Archive of Our Own

"Aoi, can you hear me?" 

Aoi nodded weakly. Her whole body felt like it was boiling. She felt like she was dying. Her skin was drenched in her sweat and she couldn't see properly. She could barely hear. She could faintly feel Shinobu squeeze her hand. Aoi felt her whole flesh prickle against the air; it was as if oxygen was poison to her skin. Her throat became stuffy and it swelled furiously. Everywhere hurt so much, everywhere hurt so much. It was like... it was like she was dying. 

"I'm injecting it now," Tamayo said softly. Aoi nodded a little. "There will be pain at the beginning, but it will pass in a couple of minutes." 

Aoi didn't have the energy to think or do anything. She was dying, she was slowly dying. And this was the only way. It all happened so quickly. Shinobu told her that she won't make it to the morning and that there were serious damages to her internal organs. A form of disease, a form of cancer. It was unstoppable and Shinobu had carefully suggested all of this. 

Aoi closed her eyes, slowly falling unconscious. She hoped that when she woke up, she was alive. 

- aoi, wait, i'll be back in a minute. 

- well, it's alright if it takes months, just don't get injured. 

She didn't want to die. She had things to do. 

"Shinobu!" Inosuke said furiously. "Where's Aoi?" He shook is fury and fear. Ever since he had stepped into the butterfly estate, everything was hushed in silence and secrecy. No one looked at him in the eyes, someone was clearly hiding something. And most importantly, Aoi wasn't here. He couldn't feel her. She usually greeted him from the garden and this time, she didn't. Something was wrong. And Shinobu was looking at him so placidly, with sad eyes. 

"Inosuke, yelling is not nice." 

"Where is she?" Inosuke fumed. "Shinobu, tell me, where is she?" 

"A week ago," Shinobu started, her expression solemn and serious. "A week ago Aoi fell terribly sick. We found out she got severely hurt and had dismissed the fact. She had internal bleeding. We're not sure where she got injured but we didn't have a chance to ask. A lot of other things were wrong with her body, both physically and emotionally. She couldn't talk nor see properly and..." Her voice trailed away. 

Inosuke felt his body freeze. He couldn't feel anything. Fear lurked in his heart. He could feel tears welling in his eyes. His knees gave away and he collapsed to the floor. He looked at Shinobu, panting vigorously. "Shinobu..." he said, his voice cracked. "Did she... Did she..." He didn't even want to say it. He saw Shinobu's expression change a little, something somewhat resembling surprise. She stood up and walked to him. 

"Inosuke, stand up, she didn't die." 

Inosuke exhaled and covered his eyes with his hands. "Thank god," he whispered to himself. He thought he lost. He thought he lost her forever. He never realized the single thought could make him so, so scared. It was so alien and foreign. He looked at Shinobu, his expression falling apart, he couldn't mask anything anymore. "Then what? What happened to her? Where is she?" 

"We only had one choice," Shinobu said quietly. 

Inosuke stared at her. 

"She... was turned into a demon." 

It was like she slapped him in the face. Inosuke looked at Shinobu, searching her face for any sign of lies. No, she wasn't lying. He opened his mouth and closed it, not knowing what to say. He couldn't believe it. Aoi? Was turned into a demon? A weird sense of anger coursed into his body and he clenched his fists tightly. How was he supposed to react to that? "Who..." he started. "Who dared to do that to Aoi?" 

Shinobu looked at him, her face hardened. 

"I did." 

Inosuke glared at the person behind Shinobu. He recognized her: Tamayo the demon. His eye brow twitched. He brushed past Shinobu aggressively and grabbed Tamayo by the collar. "You... You turned Aoi into a demon?" he seethed in anger. Her cold, condescending eyes looked back at him. "Why? Why did you do that? Did you need another test subject?" He was so angry and so scared. The two combined didn't do good to him. 

"Kanzaki Aoi was dying," Tamayo replied. 

"Is she fine? Is she fine?" Inosuke roared. 

