous, kind, joyful soul that you are, that inspires so many people every day, inspires me, and makes sure what happened to you won’t ever happen to someone else. You’re not crazy, my love. You, Kara Luthor-Danvers, Kara Zor-El, you are real. And I love you so much.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“I love you too.”

“I know you do.”

Lena smiled and placed a soft kiss at the corner of Kara’s lips. “Alright?” she asked.

Kara nodded and finally let her tears loose, releasing the tight knot in her throat that dissolved into sobs as she gripped Lena to her, tightly, hugging her like her life depended on it; Lena could feel the delicate material of her favorite robe give out on Kara’s fingers, and the way her knees were getting numb from kneeling on the floor for too long, but she didn’t pay it any mind, just rubbed Kara’s back soothingly and let her wife take all the comfort she needed from her, whispering that it was okay and that she was there, and she was real, and she wasn’t going anywhere.

When Kara stopped crying and pulled away from the hug, almost hesitantly, Lena wiped the tears away from her face with gentle fingers.

“You remember when we had our ceremony here?” It was a rhetorical question, obviously, because they both knew neither of them could ever forget that night that they decided not to wait for their planned wedding day to be married and ‘sneaked’ into the sacred room to have their own Kryptonian ceremony, just for the two of them, where they exchanged bracelets, followed the bonding rituals from Kara’s faith and culture, and said their real vows meant just to each other before they did the public thing in front of all their friends and family. “I vowed to protect you and to take care of you, and to never let you feel like you have to do any of this alone,” Lena continued. “If we reached this stage, I’ve already failed you on that. I’m really sorry.”

“No, Lena…” Kara denied in a gasp. She grasped for words, shaking her head as if it’d settle her thoughts easier in her mind. “If anything, I failed you. I pushed you away because I didn't want to acknowledge what I was feeling.”

Lena shook her head, denying Kara’s culpability in it.

“No, I should have seen it, I should have known something was wrong,” Lena insisted. “You know, turns out I did spend 750 million dollars on a company as a gift to my wife,” she laughed without humor. “Because I know how much it means to you. I know it’s what keeps you sane while you deal with the DEO business, and I know telling the truth to the people, keeping the people informed, is important to you, that… that because of what happened on Krypton you want people to have as much information as you can give them so it doesn’t happen again. I just wanted to make it perfect for you, and I ended up not paying attention to what you really needed.”

“I didn’t really want to let you in either way,” Kara said. “Because then I’d have to admit I wasn’t okay, and you know I don’t like admitting when I can’t handle things.”

“To be fair to you, you can handle most things,” Lena joked, coaxing a small smile from her wife. “In all the years I’ve known you, Kara Zor-El,” she said then, a bit more serious, using Kara’s Rao given name for impact, “you haven’t faced anything that you couldn’t handle. And for anything that is too much, I’m always here to shoulder the weight with you.”

Lena squeezed Kara’s thigh with enough pressure to tell Kara she was there, and Kara’s hand grasped her forearm gently, needing the connection.

“I know, Zhao.”

“You keep everyone safe and you take care of everyone, but you need to take care of you sometimes. You taught me Kryptonians saw asking for help as an honor, that you valued having people in your lives that you could rely on and ask for help, so why don’t you exercise that for yourself? Let someone take care of you, let me take care of you, let me help you, please. Shutting off has never done you good, darling.”

Kara nodded, taking in Lena’s words.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Lena shook her head as she stroked Kara’s cheek.

“There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“I promise you I won’t shut you out again. I just… feel like I have to do this alone sometimes because I don’t want to upset you with whatever silly thing…”

“Upset me with silly things,” Lena insisted. “I didn’t marry you just for the good times, Kara. And your feelings aren’t silly, and much less your mental health, okay?”

“Well, who would have thought Lena Luthor would be here talking about feelings and mental health?” Kara teased, not to avoid the seriousness of the moment, but to disperse the tension that was weighing on both of them by then.

“Oh, how the times change,” Lena laughed. “Now this is a very important conversation that we’re having, and a very touching moment, but we need to get off the floor because I don’t know how long my knees can take it.”

Kara let out a little breathy laugh as she nodded and got to her feet before helping Lena up.

Lena pressed a kiss to Kara’s cheek when she was upright. “Thank you, love.”

Kara nodded, then sighed and pulled Lena into a hug, burying her face in the crook of Lena’s neck. As she always did when Kara wasn’t feeling well, Lena hugged back as tight as she could, so Kara could really feel the comfort most people got from a regular hug.

