Work Text:
When the first petal falls, he’s not even surprised. He’s not quite sure who it is, but that’s not really a surprise either. Only he could be so lucky to fall in love with two people at the same time. Unrequited love, that is, hence the petals falling from his lips. Tony stares at the two white petals in his hand, feels the back of his throat itch and thinks “Oh. This is it, then.” He stuffs the petals into his pocket and goes on with his day, because there’s really nothing he can do. He doesn’t know who the catalyst for this is, if it is Steve or Bucky. He wouldn’t even be surprised if it were both. He loves both of them and they love each other, have done so for years and decades, and nothing is going to change that. Tony isn’t going to change that, for sure. He knows he’s not going to tell them, because there’s no point in doing so. It would only make them feel bad.
Nothing really changes. He works on his stuff for SI, creates new and better equipment for the team, fights villains and pines silently. The only person who knows is JARVIS, and that’s only because Tony can’t and won’t try to hide anything from him. His pockets are filled with white leaves, who with time become tinted red with blood and there’s still nothing he can do. He spends movie nights curled up in an armchair alone, trying to hide his coughing. Natasha frowns at him but doesn’t ask and Tony’s grateful. He wouldn’t know how to explain anyway.
He even spends time with Steve and Bucky alone, because as hard as he might try, he’s not able to say no when they ask to see him, when they invite themselves into his space, into his workshop. It makes hiding the petals harder, but Tony never tells them no. He can’t. Not when the back of his throat itches and the petals start to be more red than white. He longs for them to notice and at the same time wants to hide forever.
In the end, it’s Bucky who sees, who spots the lone petal that Tony has missed, stuck onto the collar of his shirt. He picks it up, stares at it for a moment before realization washes over his face. Tony’s already shaking his head as Bucky’s eyes find his.
“Tony, what-“ The petal isn’t fresh, so the blood stuck on it doesn’t taint Bucky’s hand and for some reason, Tony’s ridiculously glad about that fact. He wouldn’t want to stain him, wouldn’t- “Tony,” Bucky repeats, voice sad and desperate. He shakes his head.
“It’s nothing, Bucky.”
“That’s not nothing. That’s- Tony you’re sick.” Tony laughs.
“Yeah. I know.”
“But-“ He breaks off, stays silent for one or two heartbeats. “Who is it?”
Tony shakes his head. “No one.”
“They’re not no one, they- Tony they’re killing you!” he almost yells, suddenly desperate.
“No. No, it’s not their fault. I’m killing myself, maybe, but it’s not- it’s not their fault.”
“Who is it?” Bucky asks again.
Tony smiles. “You don’t know them,” he says and turns away. The petal is still in Bucky’s hand and he’s sure that by dinnertime, everyone on the team will know, but there’s nothing he can do to change that, either. Seems to be the theme of his life, right now.
It’s Steve who finds him hours later, a plate of what must be the dinner Tony missed in his hands and eyes red. He doesn’t say anything, just puts the plate down next to Tony and goes to sit down on what Tony’s come to think of ‘his spot on the couch’. Bucky joins him half an hour later. They sit on the couch and watch him work and Tony can almost, almost pretend that it will be okay. But then he coughs and petals spill from his mouth, burning their way out of his lungs. Steve’s next to him in a moment, holding him up, rubbing soft circles on his back. Tony only notices he’s crying when Steve’s hand touches his face. He looks up, just in time to see the tears spill out of Steve’s eyes, too.
“I’m sorry,” he says, because he needs to say something, and this is usually a good start. He’s not sure what he’s sorry for. For hurting them. For killing himself, maybe. But then again, even if he wanted to stop this, he couldn’t. He’s not going to stop loving them, because if he could, it would have happened long ago.
“Please,” Steve whispers, voice almost broken. “Tell me who it is.” Tony shakes his head, more tears falling from his eyes. He doesn’t say anything, holds the apologies behind his teeth, together with the petals that are threatening to fall from his lips. He’s not going to hurt them more by telling them the truth. It’s not worth it. He does not want their pity.
After that, they hardly leave his side anymore. They stay close whenever they can and there’s usually at least one of them in the workshop with him. They watch him work, hold him close whenever the coughs get to strong and force him to eat whenever he forgets. It’s- nice, somehow. Tony wishes if weren’t just because they feel bad for him, or because maybe then want to spend time with him before his dies. But even if the reasons aren’t what he wishes they were, he’s not going to complain. He thought about asking them to leave, but he can’t bring himself to do it.
It’s JARVIS who notices that he coughs less. Later, Tony will realize how JARVIS waited, how he observed the situation for hours and days. He will notice how quiet JARVIS was and how hopeful he sounded when he finally said: “Sir, I think the rate of coughing is declining.” He will think about how he hurt not only himself, or Steve and Bucky, but also JARVIS. Later.
Tony stares at the ceiling of his bedroom which he just entered because Bucky didn’t stop pestering him, telling him that he needed to rest. They both know he’s not sleeping, can’t really, since the coughing is keeping him awake.
“What?” he says, too numb and tired to really understand what JARVIS is implying.
“I think the rate of coughing is declining. Has been for the last three days, to be precise.”
“Declining?”
“Yes Sir. You’re coughing less and there aren’t as many petals as there were just a couple of days before.”
“What?” he repeats, now fully awake for the first time in days. JARVIS starts to answer but Tony is already shaking his head. “No, I heard you, I just- Jay, are you sure about that?”
“Yes, Sir. I am.”
“How? Wait, did you- you didn’t tell them, did you?”