"There will be some side-affects," Tamayo explained coolly. "She did endure a lot of pain at the beginning but she's been recovering from her injury and has been learning to be capable of controlling herself with human blood thirst." She grabbed his hand and yanked it off her collar. "And I'm not going to neglect her, she will come back to human; she can because she's only been dosed a small amount." 

"Inosuke, let her go," Shinobu warned him. "I'm working on an antidote. Aoi will come back as human."

"I don't believe you," Inosuke muttered. "Antidote?" 

"I'm working on it," Shinobu said firmly. "And I'm trying my best." 

Inosuke glared at both of them. He still felt incredibly angry. "What are the side-affects?" 

They was a long silence. 

"...what are the side-affects?" 

"She can't... do a lot of things," Shinobu said quietly. "She can't talk... mainly because she has been restricted - " Inosuke snapped his head to her. Restricted? " - and just like Nezuko, her memory has deterred a little, she acts like a young child." Her face darkened. "Inosuke, we tried our best to save her. I love Aoi as much as you do. And this is the decision we agreed on, Aoi agreed too, and do not disrespect me any further." 

Inosuke took a step back, breathing heavily. "Where is she?" he asked quietly. 

"She's here, in the butterfly estate," Shinobu said quietly. "Tamayo-san is looking after her." 

Here? Inosuke closed his eyes and tried to focus. He couldn't feel her. But maybe that was because she was a demon now, she was a stranger. He was scared to see her again. What if she didn't recognize her? What if he didn't recognize her? What if she couldn't turn back into a human? No, what if she died? Taking care of a demon was hard, he saw it from very close by. Could he do that? Of course, he would do that for her. 

"Let me see her, where is she?" Inosuke demanded. it didn't matter. Aoi was Aoi. 

"No," Tamayo said defiantly as she stood between him and the door. "Hashibara-kun, you're bleeding a lot. And Aoi has been... very aggressive towards strangers so far." She shook her head. "Not today, not soon. Later. Later, when everything's a little better for her." 

Inosuke knew she was right. But he hated this situation. He couldn't even see her. And, and she was a demon. It was so confusing and disturbing enough. He didn't know what to do anymore. He just didn't know what to do with this situation, he was helpless, he was powerless. It was annoying and he hated it so much. He clenched his fist and squeezed his eyes shut. "Fine," he finally choked out. His voice was cracked. "Fine." 

He turned away slowly. 

Then he heard the door slide open. And he turned around, his eyes glistening. Everything happened at once. Tamayo yelled something and Shinobu lunged forward. And in the midst of all of that, Inosuke locked eyes with Aoi. Her bright blue eyes stared back at his emerald ones. She had a bamboo muzzled around her mouth, just like Nezuko. Time slowed down momentarily. Inosuke could almost just convince himself that everything was fine, because everything looked fine. She looked almost the exact same as he left her, just with a stupid muzzle. 

Aoi's eyes raked across his wounds. Inosuke watched as she approached him. Shinobu had a hand on her sword. Tamayo lightly touched Aoi on the shoulder. "Aoi, you should be sleeping right now," Tamayo said quietly. "And it's morning." 

Aoi took a step forward, brushing Tamayo's hand off. Inosuke took a sharp intake of breath as she approahced him. She stopped in front of him. In the corner of his eyes, he could see Shinobu worried sick. He slowly opened his mouth. 

"Hey, Aoi," he said softly. 

Aoi didn't respond. Her eyes were widened and she was breathing rapidly. Her fingers traced the cut on his face. She touched his blood. Inosuke froze, not knowing what to do. "Inosuke, slowly walk away from her," Shinobu said quietly. "Aoi's very, very unstable right now and... and I have no idea what she wants from you." 

Aoi's eyes were a little widened. She touched his face. Inosuke wondered if he could touch her, or that would just make things worse for her. "She's hungry," Tamayou observed. "We should get her to sleep." She pulled out a syringe that Inosuke guessed, would force Aoi into sleep. Somehow, he didn't like that idea. He didn't like how Aoi was treated like... like she was someone else. Like they didn't know her, like they didn't know that she was a good person. 