“We haven’t had the best month, have we?” Lena said after a while.

Kara laughed and pulled away. “You could say that.”

“I don’t like feeling this far from you.”

“Me neither.”

“Come on, I’ll make you breakfast.”

“It’s nearly noon,” Kara pointed out.

“We’re both adults, we can eat breakfast whenever we want.”

Kara grinned brightly at that. “I like the way you think, Mrs. Luthor-Danvers.”

“I’m not just a pretty face,” Lena said as she winked at Kara.

After piles of pancakes, bacon, omelets, bruschette and a fruit salad to finish off, Kara was looking a lot better than she had for the past month, more relaxed and happy; though Lena also counted the fact that she got her anguish out and had a good cry, she knew the food was a big contributor. Home cooking, whether it be cooking together or Lena cooking for her, had always been something that made Kara feel better, even if momentarily, and Lena was glad she was able to provide that simple pleasure for her wife.

“So Alex told me you asked her to give Supergirl the day off,” Kara mentioned conversationally while she finished the rest of the food left in her plate.

Lena hummed in acknowledgment, having just taken a sip of coffee. “Did you tell her why?”

“I just told her we haven’t been sleeping well lately and needed a day to rest, which, technically, is not a lie.”

“Did you even get any sleep?”

Kara shrugged and stuffed her mouth with food, so she didn’t need to answer it right away.

“I think it was around nine when I took Liam to daycare,” was what Kara said, but they both knew that wasn’t really answering Lena’s question.

Lena sighed, putting down her coffee cup and looking straight at Kara.

“You’re probably going to be mad at me,” she started, “but I think you need help.”

“I told you, I’m gonna make sure to not pull this again.”

“I don’t mean me. I mean professional help.”

Kara frowned at that. “What are you saying?”

“I think you should see a therapist,” Lena said carefully.

“What? I don’t… I don’t think I … How could I?” Kara stuttered, not even knowing where to start with that statement.

“Someone specialized in combat trauma could maybe know how to deal with what you need and help you work through things,” Lena suggested. “Under a fuckload of NDAs and other protective measures so you can be open and honest about how you feel and what you go through as Supergirl.”

“I don’t know…”

“Kara, what you told me? That’s not just something that can be brushed aside. How long have you been feeling like this? Hiding it?”

Kara looked down at her feet.

“Hey. You don’t need to feel ashamed of your feelings and of how you’ve dealt with the things you have been through. But I do believe it would do you good to see a therapist, one whom you can talk about being a superhero and a mother, a reporter, a wife, a sister… just be yourself with them. I’ll even go with you, if you want.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“If you can find someone that could work with what I go through, I don’t see why not?”

“Deal. The DEO must have someone,” Lena pondered.

Kara grimaced. “Yeah, uhm, the DEO’s therapist doesn’t like me.”

“Why? And also, how?”

Kara laughed then. “Some people don’t like my positivity and outgoing personality.”

“They think you’re a fake.”

“He absolutely thinks I’m fake,” Kara agreed. “I tried to convince him that I’m actually nice, but he just accused me of needing to please people and making everyone like me.”

Lena all but snorted.

“I can see how one might think that.”

“Hey! Rude,” Kara protested.

“It’s one of the reasons I love you, darling,” Lena said over sweetly, making Kara glare at her.

“Do not coddle me,” Kara said, but Lena could tell she was still in a lighthearted mood.

“Oh, sorry. You know I only married you for your abs and bulging biceps.”

“That is fine, as long as you know I only married you for your boobs.”

“Of course. Why do you think I wear so many low-cut tops?”

“Because you know how to please me.”

“You bet I do,” Lena said with a grin that made Kara laugh. “But back to the serious topic for a moment, just to close it off; I’ll talk to Lucy, see if she knows anyone in the army that we could trust with this, and make them an offer to transfer to the DEO.”

“You think they’d hire a new therapist just for me?”

“Darling, Supergirl is their most prolific asset, it’s in their best interest to keep you well and healthy.”

“Fine, Mrs. CEO, treat me a like product,” Kara joked half-heartedly, rolling her eyes. “But I guess it’s worth a try, at least.”

“That’s the spirit!” Lena exclaimed, a bit over exaggeratedly. “Now, why don’t we pick Liam up from the daycare and spend the rest of the day trying to get your mind off of your bad dreams? We could go to the park, get ice cream, let his endless energy tire you out before bedtime…”

Kara smiled, looking almost relieved that that was something they could do.

“Yeah, that sounds amazing.”