“No, I promised I wouldn’t do that.” Promise. Tony almost laughs at how human that sounds, but then again, JARVIS is more human than many flesh and blood people he knows, so it’s not really a surprise. “But I have observed that they spent a lot of time with you these last weeks. Assuming that nothing about your own feelings changed…” He leaves the sentence unfinished but it’s not hard for Tony to fill in the gaps, even as exhausted as he is. He and JARVIS both know that his feelings for them didn’t change. But if the coughing is getting less, that means that-
“So you’re saying that their feelings changed?” JARVIS makes a sort of humming noise and Tony laughs. Definitely human.
“I’m not saying anything. I’m just observing.” Tony hesitates. It sounds too good to be true and he’s not quite ready to believe it. But now that he’s paying attention, he does notice that he hasn’t coughed even once during that whole conversation.
“Okay, let’s observe some more. I’m not feeling like complete shit for the first time in days, so I’m gonna actually take Bucky’s advice and go to sleep. And then we’ll… we’ll see how tomorrow goes, I guess.”
“Of course, Sir. Sleep well.” Tony smiles as he lets himself fall into his bed, not bothering to remove more clothing than absolutely necessary.
“You too, Jay.”
He’s waking up coughing the next morning, so he knows it’s definitely not over. But at the same time, he realizes that it’s the first time he’s waking himself up. There are no petals on the bed, and he feels almost well rested.
He’s tempted to find them as soon as possible, but he still has a hard time believing that this is actually true. He resigned himself to dying once before. It felt very much the same, now that he thinks about it. The same hopelessness, the same feeling of despair. He was so sure that there was no solution, so sure that he even stopped trying to find one.
He gets up, makes himself a cup of coffee and takes it down to the workshop. He wants to talk to them, but he also wants more time. It’s hard to wrap his head around all of this. Because if he’s right, it means he’s not actually unwanted. But even so, he still doesn’t know who of the two was the trigger for all of this. He doesn’t know who might have fallen in love with him. So, it doesn’t really change anything in the end. Apart from the fact that he’s apparently not dying anymore. Which will be noticed. Which means that he does have to talk to them at one point or another. But for now, he has a cup of coffee and an empty workshop waiting for him.
He’s been working for a couple of hours when the doors to the workshop open. He’s just started thinking about maybe taking a break and getting some lunch, so he’s really not surprised to see Steve and Bucky coming in. They have no plates with them, though, which is unusual. The only thing that they carry is a very determined expression in their faces. Tony frowns.
“Hey, I was just thinking about getting some lunch,” he says, because they stopped a couple of steps in front of him and haven’t said anything yet. It is weird. And Tony’s starting to worry that they might have found out after all, that they’re mad at him for not telling him.
“Yeah, about that,” Bucky says. He’s still looking very determined, like he’s not sure that the thing he’s going to do it the right one, but there will be nothing to stop him from doing it either way. Usually, it’s an expression that Tony’s used to seeing of Steve. Not that he looks any less determined right now. “Let us take you out for lunch.” It’s not a question. “Not to a restaurant, we know you probably don’t want-“ He falters, suddenly looking unsure of himself.
“We prepared lunch upstairs, at our place,” Steve says when it becomes clear that Bucky won’t continue. “Come have lunch with us?” This one does sound like a question. Tony nods.
“Sure.” He’s still not entirely sure about what is going on here, but lunch does sound good and he’s gotten used to eating with them during the last couple of weeks. He doesn’t want to give that up as long as he doesn’t have to.
The ride up feels weird somehow. Neither Bucky nor Steve are talking, so Tony’s quiet, too. The only sound is him coughing, although there are only two small petals in his hand when he checks it. Still, Steve is making a pained face, as if the coughing hurt him too somehow and Bucky’s looking away. Tony thinks about the fact that JARVIS says he’s coughing less, and that the only known cure for the hanahaki disease is for the love to be requited. He still wondering about it when the elevator opens, and they step out into Steve and Bucky’s shared apartment. Tony falters. There, on the floor in the middle of the room, illuminated by the midday sun, is a picknick blanket. Someone put a vase with flowers on it, and there are three plates and countless little containers with food and drinks. Around the blanket there are pillows, but the placing of the plates makes it clear that whoever will be eating here is supposed to sit close together. This is very clearly meant to be a date. Which might explain the weirdly determined faces Bucky and Steve were making.
“What,” he says, because even though he’s pretty sure he knows what’s going on here, he still needs to hear it. After all, this feels so much like a dream that Tony’s not entirely convinced he’s not still sleeping.
“Whoever they are, they don’t deserve you,” Bucky says next to him. “We know we can’t make you not love them anymore, but we thought- we hoped…”
“We hoped that you might give us a chance,” Steve continued.
Tony feels the itch in the back of his throat, but it’s not strong enough to make him cough anymore. “Are you just doing this, because I might be dying?”, he asks, even though by know he’s pretty sure he knows the answer to that question.
They both shake their heads. Steve reaches out and takes his hand, touch gentle but voice almost desperate. “No. We started to spend more time with you because of it, yes, but- I don’t think we could have stopped ourselves from falling in love with you either way, even if this wasn’t happening.”
Tony swallows and feels the itch in his throat disappear. His eyes a prickling with unshed tears, and he’s nodding before he even realizes it. “Okay,” he says, still holding onto Steve’s hand. “Okay, let’s do this.” They smile at him, bright and happy and so hopeful that Tony almost can’t stop himself from leaning in and kissing them. He doesn’t, not yet. They have time.