"Aoi, do you recognize me?" Inosuke asked. "You know me, right?" 

Aoi looked at him with blank eyes with a blank expression. He should be scared that she might just... eat him, but Inosuke was sure she wouldn't do that. Aoi started drooling and that's when Inosuke started panicking. No one dared to move. But she was in pain, she was struggling. Aoi touched his arm. Then she pulled at him, leading him somewhere. Inosuke looked at Shinobu, who gave a small nod in return. He would be safe, from how Aoi had acted so far. 

Aoi lead him to the nearest room. And after taking out a first-aid kid, she started treating him. And after she was done, she seemed very happy about it. She seemed to be smiling. She looked at Shinobu expectantly and Shinobu smiled warmly. "Good job, Aoi," she said. Aoi nodded happily. 

"Aoi, let's go back to your room," Tamayo said, taking Aoi's hand. 

Aoi didn't move. Their eyes were locked and Inosuke couldn't move under her gaze. Aoi touched his cheeks tenderly and then wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging. He froze once more. It was nice and she was warm. He closed his eyes and pulled her closer, content. Aoi was still Aoi, no matter what. He didn't care if she was a demon or a human, she was still Kanzaki Aoi to him. Nothing changed in the way he cared about her. 

"I'll take care of her," Inosuke said, looking at Tamayo and Shinobu. "Let me do it." 

They shared a look. 

"We don't know when she'll lose it," Tamayo said carefully. "She needs a considerable amount of attention. And everything is unpredictable. She's not completely a demon, nor is she human. She may have only the disadvantages of both. There isn't anything known about her. All we know is that she has a chance of becoming human again." There was a pause. "If not, I'll take responsibility of everything." 

Inosuke looked down at Aoi. Her eyes were light blue, like she lost the emotions inside her. But he knew she was the same. She acted a little different, maybe a little too cordial even, and her good heart remained the same. Inosuke stroked her hair. "Please let me take care of her," he said. He wanted to stay with her. 

Tamayo opened her mouth to oppose but Shinobu raised a hand and nodded reassuringly. "Fine, but we'll both be constantly checking in." 

Inosuke nodded slowly. He looked at Aoi and smiled. "Aoi, you like that too, right? Being with me?" 

Aoi blinked up at him. 

His mind was racing and his heart was failing but it didn't matter. She was alive and she was with him right now. He was thankful. Everything receded when he was with her and he couldn't do anything when he was with her. She always had this effect on him, and it was still valid even when she was a demon. He touched her face and Aoi shivered and pulled away, her face turning pink. She was the same. 

Inosuke smiled. 

"Good night, Aoi," Inosuke said as he pulled the blanket up to her neck. "See you later." 

Aoi grabbed the end of his haori and pulled him closer. Inosuke fell on top of her. He looked down at her. Her eyes were smiling. And she didn't look like she was planning on letting him go. "Aoi, is there something you need?" he said softly. Aoi seemed patted the space beside her. Inosuke felt his whole body stiffen with realization and his face turned bright red. 

"You want me to... sleep next to you?" 

Aoi nodded. 

Inosuke contemplated for about three quick seconds and then with a sigh, lay down beside her. "Satisfied?" he asked. Aoi nodded. She snuggled up to him, placing her head on his arm. She then closed her eyes and curled into a ball. Inosuke looked at her and stroked her hair gingerly, humming the song he ever knew - the one his mom taught him. He stared at the ceiling and then returned his gaze to her, soundly asleep. 

He remembered what Shinobu and Tamayo had told him. 

- kanzaki aoi was dying. 

- a lot of other things were wrong with her body, both physically and emotionally.

What had happened to her while he was gone? The thought haunted him. What made him more upset was the fact that he wasn't there to protect her. He thought she was one person he could protect, the one person that he would anything and everything for. But she would've died. She would've died if Shinobu wasn't there, she would've been lost if Tamayo wasn't there. Anger at the world receded and it shifted into anger at himself. 

Why the hell did it take him so long to finish this mission? Why the hell did he think it was alright to leave her alone for months and months? What the hell was wrong with him? He tried to recall the last conversation he had with Aoi. It was stupid and ridiculous. He had mocked her and she had retaliated and that was how he left. He shouldn't have done that. That was the last thing she remembered of him and he had left himself as someone who ridiculed her at all times. 

He hated it, he hated it so much. 

He hated him so much. 

"Inosuke's been asleep this whole time?" Tanjiro said. 

"He's been taking care of Aoi," Shinobu explained. "He synced his time with hers; he sleeps at day and wakes up at night. Just like her." She took a sharp intake of breath. "And... she's been acting very much like Nezuko and so we were wondering if the two could... communicate with each other. Interact. At the moment we're not sure how human or how much of a demon Aoi is but comparing against Nezuko may give us an idea - " 

"I'm alright with it as long as I can be with Nezuko at all times," Tanjiro replied. 

Shinobu looked so incredibly thankful about everything. So when Nezuko came out of the box, Tanjiro gingerly took her hand. They walked numerous corridors, so much to the point that Tanjiro realized he's never been to these parts. The door slid open and he squeezed Nezuko's hand. There in the middle of the room, Inosuke was furiously telling Aoi about the things he did on his mission. He looked so exhausted. 

Inosuke turned to Tanjiro, a little stunned for a moment. Then he immediately turned to Aoi. Aoi's eyes widened and then she immediately hid behind Inosuke upon spotting Nezuko. Tanjiro glanced at Nezuko, who's eyes also widened. "Nezuko?" Tanjiro said softly. 

Nezuko leaped first. She clawed at Aoi, who whimpered and dodged. Inosuke glared at Nezuko. "Nezuko!" 

Nezuko breathed heavily. And then she leaped a second time. Inosuke placed a hand on Aoi's shoulder and hugged her as he turned around. Nezuko's sharp claws raked his back and Inosuke cried in pain. He held Aoi tightly, who was trembling in fear. 

"Nezuko!" Tanjiro said as he grabbed his sister by the arm and pulled her back aggressively. "That's Aoi-san, don't do that to her!" Nezuko didn't listen, she stood in front of Tanjiro protectively, breathing in and breathing out. She glared at both Inosuke and Aoi. 

"Get her out of here!" Inosuke bellowed. 

Shinobu slammed a syringe into Nezuko's neck in a split-second. Nezuko closed her eyes and fell unconscious in Tanjiro's arms. Inosuke vigorously glared at both of them filled with anger and fury. "What the hell were you thinking?" he breathed. "Aoi could've gotten hurt."

"I'm sorry, it's my thoughtlessness," Shinobu said. "I didn't realize Nezuko would recognize Aoi as a demon." 

"Get out," Inosuke seethed. "All of you, please... get out."

Tanjiro was shocked but he obliged. His friend seemed to be dying in the inside, slowly by slowly. He didn't look fine, he didn't look normal. And so when he looked at Shinobu, confused, after they had left the room, Shinobu gave a long, exhausted sigh. "Hashibara-kun is killing himself," she started. "It drives him crazy that Aoi won't talk to him, or acknowledge him for what they used to be. It kills him that every day, nothing seems to be getting better." 

Tanjiro held his sister close. He knew it wasn't easy. He should know it, if not anyone else. 

Shinobu sometimes wondered if she had made the wrong choice. It was a frightening, terrifying, horrible thought but her mind wandered to there from time to time. Maybe Aoi shouldn't have been turned into a demon. Maybe she should've... been let go that day. Because the antidote didn't seem to be working and Tamayo's blood had stopped working its way into Aoi's system. She was neither human nor demon. Maybe everything was getting worse and worse.

For both Inosuke and Aoi. 

Inosuke took a deep breath. "Aoi? Aoi, are you okay?" 

He could feel her tremble; she was scared. He lightly touched her arm and turned her around. He cupped her face. She looked him with eyes that made his heart wrench. "Aoi, it's fine, it's fine," he said softly as he wiped her face. "It's going to be fine. I'll protect you." 

Protect her. How long could he do that? Could he do this forever? He was already so tired and exhausted. He... He missed Kanzaki Aoi, the Aoi that he knew. He woke up every day and hoped that, perhaps, perhaps today was the day that Aoi would come back to normal. Perhaps today, she would recognize him. Perhaps today, she'd be human again. Like him. 

Aoi started crying and Inosuke really panicked. "Aoi, please don't cry," he cupped her face. "Okay, I'll to punch Tanjiro in the face after this. Alright? I won't ever leave you until then and... and even after that I'll always protect you." He'll protect her from dying, if he could. "So, please don't cry. Don't be sad." 

- inosuke-san, i don't need your protection. 

He could almost imagine he could hear her voice. He could almost imagine that he could see her smile. Aoi whimpered again, wheezing a little as she touched his back where he was bleeding from Nezuko's attack. She walked around the room before picking up her favorite first-aid kit and started treating him. Inosuke sat down, his back to her and buried his face in his hands. Did Aoi even know why she was treating him? Did she remember anything about her life from before? 

When would this all stop? 

When could he stop and rest? 

When Aoi finished, she roamed around the room again, putting back the things she collected. And when she was done, she sat in front of him, and looked at him expectantly. Inosuke inhaled sharply and smiled weakly. "Good job, Aoi," he said. She looked happy. And that warmed his heart. It didn't matter, nothing mattered. As long as she was happy, that was all that mattered. As long as she wasn't crying. Inosuke leaned forward. "Aoi." 

She responded by looking at him. 

"Aoi, I love you," Inosuke blurted. 

Aoi tilted her head to the side. 

"Aoi, talk to me." 

She didn't respond. 

"It doesn't matter, I'll do all the talking," Inosuke laughed bitterly. "Just... don't be sad. Alright?" What if she stayed like this, unaging and undying? How much time did Inosuke have to spend with her? He was so scared he might lose everything. "I won't ever leave you behind. Okay?" 

Aoi leaned forward. Her bamboo muzzle touched his lips. His eyes widened. Their faces were inches away. Her eyes sparkled like pools of jewels glittering together. It made his heart warm, but that didn't stop him from getting so worried. How much did he have left? Could he spend the rest of his life with her? Or would he die before that? He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back a little. 

"It's fine," he told himself. "As long as Aoi's alive and happy, it's fine." 

It wasn't fine. 

Aoi looked at the sky, taking the stars in with her eyes. She was happy as she could be. She looked back, making sure Inosuke was following her. He looked at and smiled weakly. And then she was sad. She wanted him to be happy and yet he looked so sad all the time. She tried everything but he only got sadder and sadder. She didn't know why. She didn't know a lot of things. She didn't know her name, she didn't know his name, she didn't know why he cared about her so much, she didn't know why she cared about him so much. Looking at him always gave a strong urge to treat him - when did she learn how to do that anyways? 

"Aoi." 

She looked behind at his voice. Aoi, that's what he called her. 

"It's getting cold, let's go back." He looked so tired so she obliged. She took his hand and walked back to the butterfly estate. She wondered if they had always been like this; did he always take care of her? How long had it been since this happened? "Aoi, do you think you'll talk to me anytime soon?" Talk to him? Why did she have to talk to him? 

She looked at him with puzzled eyes. 

"You never hurt me," Inosuke continued. "You act like you know exactly what you're doing when you're with me. Do you really not... remember?"

Remember what? 

"What am I saying?" Inosuke laughed, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter, Aoi." 

Aoi really wanted to make this person happy. He seemed constantly sad and constantly happy because of her and she only wanted him to be happy with her. He was always sacrificing everything, his time and his effort, for her and she didn't understand why. Who was he? Why couldn't she talk? Aoi pushed back these questions. It didn't matter, she thought. It never mattered, ever. 

- inosuke-san! 

Aoi shrilled as she collapsed to the ground, covering her ears. Her heart raced and her eyes widened. 

What was that?

"Aoi?" Inosuke knelt down beside her. "Aoi, what's wrong?" 

Her blood started boiling, literally. Aoi felt everything - every single cell - in her body disintegrate and rearrange itself. She clutched her chest, struggling to breath. She felt warm arms coming around her. She couldn't hear anything. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, she couldn't see anything. Aoi panicked, she panicked so much. What was happening? What was happening? 

- inosuke-san. 

It was the voice of a girl she never heard of. Her throat became dry and her skin prickled from the inside out. She tightened her grip around her chest but she couldn't feel - nor see - anything. She only seemed to be blind staring, listening to such unfamiliar things in her head. What was happening? Was she dying? 

- inosuke-san, my name's aoi! 

Aoi. She knew that name. Where did she hear it from?

- aoi, talk to me. 

Who was Aoi?

- aoi, i love you.

Who loved this person? 

Everything felt like it was spinning around her. What were these unfamiliar memories of someone she didn't know? The deeper and the more colorful the memories, the more she felt like she was being suffocated. Aoi just wanted to get out of here, she just wanted to go back to... Who was she with? Was she even with someone? Wasn't she alone this whole time? Everything happened so quickly, she couldn't keep up with the time. 

- aoi, it'll be dangerous. 

- and you might possibly die. 

Aoi... this Aoi person was dying. Why was she dying? 

- aoi, do you recognize me? 

- you know me right?

There was a ripple of pain shooting across her body and if she didn't know any better, she would've described herself as screaming. Voices screamed at her ears but she couldn't hear anything. Images and faces of people she never saw flashed across her eyes but she couldn't see. She was in so much pain but she couldn't feel anything. Memories of someone she never knew - Aoi? Did she hear that from somewhere? - came flooding into her heart. 

Then she opened her eyes, drenched in sweat, just like the last moment she remembered being alive. 

Her name was Kanzaki Aoi. And she didn't want to die. She had things to do. 

- she went through some form of shock. 

Inosuke had punched the wall as soon as he brought Aoi back to the butterfly estate. Shinobu told him numerous times that it wasn't his fault, that it was just her chemical imbalance that couldn't be helped. But he still felt very responsible. He almost lost her a second time and this time in front of his very eyes. He wanted to slowly die. He couldn't protect her again. He paced around the corridor, angry at himself again and again. 

"Inosuke-kun, you can come in now." 

He didn't wait; he immediately stormed in. Then he relaxed his muscles after seeing Aoi soundly sleeping on the bed. She looked fine again. He inhaled sharply and with a cracked voice said, "I'm sorry." He felt the guilt consume him. He let her die a second time. Almost. 

"It's not your fault," Shinobu said quietly. "I don't think Aoi would like to see you this sad because of her either." 

"It's my fault," Inosuke breathed. 

Shinobu raised a hand to pat him but decided against it. She didn't say anything particular and left him alone with Aoi. Inosuke kneeled beside her and placed his head on the bed. He was so ashamed of himself. He started sobbing quietly, crumpling the sheets under his grip. Why. Why couldn't he protect her? Why was it that she was the one person he couldn't protect? She was the only one he wanted to protect. 

He listened to her heart. He could feel it pump vigorously. She was alive. 

And she was stirring. 

Inosuke's pulse quickened as he looked up. Her eyes were slowly opening. Inosuke stood up and touched her cheeks. She flinched under his touch and looked at him, her eyes widened. Inosuke released a sigh of relief as he wiped his tears. "Hey, Aoi," he said softly. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I promise that won't happen. I'll do my best that it never happens again." He tucked a wisp of her hair behind her ear. "Just... sleep and rest for now." 

She continue to stare at him. That's when Inosuke realized something was off. Her eye color was... was a little different. And her face seemed to be a different shade. He froze, his lips parted a little, a single tear streaking down his cheeks. He watched her as she slowly sat up and leaned forward. Tears brimmed at her eyes. Inosuke couldn't move at all. Time slowed. 

Time slowed. 

She started crying. 

And he was still frozen. 

The spell broke when she touched his face. Inosuke exhaled and then slowly he took off the bamboo muzzle that had been there for so long - too long. She breathed deeply, gasping. Tears streamed down her face. He touched her face and breathed. She opened her mouth. 

"Inosuke-san," she sobbed. 

Inosuke felt so weak that moment. He couldn't stay standing anymore, he felt like he was going to collapse any moment. His hand trembled and he couldn't move anything at all. He fell to the ground, weak as he started furiously crying. He was so happy, so so happy. He was so happy that he couldn't feel the happiness. He could only cry and cry. He didn't care how stupid and dumb he must look. He stumbled towards her and pulled her into a hug. 

"Aoi," he whispered. "Kanzaki Aoi." 

"That's me," Aoi replied as she cried into his shoulder. "Inosuke-san, I'm back." 

"I know," Inosuke closed his eyes, biting his lower lip. He didn't want to bawl but he was at the verge of it. "You've been gone for so long, Aoi. So long."

They just cried, pouring out emotions. Aoi looked at him, so broken, so exhausted. How much time had passed? She couldn't tell she couldn't remember. She touched his face and traced her fingers around the numerous faded scars. There were more scars than she remembered. She couldn't keep track of time when she was a demon, she hardly remember anything clear. But she remembered him so clearly, he had always been there. 

"You have no idea how much..." Inosuke stopped talking, his voice horse and cracked. He smiled, closing his eyes, and tears rolled down his cheeks. He looked so glad more than anything. "You have no idea how much I waited for this moment." Then he took a long intake of breath. "Aoi, why were you dying? What happened while I was gone?" The question was too late. It was too late. 

Aoi didn't say anything for a while. She knew what he was talking about. "I..." she started. "I'm sorry." She smiled at him. Inosuke hated how the first few words she was saying included an apology. "It's just... a lot of work on top of a lot more work. I didn't have a chance to rest and I took some experimental medicine to help me cope - it broke me from the inside. I didn't know that would happen." Of course she didn't, she never knew. 

"Didn't it hurt like hell?" Inosuke blurted. 

"It did," Aoi said quietly. "But it's nothing compared to the pain you endure in your missions, Inosuke-san." 

- aoi, i love you.

What were they anyways? Did they love each other? Aoi recalled the last conversation she could remember. They weren't anything particular. They weren't anything special. But somehow, she was here, he was here, and they were both crying, and nothing seemed wrong with that. He was blazing with anger at the thought that she might disappear from his life and she didn't question it. Something inside them told them that it was alright. It was alright to be like this. 

"Inosuke-san, thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for being with me. Thank you for helping me live." 

Neither of them deserved. She shouldn't have needed to be turned into a demon in the first place and he shouldn't suffer this much only wanting the best for her. Their lives shouldn't be this complicated, it shouldn't be this hard.

"You owe me," he hissed. His eyes were red. "And if you feel any bit guilty about it, do not ever ever get hurt again." 

"I promise, Inosuke-san," Aoi said quickly. 

"Then it's fine," he sighed. "It doesn't matter, as long as you're alive and you're happy." And he vowed to himself that moment. It didn't matter if she was a demon or a human, as long as she was alive and was happy, everything was fine. There wasn't anything else he could want more. He smiled to himself, finding himself growing greedier and greedier by each passing day. He first only wanted her to be alive. And then he wanted her to be human again. And then he only wanted her to be happy. And now, and now, he wanted this moment to never end. He was selfish. 

Why did this happen to her? Why did this happen to him? The world had always been very, very cruel to Inosuke and he was reminded once again to never take anything for granted. He was only thankful now. He was thankful she came back to him while he was alive, while he was sane. 

"Inosuke-san, you know you can't always protect me all the time from everything, right?" Aoi smiled.

She was right. And he hated how she was right. But he was angry. He bit his lower lip and trembled with madness. "Why..." he choked. "Why are you saying that? Why are you looking at me like that?" They should be happy right now, they should be celebrating that she was alive. But she was too calm, as if she knew she should be dead that moment, and he was too mad as if he knew she was speaking the truth. 

They lived in that kind of world, after all. 

"I'm sorry, I must've ruined everything," Aoi said. She was scared. She was scared that something might happen to her again, a single mistake leading to her death, the decision to live turned her into a demon, and... through all that, here she was. She was scared that when that something happened again, Inosuke would put himself in this position again and torment himself. She was a healer, she didn't like seeing people get hurt - get hurt by her. She didn't want Inosuke to drown himself in guilt like this again. 

"I know what you're saying," Inosuke swallowed. 

They should be cherishing the moment, but they couldn't. She knew so well she couldn't become someone important to Inosuke because it would eventually kill him. She was that kind of person. She already almost killed him. 

"I don't care if you're a demon," Inosuke breathed. "I'm glad you're human again, but even if you weren't, I would've still done everything I can to keep you company. Because you're Kanzaki Aoi. I only need Kanzaki Aoi." 

Aoi wanted to tell him he was wrong, but she couldn't. She instead cried. She couldn't do anything else but pour out all the tears she had in her life. That was all she could do for him. She shouldn't be feeling this happy that someone became this broken for her. She was selfish, she was being selfish. Maybe she shouldn't even be alive. But she couldn't help but feel happy and happy and she could push back everything else. For now. That moment. 

"Me too," she said. "I only need you Inosuke-san." 

She should be lying. That should be a lie.  

The world was twisted. And it was dark. And cold. Aoi clenched her fists and unclenched them. She was glad to be alive. She was glad to be alive and she was thankful that he had been with her to make that possible. But she knew it was wrong. But she was happy. She had been a demon. And it most likely all thanks to everyone around her that she didn't kill anyone. Or hurt anyone. and she was so, so glad but she wondered what would've happened if she had made another mistake.

Would Inosuke still be by her side? He shouldn't. 

She could only think of the negative things in her life, the bleakest future. Inosuke seemed desperate to make her realize that life was a good thing. And she was desperate to let him know that she did know, she knew life was a good thing, she knew his life was a good thing. But not hers. She didn't want to his good life become tainted with her miserable one. She was grateful for all the sacrifices everyone made to make her live, but she couldn't agree with it. 

"I hate what you've become because of me," Aoi said. 

"I hate what you've become because of the world," Inosuke replied. "But we can't help it, right?" 

He was right. She couldn't help it. She couldn't stop him from caring about her and her hypocritical self was happy he cared about her. Inosuke despised the way the world worked but he couldn't do anything but watch her from afar and do everything he can - even that wasn't enough. Nothing was ever enough. It was always in the middle, where so many things were uncertain and nothing was ever enough to make a difference. 

Why did everything always hurt so much? 

"I'm not going to think about anything else," Inosuke said. "I'm going to be happy today because you're back. And I'm going to forget about everything else and only be happy because you're here, with me." He paused. "Can you do the same for me? Can you... not be guilty or sad for today?"

Aoi didn't reply for a while. 

"I'll try," she promised. 

One day. One day where they could forget about everything else that was bad. One day where they could cherish only the good things. It was only one day, one day out of their whole entire lives, but it was a start. And maybe it wasn't even a start, it was just one passing moment but even that was enough. Enough for now. Maybe they would get selfish again later. And that was alright. 

In the world they were living in, they needed to be selfish to be happy. 

"I'll go call Shinobu for you," Inosuke said as he stood up. Aoi watched him leave; he wiped his cheeks furiously before he closed the door behind him. 

This was their life; they couldn't be happy when they should be. Aoi knew she would live on this day and pretend like she would never look back on it. She knew Inosuke would force himself to put a pretense that this period of their shared life never existed. Maybe their attitudes towards each other would change a little, only a little so they were acknowledging each other in the bare minimum. But they both knew nothing would change afterwards. Nothing. 

She couldn't dare imagine more, want more, than what she already had.